Today, we are going to move from a consideration of forgiveness to thinking together about reconciliation. We have said that without
forgiveness, reconciliation is not possible. Reconciliation results with the offended person forgives and the offending person repents.
Forgiveness + Repentance = Reconciliation
Reconciliation with God is possible because of the forgiveness provided through the cross. The opportunity to be reconciled is possible because God took the initiative in providing our forgiveness! He has done everything He can possibly do so we might be reconciled. It is now up to us to we respond to the forgiveness He offers with repentance. When we respond to His forgiveness with repentance, we are reconciled with God.
Likewise, in our relationship with one another, we must take the initiative in reconciliation. But unlike God, who is perfect, in our being reconciled with a brother or sister, we might have to forgive, or repent or both. Which means, for example, that if God convicts us of the fact that we have offended someone, we are to take the initiative to repent of any offensive actions we are guilty of in hope that the other party is willing to forgive and we might be reconciled.
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” - Matthew 5:23-24 (NIV)
Note, however, that this effort is made as a result of conviction from God. You are not obligated to respond to a person who has something against you, just because they have something against you. The fact is, if you are sincerely seeking to honor Christ, others will take offense.
“When people say bad things to you because you follow Christ, consider it a blessing. When that happens, it shows that God’s Spirit, the Spirit of glory, is with you. You may suffer, but don’t let it be because you murder, steal, make trouble, or try to control other people’s lives. But if you suffer because you are a ‘Christ-follower,’ don’t be ashamed. You should praise God for that name.” - 1 Peter 4:12-14 (Easy to Read)
John Piper has an interesting point to make in this regard as he refers to Matthew 5:11:
“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.” - Matthew 5:11 (NIV)
“What Jesus says is that sometimes people will hold something against you when they shouldn’t - insulting you, persecuting you, saying all kinds of evil against you falsely. What do you do in such circumstances? Do you stop worshipping as long as someone feels like this about you? If so, Jesus would never have been able to worship in the latter years of His life. He was constantly opposed. They sought to trip Him up in His speech. They tried to kill him. They tried to shame Him. Was He responsible for this? Not only that, He said that the same would be true for His disciples. In Matthew 24:9 he said, ‘You will be hated by all nations on account of my name.’ In other words, if you are faithful to me, somebody will always have something against you.”
Now, the point is that if someone has something against me, it had better be because I have sought to behave in a way that honors God. Unfortunately, that is not always the case. And when God convicts me of how and where I contributed to the problem, I am duty bound to take the initiative in seeking reconciliation with the offended party.
But what if the shoe is on the other foot? What if you are the one who has been offended?
In one Peanuts comic strip, Lucy demands that Linus change TV channels and threatens him with her fist if he doesn’t. “What makes you think you can walk right in here and take over?” asks Linus. “These five fingers.” says Lucy. “Individually they’re nothing but when I curl them together like this into a single unit, they form a weapon that is terrible to behold.” “Which channel do you want?” asks Linus. Turning away, he looks at his fingers and says, “Why can’t you guys get organized like that?”
Sometimes, we may feel like Linus, not sure when or how to reply to an offense. So let’s talk about it. When is it right to approach someone who has offended us? Let’s look to our passage for today as we organize our thoughts on this subject.
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As we have said, when we have been offended, we must forgive, which we can do without saying anything to the offender. In fact, the Bible says it is a good thing if was can forgive and then overlook an offense.
“It is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.” - Proverbs 19:11 (NIV)
“The prudent overlook an insult.” - Proverbs 12:16 (NIV)
“Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.” - Ephesians 4:2 (NLT)
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” - 1 Peter 4:8 (NIV)
As a general rule, when someone offends us, we should forgive and then overlook the offense. However, there are times when we should approach someone who has offended us. When is that?
A. When they are a brother or sister in Christ - v. 15 - “brother”
Jesus makes it clear that the occasion when we might approach someone else about offending us is when they are a fellow Christian. After all, unbelievers can only be expected to act like unbelievers; but believers are to act in a far different way toward others. And the Bible makes it clear that while we are not to judge unbelievers, we are obligated to offer correction to fellow believers when appropriate.
“What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside?” - 1 Corinthians 5:12 (NIV)
If the offender is a fellow Christian, the Lord might have me approach them about the offense.
B. When the offense is a sin - v. 15 - “sins”
We must be careful and prayerful in approaching someone who has done something that has caused us to be offended. It is one thing for someone to offend you as a result of their violating the standards of God; it something else altogether for them to offend you as a result of violating some standard that you have established and think everyone else should abide by! Not everything that offends you is a SIN! It’s possible that the one guilty of sin is YOU!
“Sinners want their will to be done, and they will fight with whoever gets in their way. Consequently, sinners are much better at making war then they are at making peace, much better at hatred than they are at love. They are much better at causing division than they are at creating unity.” - Paul David Tripp
If, after being honest about and confessing my sin in the situation, the Lord might have me also approach my brother or sister about their sin.
C. When the offense hurts your relationship - v. 15 - “against you”
Even though an offense is a sin, it might still be something you choose to overlook. Unless the pain caused is so deep that you don’t see how your relationship with the person could ever be the same again. If your relationship has been done harm, you should not overlook the offense, but have an obligation to approach them about the matter for the sake of your relationship and for the sake of the work of the church.
“Satan is happy when problems occur in the body of Christ. He loves divisions, dissensions, uproars, individual against individual,
falsehood against truth, lies, distortions, and other things that upset the tranquility and mission of the church.” - Charles Spurgeon
“Now I appeal to Euodia and Syntyche. Please, because you belong to the Lord, settle your disagreement. And I ask you, loyal Syzygus, to help these two women, for they worked hard with me in telling others the Good News.” - Philippians 4:2-3 (NLT)
D. When the offense hurts others.
This might happen in several ways.
1) The person’s offense against you might also have inadvertently hurt someone else who is also aware of it.
2) The person’s offense against you is the kind of offense that could also cause harm to others impacted by their behavior.
3) The person’s offense is setting a bad example to others.
E. When the offense is hurting the offender - v. 15 - “you will have won your brother”
Conclusion:
“To truly overlook an offense means to deliberately decide not to talk about it, dwell on it, or let it grow into pent-up bitterness. If you
cannot let go of an offense in this way, if it is too serious to overlook, or if it continues as part of a pattern in the other person’s life, then you will need to go and talk to the other person about it in a loving and constructive manner.” - Ken Sande
As we have said, always be prayerful and careful. But if God says to, obey Him, and go an seek to be reconciled.
