Family Strong I
Ephesians 5:21-33
Ogden Nash, known for his short, witty poems which often carry much wisdom has written:
"To keep your marriage brimming / With love in the loving cup / Whenever you're wrong, admit it / Whenever you're right, shut up!"
A pastor, after counseling a husband and wife in marriage trouble, told his wife, “I am so glad that God put Bob and Kate together so only two would be miserable instead of four.”
Our passage today is one of controversy. However, it shouldn’t be. If you listened to the radio program this morning, then you are about to hear a quick review of the program.
God created the world and all that is in it. He planted a garden in the midst of his creation called Eden. He formed Adam out of the dust of the earth and place him in the garden.
Then He created the first parade. All the animals God created paraded past Adam. Since God had given Adam dominion over all the animals, he also had the privilege of naming them.
Undoubtedly, one of the things Adam, a very intelligent being, noticed was that each animal had a mate. The pattern of God’s creation was for each living, breathing creature have a mate. But Adam had none.
God announced that it was not good that man did not have a mate, and none of the animals were suitable for him to have one. None of them were as special as the crown of God’s creation, mankind.
So God placed Adam into a deep sleep and did surgery. He took out a rib and healed him back up. With the rib, he created Adam a mate.
All of this was to emphasize how special this beautiful creature was to be to him. She was not like the animals of which he was given dominance. She would be a partner to him. A wife’s relationship to her husband would trump even the special bond a mother has with her son or a daughter has with her dad, when things go right.
This was not lost on Adam. He said, “Wow, this creature is like me, for she was taken out of me. I will call her ‘taken out of me” or woman.” Gen. 2:23.
Later, things went terribly wrong and all got distorted. Eve was deceived into disobeying God, and her partner, Adam, voluntarily joined her in the fall. Adam valued his relationship with Eve more than his relationship with God.
Since this was the root of Adam’s sin, it would be part of the consequences, much like our Wednesday night group is learning about how David’s consequences were manifested.
God told Eve after her fall that she would have pain during childbirth (Gen 3:16). In other words, her valued home would be under attack even in the most joyous, celebrated moments.
Her passion would still be for a partnership with her husband (her heart would be towards her husband), but his response would be selfish. She could lavish him with all honor, respect and authority, but he would be weak in that he would use it for his own comfort and control. The partnership would be attacked because there would be unequal giving into the partnership by the husband and the wife.
As a matter of fact, that God said a husband would seek to rule over his husband like the dominance he had over the animal kingdom, men would tend to treat their wives like they treat their animals; their possessions.
Now wives, don’t be elbowing your husbands right now, please. It may distract them, and you and I both want them to listen to this, right?
If you would like a copy of that radio program where we went over the scriptures for that, please mark your paper and we will make sure you get one.
And… as we mentioned on the radio program, the good news is that Jesus came to redeem souls, marriages and families. Today’s passage is the best N.T. instructions on marriage, so we begin reading in verse 21.
Eph 5:21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Pray).
I. Dual submission.
Here we can see it. Nothing stated after this statement nullifies verse 21. In light of how marriage was founded, in partnership, we launch this family passage with dual submission.
Paul did not say, “submit yourselves to one another unless you are married to each other.” For a marriage to be a partnership, each partner must have a beneficial and a benefited role in the relationship. Look at those roles.
II. Wife Submission…
Eph 5:22-24 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Just as Christ works through the Church to accomplish God’s purpose in the world and in the community…
The wife is called to submit to the husband in this partnership.
Ill. There were two lines of husbands in heaven, one for the dominant husbands and one for the passive, submissive husbands. The submissive husband line extended almost out of sight. There was only one man in the dominant husband line. He was small, timid, appeared anything but a dominant husband. When the angel inquired as to why he was in this line, he said, "My wife told me to stand here."
Now, women, don’t shut me off right yet. I understand that because of our weaknesses and selfishness as men, it is difficult to trust us with the family leadership. Too many times we have used our authority and the respect you afforded us to heap favor upon ourselves. But let me show you something really special here, quickly, you have your notes...
Wives, you can really put the heat on us husbands by praying for us and trusting God to move through us.
Mat 28:18 “And Jesus came and said to them, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.”
Romans 13 VS 1-5 teaches us that any authority comes from God. God uses the authority to address ungodly attitudes in us and reward godly attitudes.
1Pe 3:1-2 “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.”
You might be thinking, “Bro. Tim, you don’t know my husband. If I relaxed under his desire to have authority, he would destroy our lives.” I admit, I don't know your husband like you do, but I know your God.
Pro 21:1 The king's heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD; he turns it wherever he will.
God is faithful. He will move your husband to make decisions for reasons only He understands, but God has reached him through something the husband understands.
Perhaps why you have not seen God move like this through your husband is because He is still working on that attitude of lack of trust.
When this is taught properly, it always touches that fear in women; that lack of trust. But women, you have it easy. The next addresses husbands’ total failure.
Look at this…
III. Husband Submission.
Eph 5:25-31 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."
You see, women have it easier in this partnership. All that is asked of you is for you to trust the Lord with the husband by giving honor and submit to him.
Yet the demand upon the husband is to love the wife like Christ loved the Church. How did Christ love the Church? It killed Him.
We are called to give up ourselves for our wives. Jesus gave Himself so that the wife could be complete, sanctified and clean. He poured every ounce of His life into His bride so that she would be glorious, have the best and be the most pleased.
Eph 5:28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
I love my wife, dearly… yet up against this passage, I have to admit that she does a better job in her role of submission and honor than I do in displaying Christ’s love toward her.
Jesus sacrificed everything about Himself to honor to the bride. In this, He submitted to her needs; her pleasure, her supply, her glory.
Yet, men, our natural battle is to live in relationship with a wife to benefit ourselves.
Let me ask for a little congregational participation. (Laura, please come up here with me for a moment on the platform)
Wives, if your husband took you by the hands and looked you into the eyes and said,
“I ask for your honor and submission so that I can love you with all that I am and all that I have, until my very last breath,”
What woman would not shout, “Amen, yes.”
Husbands, if your wife is here, take her by both hands and look into her eyes. Say to her, “My sweet wife, I want to love you with all my heart and use every bit of authority that you give me to pour my love on you.”
Wives, say this to your husbands if they are here…
“Love of my life, I want to honor you and submit to you, and thank you for the love you give to me.”
Now isn’t that a beautiful partnership? Husbands, you may kiss your wives.
IV. Church Submission.
Eph 5:32-33 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
In summary, Paul is amazed, himself, at the workability of this partnership. Speaking of marriage, Paul said, “I wish that all were as I myself am.” I Corinthians 7:7
He was not married, but you can sense a longing for this kind of partnership when he says, “This mystery is profound.” Perhaps in this moment, he wishes he had that kind of relationship.
He reminds us that marriage is a picture of Christ’s relationship to the Church. I believe he is saying that we, as children of God, should love the Bride of Christ, our local Church, the way Christ loves her. We should respect the Church and trust God to be moving, working and purifying her.
I believe he would remind us today that we may not understand all that is going on, thus it is a mystery. But the designer can be trusted, for He knows what He is doing.
Sometimes we don’t understand and we allow that to create doubt. However, trust the King. Trust His wisdom. Commit to the Church like He teaches us to commit to our husbands or our wives.
Three pastors got together for coffee one day and found all their churches had bat-infestation problems. "I got so mad," said one, "I took a shotgun and fired at them. It made holes in the ceiling, but did nothing to the bats." "I tried trapping them alive," said the second. "Then I drove 50 miles before releasing them, but they beat me back to the church." "I haven't had any more problems," said the third. "What did you do?" asked the others, amazed. "I simply baptized and confirmed them," he replied. "I haven't seen them since."
