The Blacklist
Pt. 6 - Family Feuds
I. Introduction Lists are a part of life. Lists on paper. Lists on your phone. Lists are supposed to keep us ordered. Lists represent what we believe are important or at least what we don't want to forget or overlook. I think that is why this list we have been examining is so important. Most of us don't even know it exists. It is a list we need to know about so that we make sure that we avoid it at all costs . . . God's Blacklist! Solomon takes the time to put the list in writing so that we won't overlook it and realize just how important it is to know.
II. Text
Proverbs 6:16-19 There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.
Solomon using strong language, dropping the "H" Bomb says that God hates six things and then adds a seventh thing that is detestable.
We dealt with proud eyes, lying, and heavy hands and a heart that devises wicked schemes. Eyes, tongue, hands, heart, feet and now family. Solomon states that God hates it when someone stirs up conflict in the community. This item on the list is one of the most painful to deal with because all of the others we can address on our own and make personal adjustments. However, this one requires us to involve others! If anyone should have been an expert on conflict in community and family, then it should have been Solomon. From his own history and experience of living in a Jerry Springer type dysfunctional family Solomon realizes that conflict is not God's chosen path for us.
We must give peace a chance!
Solomon is clear that to stay off The Blacklist we must give peace a chance. We have watched and learned that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. So, we feel compelled to squeak! We have been trained to fight for our rights. So, we get saved and fail to submit our right to always be right! Our heart change must also cause an attitude change!
Listen to what the New Testament says about how we should live with each other and see if this sounds like you!
Matthew 5:9 - We know this as blessed are the peacemakers. But listen to this version . . . “You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family."
Luke 6:38 - "Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked.
Romans 12:14-19 - Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath. Laugh with your happy friends when they’re happy; share tears when they’re down. Get along with each other; don’t be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don’t be the great somebody. Don’t hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you’ve got it in you, get along with everybody. Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. “I’ll do the judging,” says God. “I’ll take care of it.”
Galatians 5:15,19-21 - If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. (We always seem to focus on sexual immorality, idolatry, witchcraft, etc., but low and behold selfishness, fighting, jealousy, factions also make the list!)
Ephesians 4:2-3 - Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Try always to be led along together by the Holy Spirit and so be at peace with one another. (Be quick at mending fences!)
Hebrews 12:14-15 - Work at getting along with each other and with God. (No one said this would be easy - the reason some of us end up on The Blacklist is this one word - we want this to be easy.) Otherwise you’ll never get so much as a glimpse of God. (Stop and consider the profound implications and consequences of this statement.) Make sure no one gets left out of God’s generosity. Keep a sharp eye out for weeds of bitter discontent.
We are commanded to be peaceful! In fact, being peaceful is one of the indicators that we are sons/daughters of God. Our willingness to pursue peace is the basis for blessings! We are literally supposed to fight for peace. However, too many of us just fight.
It is still interesting to me that so many people never learned the principle of the common denominator in math. Do you remember that math lesson? You try to reduce the equation down to the lowest common denominator which helps you solve fractions. That isn't just a math lesson that is a life lesson. You would think that when you find someone that is constantly surrounded by confusion, chaos, conflict they would realize that it isn't everyone else's issue. The other party is interchangeable and they think everyone they meet is just looking for a fight! The common denominator is you! There are fractions - a mathematical expression of division . . . fractured, things broken into parts because you have forgotten the mandate and command that we live peaceably!
Moments of conflict are common to us all. However, constant conflict is a sign of a spiritual issue!
We must cut off fuel for feuds!
The passage in Hebrews that I read before when it speaks about being careful about weeds of bitter discontent gives us a glimpse into the fuel that creates feuds. Then James leaves no doubt!
James 4:1-2 - What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.
James is clear that the fuel for feuds is our own internal insecurities. We fail to address and take command of our own desires, wants, and ambitions. When you boil it down our own jealousy drives us to conflict. We want what someone else has. Jealousy causes us to murder someone else's dream. We kill someones else's reputation in an attempt to build ours. We think that if we cause them to decrease then we will increase. There are two issues with that . . . first, God hates it when we do that because we are supposed to prefer one another and second, because we also know that what we make happen for others God will make happen for us. So, if we make destruction happen for someone else . . . if we make peace with someone else . . .!
We must fix feuds!
Here is the real kicker ... it isn't enough just to realize you are causing the feud! You also have the responsibility to end the feud and seek forgiveness. You will have to swallow pride, hurt, fear and in doing so you will be blessed!
Proverbs 17:19 - Anyone who loves to quarrel loves sin!
Matthew 5:23-25 - “This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God. “Or say you’re out on the street and an old enemy accosts you. Don’t lose a minute. Make the first move; make things right with him. After all, if you leave the first move to him, knowing his track record, you’re likely to end up in court, maybe even jail. If that happens, you won’t get out without a stiff fine.
Some of you keep trying to address things with God that must be first addressed with man! Heaven is silent not because God can't hear. It is silent because you are talking to the wrong person! Fix your feuds! Make the first move! Some of you will have to inform the other person that you were at war with them. They didn't even know it but you know that there is a war you are waging.
III. Close Calling all pot stirrers . . . examine your motivations. Why do you go on the attack? Why do you fan the flame? Why do you say what you say? Why do you react the way you react? What is fueling your feuds?
