WHEN I WAS A CHILD
An Exhortation (Sermon) by Ady Miles
CRITICISM AND PRAISE
There is a very well-known poem written by the late Dorothy Louise Law-Nolte in 1957. She died in 2005, aged just 48, the same age that I am as I write this, but her words remain true... I hope she won't mind me changing it a little!
If children live with criticism, they learn to criticise others.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with too much pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to be too shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to be envious.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation and how to praise other people's achievements.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love and accept others.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to achieve goals and recognise the accomplishments of others.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn to respect others.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and trust in those around them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
Were you negatively affected by a parent, guardian or another family member whilst we were growing up?
Were you negatively affected by friends and peers whilst we were growing up?
We read in Proverbs chapter 22 verse 6...
“Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it.”
A more accurate translation of the Hebrew here is very helpful...
“Steer and keep your children on the right path
[whilst they are still young,]
so that, when they grow older, they will not leave it.”
It is interesting that where the most love is, there is often the most hurt. And, where they most pain or hate is, love will stand-out and shine, just like the moon in the night sky, or a bright torch in a dark cave.
It has been said in recent times, “Too much love will kill you.” Of course, we are not talking about that Agape Love of God, which is perfect. We are talking about when parents in particular say things that they think are for our best, or they just don't think of the effect their words will have on their children. Words that actually hurt and upset us or undermine our self-confidence and self-esteem. Of course, as children growing up, we rarely challenge these statements, our of respect for our parents, but also because they are our main teachers and, at least until we reach our teenage years, we trust their judgement, almost without question. We usually just soak up their comments and, when we are older, we subconsciously use them as reasons why we fail, why we are not good enough or why we should not even bother trying.
The saying that, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!” is a big lie we have all been sold when we are young. Words CAN hurt and they often DO hurt. Words can actually cause far deeper and more lasting damage than any superficial physical wounds. They can affect our self-confidence and, more importantly, they can affect our faith.
As an adult, perhaps there is some truth in the saying, as we can do our very best to refuse to let the negative words and unfair criticism of others affect us. However, even as an adult, no one is immune to getting dragged down by negative words or unfair criticism. If this is true of an adult, how much more so is it of a child or a teenager? When we are a child or teenager, perhaps particularly a teenager, we are often very self-conscious and over-aware of what others think of us.
Every single thing done and said to us or we hear about ourselves affects us. Yes, if we are strong, we can choose to not let it affect us that much, but the fact remains, it does still affect us. We are all products of our upbringing and the family environment we were surrounded by. What yourselves and I experienced as children and teenagers has moulded us into the people we are today. Those fortunate enough to live and learn with parents, guardians and teachers who understood the dangers of negative words and over-criticism are almost certainly those of us who are more confident and less self-conscious. They – hopefully you - are unlikely to have significant issues with self-esteem or self-confidence.
There are those of us who were fortunate and blessed enough to receive regular encouragement, praise and reassurance. Sometimes this was given alongside negative comments and over-criticism, undoing much of the good achieved by the more positive words and actions.
Sadly, those of us whose parents, guardians or teachers did not understand the dangers of negative words and over-criticism are almost certainly those of us who are lacking in self-confidence and are significantly more self-conscious.
Some of us may also have been bullied at some time whilst at school and the memories can last a long time.
So what can we do about this?
The truth is, none of us can change our past. We can only live for the present and prepare ourselves for our future.
What was true of our experience as children and teenagers is still true today.
If we allow ourselves to be surrounded by negative, unhelpful, unkind, unthoughtful, uncaring and unloving people, or those who are simply unobservant or over-critical of us, we will simply compound and magnify many of the hang-ups and complexes we were allowed to develop as children or teenagers.
As the Book of Proverbs confirms, even as children, we were know by both our conduct and words...
“20:
11 Even small children are known by their actions -
you can see if their conduct is pure and right
12 Ears that hear and eyes that see—
the LORD has made them both.”
Of course, it is important to remember that the same is also true for us today as adults. We must do our utmost to surround ourselves with positive, constructive, kind, thoughtful, caring and loving people. By doing so, we can overcome many of the hang-ups and complexes we were allowed to develop as children or teenagers.
WAYS TO COMMUNICATE
It can be said that there are basically four ways to communicate, but each of them speaks volumes!
1. You can say something negative or unhelpful
2. You can say nothing
Sometimes this is a good thing, such as when something is kindly overlooked out of compassion, sympathy or mercy. And, sometimes, just listening can be the right thing to do. Sometimes someone just needs to be heard.
However, most times, a lack of communication is a bad thing. Without communication, you cannot truly know if someone has a problem and, if the communication isn't both ways, the other person isn't getting an answer or reassurance to their problems or questions.
3. You can say something positive and encouraging.
4. You can show the person physical affection, by smiling, or giving them an affectionate squeeze, hug, cuddle or kiss, or simply by putting an arm around their shoulders (even just sympathetic body-language or mirroring can reassure someone.)
When something positive and encouraging is said, and also followed-up with physical affection, then that is extremely powerful. The other person feels reassured and loved. Even if the other person cannot solve their problem, or give them an answer to their dilemma, they have still been heard and shown that others care about their suffering or confusion.
Of course, what we have been thinking about is our human lives in our human bodies, influenced by the strengths and weaknesses, and the good works and kind comments, or the careless actions and words of those around us.
THE APOSTLE PAUL
The Apostle said in 1 Corinthians chapter 13 (you'll find me referencing this a lot, as it's my favourite chapter in the Bible!) -
Let us read verse 11...
Paul says,
“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child;
but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”
I will confess it is rather easy to imagine a mum or dad hastily picking up numerous toys, books and games from the lounge floor, but is it these things the Apostle Paul is referring to?
Of course, to some extent, he may be, but I very much doubt children in those days had that many toys and games (and certainly not that many books!)
I don't think Paul was saying that we, as adults, should no longer play games together or read books with pictures in. No, the clues are in what he actually says in verse 11
All we need to do, is to change the words to make sense of it for us today...
“When I became a man, I spoke like a man, I understood like a man, I thought like a man;
but when I was a child, I was always speaking, understanding and thinking like a child.”
So it's about the way we speak, understand and think, not necessarily giving up our childhood toys and books!
JESUS
It was incredibly important that Jesus had the right upbringing. His parents would be absolutely crucial in raising the Son of Man. It would be easy to say that God, His actual Father, was purely responsible for developing the Son of God, but I think this would be doing his Earthly parents a big injustice.
Mary was chosen in particular for her purity, gentleness and motherly-instincts. She was also very young and at the peak of her health. Joseph was a man of high integrity. To others, there was obvious evidence that his fiancée was unfaithful to him. Yes, he was confused by Mary's talk of an angel visiting her and telling her about the son she must bear, and he was deeply worried about what the people would do to Mary, but he never held this against Mary and he never stopped loving her, despite the highly confusing and alarming situation. On top of this, he then chose to believe what God had revealed to him in a dream He was also a physically-fit hard-worker and he would do anything to keep his wife and son from harm, even if that meant travelling long distances and living in strange countries for many months and years
Did you notice that even Jesus' mother and father needed REASSURANCE? What a huge responsibility had been placed upon their shoulders! They were to bring-up and nurture the only-begotten Son of God!!
Of course, they had a child who fully honoured and obeyed them. They also had the huge privilege of watching Him becoming Spiritually-strong and wiser and wiser as he grew up.
We all need such reassurance. We may not get it in the form of an angel appearing to us, nor in a dream (although nothing is beyond God's power, even in this age.)
However, we can REASSURE OURSELVES through His Word and we can REASSURE ONE ANOTHER through sharing and discussing His Word, through communicating with each other, showing love to each another, using our talents and helping each another develop their own talents, giving gifts and praying for each another.
JESUS SAID
Jesus said two main things about children:
1. Let's turn to Matthew chapter 9, and read from verse 33...
“Then He came to Capernaum. And when He was in the house He asked them, “What was it you disputed about among yourselves whilst on the road?”
34 But they kept silent for, whilst on the road, they had disputed among themselves who would be the greatest.
35 And He sat down, called the twelve, and said to them, “If anyone desires to be first, he will be last of all and servant of all.”
36 Then He took a little child and set them in the middle of them. And when He had taken them in His arms, (that's a nice observation that Mark records there, isn't it?) He then said to them,
37 “Whoever receives one of these little children in My name receives Me; and whoever receives Me, receives not just Me, but also Him who sent Me.”
I think Jesus is teaching us here that we must accept all children and, by clear extension, all other new believers with open arms, without judging them
2. Let's then read what Matthew records in Matthew chapter 18, reading from verse 1 to verse 3...
“ 1 At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who then is greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?”
2 Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set them in the middle of them, (notice: the child didn't ask Him why!)
3 and He said to them, “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become like little children, you will by no means enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
So we must become like little children, in order to enter the Kingdom of God.
But what does this mean?
Let's read on to verse 4...
4 “Therefore whoever humbles themselves like this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.”
So humility is key to entering the Kingdom of God.
It may astonish you to know that the word for 'humility' here is from the Greek word which means “depression” or “humiliation” (literally, “being brought low.”)
It's more than just the absence of pride! It's about serving others. It's about minimising your own importance and esteeming and raising up others as more important than yourselves. Building them up!
It's not that you're not important in your own right. You should not have low self-esteem. You should see yourself as Christ sees you. A child of God. One of His Sisters or Brothers!
THE KINGDOM
There is coming a time when all children will have only a positive influence on their lives and we, as fully-adopted Children of the Living God, will no longer be subject to the weaknesses and temptations of our human nature. No more anxiety, no more confusion, nor more heartache, no more hurting, no more pain. No more aches and fatigue. Children will play with lions and snakes. Nature will be perfect once again. The righteous will be perfected through the gift of Immortality to enjoy God's Heaven and Earth in Peace, Joy and Love, just as He originally intended.
