INTRODUCTION
A. Jill Price is known as “The Woman Who Can’t Forget” – Hyper-thy-mesia –rare disorder
1. Means that she forgets nothing – every moment, every day – played out crystal clear
2. While such a memory might sound wonderful to us –trouble finding our keys – consider…
3. It’s not just that she can recall exactly what she was doing 20 years ago today – feels it
4. Every joy as well as every hurt. Husband died 10 years ago –relives hurt as though now
5. Intense clarity -every misspoken word, every mistake, every hurt – never forgets
6. For Jill Price time heals no wounds.
B. We say, “Forgive and forget” – and as a simple sentiment – it’s a good principle to live by
1. There are some hurts we’ve been through –best just to move on –forget –let time…
2. But then there are hurts –so deep –never forget –like Jill Price –played back –crystal
3. To the point that we start to wonder –if I cannot forget, then can I forgive? Move on?
4. Or am I so hurt that I will never heal?
C. I preached at a church many years ago –members came to me –concerns –Previous preacher
1. Taught them –If you haven’t forgotten –haven’t really forgiven –God can’t forgive you
2. There’s a lot of problems - line of thinking – first –Bible never says “forgive/forget”
3. God didn’t design you to forget – gave you a brain – memory – learn, grow
4. What we might need to do is learn how to use our memory to further his grace
D. ANNOUNCE TEXT: EPHESIANS 4:25-32 (page 978)
1. Before we get into the text itself – I want you to notice how Paul begins –verse 25
2. So, we’re stepping into the text with completed action –a change already taken place
3. What has caused the change? Put away falsehoods? – Read Ephesians 4:17-24
4. The call is to put off our old self –that self that not only sins –but holds onto hurts
5. And instead to put on Christ – what is that going to look like? In here (heart/church)
6. READ TEXT
E. Here’s what I don’t want to do today – I don’t want to minimize your hurts
1. Don’t want to tell you that your hurts aren’t that bad – because I’m sure they are
2. Not here to tell you to suck it up – get over it -What I’m here to tell you is – verse 32
3. That would NOT be in the Bible if it were not possible for you to do – get that?
4. God’s not just sitting up there writing stuff to tick you off – make you feel like a failure
5. And I want you to know –God wants you to forgive – and NOT forget – never forget
6. He did not design you to forget - He wants you to remember
Trans: In fact, we have to remember. We have to because:
I. FORGIVENESS IS A CHOICE
A. Timothy Keller – what forgiveness is – “A form of voluntary suffering”
1. Timothy Keller Quote.
When someone seriously wrongs you, there is an absolutely unavoidable sense that the wrongdoer owes you. The wrong has incurred an obligation, a liability, a debt. Anyone who has been wronged feels a compulsion to make the other person pay down that debt. We do that by hurting them, yelling at them, making the feel bad in some way, or just waiting and watching and hoping that something bad happens to them. Only after we see them suffer in some commensurate way do we sense that the debt has been paid and the sense of obligation is gone. This sense of debt/liability and obligation is impossible to escape. Anyone who denies it exists has simply not been wronged or sinned against in any serious way.
2. Let’s say that my friend has a clock – valuable clock – antique – worth $500
3. And I break it – give friend $500 – still don’t have the clock – debt still exists- I carry it
4. But if they forgive me – they cancel the debt and absorb it themselves
5. That is forgiveness – you choose to pay the debt yourself – “Voluntary suffering”
B. Forgiveness is a choice – whether it’s you and me forgiving each other –God/us
1. I think this is where we get confused with that whole forgive/forget stuff
2. Jer. 31:34 - For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more
3. Love to say, “God doesn’t remember my sins –forgets them” – does he?
4. We believe that God is all-knowing, right? Omniscient – how reconcile?
5. Truth is-doesn’t forget-not what that word means –legal word –courtroom
6. God considers your sin inadmissible evidence in court – cannot hold it against you
7. In fact he says so – 2 Corinthians 5:19, “in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them”
C. That’s God’s choice – and forgiveness is our choice too – it’s not automatic – flip a switch
1. But since we’ve decided to put on a new self in the likeness of God – changes choices
2. Verses 25-27 – Some of you are angry – understand –that’s ok –sin not to be angry
3. But if that anger draws you away from the likeness of God –need to check it –control it
4. Choose forgiveness –tell you –not something do once –every day –over/over again
Trans: Which is why you can’t forget – if you could forget the hurt you wouldn’t need to choose to forgive. So we forgive and remember – and we remember:
II. SO WE CAN SEE THE CHANGES GOD BRINGS TO US AND OTHERS
A. One thing I have always tried to emphasis to you – forgiveness-something you do for yourself
1. You don’t forgive because other person deserves it – willing to bet they don’t
2. Some of you –holding onto hurts – person not forgiving has been long dead –do for them?
3. “To not forgive –drink poison expect other person to die”
4. Not about them – about you – about your heart –what’s best for you –not holding on
B. We also have to remember –forgiveness itself isn’t the goal – restoration - wholeness, healing
1. If you choose to forget –then you forget goal –forget that your pain –greater purpose
2. 2 Cor 5:19 - in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.
3. How would we know if we’re doing our job if we forget? How would we gauge changes?
4. Verses 28-29 – You realize –no guarantee the person you’re forgiving is going to change
5. But w/o forgiveness-no promise you will either – no opportunity grace break through
C. “...God's grace and forgiveness, while free to the recipient, are always costly for the giver.... From the earliest parts of the Bible, it was understood that God could not forgive without sacrifice. No one who is seriously wronged can "just forgive" the perpetrator.... But when you forgive, that means you absorb the loss and the debt. You bear it yourself. All forgiveness, then, is costly.”― Timothy Keller
1. One of the things it will cost you is your self – your own desire for revenge –justice
2. It will cost you your own heart – but it will give you the heart of God
3. As much as you want to hold onto those hurts – want to make other person pay….
4. Forgiveness is by far the better deal – better results
Trans: To just forgive and forget is to cut yourself off from the work that God is doing in you. It denies his ability to redeem your hurts, to change the story of your pain.
III. WE REMEMBER SO WE CAN TELL THE STORY OF GRACE
A. Verses 30-31 – Let me break that down for you – our unforgiveness grieves God
1. Grieves him because more than anything else –wants you to know him –wants your heart
2. Wants that so much – he willingly set aside every sin you have ever committed –or will
3. Did the work of voluntary suffering –paying your debt –sending his Son to the cross
4. All in a desire to reconcile you to him –to know his heart –know his grace
B. When we determine that our hurt is too raw – too big for us to let go of…
1. Then we have decided that our hurt is more important than God’s grace
2. His grace in our lives – and his grace in the life of that person who hurt you
3. He wants you to fall so in love with his grace that you want nothing less for anyone else
4. There is nothing easy about that – there was nothing easy about going to the cross
C. This is what I have come to believe – those people who have hurt me – wronged me….
1. Can they separate me from the love of God? No. Romans 8:39 says nothing can
2. But can they keep themselves from the love of God-they can miss out on his grace
3. I know this goes against everything my flesh wants – every desire for vengeance I have…
4. But I believe I owe it to those who have wronged me to be the greatest display of the grace of God in their lives.
5. If I can’t turn my pain into his grace then I have wasted my pain
6. What does that look like – probably a lot like this – Ephesians 5:1-2
D. I want you to consider this too – I believe forgiveness is worship – maybe purest form
1. No one forced you to come to church today, right? No one forced you to worship
2. You voluntarily gave your time and your heart to worshipping God-met God here
3. When you voluntarily give your heart over to his grace – you meet his heart
4. And your hurts –your pains –your loss – transformed into His story
CONCLUSION
A. What about when the one you can't forgive and won't forget about is you?
1. What about those of you who have decided that you cannot forgive…yourself
2. I want you to consider this – whose approval are you more concerned about?
3. God’s approval of you or your own? If you’re more concerned about own – idol
4. God has already said – that evidence is inadmissible – I’m not counting it against you
5. Why would you drag it back into court over and over again?
B. Forgive . . . and never. . . . forget
1. Never forget the choice God made for you – to pay your debt
2. Never forget – the change he’s bringing in your life – to mold you into his image
3. And never. . . EVER forget – that the story of his grace isn’t finished yet
4. Not for you – not for the one that hurt you – never forget that.
