Showing the Father’s Love
1 John 3:1 “Consider the kind of extravagant love the Father has lavished on us—He calls us children of God! It’s true; we are His beloved children. And in the same way the world didn’t recognize Him, the world does not recognize us either.” (The VOICE)
Great fathers show us how our heavenly Father loves, but they also show us how to love our heavenly Father! Great fathers are always learning about God, about themselves, about others, and especially about their own children. Dads show the love of the Father to us by the way they love. Dads show us how to love the Father by the way they live. Jesus said, “If you love Me, you will keep my commands; and this is My commandment that you love one another!”
-So, the way a Dad loves and the way a Dad lives are very important to God, to our kids, and to our society. Somebody needs to show who God is and what He is like. We all were made in His image, and now we are called to show that likeness to our families and to the world.
-Today I’d like to share some basic ways we can show our kids and grandkids the Father’s love. And since we are all learning, that is how I’ve expressed these thoughts. Dads are learning. Our kids are learning.
1. Learning to say I love you
-Expressing love brings life to our spirit and joy to our soul! It affirms a person’s sense of value and worth when we say that we love them.
5 ways to say, “I love you.” [These are taken from Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages.]
Words of Affirmation
-Mark Twain once said “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Verbal appreciation. Verbal compliments, offer encouragement. Reinforcing a difficult decision; calling attention to progress made on a current project; acknowledging a person’s unique perspective on an important topic. If a loved one listens for “Words of Affirmation,” offering encouragement will help him or her to overcome insecurities and develop greater confidence.
Quality Time
-Quality time is more than mere proximity. It’s about focusing all your energy on your child. Multi-tasking is NOT quality time. All of your attention is focused on the other person.
-Quality conversation is very important in a healthy relationship. It involves sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. Not only listen, but offer advice and respond to show they are truly listening. Even our kids need a sympathetic listener.
-An important aspect of quality conversation is self-revelation. In order for you to communicate, you must also be in tune with your inner emotions. It is only when you understand your emotions and inner feelings will you then be able to share quality conversation, and quality time.
-Quality activities are a very important part of quality time. Many ppl feel most loved when they spend physical time together, doing activities that they love to do. Spending time together will bring a family closer, and, in the years to come, will fill up a memory bank that you can reminisce about in the future.
Gifts
-Some ppl respond well to visual symbols of love. If you speak this love language, you are more likely to treasure any gift as an expression of love and devotion. People who speak this love language often feel that a lack of gifts represents a lack of love. Luckily, this love language is one of the easiest to learn.
-If you want to become an effective gift giver, many ppl will have to learn to change their attitude about money. If you are naturally a spender, you will have no trouble buying gifts for your kids. However, a person who is used to investing and saving their money may have a tough time adjusting to the concept of spending money as an expression of love. These people must understand that you are investing the money not in gifts, but in deepening your relationship with your kids.
-The gift of self is an important symbol of love. Sometimes all your child desires is for someone to be there for them. Your presence can become a very powerful physical symbol of love.
-These gifts need not to come every day, or even every week. They don’t even need to cost a lot of money. Any visible sign of your love will leave them feeling happy and secure in your relationship.
Acts of Service
-While we are trying to teach our kids to do things for themselves, we as parents still serve them every day. Yes, it is often taken for granted and may not result in a thank you, but for some ppl it means a lot when someone (esp. a parent) does something for them.
Physical Touch
-Whether giving hugs, a pat on the shoulder, or some other appropriate contact, it is very important to some of our kids in order for them to feel loved.
-Maybe you already know what your children need to feel loved, but mix it up a little and try each of these throughout the week with your kids. Then talk to them and ask them what makes them feel loved. [Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages.]
-How does God say I love you? In so many ways everyday! He speaks words of affirmation into our spirits every day. Read His word! He gives us all the quality time we are willing to take with Him. He is a giver and is always giving gifts. He does so much for us, helping us, providing for us. And He reaches down through other people to embrace us or pat us on the back when we need it. He heals our physical bodies, just letting us know He cares about us.
2. Learning to say “I’m sorry”
-Genuine apologies can help heal some of the wounds of life. They also show that we are human and that we want to change.
-Here are 5 ways to say you’re sorry:
1. Express Regret - “Expressing Regret” zeroes in on emotional hurt. It is an admission of guilt and shame for causing pain to another person. Just the simple words, “I’m sorry” is all that is needed. There is no need for explanation or “pay back” provided the apology has truly come from the heart.
2. Accept Responsibility - Being sincere in your apology means allowing yourself to be weak, and admitting that you make mistakes. “This was my fault and I’m very sorry.”
3. Make Restitution - make things right the best you can, and do it in the love language of the one you offended or wronged.
4. Genuinely Repent - verbalize your desire to change; make a dedicated plan for change and follow through with it.
5. Request Forgiveness – Will you forgive me?
[Gary Chapman, The 5 Languages of Apology.]
-You might think these are overkill and that kids are so resilient they will get over it. But can you imagine the life lessons we can be teaching our kids by bringing some humility into the relationship? Men, I know we’re supposed to be the tough, macho guys. But if we will allow ourselves to become weak and admit when we’re wrong, we invite God’s grace into the relationship. Gracious Dads raise gracious kids! If we’re ever going to break the selfish, stubborn, entitlement mentality in our culture, it needs to start with us! And if we learn to live graciously, our kids will have a pattern to follow.
3. Learning to be fully present
-Presence can be a life-giving force; disengagement kills.
-Guys, let’s do better at this! With our spouse and kids, let’s be fully there for them. Give them your full attention. Yes, we might need a little alone time after work or certain times, but we must not miss the few short opportunities we have to strengthen the bond with our family. Don’t be so distracted by everything else that you miss the highest calling God has given you – being a father who shows what our heavenly Father is like!
4. Learning the value of a promise
-I try not to make promises that I cannot keep. And yet I find myself failing sometimes. The key here is probably not to quit making promises, but to learn to follow through and live up to it! If the promise is worth making, it is worth keeping!
-This applies to so many areas. Naturally, it applies to our commitment to the Lord. Recently, I remember being interrogated by one of my offspring about our tithe. Since we had talked to our kids about tithing and boasted that it was one way we honored the Lord, one of them had to check up on me when it came to certain areas of increase in our lives. She wanted to know if I was really a man of my word.
-Parents, kids will notice these things. Keep your promises to God. Keep your promises to your spouse – til death do us part! And keep your promises to your kids. Play with them. Do what they are interested in doing. You may need to qualify your statements of intent to do certain things with them, but don’t make a habit of pushing them aside.
-This is the only time we have our kids and then they’re gone, taking all that they learned from us with them. Scary, but with God’s help it doesn’t have to be.
5. Learning to provide
-Another word for provide is give. Our heavenly Father provides for us. He gives us what we need.
Matthew 7:9-11 9 “Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”
-Paul talks about the value of a man providing for his family: 1 Timothy 5:8 “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” Paul wrote in the context of taking care of widows, but the message clearly includes his kids.
-What can a father provide for his kids? Love / Security (food, clothing, shelter) / Encouragement / Wisdom / An example / Correction and much more.
-Of all the things a father can give to his children, the greatest gift is that of genuine faith! An old song by the Chapman’s: The greatest gift a father can give is a life lived for Jesus.
-God has shown His love to us so that we could be included in His life and in turn show His love to others. Dads have a special role to play in that, and the only way we can possibly live up to that task is with God’s help. I’m sure there are many good Dads out there who were not Christians. However, the only lasting gift they can give is an example of faith and spiritual leadership. In fact, that is the only lasting gift any of us can give to our kids, grandkids, or anyone else.
-One day when Peter and John went to the temple, a lame man asked them for some money. Peter said he didn’t have any silver or gold, but he would give him what he had. What do you have? If you do not have a relationship with God through Jesus Christ, how will you possibly provide that opportunity for your kids?
-On this Father’s Day you can receive the gift of forgiveness through faith in Jesus. If we confess our sins, God will forgive us, because He is faithful and just and paid for our sins by the death of Jesus on a cross. If you haven’t done so yet, you can come to God by faith right now and receive His new life.
-If you have done that, I hope that you are encouraged today to love like you’ve never loved before! Love God, Love others, Love your kids! Learn to say it… I love you! Be willing to apologize and say, “I’m sorry. I was wrong.” Learn to be fully present, investing yourself fully into winning the hearts and minds of your kids. Keep your promises and provide physically and spiritually for your family. Dads, no one can show your kids the Father’s love like you can! Let’s ask God to help us show others who He is so they will come to know Him for themselves!
