If you have your Bible, I want you to turn with me to the book of 1 Peter, and I want to begin to read. I want to read verses 1 through 7 this morning into your hearing. Beginning with verse 1 of chapter 3 of 1 Peter, it reads like this:
"Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.
For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening." Verse 7, gentlemen. "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered."
You know it's been said down through the years many men have emphasized verses 1 through 6 and silently walked away from verse 7. This text we're reading today, and in particular this verse 7 you just read and we'll look at a little more in a little while, is a very radical verse. It was radical over 2,000 years ago, and it is very radical today.
The reason it was radical over 2,000 years ago is because in the first century women were viewed just a little bit above cattle. They were property. They didn't have a lot of respect whatsoever. I could go in depth about it, and your mouth would probably hang open, and you would probably scream a big, "Amen," that we don't live way back then. Right?
When verse 7 was rendered to the Christian husband or even the husband who now had a wife who was a Christian, it was pretty radical because it put her in a place of honor, this lady. Be equal with this lady. Common ground in Christ. That's pretty radical, because after all… "Wait a minute. That's supposed to be kind of like my property." That was radical 2,000 years ago.
Today it's radical because we mostly live with a watered-down, worldly version of what submission really is. Right? "Woman, get in there and cook me something to eat!" Those kinds of things. That's really what a lot of people believe submission really is, and it's not. Submission, as we look at it in a biblical context, is a mutual respect. It is a mutual identity in Christ. There is equal footing before God in Christ. Right?
How many of you understand that, too, is a radical concept? What was radical then is certainly still radical now, but here's the beauty of it. It is a God thing. Order has always been a God thing. There's nothing wrong with order, because in order, chaos begins to lose strength and power, and God can take us from where we are to where we ultimately need to be.
When you look at verses 1 through 6 and when you look at verse 7 in 1 Peter and you go over to other passages like Ephesians, chapter 5, or Galatians 3, or Ephesians 6, or here in 1 Peter, chapter 3, you look at that. What you begin to discover when you put it all together is a mutual submission begins to come to the surface between the man and the woman.
In fact, the very secret of what true beauty is and the very secret of what true strength is begins to come to the surface, and what was radical then is still radical now, but it's a beautiful radicalness because God is in it. So I ask you a couple of questions this morning just to kind of entertain these questions I want you to kind of allow to settle in your hearts as we dive into this Word a little deeper here in a few moments.
Let me ask you a question. What if the true beauty of a woman comes from the heart? What if the true beauty of a woman comes from the heart and not so much what she puts on or wears or what the world tries to dictate to her who she should be in a society that very much is a visual society? What if true beauty is truly what comes out of a woman's heart, this quiet and meek spirit God has called her to?
What about this? What if true fulfillment for a man or true fulfillment for a husband is found in viewing his wife as an equal and not forced submission? What if that's really what the Bible teaches? In fact, it does. Those are the questions I believe the Bible raises and the Bible absolutely answers.
We live in a day and age where headship and submission have been given a bad name, but I want you to know this morning headship and submission are not curse words. Instead, they are words that lift the curse or rather point to the future that lifts that curse. Did you hear me? Headship and submission are not curse words, but rather they are words that lift the curse by pointing to the future. Do you hear me?
We live in this world that has given us false definitions. For instance, the extreme (I want you to hear that word) feminists would say the man is actually under the woman, that the woman is supposed to be over the man, and in fact, all these thousands of years of the man keeping us down. That's the extreme feminist side.
On the flip side of the coin, you have Darwinism. You have this evolution. "Woman belongs under our feet." Caveman. "Grab the woman by the hair. You might earn your way to the table." How many of you know neither one of those definitions are correct? The Bible has the correct definition: equality, mutual respect, and understanding.
The Bible is saying we are one in Christ. We'll get to that in a little while. If you have your Bible (it's not on your screen), but I want to take you just on a little journey real quickly. I want to take you on a journey back to the book of Genesis. Go with me real quickly to Genesis, chapter 1. Let's turn there. In Genesis, chapter 1, I want to read you something, and I want you to listen with your heart.
Genesis, chapter 1, verse 26 says, "Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image…'" That word man in the Hebrew is a generic term for humanity. "Let us make humanity in the image of God." You and I, male and female, are made in the image of God (plural). "Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.'"
Verse 27: "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." This is before they go over and Eve ends up partaking of the fruit, and then my man, Adam, gives in too, and he gives over, and sin leads them astray. We know what happens next. God comes and has a word for them. He said, "Because y'all have done this, now the woman will try to strive to be over the man. There's going to be a struggle."
You see, it is sin that brought the struggle. It's sin that kind of separated this hierarchy and this order God had to now allow in place in order to lead us from where we are now under sin to a place of heaven and earth coming together and taking everything and making it right again. Before the fall, they were created equal before him. I'm not done yet. Track on over to chapter 2 and go down to verse 20.
"The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, 'This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.'"
I have a quote here I put on the screen, and it's from Matthew Henry. He said, "[Eve] was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved by him." Wow! That's good stuff.
Because when you really think about this rib, that's where the man's heart is and where the lungs are. Certainly, that's where a woman's lungs and heart are. There's a visual picture I want you to see there of the beauty and the intimacy of what God required of the first man and woman in relationship blessed of him, and this is what it looks like.
It is the world that has distorted that picture, and that's why, again, when I read the opening verses I said it was radical then, and it's still radical now. Because here's the deal, man. God has always been a radical God because he had to be radical to set us back on path again. This is part of God setting humanity back on path to get us to where we ultimately used to be. Now he has to get us back to there again.
What does that look like? Go back to 1 Peter. Go back to chapter 3, and let's look at a little bit of this. Chapter 3, verse 1 reads, "Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands…" First of all, I want to say a couple of things. Number one, ladies, be subject to your own husband. There is not one woman in here who has to be subject to me. Do you understand that?
My wife is called to be subject to me because of God's order, and we're going to talk about what being submissive or subject looks like. Another thing I want you to understand is simply that your man, ladies, is not the ultimate authority over you. Hello? The ultimate authority over you is God.
Under God is man, and then even in this world, ladies, you are not left to fend for yourself, because you are only required to submit and obey your husband as in the Lord if he is leading you the way he's supposed to be leading you as under God and he is loving you as Christ has loved the church.
For instance, ladies, I want you to understand if your man came to you and said, "Hey, we're a little broke. Man, we could use a little bit of money, baby. You know it, and I know it. Tax season is coming up. Let's just tuck a little back. Let's cheat just a little bit. Lie a little bit here. We'll get an extra $1,000, man. Come on, babe!"
Is the woman supposed to go, "Okay"? Is she? No. That's what I mean that submission is not so much… See, the woman… You're not brainless. You're not called to not have a voice and speak into a man's life. I'm kind of the opinion and I don't know the percentage to put on this, but I'll almost go so far as to say if men would listen to their women about 90 percent of the time, we wouldn't get in half the trouble we get into now.
Do you know why? Because she's called to our side to protect our hearts and protect our lives, men. Because we are taking care of her and loving her unconditionally, she wants to be a protector of our lives, so when a man begins to do something such as make a jackass move, she's able to step up and go, "Whoa! What are you thinking?"
Now a Neanderthal outside of Christ will turn and say, "Woman, you need to keep your mouth shut. The Bible says you be submissive to me." If your man says that and he's living outside the will of God and you know he's lying and he's cheating, do you know where you go first? You go to God, and you begin to live before God in prayer, and you begin to live with your conduct.
Do you know what that will do? That will begin to speak to him, and if that doesn't, do you know what you do? You come to the elders of the church, because we're supposed to be mutually submissive to one another in the body of Christ. Women, you're not mindless. You're not brainless. You can speak into your man's life. Right?
A lot of times we use that to abuse our wives. That's not right, because, men, we are called to love them the way Christ loved the church. If you aren't loving your wife the way Christ loved the church, you are in sin. Oh, God! Women, y'all should be shouting this down. I'm sorry, women, but you should be going, "Amen, Pastor! Preach it!" Amen.
Watch this. "…wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word…" That's what we've been talking about. "…they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct." It's talking about these women who came to Christianity. A lot of them had unbelieving husbands, so all of a sudden what happens?
They begin to be submissive by their conduct, this quietness of their heart, obeying God, because who are you ultimately submissive to, ladies? Is it really your husband? It's God. That's who you're submissive to, and then he's placed this man in your life. In 1 Peter we see there are two sides of the coin.
There's a man who may not be a believer, and then there's one who may just be struggling with the Word, but by your quiet conduct he sees that, and he begins to come under conviction. I had this thought just a while ago when the praise team came into the back room. I said, "I just had a thought." I was trying to type it down. I'll probably mess it up, but this is kind of what I got.
A lot of men get to the place where they go, "I just feel like my woman's always nagging me." Hello? If we feel like our woman's nagging, they might be going like this but we aren't hearing a word. Here's the deal. When a woman goes silent… Oh, God! Hello? Oh, my goodness. We kind of want them to run their mouths because, "I can fight that."
All of a sudden, they go, "Okay." Oh, man. Now the woman begins to, by quiet conduct, just do the right thing. "Honey, you can do what you want, but I'm going to be over here doing right." When she goes silent, the voice of God in the man's heart rises. The volume gets turned up. Do you hear me?
Don't ever forget that. Here's what I want us to understand in this message in this Identity Check: headship and submission are not curse words, but rather they point to the lifting of the curse one day in the future. This is the order that it takes. Keep in mind this Scripture is not for the world. The world will never understand biblical submission. They just won't.
It takes the power of the Holy Spirit living on the inside of you. I have to tell you, men, I believe when we do get to heaven, some of us guys are going to be waiting a long time on the women to get their rewards. I'm telling you we're going to be waiting, because some of these ladies have put up with some junk.
Men, we're screwed up. I hope you know that. We can be messed up. Granted, it can go the other way too, but for the most part that's usually not the problem. Do you know why? Again, this is where it gets real political, because you have to watch your language. Here's the beauty of it. I'm a pastor. I don't have to be political.
The world will go, "Well, there's no difference in gender." Yes, there is. God said there is. That doesn't mean you can make a blanket statement, but there is. You can go down the list of a lot of different things. For the most part, guys, we like to figure things out, don't we? I mean, what happens? A woman comes to you and says, "Honey, I was at work and the boss kind of got upset at me, and it's really bothering me."
What are we doing in our minds? "Let me tell you what I'd do, babe. I'd walk in there and tell him, 'If you treat me like that again I'm out of here.' Then what I would do is, "Step two is this and step three is that.'" All she wanted you to do was just hear her. She just needs to be loved and for you to let her know it's okay. She needs that security. She needs to be like the theologian we just read a while ago. I think it was Matthew Henry who said to pull her under your side and be her hero, not be somebody she's afraid to run to because you're going to put her in her place.
Look at verse 3. Ladies, "Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty…" I love this language. "…of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves…"
It goes on to talk about Sarah submitting to Abraham, calling him lord. It finishes up, and here's the thing. How many of you go in a supermarket and you, like me, see all the women's magazines, don't you? What are they painting all the time? "Here's what true beauty is." Listen. Trust me. I'm not against fixing your hair and jewelry and makeup and being beautiful and clothing. There's nothing inherently evil about that, but that is not, ladies, what makes your beauty.
If that's something you want to do and it makes you feel good and it makes your husband feel good, go for it, man! But do not buy into the mistake that is what God looks at and goes, "You dressed up nice today. I got it," when your heart is not content and quiet, because what does it say? In God's sight, this is precious. The world tells you this.
Men, we're not off the hook either. Men's magazines are the same way. I'm not talking about the porno magazines. I'm talking about… I don't know. I don't get any of them. What is a male magazine? Men's Fitness. On it, it has the guy, and he's like this. He's turned and has abs like I do. Beach season is coming. He's right. Nothing wrong with that. "For bodily exercise profiteth little…" Take care of yourself. Do those things, but, guys, that's not fulfillment.
Fulfillment is (in a marriage context for a married guy) treating your wife as an equal and not demanding submission. In other words, loving her the way Christ loved the church. That's where you get true fulfillment. Here's the deal. When I look at my marriage… Amy and I have been together…24 or 25 years. I hope to be the proverbial, old, gray-headed man (I probably won't have much hair left), and she's old and gray-headed and we're walking down the beach holding hands.
That's beauty, because the outside stuff is going to fade. We're going to have wrinkles. The hair is going gray. It's going to fall out. All these kind of things. But inside, man, we're still those young teenagers who fell in love and love each other who just simply care. I just kind of stopped by today with 1 Peter to kind of share a little bit of this and say this is what true submission and headship looks like. It's not a curse word. It's not ugly. We have some work to do.
Let's move on down to verse 7. "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered." This is strong, beautiful, radical language.
Treat her right, so that your prayers… In the context, this is talking about your prayers together, man. So that your prayers together… What are prayers? What are they? They're communion with God. It's simply saying, husbands, if you're not loving your wife the way Christ loved the church and you're one of those guys who says, "Get in there and fix me a meatloaf sandwich because Laverne & Shirley is coming on…"
If you're that guy… "Bring me another PBR, honey." You're that guy? Your prayers are going to be hindered in your communication. You're treating her like an object. She's not a servant. I kind of like to use the word for ladies as amicable. No, no, no. Amendable. That's better. Start thinking of submission as being amendable.
In other words, you are able to be led, because submission is not an action as much as it is an attitude. Do you hear me? Men, you need to hear that too, and you need to understand that submission toward the woman is not an action she performs; it's an attitude, and you and I are to set up the arena where that attitude begins to grow and give life naturally.
This is why people run away from one another. This is why they cheat on one another. This is why marriages break down. They just don't quite know how to love each other. We tolerate each other. You're not called to tolerate; you're called to be a reflection of God's glory. That's the first thing in marriage. That's why the Bible talks about it over and over.
As we begin to close and I begin to share a few things with you, when I look at verse 7, I think of Galatians, chapter 3. I want to turn there just real quickly. Verse 27: "For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." One. That's radical.
Submission. How important is it? Here's the deal. Submission is important because submission is what Satan wouldn't give God, and what happened to him? He got kicked out of heaven. Cast down. That's how ugly not submitting is. Think about the context. Was God asking anything from Satan? No. He didn't need anything. He just wanted him to do right, and he wouldn't. Pride got ahold of him, and that's the root of all this: pride, wanting our own way.
In marriage you have to want a togetherness way, not an individual walk. That doesn't mean you don't have distinct identities, and you may have different hobbies you like versus your wife and those things, but don't ever get to the place, after you've raised your kids and they're gone, where you look across the table and go, "This lady or this man is a stranger. I don't even know them." Work on that now.
What is the true and most beautiful picture of submission? It's Jesus. The Bible talks about that. He didn't consider it robbery to consider himself equal to God, but he chose a lesser role, so to speak, as he condescended to this planet and walked among us. Right? He became and made himself a servant. "I did not come to be served; I come to serve." Wow!
In the upper room, Jesus bending to do what? Wash the very feet of the disciples. God! How can we do any less in marriage? Of course, the beautiful garden scene where Jesus goes out there, and everybody kind of leaves him when he truly needed them. Even in the context of being alone, Jesus looks to the Father and says, "Father, if there's any other way, let this cup pass, but nevertheless, let thy will be done." Wow! That's marriage too.
Would you stand to your feet with me today? This is what I want you to know. As we depart today and you begin to think about some things, remember that headship and submission are not curse words, but rather, they are words that point to the lifting of the curse sometime in the future. It's God's rank. It's God's order. This is the way he has set it up. Again, ladies, submission is not mindlessness. It doesn't mean the man is ultimately over you. As he follows God, that's the order. There's so much more I could say about it, but we're really out of time.
What's the takeaway? What do I want you to know? I want you to know, in a marriage context, you have the power to reflect God's glory greater than you could ever imagine. Live that, so we give the world a pattern that shows them what true salvation looks like.
