The Gift of Limitations
-(Matthew 25:1-13) We all have limitations. We are finite beings who are limited by time and space, and by a finite supply of energy and focus. Furthermore, you could say we are limited by our mission or purpose in life, although some never learn to set limits that keep them within the boundaries of their purpose.
-Since it is Mother’s Day, a mother is a perfect example of why we need limits. Think about it. The first person a mom may have to deal with is her spouse. And guess what! Men are takers and women are givers! I’m certain there are many exceptions, but even within the language of our enlightened culture, men still take a wife: “Who gives this woman to be married to this man?” I don’t remember ever hearing of the groom being given away. Typically, men take and women give. Yes, I know it is give and take and that for a marriage to work, the husband must learn to give as well. But the giving doesn’t stop with a husband.
-From the moment a child is born into a family, who is giving the primary care most of the time? Again, there are exceptions, but usually Mom feeds the baby, gets up all hours to feed, change, comfort, or do whatever is needed. On top of that she may work a full-time job, do the laundry, prepare meals, do the dishes, clean the house, maintain the most beautiful flower & vegetable garden in the neighborhood, mow the lawn, change the oil in the car… well, maybe not all moms. And you would think her job would get a little easier when the toddler is finally out of diapers. No, now Mom has to put on her track shoes just to keep up with the little rug rat. Then comes school. Lunches, field trips, practices, games, homework, disappointments, etc. Get them through grade school, and then come the Jr. High years, complete with hormones, bodily changes, pimples, broken hearts, and more. Then on through high school with all of its pressures and challenges. And who is usually there to give hugs or kick rear ends or talk or cry with, or give ultimatums? Mom!
-Now, if you didn’t have a mom who was there for you during your childhood, I am very sorry. I wish everybody could have an amazing mom their entire lives. However, lest I lose my direction here, let me just point out that there are certain things moms aren’t supposed to do. You’ve probably seen or heard the saying in the workplace, “Please clean up after yourselves. Your mother doesn’t live here.” Unfortunately, some kids go through life thinking that Mom is supposed to just wait on them hand and foot and meet their every need. “Mom, I need this. My clothes are dirty. I need money. Buy me something. I’m hungry. Fix me dinner. Buy me a car. Pay my insurance. Take care of me because I don’t feel good. I want my room back (even though I’m 35 years old).
-A wise mom will start early, teaching boundaries to her children. She will never stop loving them, but it would be very unloving of her to make them dependent upon her for the rest of their shared lives. We need a mother’s love, which is why God made women the way He did. But we also need limits and boundaries so we don’t take advantage of the servant’s heart God has placed in so many moms.
-So in light of the fact that we all only have so much to give (and God made us that way on purpose), I’d like to attempt to bestow a Mother’s Day gift today. I’d like to offer the gift of limitations. God can do everything, but you and I cannot! So, if you need permission to set some limits and boundaries in your life, I hope this will help you today, no matter who you are (man, woman, or child).
1. It’s okay to take care of yourself
-Some have called this soul care. (Put your oxy mask on first, then you can begin to help others.) I’ve heard some experts talk about building margin or white space into your life.
-A couple weeks ago I attended our OMN Summit. I loved hearing the different speakers, but realized I had not prepared for note taking. So I found myself writing notes on every blank part of my schedule I had received. No margins. There was so much good stuff I was filling all the white space (and even some of the other) with the wealth of insight and knowledge. If anybody would have picked up my notes and read them, it would have been nightmarish. Disorganized scribbles and bits of info here and there. When we live like that, without white space or margin, our lives also become a bit nightmarish, stressful, exhausting, and in need of de-cluttering.
-We can get to a place of weariness in our soul, where doing the little things (menial tasks or household chores) become big and big things (faith in God, relationships, and just enjoying the world around us) become little. If we don’t take care of ourselves and guard ourselves emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally, we are likely to run out of fuel and stall out or burn out.
-Jesus told a story about 5 wise bridesmaids & 5 foolish ones in Matthew 25:1-13. The 5 foolish ones did not have enough fuel to keep their lamps burning, so they lost out. They had the same opportunity that the other 5 had, but they did not take the time to prepare themselves adequately. We may revisit this story in a moment, but the point is that we have all we need from God, but we need to take the time to let Him fill us up.
-Taking care of yourself is more about being than doing. Doing is important, but there is always more stuff to do. And if doing flows out of being (as I believe the Bible indicates), then we need to make sure the cart is not in front of the horse (Mary & Martha). Choose the better part which will not be taken away.
-Take time to rest. Take time to pray. Take time to be in God’s presence. Refresh yourself in His word. Enjoy His presence. Drink in the beauty of His creation. Stop and smell the roses. Take care of yourself! The people around you need you for who you are more than they need you for what you can do for them! And you are amazing! Made in the image of God! Created to bring glory to God! Made alive in Christ as a new creation! And yes, created for good works that flow out of who you are in Christ.
-Take care of yourself! There is only one you. You are the only version of you that God created.
2. It’s okay to have limits
-I love how author Jodi Detrick describes limits. If you hold out your hands with palms facing you, that represents your limits. It is self-imposed and deals with your actions and choices. Limits have to do with self-control (fruit of Spirit). Just as people with unhealthy addictions struggle with self-control, so people who do not know or observe limits also struggle with self-control. Life without limits is unhealthy for us!
-If we fail to observe limits, we will be limited in what we have to offer the Lord and other people. Sometimes we live like we have no limits. For us men in might be an ego thing. We live like we have an endless supply of energy, stamina, health, emotional capacity, and time. This will catch up with us unless we begin to observe limits and control our lives, rather than being controlled by everything else.
-I encourage you to rethink how you evaluate your day. We can be so performance-oriented sometimes that we are only pleased with ourselves at the end of the day if we can cross off a dozen or more tasks that needed to be done. What if one of the primary factors essential to a good day included the question, “How did I feed my soul today?” And maybe this one: “Did I invest in being or primarily in doing?” If we over indulge in doing, we may not have anything left (time or energy) for being.
-This is simply a call for balance. If we never focus on the doing, we’ll be lazy and unprofitable. But if we never focus on the being, we may not be considered lazy, but we may be just as unprofitable because we don’t really have anything of lasting value to offer.
Matthew 7:22-23 22 On judgment day many will tell me, 'Lord, Lord, we prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.' 23 But I will reply, 'I never knew you. Go away; the things you did were unauthorized. '
3. It’s okay to have boundaries
-Author Peter Scazzero relates a story from a rabbi. (Read Dilemma of the Bridge, 132)
-Earlier we said a limit was self-imposed, dealing with your actions and choices. If you put up your hands palms out, that represents boundaries that you put on other people (as you are able), dealing with their actions and choices that could affect you.
-You probably have certain boundaries in place, whether you know it or not. (Personal space, touch, loaning out your toothbrush, little things like that.)
• Set boundaries on invasive people (even if you’re related to them).
• Learn to say NO
-Back to the bridesmaids. Each of us require a certain amount of fuel. If that fuel is being drained away, you will lose your brightness and not be able to light the way for others. God hasn’t given you enough fuel to solve every problem that people bring your way or try to put on you. So, put the responsibility back where it belongs- on their shoulders. If you say YES when you should be saying NO, then you may be saying NO to what God has called you and gifted you to do!
-Moms, some of you really struggle with saying no. Maybe your kids have even manipulated you b/c they know you are weak in this area. The best thing you can do for them, for yourself, and for the Lord, is to establish your own limits and establish their boundaries. Learn to recognize when you’re being played. Even young kids can catch onto this kind of thing. “If you don’t do this for me then you don’t love me.” It’s a lie. You know it. They know it.
-So, be free! Accept the gift of limitations today! Jesus did! He said NO to the tempter. He could have easily turned rocks to bread, but had God called Him to be a baker or a Savior? Jesus didn’t do everything people asked Him to do either. How many people did He say NO to by choosing only the 12 disciples?
*As we close, are there some limits you need to set in your life? Is there a lack of self-control in what you say YES to? Ask the Lord to show you the limits you need. Are there some boundaries you need to set for other people? People can place expectations on you that conflict with who you are. Ask God for strength to draw the lines in a way that honors Him and will allow you to help others in the best possible way.
