Fighting for Your Family Part 3
OPEN: Welcome to Restoration Fellowship Church and our series called “Fighting for Your Family” (notice not fighting WITH your family)
Take bibles and stand up please... REVIEW:
# 1 – THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A
PERFECT FAMILY
# 2 – ONLY FAMILIES THAT LIVE BY GODLY
PRINCIPLES SURVIVE AND THRIVE
# 3 - IT DOESN’T TAKE PERFECTION TO
MAKE A GREAT FAMILY, BUT IT DOES
TAKE WORK
LAST WEEK: we talked about being a
WARRIOR for your family
#1 – Your Spiritual Life Strengthens or
Weakens Every Relationship You Have in the
Family
# 2 - Your Spiritual Life Impacts Your Integrity
in The Home
# 3 – Your Spiritual Life Impacts Your Ability to
Settle Conflict Within Your Family
THIS WEEK: Building a Family that Will Last
TEXT:
Matthew 7:24 “Anyone who listens to
my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person
who builds a house (family) on solid rock.
25 Though the rain comes in torrents and the
floodwaters rise and the winds beat against
that house, it won’t collapse because it (the
family) is built on bedrock. 26 But anyone who
hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is
foolish, like a person who builds a house
(family) on sand. 27 When the rains and floods
come and the winds beat against that house
(family), it will collapse with a mighty crash.”
Have you ever watched as a family collapsed? Sad isn’t it? Often times it’s the marriage first, then the family relationships begin to crumble. Children take sides, two adults, who once said they loved each other, now can’t even stand to be in the same room together. It’s really sad?
So how do we build a strong family and keep that from happening?
Here’s some things strong families have in common:
A Family That Will Last Has.... 1. Strong sense of commitment
These days of the disposable marriage. “If it works, fine, if it doesn’t, fine...I’m sure it will...I like them!”

Commitment is the assurance that this family will stay together....no matter what problems we face, we face them together!
Strong marriages take the following words, and carve them in granite: “I’m committed to you, no matter what. And they take the word divorce out of their vocabulary.
Parents, there’s 2 ways you can convey the sense of commitment to a child:
Ill.—Growing up in our neighborhood I used to play with the older children because my brother was four years older than me. I remember being the last one picked for ball team...who has to take him? I had him last time! (standing there in right field thinking, I’m here because they’re stuck w/ me!)
I read this week about a Suicide note from a
1. Byconveyingtothemthattheyarea
blessing, not a burden.
teenage girl: “Dear mom, I’m sorry I was ever born. It seems to me that I’ve ruined your happiness. I’ve chosen this way out so that you can be happy again.”
(chances are, this girl was genuinely loved and wanted, but somehow they failed to communicate it to her!)
We live in an achievement oriented society. Where significance equals performance, and importance equals ability, and where self-worth equals achievement. Sorry to say, that mindset has crept into many homes.
Story of Girl on The Voice: De’Borah (obviously Gay, from a pastor’s home)
Parents, do your kids know that there’s nothing they can do to be more loved, because they’re already loved w/ a
2. CommunicatingandModeling
Unconditional Love.
measureless love?/nothing they can do to be more accepted, because they’re already totally accepted?/nothing they can do to be more valued, because they’re already infinitely valued?
Nothing will alienate a child more than making them work for something that should be given freely...love, acceptance, and self-worth.
oIf you raise a child on conditional love, to some degree, always feeling like they have to do something to make you proud of them, you will almost always wind up w/ 1 of 2 results when they’re grown:
1. Workaholic who never feels adequate, but quite self-conscious.
2. A quitter, who just gives up all- together. “I can’t please dad/mom, so I’ve decided not to even try.”
“But, aren’t I supposed to motivate my child?” Yes.
“Aren’t I supposed to encourage them on to
excellence?” Yes.
“Don’t I want them to reach their full potential?” Yes.
The key is: What are you using to motivate them?
Never motivate on the basis of love and acceptance/treatment...they must be given freely.
Never motivate on how they compare to others... “Johnny can do it, why can’t you...try harder!”
Motivate on the basis of what THEIR best is. Did you know you can be proud of your child, even if you’re displeased w/ them?
Ask yourself now:
Do my children know they are a blessing,
not a burden?
Do they know they’re loved unconditionally,
and there’s nothing they can do to make me love them more?
That’s commitment. It’s the first thing strong families have in common.
(Couples: commitment to each other is just the same!...)
Secondly, a Family That Will Last has....
2. Strong Communion (Time Together)
In a survey, 1,500 children were asked, What makes families happy?
Over 90% gave the same answer. It wasn’t a big house or lots of money...it was “doing things together”.
Are we talking quality time or quantity time? Both!
One of the biggest false bills of goods we’re being sold these days is that it doesn’t matter how much time you spend, just make it quality time! Yes, it does matter.

Every godly parent should know the answer to the following questions:
Is your child shy or confident?
leader or follower?
What are their interests?
what do they want to be someday?
who is their best friend, and why are they
their best friend?
Some of you draw a blank at some of those questions, and the reason is how busy we are these days...we’re not spending enough time together.
Children spell love TIME
Time w/ family says to them, You are a priority, I love you!
There’s no substitute for time spent together.
And that’s what we need, to slow down, and experience life together!
That’s communion. (commitment)

A Family That Will Last has...
3. Strong Communication Skills
This applies to the marriage relationship as well as parent/child.
Ill.—kid comes home from college/dad says, how’s college? “Good”/how’s your grades?/friends?/food?/dorm life?
By the way, what are you majoring in? “Communications” And unfortunately, he learned his communication skills at home, where his mom asked his dad lots of questions like that, w/ the same kind of monotone, one- word replies.
Strong families are held together by good communication. Communication is discussing the burdens of your heart...opening the windows of your soul at times, sharing your feelings.

STORY: Zig Ziglar tells the story of a lady who went to her pastor because she wanted a divorce from her husband.
“do you have any grounds?”...3 acres outside of town, you’ve been there!
“no, I mean, do you have a grudge?”...no, a carport
“no, like, does your husband beat you up?”...no, I’m up at 6, an hour before him!
“oh my, I’m saying, do you have a case?”...no, we’ve got a John Deere!
“ma’am, I’m trying to ask, are you and your husband having an troubles?”...oh yes, lots of troubles... “like what?”...He just can’t communicate!
Marriage counselors say over half of all divorces are the result of poor communication, and that if they could have just learned to talk, they could have saved their marriage.
7 “B’s” of good listening:
1. Beobservant.

You listen w/ your eyes as much as your ears...look at them, show you’re listening.
Albert Moravin of UCLA is a noted researcher in communication. He said that only 7% of our true feelings are conveyed by the actual words we speak/38% by WAY we say those words/whopping 55% is conveyed thru body language...non-verbal communication:Facial expression/eye contact/posture/tone of voice.
I’ve just given in and decided it’s impossible to listen to my wife if the tv is on...I’ve honestly tried to do both, and it can’t be done. (left preaching and gone to meddlin’)...same w/ newspaper.
Be observant.
2. Beavailable.
This is esp true w/ teens, I’m told...when

teens really want to talk, which I’m told is quite rare, you’d better be available. It might be at midnite when they get in from that youth activity, but you’d better do it then...they won’t resemble the same person in the morning! It might be during your favorite TV program...better turn it off and listen. Be available.
3. Be considerate.
It’s amazing how considerate we are to others out in public, but how rude we can be to our own family members. If we interrupted at work like we do at home, we’d be sent home permanently!/walk away from them while talking/ignore. We can’t take each other for granted.
4. Be demonstrative.
I’m talking physical...hugs, kisses, pats, massages, etc. Use them often.
Gary Smalley says women need non- sexual touch...little things, not groping like

a piece of meat. He says women need 8 of these touches per day. (some of you guys will wake up tomorrow and go 12345678...) It doesn’t work that way.
5. Be wise.
Learn to attack the problem, not the person. Ladies: nagging is not communicating! (not one man said Amen, bunch of cowards! Don’t leave me hangin’ here!) Bringing up past offenses is not wise!
JOKE—guy says, every time my wife and I fight she gets historical. “you mean hysterical?” No, historical...she brings back everything I’ve ever done since we got married. And before I get into too much trouble...Men, sarcasm will get you nowhere! (and my wife says, Amen!)
6. Be an example.
Parents, it’s a cold hard fact...I hope you’re not 90 before you realize that we don’t get what we

want, we get what we ARE!
Percentage of American teens who say they want to be like their parents: 39%.
Children who see physical violence between their parents are six times more likely to abuse their own spouses after they marry. If those children were also hit by their parents as teenagers, they are 12 times more likely to abuse their spouses.
7. Be courageous.
The main reason we don’t communicate is fear...we’re simply afraid of what we might hear! We’re afraid to make ourselves vulnerable, so instead, just blurt out how it’s gonna be, like it or lump it!
So, strong families have a strong sense of commitment. They have communion...spending time together. They have good communication, and express themselves well.

A Family That Will Last Has... 4. Strong Coping Skills
They have the rare ability to solve problems together, and always see the big picture.
Don’t ever think that families that break up had problems, and that families who stay together don’t. (rain came and wind blew on BOTH houses)
Divorces and dysfunctional families have very little to do w/ problems. All families have problems. Break-ups have to do w/ coping skills.
I bet there’s people here today who’ve been married 50 years or more, and they’ve had problems far worse than a lot of people who’ve divorced. The difference is in coping skills...working thru the problems.
Every family has problems. If divorces were caused by problems, we’d all be divorced. My family has problems, your family/Christian families/Adam and Eve had

problems...
--Adam would come home from work, and she would start counting his ribs...just checking! They had their problems together, and even suffered the consequences together (driven out in a fury)
--Adam and kids walked by garden...kids say, what’s that, dad? “That’s where your mother ate us out of house and home!"
How we respond to our problems will make or break us! We’ve got to learn to attack our problems together, instead of attacking each other.
Ill—pressure: submarine/thick steel, glass/fish.
So, strong families have commitment, communion, communication, coping skills, and...
There’s no way to have a truly successful
5. Strong families have a strong sense of
consecration.
family w/out giving God first place. And we have to convey it to our children. Kids watch carefully...what we’re like at church, and at home.
A study once disclosed that if both Mom and Dad attend church regularly, 72% of their children remain faithful. If only Dad, 55% remain faithful. If only Mom, 15%. If neither attended regularly, only 6% remain faithful. The statistics speak for themselves--the example of parents and adults is more important than all the efforts of the church and Sunday School.
Ill.—little boys staying overnight in backyard in a tent. Dad listened to them talk... “my daddy knows the mayor!”/ “governor!”/then he heard the voice of his own little boy say, “that’s nothin’, my daddy knows God!” (top that!) They said, he does not! “does too!” How do you know? “I heard him talkin’ to him just this morning!”
There’s nothing greater our children can think of us, than that we know God!
