Dangerous Prayers Part 4, By Pastor Rob Ketterling
Well, we are continuing our series today that we are calling Dangerous Prayers. And I want to let you know that today is the only prayer that really is a dangerous prayer to pray. Or I would say that it's dangerous to pray this one way. We've been calling all the other ones dangerous prayers, but really they are amazing prayers that you should be praying. They are prayers that you have no idea where they will take you, but they are the prayers that God wants you pray, but our flesh is afraid to pray them because we think they are dangerous. Okay?
But this one really is dangerous for you to pray this way, and I'm specifically talking to the men today. I'm specifically talking to the men. When we read this text, you're going to realize that this is for the men, and then even more specifically it's for husbands. So, husbands, I need your attention. Ladies, I know I have yours already. All right?
This one is found in 1 Peter, chapter 3. If you have your Bibles, you can turn there, smartphone, whatever. Get to 1 Peter, chapter 3. We are going to read verse 7, but let me just set the stage for you as we get to this reading. The apostle Peter has just taken some time to talk to ladies in versus 1 through 6. He's talking about how a wife should be and what should be attractive about her and the beauty and how she should be a woman of God. So he's doing these things and he's writing to her. And then verse 7 he writes to husbands.
Now, I want to let you know that a lot of the Bible in the last part of the Bible, in the New Testament and in the last part of it, the New Testament is telling us, as followers of Jesus Christ, how do we live. How do we live. How do you take from living for yourself and living in a culture that's so full of sin and how do you become a follower of Jesus Christ, be a husband, a wife, how to be an owner, a business owner, a worker. How do you live in the community, how do you work with government. How does Jesus Christ change the way you live. And so you will see that in the New Testament. And it is wonderful that the Bible gives us this instruction.
So this is one of those moments that Peter is giving instruction now to husbands. And in verse 7 he says this: Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
Okay, so he says that right there. There is the dangerous prayer part. He's saying, "Husbands, if you don't treat your wife right, if you don't take care of her, there is going to be a hindrance to your prayer." And it's a dangerous prayer for you to pray to think that you can live any way you want, not take care of your wife, that it is actually dangerous to be thinking you're getting through to heaven, because you are not getting through to heaven. It is a dangerous way to pray.
Now if I can explain this. I want to explain this, just this one verse so you can really get it. And, men, it can go in deep here. And I want to say this to the ladies, too. I think this is very much a sermon that ministers to you, because there may be men right now that you're going to have to forgive. There may be some men in your life; a father that abused you. You may have an ex spouse that was mean and horrible to you. You may have a husband right now that everything within you is just wanting to amen right now and shout out for me, but you know that your husband is sitting next to you and you don't even want to flinch right now. You're like, "Holy Spirit, you do the work, okay?" But you're going to have to forgive. We are all in this together, but there is something for all of us.
Let me start in the middle of this. He said, you know, you've got to realize they are heirs with you of the gracious gift of life. He is saying you are equal. He is saying men and women are equal in Christ. They both receive grace. There is no class distinction that it is men and then women. It's not like that. He's saying you've got to know that Jesus made it different and made it so that women were elevated, that women had respect. And you think about it. Christianity is the religion that has elevated women. It's not women's lib. It has been Christianity that has elevated women. And Peter is saying, "Guys, treat them as co heirs. We both get grace."
Galatians 3 talks about there's really no difference now. We are all receiving grace. Yes, we look different. Yes, we have different skills. Yes, we're made different physically. But he is saying when it comes to the spiritual, we're the same, we're in this together. It is really saying we have we're equals in this. We are like right foot and left foot. You need two feet to walk. You don't say, "I really love my left foot more than my right foot. I have a better foot." They are your feet. They get you to where you want to go. You are equal in this.
So Peter is trying to let them know this. Then he says, you know, you've got to realize you've got to treat them with respect because they are the weaker partner. They are the weaker vessel. Okay, let me be very clear on this. When the word is used there for weaker, it doesn't mean weakling. It doesn't mean weak even. It means weaker. It means physically not as strong, okay?
Now, every time I've ever taught that, I mean I'll say, okay, it says men are stronger. I always get a girl, it is almost inevitable a girl will come up to me, "Well, I know a girl that can beat you up."
I'm like, "I do, too, and I stay away from her." Okay? Got it. Got it. Okay? I get it. I get it. I get it. There are ladies that are bodybuilders. There are ladies that are stronger. There are ladies that are great amazing athletes. But if you take the strongest guy and the strongest lady, the strongest guy will bench press more. You see what I'm saying? He's saying you've got to realize in nature men are stronger and women are vulnerable. And they are not weaker. They not weaklings, just weaker. A better word that is used here, a better word would be treat them as the delicate vessel. Delicate vessel.
I want to illustrate this. One pastor used this illustration I thought was so good. He said, "Ladies are like fine china. They are delicate. Men, you are like a thermal mug." [Using cup and thermos for illustration.] Okay. He's saying like, "You, no problem. Ladies, you know, you be careful." So he's saying you have to realize that in society you've been trained to be aggressive. You've been trained to win. You've been trained to exploit weaknesses. You are a thermal mug. You are made you are utility. You can go into the ditches. You can go you are risky. That's the way you are. There is something in our DNA. It's something the way we are made up.
As a matter of fact, it is so in men, this thermal mug identity, that, you know, the schools are trying to ban guns, and I don't think any kid should ever bring a gun, but I think it has gone a little extreme when a kid, like, chews his pretzel into the form of a gun and shoots other kids, and they suspend him. I mean, the kids are going to do that. You tell the kids they cannot have a gun and the kid will chew celery into a gun. It's just the way boys are, you know? They are thermal mugs, you know? That's just the way it is.
But you need to channel that. You need to channel that. God is saying if you are a thermal mug and she's the delicate one, you cannot be rough with her. You cannot be rough. If the thermal mug is rough, and he's, "I love you!" and he's doing this, he's going all Tommy Boy, you know, it's not good.
Some of you are like, "Well, but I'm not mean to my wife. I don't abuse my wife." And can I say this: There is never any reason that a man should be hitting a woman in a marriage. Ever, never ever, ever, ever, ever. Never. There should be no physical abuse in the house. You say, "Well, I don't do that." Okay, but do you know what you can do with your emotional abuse? Your emotional abuse, you can be a wordsmith bully, and you may not leave any marks, but you make deep, deep wounds. And you are being so inconsiderate. As a matter of fact, some of you have abused your spouse, you abused your wife so bad with your words and emotional abuse, like this is your wife. This is your wife. This is how she is supposed to look, and this is your wife because you have beat her down so that all that's left is the handle. You know why? Because you control her. "Oh, I love her." No, you control her.
God says, "This is not how your wife should look. Your wife should look like this. Your wife should be beautiful. You should realize she is delicate and you should take care of her and you should nurture her and you should be understanding of her, and you should be very, very delicate."
And one more thing. I'll never forget this. When my mom and dad would invite company over, and they'd bring out the good china. We'd have dinner, and afterwards, after dinner would be done, mom would put a towel in the sink, and then she'd fill it part way with water and she'd put the china in there and they wouldn't even touch each other. She had a towel in the bottom of the sink just in case the cup tipped over so it wouldn't chip. Wow. Husbands, you should be so considerate to your wife that there is a towel of softness under the way you treat her so in the event she accidentally tips over, she doesn't chip.
I think there are some men right now that need to repent, but I have more sermon to go, so don't you dare leave.
The Bible says you're supposed to be considerate. Peter is saying you need to be considerate as you live with her. One translation says live in wisdom with her. That means you need to be aware of her needs. You need to be aware of what is going on in her mind. You've got to be thinking about her. You've got to realize that you're supposed to be thinking how to satisfy her, how to take care of her, how to make her happy, how to meet her needs. You're supposed to be realizing this. One pastor said some of the worst cruelty is not being deliberately mean to your wife; it is being just thoughtless and not even thinking about her needs. That can be so cruel. You think about everybody else's needs, but not your wife's. You're supposed to know her and take care of her.
And, basically, Peter is saying over and over again if you're going to get married, guys, if you're going to get married, you had better do marriage right. You had better do it right. And I think about this. Men, we are always talking sports and stocks and Craigslist and cars and golf and this, and we're talking all this stuff, and rarely, rarely, rarely, does the conversation go, "Hey, hey, guys, guys, I got a tip for you to be an amazing husband. I got a tip. I tell you what, the flowers over there, you can get on this flower buying program. It is awesome. Saves you money. They are unique flowers. Your wife will like it." Rarely. I mean, we don't say like, "Hey, hey, guys, this retreat place that we went to was amazing. Go for the rose petal option. She will love that." We rarely do that.
And the ladies are like, "You don't?" No! We are thermal mugs. Okay?
But we need to think that way. We need to help each other. We need to become experts. Experts at being husbands. Experts at knowing the needs. I mean we should be helping each other become more spiritual. We should help our wife and help her to understand you and you to understand her. We should be sensitive to her feelings. We should be asking forgiveness when we are wrong. We should be focussing on what we appreciate about her and not what we don't like. We should be building up her weaknesses. These are the things that we should be doing. We shouldn't be robbing each other of the joy of following Jesus; we should be multiplying that.
It seems like so many husbands were amazing boyfriends and terrible husbands, and it shouldn't be that way. Boyfriends should not be better than being husbands. I found this joke. And, you know, I don't like to tell jokes, but I don't mind being funny, I don't usually like to tell jokes. But this one is just too good. It was a relationship put into computer language.
And it said a desperate woman wrote Tech Support. She said:
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0, and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as Newspaper 5.0, TV News 3.0 and Basketball Game 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs at all. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
Signed, Desperate Woman
Dear Desperate Woman,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package while Husband 1.0 is an older, more reliable operating system. Please enter the command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2. And don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If those applications work as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the above applications can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 and Stay Away 2.0.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother In Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your systems.)
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a decent program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory & performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.
All right. Okay, but we laugh, but how many know people say, "Oh, what happened to this guy? He was wanting to know my needs, he was doing all the right things. And we got married and he just shut down!"
It shouldn't be that way. Christians should be so good with marriage that it should be like, "You should see what I'm going to do when I become a husband. If you think it's good now, wait until we make a vow to each other, and I'm willing to show you everything that I can do. This is going to be amazing. Husband 1.0 is going to be amazing. Everything here goes to a whole other level." But it isn't like that. And it should be.
Christianity has the opportunity to change the way that culture views marriage if we can get this right. If we'll do this, we can change the way the world looks at marriage. The order of life for a married person should be for a man should be Christian, husband, father, employee, hobbies. And many times we get that all reversed. Kids are way at the bottom. Or a wife may be even lower than that. That's wrong. That is wrong. God may even be left out. That is not the way it should be. It should not be like that.
As we move on, Peter says you need to treat your wife, you need to take care of her, and you need to treat her with R E S P E C T! Who knew that Aretha was preaching? How many know! He says, "Treat her with respect. Give her honor. Take care of her." And he said, "If you don't do this stuff, you know what's going to happen? Your prayers will be hindered." Now this bothered them a lot, and it should bother us, too. You know why? It bothered them because they believed that the prayers of the father were vital to the success of the family. So Peter is telling them, "Guys, if you don't realize this, your prayers that you think are vital aren't even going through to heaven. They are being hindered if you're not taking care of your wife."
And this term is a military term that means to dig ditches to slow down the progress. Imagine this. You are trying to live. You're trying to make a living. You are trying to be a father. You are trying to do whatever you can, and you are so out of line with your wife that God is digging ditches to slow down your progress. Your prayers are hindered. There are trenches there. There are things that are standing in the way, and God is standing in the way of your prayers getting through. It is being hindered. God is throwing sticky bombs on your track and you're not getting anywhere. He's blowing it off and your engine is running, but you're not going anywhere. You don't need that. You don't need to be hindered. You need to keep moving forward.
And this is kind of blowing me away that well, Wednesday night I was golfing with some friends. I'm kind of in a little golf league, and I was giving them the pre sermon. I was giving them the pre sermon of this. And I was getting pretty dynamic. I was like, "If you are not right with your wife, God is so upset with that that he puts your relationship on hold. He said, 'I'm hindering what you're praying about.'"
And as I'm talking to these guys and going for it, this young lady drives up with the beverage cart, and she is like, "Are you guys okay?"
I said, "Yeah, I'm just preaching to these guys, all right?"
And she said, "I think I'll come back," and she drove away.
Finally one of the guys in the golf group goes, "If I'm not treating my wife right, am I still saved?"
I said, "Yes, you're still a child of God, but you are in a time out!"
That's the way it is. God is like, "I'm not, I'm not, I'm not doing this. I'm not going along with this. I'm going to hinder what is going on, because I love her so much and I want your relationship to be right with her so much, I'm pausing so you try to figure out what's wrong, and it is right over there. Get back over there." Wow!
There is more than this that can hinder our prayers, and we don't have time to go into all of them. But just quickly, if you're lukewarm, it hinders your prayers. If you're too busy, it hinder your prayers. If you are chasing money too much, it hinders your prayers. If you have too little to do, it can hinder prayers because you can become a gossip and a busybody. If you have no order or discipline in your life, it can hinder your prayers. If you have any sin. The Bible is clear that sins will cloud you, sins will keep you from wanting to be in the presence of God. And one pastor said, "Prayer will keep you from sin, or sin will keep you from praying. You choose." I'd rather pray and stay away from sin. Disobedience can keep you from praying. Wrong motives can hinder your prayers.
Over and over again we have to realize that we have to live right if we are going to pray right. And if you feel that your prayers are bouncing off the ceiling, if they have no power, if there is no intimacy in your prayer time, men and women, do a relational inventory. Maybe there is somebody you need to forgive. Maybe there is somebody you need to ask forgiveness from. But if your prayers are not getting through, you need to look at your relationships and see what God is saying to you there before you think about what you're saying to him this way.
Now, allow me just a little bit of latitude. This text is very much for husbands. But I want to talk to all men, from the youngest man in this room to the eldest man the youngest boy in this room. I don't think society is doing a very good job of honoring woman. I don't think they are. I think they are demeaning women, we are not honoring women, and we need to step it up. We need to honor all women, not just the one we are married to. We need to honor all women and elevate their stand, and take care of them and honor them and see them as the beautiful creation that God has made them; the fine china that should be taken care of. I can tell you society is not doing a good job.
In Steubenville, Ohio, in 2002 there was a notorious rape case in which two high school boys were drunk, got a girl drunk and took advantage of the young lady, raped her, recorded it, posted it online, and society was outraged by it. A Christian author, Ann Voskamp, she wrote an open letter to her son because she saw this happening, and she just thought we've got to say something. We've got to tell men how they should treat women. We've got to tell young boys how they need to grow up. And so she told her son in this open letter that's online, she told him about abuses that she saw in her church in her youth group where the boys were not behaving well and the adult male leaders were not behaving well towards the young women. And when they brought it to the attention in their church, she was told this: "Well, boys will be boys."
And so she writes her son. She said:
"Son. When the prevailing thinking is boys will be boys, girls will be garbage.
And that is never the heart of God.
That's what you have to get, Son. Real Manhood knows the heart of God for the daughters of His heart.
…Unless a man looks to Jesus, a man doesn't know how to treat a woman.
This is what God chose as best, this is where He first became one of us: God chose to make His entry point into the world through the holy space of a woman, to enfold Himself inside of a woman, to drink of a woman, be held and nourished and cared for by a woman that's the jolting truth of how God loves His daughters with His honor.
That Christ never beat down a woman with harsh words or lusting eyes or sneering innuendos, but he stepped in and stopped a broken woman from the abuse of angry men. Christ came to the defense of a hurting woman and the Son of Man stood between her ache and her attackers and He lifted the weight of shame from her and cupped her heart with hope and wrote a new future into the dust and dirt of everything and he saved her life.
That's how God loves His daughters with His defense.
That Christ didn't degrade women in His talk, but He made women heroes in His stories. He invited a woman with a coin and broom to reveal the truth about the Kingdom of God. He honored an intentional woman with an unjust judge as unveiling the character of God. He elevated a lonely, unmarried woman who dropped her meager resources into the temple treasury as the rebuke of God for all the rich and religious.
That's how God loves His daughters with His words.
That Christ didn't demonize women but He accepted the presence of a woman reviled by the self righteous, He sat with the scandalous woman the righteous regarded as damaged goods, He welcomed the rejected and the immodest though He lost the respect of the religious.
That's how God loves His daughter with His grace.
That when Christ stepped out of that black tomb, He still didn't choose to first manifest Himself to prestigious officials, religious leaders, the Twelve, but instead He revealed Himself first to the women. He entrusted the veracity of His resurrection to the testimony of the women. He offered the privilege of proclaiming Christ as the risen Savior to the women, though no court at the time would accept their testimony.
That's how God loves His daughters with His regard.
She said, Son, Real Manhood means you don't get drunk, and a man can get drunk on a lot more than alcohol.
Men drunk on power, on control, on ego, lose more than all inhibition they lose The Way, their own souls. Men drunk on anything can destroy everything and real manhood thirsts for righteousness.
Son, she said this: Real Manhood means you hallow womanhood. A woman isn't a toy to amuse your lusts, a thing to aggrandize your ego, a trophy to adorn your manhood. A woman is of your rib, who birthed your rib, who cupped your rib, who is meant to be gently cherished at your rib, at your side."
Wow! Wow! All men, listen up. From the youngest to the oldest, let's raise the standard of the way we honor and take care of women. Let's raise the standard of the way we say, "You have a place of honor. You will be treated with respect." Boys will not be boys. Boys will grow up to be men of God and treat women right.
Let me close with one last thing to get us back to our text. Peter says that our prayers are hindered and that we need to treat our wife right. And I have this picture. I thought of this scenario with my imagination. I just thought of a guy praying. "Okay, God, say, I want to pray for favor, favor, favor. I'm going into the workplace, and I've got a big deal. I'd love to close that big deal. So if you could get that big deal. And, of course, you know I've been waiting on that promotion, and the promotion, I'm just praying you give me the breakthrough for that. And of course, all the other good things you want to give me and the blessings, I'm ready to receive them 'cause I'm ready to get them. So, Lord, any time you want to give them to me, I'm good with that. In your name, amen.
And I think God is like, "Wow, I liked a lot of that. You know, a lot of that was good. Some of that not so much. But I liked a lot of it, and I was thinking of answering that, because you know the reason I put you in that workplace is I really wanted you to reach the president. You know, you're going to be the one that is going to reach the president of the company and share faith with him, so I would love to give you that promotion. And, of course, you know the big deal, that's really important to me, too, because, you know, I wanted you to be a Kingdom Builder because there is a project I want you to fund. So I would love to answer those, but what I want to do is I want to just check a few references before I go and answer your prayer requests."
And I can see the guy, like, "Absolutely, Lord, no problem. Here is my reference list. Here is my golf league guys and a couple of coworkers. You know, a couple guys form Rotary. Just in case you didn't know well, of course you know not all of them are saved. But, you know, there is my references."
And God is like, "No, no, that's okay. That's okay. There is only one. And I already know who I'm going to check the reference of."
And I get this picture of God going and kneeling down next to your wife while she is praying. He goes, "I'm just checking your reference for your prayer request. I'm just going to listen here."
And if your wife prays like this: "God, I just pray you'd help my husband with his anger problem. It scared me last night. It scared me. I think it scared the kids. God, if I'm doing anything wrong, convict me of that, because just the anger is so bad. God, I'd love for him to spend more time with the kids and play with them. It doesn't even seem like he has time for them any more. Could you just tell him we've got enough, we've got enough. He doesn't have to keep chasing money after money. We want him around more. And, Lord, I'm trying to be a good wife, but I, I caught him with that pornography, and just could you convict him of that because I just it's breaking my heart that he's bringing that into our marriage. I wish he wouldn't swear in front of the kids. And so if you could take care of those things, for me and the lady I need to be."
How many know that God gets up from there. He's like, "If you think I am answering any of your prayers, young man, you are crazy! You get over there and apologize to my daughter right now, and you take care of her. I am going to hinder your prayers. I am standing against your prayers, because you are mistreating your wife. How dare you do that! You get it right with my daughter or else!"
How many know if that's his daughter, that means he's your father in law.
And you wonder, you wonder why God is not giving you the breakthrough. He's checking your reference, the only one that matters. He is hearing her tears and he is hearing your prayers, and he is choosing the weaker vessel. He is choosing the weaker vessel. And he's saying, "You better get this right."
Now some of the men in our church right now, I really feel you need to sometime today or this week I think you literally, not just an object lesson, I think you should take a towel and a warm basin of water and ask your wife if you could wash her feet. I really do. Jesus did it to show the form of a servant. And I think can you do it. You can say, "Honey, I'm sorry. I am sorry for the things I've done wrong. I am not I'm a thermal mug. I'm an idiot. And I'm sorry for what I've done." And some may be bawling, you may be bawling and just get the word "sorry" out. She'll know what you mean. God will know what you mean. And in that moment, here's what I guarantee will happen if you start treating your wife right and you apologize, and you say, "I'm going to take the lead. I'll do that. I'm sorry. I'll go for counseling. I will do this. We are going to honor God together," and you start crying out.
Here is what going to happen. If heaven was blocked before, I think in the moment you start apologizing, you start living like the man you need to be, God is going to fill every ditch. And every ditch will be filled in and God is like, "Give this guy's prayers a police escort into the throne room. He is getting it right! He is getting it right! He is honoring his wife. He's taking care of it. They are praying together. They are in unity. There is something going on here. Open up heaven! Open up heaven! Because this guy is honoring the Word. He is honoring the weaker vessel. He is taking care of it. He gets it that this relationship is so important to me. Open up heaven! Open up heaven!" And that's what I believe. That's what I believe could happen in our church. Heaven could be opened up, and the prayers of everyone could be heard in such an amazing way if men will do what the Word of God says.
So, Lord, I just pray right now that the men of this church would right now in their heart say, "I'll grab hold of the towel, I'll grab hold of the form of a servant. I will be a husband. I will be a protector, a priest, a provider. I'll be the one that lifts up my wife. I will help her to be better. She will be the delicate vessel. I will take care of her. I will honor. I will work on these shortcomings of my life, and I'll be more like you, Jesus."
I pray as the men step up and do that, as they honor their wife, Lord, I pray that heaven would open. Their prayers would have so much effectiveness behind them that they would be amazed at the clear access to the throne that they have. So I pray for a deep repentance to fall on our church on the men. A deep repentance for them to say they were wrong from the least of the things they do to the person that is physically abusing. I pray, God, in Jesus' name, that there would be a repentance in Jesus' name, and they'd realize that is not the way you want us to live, being a follower of Jesus Christ. May we honor and treat the delicate vessel the way that you've called us to treat the delicate vessel. And may our prayers not be hindered at all.
May you help women to forgive a dad, a husband, a co worker, someone that has treated them wrong. May they have a forgiving heart. And may the men of this church step up and change the way that we are, that we would change the way that marriage is done.
In Jesus' name I pray. Amen. Amen.
