Handling the Subject
Classic Tone
I’m not sure how to approach this subject. It is something that is very personal to me and may be to many of you. Yet, it is something that is rarely dealt with properly, if at all.
Divorce.
It’s a nasty little word, isn’t it. We don’t talk about it much anymore. Yet, when we do, what do we usually say? The first question that comes to many is, “What was the cause?” We look for a reason for the divorce to make sure that it is “scriptural”.
Matthew 19:9 says, “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” That’s pretty black and white, right? It’s clear!
So, if adultery is the cause, we look to the adulterer with a scowl on our face, shaking our heads, and declare the need for the person to repent. Then we turn to the innocent party, almost with a smile on our face, and virtually say to them, “It’s no big deal. You can remarry!”
Really? No big deal?
Forget the fact that they vowed in sickness and health till death. Forget that they’ve invested years of labor into a now defunct marriage. Forget that every dream and hope they’ve had has been vanquished. Forget that they’ve been violated in the most intimate way a person can be!
“You can remarry!” Ask me how consoling that would have been while going through my divorce.
And, heaven forbid, someone come to us who has divorced for a different cause than adultery. We stand ready to “contend for the faith”, and shun and shame that person whose life is already shaken to the core.
Now I can’t debate the fact that there is one proper cause for divorce. That is clear in the scripture. But, if you truly believe that pornography and adultery does not exist in an abusive home, you are sadly mistaken.
The Approach of Christ
That aside, there is a difference between the administration of law and the application of grace.
In John 8, the scribes and Pharisees brought to Jesus a woman who was “caught in the very act” of adultery. They reminded Jesus of the administration of the law that demanded both she and the man be put to death. “If there is a man who commits adultery with another man’s wife, one who commits adultery with his friend’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death” (Leviticus 20:10). “If a man is found lying with a married woman, then both of them shall die, the man who lay with the woman, and the woman; thus you shall purge evil from Israel” (Deuteronomy 22:22).
That was the administration of law.
But, what did Jesus say? “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to cast a stone at her…I do not condemn you. Go and sin no more” (John 8:7,11).
That is the application of grace.
We stand ready to proclaim one scriptural reason for divorce. We shout almost gleefully “God hates divorce” (Malachi 2:16). But, we forget it is the act of divorce God hates, not the people. We rarely define the reasons God hates divorce.
There are at least two reasons that come to mind:
1. It is a violation of His design.
And not just in the sense of “one man one woman for life”. But in the
sense of what God intended marriage to show. In Ephesians 5:22-33, Paul expounds upon the role of husband and wife. But, he shows in verse 32 that he is really speaking of Christ and the church.
God has designed marriage as His cosmic play, and you have a part. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). Husbands, you have the role of Christ. Wives, you have the role of the church, the bride of Christ. Marriage is designed to show the world what the love is like between Christ and His church.
Divorce destroys that image.
2. God hates divorce because He knows the devastation it brings.
The Devastation of Divorce
Personal Experience
Every individual is different. We experience different things in different ways. I do not know what it is like to experience divorce from a child’s perspective. But, I can share with you my own experience.
When my now ex-wife first announced her plans to leave, it was devastating. I spent months begging and pleading for this not to happen, only to have it fall on deaf ears from her, and what I felt to be deaf ears from God. I spent day and night contemplating the hopes and dreams that were now crushed. I couldn’t eat or drink anything, because to stop breathing long enough to swallow would throw me into a panic. I lost over 75 lbs in three months. Because I couldn’t eat or drink, I was dehydrated and weak. I couldn’t sleep, because closing my eyes made me feel claustrophobic. So, night and day my spirit was crushed and my body wasted away.
Sins Devastating Path
That’s what divorce does to a person. That’s what sin does. The consequences of sin resonate, whether it’s your own sin, or the sin of someone else that you have to suffer.
It leaves a path of destruction, a path of death. “when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death” (James 1:15).
Today we have a somewhat distorted view of death. For that reason, in today’s vernacular, I would say that divorce is worse than death.
Death is rarely a choice. Divorce is always a choice. Whether it’s the choice to out and out abandon someone, or the choice to violate the most intimate part of the marriage relationship. It is rejection in its highest and most painful form.
Maybe that’s where you are standing now. Maybe it is that you are standing in the devastation of another kind of sin. You are wondering if there is hope. Will you ever heal?
Healing
Begins with Jesus
The answer to that is found in Jesus.
You are in a prison of despair. You are held captive by the destruction of divorce. Yet, in a prophecy of Christ, Isaiah said: “The Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted; to proclaim liberty to the captives and freedom to prisoners” (Isaiah 61:1). Jesus can set you free from that prison. “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).
What you must be willing to do is admit the need of and turn to God for His grace.
More Than Forgiveness
Now you, as the innocent party, may be thinking, “Why do I need God’s grace? I didn’t do anything wrong!” Well, you’d be mistaken. We’ve all sinned.
But, what you did wrong was nothing that led to the demise of your marriage and the subsequent destruction of your life and the life of your family. Why do you need God’s grace?
Grace is about more than forgiveness. Grace is about power.
Paul, in 2 Corinthians 12, had a “thorn in the flesh”, a painful and devastating experience that haunted him at every turn. So painful was this thorn that Paul requested three times that it be removed altogether.
What did God say? “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Grace is about strength and power to help you endure life’s bitterest and most painful moments. Grace sustains and holds you. It puts the air back in your lungs after it’s been knocked out. It puts strength back in your legs when there is none.
Culmination of Healing
Some are skeptical of this idea, though. Maybe they’ve turned this pain over to Christ expecting it to immediately or even just quickly go away.
But, it didn’t.
So, we’re left disillusioned, wondering when will the culmination of healing happen? Truth is, God only knows.
When did it happen for me? If Hollywood wanted to make a film about it, they might want to say that my healing happened when Laura entered my life. I don’t want to take anything away from Laura. She is a blessing from god for which I cannot be thankful enough. My life could not be all that it is without her. She has done more for me to lift me up than any person ever could or will. I thank God for her.
But, I was not healed of the hurt from divorce because of Laura. It is unlikely that you will be healed through finding another spouse.
Maybe God has plans for you concerning a spouse. Maybe He doesn’t.
Some might say that the culmination of healing happens when we are able to look back at those painful moments and feel nothing. That’s not true either. Devastating events and the pain caused by them may ease with time, but there will always be a remnant of the sadness brought by them.
Paul, in 2 Corinthians 4:8-9, said he WAS “afflicted, perplexed, persecuted, and struck down.”
But, notice in that same passage what he was NOT: “crushed, despairing, forsaken, or destroyed.”
Was the pain still there for Paul? Absolutely! But Paul, while recognizing the pain of past devastation, did not allow that to control his future. He pressed on to the prize of the upward call of Christ.
When will the culmination of your healing be? When you can look to your past and see God’s healing hands, His powerful grace, working in you to carry you where you are. And, when you, while still feeling the remnants of hurt, can look to your future, with or without a spouse, and thank God for the opportunity through His powerful grace to press on to that upward call in Him.
But I’ve Never Been Divorced
To the Never Married
Some may wonder what this lesson has to do with you. You’ve never been divorced. Well, first off, thank God for that. Hopefully this lesson has opened your eyes and has positively affected the way you will approach those who have.
For those who have yet to marry, hopefully this lesson will help you understand the importance of choosing a godly, dedicated spouse so that you do not have to face what we’ve spoken of tonight.
If, God forbid, in the future you do face this, hopefully this lesson will resonate into that moment and help you in your need.
For the Widowed
For those who are widowed, I want you to take a moment and say a silent prayer, thanking God for the years of faithfulness your spouse gave you. That was a gift from God.
For the Married
If you are married and your spouse is with you tonight, I want you to stand up for a moment. I want you to turn to your spouse and tell them thank you for being by your side, and take just a moment to say what they mean to you.
Give 2-3 minutes
Please be seated.
First of all, I want to say that what you just did, coupled with prayer on a daily basis, will go far in preventing what we’ve talked about tonight. Your spouse is more than worthy of your gratitude.
Remember that.
For the World
We look around us today, and divorce is rampant. It’s destructive path is everywhere. We shake our heads in disbelief, and wonder how the gospel can be proclaimed in the midst of such atrocities.
In John 4, Jesus approached a woman who had been married 5 times over, and even at that moment was living with a man who was not her husband. You know the crowd she ran with had similar values and experiences.
Yet, when this woman brought that crowd to Christ, Jesus did not turn away, scowl, and shake his head considering this an inopportune time for the gospel. Instead, He directed the eyes of His apostles to that crowd and said: “Behold, I say to you, lift up your eyes and see that the fields are white for harvest!”
This is NOT an inopportune time for the gospel. Quite the opposite. This is the greatest opportunity for the gospel to be shown. Peoples lives are shattered, hearts are broken, and they are searching for a Savior, if we will just show them the way.
