Family Portrait
Ephesians 6:1-4
Intro
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I like pictures.
I like to look at pictures from the past. They are great reminders of what we were like and can help to remind us of times we were enjoying life or happy when things are not going as great, so that we can make some changes to help get us back to that time.
As a family, we have tried to take pictures of our family during those blessed times while on vacations or at various special events.
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Whenever we take pictures we try to look our best so we might remember these times and so they might help us live that way. These are a couple of our last family pictures.
Now sometimes, we may not be as interested in just looking our best but in showing how we are enjoying our time, like in this family portrait!
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Now this picture probably tells you something different about our family than the other 2 pictures. Maybe it tells you that we can be a little goofy at times when we are together.
Pictures can tell you something about a person or a family, and can remind you again of times in your family that you would like to aspire to again.
Transition
Well, in today’s passage in Ephesians 6:1-4, (you can turn there)
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Paul paints for us a portrait of family and he shows us the ideal of some of the roles within the Christian family.
Paul began this section at the end of Ephesians 5 that Tom spoke on last week regarding husbands and wives.
Now Paul moves on to a couple of different roles in the family so we can learn how to live out life as Christians who are part of a family in a way that honors the Lord.
So, let’s read Ephesians 6:1-4 and learn how to live in the roles we have.
Ephesians 6:1-4
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 "Honor your father and mother"-which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."
4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Pray.
Ok, in just a few short verses, Paul paints a picture of how Christians in their roles in the family should look and he starts by giving us a
A Portrait of a Christian Child
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And he says that if a child is living out their Christianity, we will see it as
They Obey their Parents
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Now, this is something that kids know that they should do, but often they don’t want to do.
Why is that?
For the same reason that adults don’t want to submit or obey anyone.
We want what we want and we have a sinful nature that seeks to control us if we let it.
This section of Scripture goes along with last week’s Scripture and next week’s Scripture and are all part of the same general teaching of Submission in the various roles we find ourselves in in life.
We are all to submit to one another out of love as Ephesians 5:21 tells us, but then it goes on to get specific on how this looks in the roles of life.
Last week we saw that
Husbands are to be submitted to Christ
Wives are submitted to husbands
This week we see that
Children are to be in submission to parents.
This submission plays out differently in our different relationships, but in this section of Scripture, it comes in the form of Children being in obedience to their parents.
And the Scripture tells us that obeying your parents is the right thing to do because
It is Commanded by God
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Paul quotes the 5th Commandment saying to "Honor your father and mother"-which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." (Ephesians 6:2-3)
Ok so what does that look like in reality?
Exceptions
Now often, no matter whom I am talking to about a command of God or something God wants us to do, people will typically bring up situations that they will feel justified in not following what God tells us.
People always want to talk about the exceptions.
Well, I will tell you that there are exceptions. But the Scripture is not about the exceptions, it is about a way of life.
Yes, if your parents tell you to do something illegal or immoral, you are right in not obeying.
Example – Apostles disobey Sanhedrin
We see the Apostles live out an exception similar to this when they refused to follow what the leaders in the Sanhedrin were telling them. The Jewish leaders wanted the apostles to stop speaking in the name of Jesus and telling of the things they knew to be true about Him and His resurrection from the dead.
But they said no and said in Acts 5:29
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Acts 5:29 - "We must obey God rather than men!
God is always the one we are to obey first and foremost and if someone, even someone we are to submit ourselves to, tells us to do something contrary to what God wants us to do, we should not follow that.
Transition
So this command is not a blanket command to do anything our parents tell us, but generally speaking, it is right to and you should obey your parents.
They have been given responsibility over you and they must answer to God for how they fulfill that responsibility in raising you.
And it is not to your detriment to you to obey your parents.
In fact, Paul tells us that this is the first commandment with a promise and that those who honor their parents in this way are blessed by God!
It is Blessed by God
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Paul says this is “the first commandment with a promise— 3 "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." (Ephesians 6:2)
Obedience to the Lord brings blessings in our life. And this commandment tells us that honoring our parents by obeying them brings blessings in our life.
Sometimes the blessings of obedience can be nearly immediate.
Jason’s Coat
Years ago, I think Jason was in jr. High, they were going on a lake Michigan boat tour with their class, and I told him to bring a jacket.
Well a jr. higher not only doesn’t want to necessarily listen to their parents, but it seemed to be a relatively nice day and he didn’t want to carry it.
I told him to bring it anyway. Well, he obeyed and brought it.
When he came home, he was so glad he brought it because it was cold out on the lake that afternoon.
He was immediately blessed by obeying me.
Longer term
Sometimes that blessing may come in the longer term, however.
It will not always be immediate.
Obeying curfews, and working hard, and cleaning have longer term positive effects on your life that don’t just appear immediately.
But as you obey, generally speaking, it will go well with you and you will experience a longer life than not honoring your parents.
So, honor your parents by obeying them and be blessed by God with a better and longer life.
Transition
Paul goes on to not just describe what a Christian Kid should look like in their life, but he also gives us a
Portrait of a Christian Parent
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Now Paul specifies Father’s in his remarks, and I think fathers truly need to take heed to these words, but this can be rightly applied to both parents, not just fathers.
And the first thing we learn is to live out our Christianity as a parent we shouldn’t Frustrate our Kids
They Don’t Frustrate their kids
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Ephesians 6:4 - Fathers, do not exasperate your children;
Colossians 3:21 - Fathers, do not embitter (provoke to anger) your children, or they will become discouraged.
Parents, you need to understand that you have been given ultimate control over your children.
We are bigger than them, and generally speaking, we have power over their very life.
We need to realize not only this power, but the great responsibility that God gives us with this power.
We need to use the power and authority we have been entrusted with for the good of our kids, not for our own ego or pride or to relieve our own frustrations that we may face from the relationships we don’t have power in.
Hard day at work
For instance, when we face a difficult day at work it and because our boss holds power over us, we feel we can’t express our frustrations at work because we might lose our job, we may come home and take it out on those whom we do have control over, our kids.
When we take out our own frustrations or anger out on those we have power over when they have done nothing to deserve it, only exasperates and embitters our kids and will lead to them being frustrated and dishonors the Lord.
Recognize the responsibility that the Lord has entrusted you with in your kids and do not abuse that power and authority by exasperating and embittering your kids.
Do not take your bad day out on them
Do not expect them to attain the unattainable.
You need to understand that your kids are going to fail sometime. Use it as a teaching experience for them. Do not behave as if an error in judgment is the end of the world for them or you. Your kids will not be perfect and do not expect them to be.
Do not frustrate your kids by saying one thing and doing another.
You need to live consistently with the life you speak about.
Transition
Paul goes on from telling parents what not to do, don’t frustrate them or exasperate them, to telling them what to do. Christian parents are to raise their kids.
They DO Raise their kids
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Ephesians 6:4b – Instead, bring them up…
What does that mean? What does it mean to bring our kids up? I mean won’t they just get bigger even if we don’t do anything?
Raising kids means more than just being a biological parent.
It means that there are actual things you need to do.
Like a Farmer
As a farmer raises crops in his field, he doesn’t just plant the crops, but he tends the field removing the weeds that choke off their growth, but fertilizing the plant to help it be nourished and grow, and perhaps by pruning it to help it grow more healthy.
In the same way
Parents are to raise their kids
By Training them in godly ways
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Ephesians 6:4c – instead, bring them up in the training…
What does it mean to train your kids?
New Job
If you applied for a new job and you came to work, they would not just throw instructions at you, but they would train you. You would watch them do what they want you doing. You would do what they did while they watched you to make sure you were doing it right. If you were doing it wrong they would correct you. If you were doing it right, they would tell you and you would move on to the next thing.
That is training.
We need to train our kids in godly ways.
Don’t just tell them what to do or not do. Show them by your life.
When you face a decision, talk about it with your kids. Pray about it.
When they face a decision, help them by asking questions with them.
If you were to go this route, what might happen?
Would it glorify the Lord?
What if you were to go a different route?
What are the possible results?
Train them to make wise choices.
When they make a poor choice, let them experience the consequences of it. In this way they learn not to do that again.
Father of Girl with Dress
There is the story of a dad who had a daughter going to prom. He asked her a week before the dance if she had everything she needed for the dance. She said yes.
The day of the dance she discovered her dress had a tear in it and it couldn’t be worn.
She wanted her dad to give her money so she could get a new dress. He told her no because he asked her a week ago to make sure everything was ready. She didn’t and he said there was nothing more he could do, she would just have to wear something else she had.
Well, needless to say she was extremely upset with her dad and she eventually went wearing something else and she felt humiliated.
Several years later however, as the girl went into the military, he received a letter from her commanding officer about his daughter and how prepared and organized she was all the time. The officer asked her about how she learned to be prepared and she said her dad taught her to be prepared by not bailing her out of the situation regarding her dress.
Parents, let your kids experience the consequences of their poor choices or disobedience to you. It will go a long way in helping them prepare for the real world.
Set an example for them in life by acting in godly ways yourself.
In this way you will bring them up training them in godly ways.
But the Scripture goes on to say that we not only bring them up in training them, but also
By Teaching them God’s word
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Ephesians 6:4d - instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
We need to teach our kids God’s word.
Knowing God’s word is vital to acting in Godly ways.
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Psalm 119:11 - I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.
Matthew 4:4 - Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"
Hebrews 4:12 - For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow;
Are you making sure your children are growing in their knowledge of God’s word?
When your kids are younger, establish a family devotion time.
Talk about what they are reading or learning.
Make sure they are going to church. The church is here to be a help to you, not to replace you as a parent.
We have ministries that can help you teach God’s word to your kids.
AWANA
When they are in grace school, sign them up for AWANA.
You can sign them up right now. AWANA starts September 9th. You can register your kids on our website right now.
In AWANA they not only have a fun time, but they work on memorizing God’s word to store it away in their hearts so they might not sin against the Lord.
Student Ministries
If your child is older than 5th grade, we have our Student ministries available on Wednesday evenings. Your Jr. High and High School kids will hear a message from God’s word and have an opportunity to talk about it and apply it.
The church is here to help, but don’t pass your responsibility off to the church. Parents, you have the main priority of teaching your kids.
Let them see you live it out.
Listen to and live out the words of Deuteronomy 6
Deut 6:1-7
These are the commands, decrees and laws the Lord your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, 2 so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the Lord your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life. …
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6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
For you to talk about it and live it out means that you need to be growing in your knowledge of the word of God.
Our small group signups are coming up in just a few weeks. Make sure you are being the parent God wants you to be by growing in your knowledge and obedience to the Lord so you can teach and train your kids and it will be a pleasure for your kids to be obedient to you.
Let’s pray
