Fighting for Your Family
Open: Welcome to Restoration Fellowship Church and our series “Fighting for Your Family”!
We are glad you’re here! We started this series three weeks ago. Today is the final message in the series. Let’s review what we’ve learned already...
REVIEW from Last Three Weeks
FIRST WEEK: # 1 – THERE IS NO
SUCH THING AS A PERFECT FAMILY
# 2 – ONLY FAMILIES THAT LIVE BY
GODLY PRINCIPLES SURVIVE AND
THRIVE
# 3 - IT DOESN’T TAKE PERFECTION
TO MAKE A GREAT FAMILY, BUT IT
DOES TAKE WORK
SECOND WEEK: we talked about being
a WARRIOR for your family
#1 – Your Spiritual Life Strengthens or
Weakens Every Relationship You Have
in the Family
# 2 - Your Spiritual Life Impacts Your
Integrity in The Home
# 3 – Your Spiritual Life Impacts Your
Ability to Settle Conflict Within Your
Family
LAST WEEK: Building a Family that Will
Last
A Family That Will Last Has....
1.
Strong Sense of Commitment
2. StrongCommunion(timespent
together)
3. StrongCommunication
4. StrongCopingSkills
Message Title: Raising Your Kids the
“Right” Way
Notice the word “right” in quotations because right according to whom?
As Christians, we need to see what the Bible says, not necessarily what “others” say.
TEXT:
Hebrews 12:5-11:
“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s
discipline, and do not lose heart when
he rebukes you, because the Lord
disciplines those he loves, and he
punishes everyone he accepts as a
son.” Endure hardship as discipline;
God is treating you as sons. For what
son is not disciplined by his father? If
you are not disciplined (and everyone
undergoes discipline), then you are
illegitimate children and not true sons.
Moreover, we have all had human
fathers who disciplined us and we
respected them for it. How much more
should we submit to the Father of our
spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined
us for a little while as they thought best;
but God disciplines us for our good, that
we may share in his holiness. No
discipline seems pleasant at the time,
but painful. Later on, however, it
produces a harvest of righteousness
and peace for those who have been
trained by it.
This verse teaches us how God deals with his children. Since we are created in God’s image, it also teaches us about the way earthly parents should discipline their children. Notice this:
We are to study God’s methods in dealing with
us and then use those methods in dealing with our children. As God raises his children, so we are to raise ours.
 Discipline is a sign of love. v. 6
 Discipline is a sign of sonship. vv. 7-
8
Discipline produces godly fruit. vv.
10-11
In a sense Hebrews 12 calls us to look
to God as the model parent.
Godly parenting begins with the
study of God—his character, his
methods, his ways, and most of all, his
Word.
Let’s look at 6 biblical principles
regarding raising our children.
Principle #1: We Should Not Shy
Away from this Topic Because of
Cultural Pressure
There is a large, well-organized, well-financed, and well-publicized antispanking movement in America. It is led by psychologists, social workers, and educational leaders who strongly oppose all forms of physical discipline of children.
It has led to something called “child- centered parenting” where parents are instructed to look at their children as friends more than as children needing their direction and guidance.
(See “When to Spank,” US News and World Report, April 13, 1998 for a detailed analysis of the factors that led to the antispanking movement.)
AsIlookbacktothewayIwas raised, it occurs to me that either there was no antispanking movement when I was growing up or my parents definitely didn’t believein it!
It isn’t my purpose to offer a detailed argument in favor of spanking.
I will say that Focus on the Family believes there is a place for mild spanking in the discipline of children ages two to ten.
It’s also fair to say that no one I know believes that spanking should be the major tool parents use to raise their children. If you are spanking your children every day, or almost every
day, then you probably need some instruction in good childrearing methods.
My position is the same as Focus on the Family: Mild spanking has a place in a child’s discipline but it should never be the main tool parents use to motivate their children to obey.
Principle #2: Biblical Discipline Must
Reflect a Proper Mixture of Law and
Grace.
God always begins with law and moves to grace. Even in the Garden of Eden, God told Adam not to eat from one particular tree. That’s law.
Later would come words of grace and forgiveness.
When we raise our children, we must start with law. We must give them
rules and we must set limits. We must tell them what to do and what not to do. Grace must be our attitude but law must flow from our lips.
For parents who want God’s view of childrearing, I recommend the book of Proverbs. Over and over again Solomon says, “My son, listen to my commandments and take heed to my words.” If we would raise our children according to Proverbs, we could dispense with 99% of the secular books on childrearing.
Since this sermon is about discipline, I have chosen five passages that deal directly with this topic. They show the good things that happen when parents dare to follow God’s
Principle # 3: Biblical Discipline
Produces Positive Results.
plan:
A. It teaches wisdom. Proverbs 29:15
“The rod of correction imparts wisdom,
but a child left to himself disgraces his
mother.”
The “rod of correction” stands for the instrument used in discipline. It might be a belt, an actual rod, the palm of the hand, or from days gone by, a switch off a tree.
It could also be taken to indicate whatever means you use to punish misbehavior, such as a time-out chair, taking away privileges, grounding a teenager, and so on.
Children learn wisdom when there are consequences for disobedience. And when they “get away with murder” at home, that may be precisely what they do years later.
B. It purges evil. Proverbs 20:30
Prov. 20:30 (Amplified
Bible)
Effective discipline restrains evil by making the consequences so distasteful that the child wants no part of it.
C. It saves from death. Proverbs 23:13- 14
“Blows that wound cleanse away evil,
and strokes [for correction] reach to the
innermost parts.”
“Do not withhold discipline from a child;
if you punish him with the rod, he will not
die. Punish him with the rod and save
his soul from death.”
Don’t misread verse 13. It’s not calling
for beating a child unmercifully, but it does remind us that God has arranged the human anatomy so that a mild swat on the buttocks can be useful in punishing misbehavior. And our discipline—though it may seem painful at the time—can actually save a person from physical death and perhaps also from spiritual death. Better to discipline today even though your child sheds a few tears than to look back and say that you failed to give proper guidance.
D. It demonstrates love. Proverbs 13:24
“He who spares the rod hates his son,
but he who loves him is careful to
discipline him.”
The word “careful” means “discriminating.” It implies that godly parents watch their children at all times to make sure they are on the
right road in life. To do anything less means we don’t really love our children, no matter what we may say.
E. It promotes domestic peace. Proverbs 29:17
“Discipline your son, and he will give
you peace; he will bring delight to your
soul.”
Parents who care enough to say no, who set limits and then enforce them, who reward good behavior and punish disobedience—those parents are usually blessed with happy, well-adjusted, obedient children who bring delight to their souls. And what could be better than that?
Principle #4: Discipline Not Only
Corrects Wrongdoing, It Encourages
Wise Choices in the Future.
Three Wrong Reasons:
1. Anger
2. Arouse Fear 3. Seek Revenge
Three Right Reasons:
1. Teach right from wrong
2. Teach respect for authority
3. Establish justice SCRIPTURES REFERENCED
How is that? With grace, patience, individual attention, and a clear purpose.
Principle # 5: We Should Raise Our
Children the Way God Raises Us.
This brings us back to Hebrews 12 with its emphasis on how God raises his children. We are to do what he does. He disciplines us to bring forth the godly fruit of holiness and righteousness.
Our goal is to move our children from 100% dependence on us to the place of independence so that when they leave the home they are able to function successfully as adults.
Our goal is to move our children from 100% dependence on us to 100% dependence on God.
Principle # 6: The Seven Bs of Good
Discipline (last week I gave you the 7
B’s of Good Listening)
Here are seven practical guidelines that will help you discipline your children the
right way.
Be consistent
Have fewer rules and enforce them fairly. Remember, God summarized his will in only ten commandments. Wise parents keep it simple so their children won’t forget what really matters.
Be calm
Many parents have gotten into trouble because they disciplined during a moment of sudden anger. Often our temper causes us to do or say things we later regret. It is better to walk away than to discipline in anger. This is why
Colossians 3:21 warns fathers not to
exasperate their children.
Ephesians 4:31 tells us to put away
anger, malice, wrath, clamor, bitterness,
strife and rage.
Be clear
Have definite standards of right and wrong. Make sure your child knows the consequences of disobedience. Before you punish, tell the child what rule he or she has broken. Otherwise, the opportunity for learning may be lost.
Be prompt
Don’t drag out your discipline. Deal with the problem at hand and then move on. According to Ecclesiastes 8:11,
Be fair
When your children disobey, make sure you get all the facts before you do anything. Proverbs 18:17 tells us that
Substitute “his sister” or
the sentence for a crime is not quickly
“When
carried out, the hearts of the people are
filled with schemes to do wrong.”
“the first to present his case seems
right, till another comes forward and
questions him.”
“his brother” for “another” and you quickly get the point. Take time to hear all sides before you render your final verdict.
Be merciful
This is a basic biblical principle covering all human relationships. Be merciful just as God is merciful. Don’t break the spirit of your children. Don’t beat them or abuse them. Don’t humiliate them in public or in private.
Be forgiving
When the discipline is done, don’t hold a grudge. Do what needs to be done and then move on. Aren’t you glad God doesn’t hold grudges with us? He forgives and forgets. Ephesians 4:32 says,
Let God’s forgiveness be the standard and your
discipline will lead to joy and not to heartache.
“Be kind and compassionate to
one another, forgiving each other, just
as in Christ God forgave you.”
In making these suggestions, I am simply calling on parents to practice tough love. If we want to raise happy, healthy, well-adjusted kids, we must love them enough to say no, to set limits, to establish boundaries, and to take action when those limits are willfully violated.
CLOSE: I want to close this message with three words of application:
First, a word to fathers. Get involved with your children. Don’t leave all the hard work of discipline to your wife. Make childbearing a team effort in your home.
Second, a word to single parents. You carry a heavy load that most of us will never understand.
 Third, a word to all of us. Pray for
your children and your
grandchildren. Pray for the children
under your care. Pray for the
children you know. Pray for the
children on your block and in your
extended family. Our kids are under
enormous pressure today. They
need our prayers to make it.
Parents have an awesome
responsibility. God has ordained that
parents are the single greatest factor in
the spiritual growth of their children.
Mom, Dad, no one can take your place. The pastor can’t, the Children’s Ministry teacher can’t, the Christian school teachers can’t. God uses believing parents to shape children for eternity.
How quickly they fly away. I have one son who is 27, our Daughter is married and moved away, and Parker (our baby) is no in 9th grade. There are no diapers in our home. The blocks and the Play-
Dough have long since been put away.
The days of childrearing end almost as soon as they begin.
Someday we will all stand before the Lord to give an account of what we have done on earth. As parents we will answer for how we raised our children. In that day the Lord will not ask, “Did you know the latest theory on how to raise children?” But he will ask, “Did you train your children to love and serve me?” What answer will you give? No excuses will be accepted.
