“Getting A Clue: How Am I Different?”
Gen. 1:26-31 & 2:4-7, 18-25;
In preparation for this series I discovered a powerful, inspirational, challenging sermon by Mary Kassian, entitled The Genesis of Gender.” (1) Some of her opening words are important for our consideration this morning.
“Over the past few decades, we women decided that we needed to put together a new model, a new definition of womanhood. The ‘Leave it to Beaver’ model was lacking. We didn’t like it, so we decided we wanted to be like men. Men and women were the same and should be treated the same. They should do the same things, have the same jobs, have the same career goals, make the same money, act the same, think the same, drink the same, swear the same, party the same, sleep around the same, and self-actualize the same. So we moved marriage and motherhood from the top of our list to the bottom of our list or crossed them off altogether. Reaching the highest rung of the career ladder and becoming tough and powerful like men became our ultimate goal. We decided that men should become more like women, and that women should become more like men; men should tone down their aggression, and we should ramp ours up. We decided that men should metrosexualize, feminize, emotionalize, reel in their competitiveness, get manicures, pamper their faces, stay home with the kids, learn to clean a toilet, turn off those sports programs, be nice and sweet and agreeable, and do whatever we tell them to do. We decided that women need more power and prestige and control, and that we should become gunslinging, karate-chopping, hyper-sexed, Wall Street savvy, independent, saucy, sassy, malebashing heroines. We’ve got girl power! Take that, guys! ... According to a cover piece in Time magazine last year, women have achieved more of the same as men and yet are more miserable than ever before. We’ve made a mess of our homes and our families and our relationships. I think that it’s time that we swallowed our pride and went back to read and follow the directions, don’t you?” (2)
Perhaps it sounds harsh. But we need to hear it. There are, after all, parents today who believe children should choose their gender and therefore refuse to tell their children what gender they are, because they don’t want to influence them. Consider also that the New York City Board of Health actually considered a proposal to allow city residents to change the sex on their birth certificates without undergoing sex-change procedures. In January of 2007, they unexpectedly withdrew it. Heath Commissioner Thomas R. Frieden, who enthusiastically supported the plan only a month before, told the New York Times that institutions like hospitals and jails raised concerns the board hadn't considered: Would female patients end up in hospital beds next to men? Would male inmates wind up in women's cell-blocks? "This is something we hadn't thought through, frankly," Frieden admitted. "What the birth certificate shows does have implications beyond what the birth certificate shows." (3)
Just two days ago I came across a new article concerning a school district in Lincoln, Nebraska. Those in power are on a campaign to make their classrooms gender-inclusive. It means teachers will no longer be able to refer to boys and girls…as boys and girls. "Don't use phrases such as 'boys and girls,' 'you guys,' 'ladies and gentlemen,' and similarly gendered expressions to get kids' attention," reads a handout from the Lincoln Public Schools that was given to teachers…"The agenda we're promoting is to help all kids succeed," Brenda Leggiardo the district's coordinator of social workers and counselors told the newspaper. "We have kids who come to us with a whole variety of circumstances, and we need to equitably serve all kids." So instead of asking boys and girls to line up as boys or girls, teachers have been encouraged to segregate the children by whether they prefer skateboards or bikes, or whether they like milk or juice.
"Always ask yourself, 'Will this configuration create a gendered space?'" the handout stated…"When you find it necessary to reference gender, say 'Boy, girl, both or neither,'" the handout states. "When asked why, use this as a teachable moment. Emphasize to students that your classroom recognizes and celebrates the gender diversity of all students." (4)
Any discussion about how we are different and unique must, therefore, begin with the fact that we are different because of GENDER DIFFERENTIATION. Having said that, let’s state at the outset that there is A BASIC EQUALITY. (Gen. 1:26-27) “Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness…So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” BOTH MALE AND FEMALE ARE CREATED IN GOD’S IMAGE. IT TAKES BOTH MALE AND FEMALE TO REFLECT THE FULLNESS OF GOD. Gender displays God. Neither male nor female is superior over the other.
Historian Rodney Stark argues that one of the reasons why Christianity spread throughout the ancient world was due to its revolutionary new attitudes towards women. He writes: “Recent, objective evidence leaves no doubt that early Christian women did enjoy far greater equality with men than did their pagan and Jewish counterparts. A study of Christian burials in the catacombs under Rome, based on 3,733 cases, found that Christian women were nearly as likely as Christian men to be commemorated with lengthy inscriptions. This "near equality in the commemoration of males and females is something that is peculiar to Christians, and sets them apart from the non-Christian populations of the city." This was true not only of adults, but also of children, as Christians lamented the loss of a daughter as much as that of a son, which was especially unusual compared with other religious groups in Rome. (5)
But within this equality THERE ARE DIFFERENCES. Significant differences have been discovered by THE SCIENCES. They have identified gender differences in intellectual orientations, development, perceptions, behavior, longevity, communications patterns, among others.(6) For instance, studies show(7) that women have a better memory for names and faces – which supports other data that indicates women are more concerned about people and relationships whereas men are more concerned about object and goals. Females are more musical – better able to sing in tune. Men who can’t tell one note from another outnumber women who can’t by an 8 to 1 margin.
Differences can also be seen through OBSERVATION. In the year 2000 Cheryl Lavin wrote two very practical, applicable columns in The Chicago Tribune about these gender differences. Here are some items that I think breed familiarity. In April she wrote Rules Guys Wish Girls Played By. (8) “If you ask a question you don't really want an answer to, expect an answer you didn't want to hear…Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it…When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really…Crying is blackmail…Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it! ...No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar you know we check…Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for…If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle”.
In May Cheryl wrote The Things Women Want.(9) “If you're in a bad mood, we're going to assume it's our fault. So, tell us what's bothering you…Quit complaining about your boss. Find another job…Pay attention. We like to give clues. "Susie and Bob tried a great new restaurant" means "Why don't you ever take us anywhere nice?"… Yes, it's true. Sometimes we like to call up and talk about nothing. Get used to it… If you ask us what's wrong and we say nothing, ask us again. And this time, look sincere… When we say something, it's necessary for you to respond. At the very minimum, nod your head…If you only knew how much a tender word, a thoughtful act, an unexpected gift means to us, you would do it, and your life would improve exponentially… When no one's home, stand in front of a mirror and practice this until you can say it in public, "I was wrong." After you've mastered that, work on, "I'm sorry."”
The following quotes represent two imaginary journal entries as a wife and her husband reflect on the same day's events. Her Journal: “Tonight, my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. When we got home, he just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep. I don't know what to do.” His Journal: “Rough day. Boat wouldn't start, can't figure out why.” (10)
Gender differences are also BIBLICAL. The Bible doesn’t address roles as much as it does principles. Genesis lays out some of the most important ones. Concerning THE MALE there are three principles I lift up this morning. First, Genesis tells us that Adam, the male, was THE FIRSTBORN. Recall the unique role and position of the firstborn in the Hebrew family. As Mary Kassian succinctly summarizes it, “He ranked highest after his father, and he carried the weight of the father’s authority on his shoulders. He was the one who was responsible to carry out Dad’s instructions and act on his dad’s behalf. He was responsible for the oversight and the well-being of all of his siblings. He also served as their representative. What happened in the family was his responsibility.” (11)
The firstborn male had SUPREME RESPONSIBILITY. Why did God, in the plague, kill the firstborn sons of Egypt? Because they were responsible and had to pay for the sins of Egypt. Even though Eve sinned first, the Bible tells us that we all die in Adam – because he was responsible for Eve and the whole human race. Jesus, as the firstborn, was responsible for the sin of humankind, and so died to pay the ransom. Men: regardless of how the roles and tasks are divided,no matter the circumstances, by God we are responsible for our families, and also our web of relationships, and for what happens around us.
Second, in Genesis 2:15 the male was ASSIGNED TO WORK. The word for work means labor and contains the idea of serving somebody other than yourself. The word also describes the duties of priests in worship. It means working not primarily for advancement and prestige but for the sake of others, on behalf of, to PROVIDE for others. The male is designed and assignedto be a provider, physically and spiritually. It’s not that females don’t work and provide, but the primary responsibility has been given to and wired into the male (which is why, by the way, research shows being unemployed hits males harder emotionally than females).
The third principle for males is (Gen. 2:15) TO KEEP. It means to be in charge of – too look after, provide over sight, to guard and protect. “It involves being attentive to someone’s needs and protecting the people and the property under one’s charge, physically and spiritually. God created men to be the protectors. He created their bodies to be physically stronger and more suited for a fight.” (12) The man is geared for and responsible to be the primary PROTECTOR.
There are also some principles in the creation account for THE FEMALE. Again I will point out three of them. First, Genesis 2 teaches that the female was CREATED FOR THE MALE. It does not mean the female is the slave or simply an object of pleasure. Rather, ‘created for’ means ‘toward’ or ‘with reference to.’ Genesis 2 is explicit. Adam first saw God, then his task (the garden), and then another person (Eve). In contrast, Eve also first saw God but then saw another person (Adam.) Females are wired to be RELATIONAL. As Mary Kassian put it, “Her identity isn’t based on work nearly as much as on how well she connects in her relationships. Woman is the relater-responder. She has a soft, open space in her heart that she longs for someone to fill.” (13)
Second, the Female was created to be A HELPER. The word for ‘helper’ is the same word the Psalmist uses in Psalm 46:1 when he describes God Himself as being “…our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” It comes from Hebrew root meaning ‘to surround.” Women “surround” life and ministry with their relational skills and their care for others. Their insights into people and their approach to tasks provide a different way of looking at life than we men employ. So being a helper is not a lesser station in life – it is a privilege. Females have the responsibility to help the male FULFILL HIS PURPOSE. And in a broader sense, to help others around them fulfill their purpose. It means to empower people. The former CEO of the Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Company Thomas Wheeler, told of the time he and his wife were driving some old country highways. They got low on gas on gas so he pulled into an old one pump station. The lone attendant came out to pump the gas and Wheeler said he’d check the oil and take care of the windshield himself. As he was doing so he noticed his wife and the attendant were smiling & talking. As they pulled away from the station he asked her about the conversation and found out that his wife and the attendant had known each other in high school. Feeling pretty good about himself, Wheeler remarked, “Boy, were you lucky I came along. Because if you’d married him you’d be the wife of a gas station attendant instead of the wife of a CEO.” His wife responded, “My dear, if I had married him, he’d be the CEO and you’d be the gas station attendant!” She understood about being a helper! The female is equipped by God to enter into and surround the lives of others to help them fulfill their purpose of glorifying and reflecting God.
The third principle for the female is to be COMPLEMENTARY, to be the male’s counter-part. Genesis 2:23 states, “The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ (ishsha) for she was taken out of man. (ish)” The first man called himself ish and the woman ishsha, and this appears to be a very clever and very profound play on words. The sound of these two Hebrew words is nearly identical—the woman’s name just adds a feminine ending to it—but the two words have a complementary meaning. Ish comes from the root meaning “strength.” So the man said, “I am strength.” Ishsha comes from the root meaning “soft.” “I am strength, she is soft. She is able to receive; what I was created to give.” (14)
Again, Mary Kassian says it eloquently: “The implication becomes clear when we observe the biblical meaning of a man’s strength. The Hebrew root word is commonly associated with the wisdom and strength and vitality of a successful warrior. It carries the idea of a champion valiantly serving his people by protectively fighting on their behalf. Strength can also refer to a man’s manhood, to his virility. Woman’s corresponding trait is her fertility, her unique capacity to nurture and bring forth life. He is strong, directed by inner softness; she is soft, directed by inner strength. The bodies of male and female reflect this idea of complementary distinction. A man’s body moves out and toward, and a woman’s body is built to receive. The pattern goes beyond the mere physical difference to encompass the totality of who we are. Man was created to actively and joyfully initiate and give, and the woman was created to actively and joyfully respond and receive and relate. She’s the beautiful soft one. Each is a perfect counterpart to the other. Although culture portrays the ideal of woman as tough and aggressive, both physically and sexually, this is a far cry from what woman was created to be. According to Scripture, it’s a woman’s ability TO CARE, NURTURE, connect, and open up that is her greatest strength.” (15)
Notice I’ve said nothing about roles and tasks –the Bible itself says little. What we receive from God are principles and truths that we must work out in our daily living. Whatever our roles or tasks, we need to figure out what is means to act on and live out what we are created to be. Maleness and femaleness – when prayerfully understood and applied – would make an astounding culture changing, church strengthening difference in our society. As male and female, we are different – and different for a purpose. We are different so that together we can display an awesome, life-giving God to the world. That’s how much God loves us – in fact, He loves us enough to send His Son to die and His Spirit to fill us. Whatever changes it means for you, whatever process it entails, I urge you to say “Yes!” to God’s design – be the difference He created you to be.
(1) "The Buzz," World magazine (12-23-06), p. 5¬ – From PreachingToday.com
(2) "The Buzz
(3) Rodney Stark, The Triumph of Christianity (Harper One, 2012), pp. 124-125 - From PreachingToday.com
(4) Todd Starnes, as recorded in Charisma, 10/10/2014
(5) Created Male and Female: What Did God Have in Mind?, Discipleship Journal, Issue 77, 1993, p. 45
(6) A Woman’s Place, King Duncan
(7) Cheryl Lavin, "Rules Guys Wish Girls Played By," Chicago Tribune (4-23-00) - From PreachingToday.com
(8) Cheryl Lavin, "The Things Women Want," Chicago Tribune (5-7-00) - From PreachingToday.com
(9) Lee Eclov, Vernon Hills, Illinois - From PreachingToday.com
(10) Kassian, p. 8
(11) Kassian, p. 9
(12) Kassian, p.13
(13) Kassian, p. 13
(14) Kassian, p. 13-14
