“WHAT DID JESUS SAY ABOUT MARRIAGE?” (Part 2) Matt. 19:1-9
INTRO – Lots of bad news being tossed about regarding marriage these days. We hit some of the high spots last week about the status of marriage in America today:
- Gay marriage
- Divorce
- Polygamy
- Cohabitation
All of these are places where the status of marriage is taking some major hits.
But, we need to share some good news about marriage. I want to boldly & brashly proclaim that marriage done GOD’S WAY is AWESOME!
- It is the most fun relationship you’ll ever enjoy. There’s something wrong if you get all excited about going to the hunting camp w/ your buddies, or going on that girl trip w/ your BFF’s, but you just are “ho-hum” about being w/ your husband or wife. I heard about an elderly couple who in their 80’s & were celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. Husband had lost most of his hearing. People were amazed at how well they still got along after all those years. Family came over to their home for a big party. Started mid-morning & went on all day. Finally, in the evening after everyone left, these 2 decided to sit down in front porch swing. Didn’t say much but were just basking in the events of the day. Wife looked at husband, “You know, honey, I’m real proud of you.” He looked at her in a confused way, & after a moment, said, “Well, Bessie, I’m real tired of you, too!” Don’t get tired of each other! Enjoy the fun!
- It is the best friendship you’ll ever have. Pappaw said that your spouse is your soulmate. Nourish this relationship b/c everyone else will eventually go away from you. In the end, it’s just you & your soulmate, the best friend you’ll ever have.
- It is one of the greatest faith-building experiences you’ll ever encounter. Every married couple has testimonies of times when their faith was tested & strengthened.
- It is worth your most intense fight – not fight, in the sense of conflict between husband & wife, though those happen. But “fight” in the sense that it’s worth fighting for – for yourself, for your spouse, for your kids if you have them, for the church, for our society in general. It’s worth us getting involved in the fight to keep the sanctity of God’s definition of marriage intact. It’s worth us getting involved in the fight for His perfect marriage status to be held in highest regard, no matter what anyone else in our society says – not the government; not the courts; not the anti-traditional marriage activists; not the daytime talk shows; not those who want to abandon their own marriages for convenience sake or to enter into a relationship w/ someone else.
We need to magnify the good news about marriage instead of majoring on the bad. Shaunti Feldhahn article, “Everything We Knew About Marriage & Divorce Is Wrong” – 8 yr research project.
- 50% of all marriages are NOT ending in divorce. In fact, 72% of those who have ever been married are still married to their 1st spouse. And the 28% who aren’t includes all those who were married for many years until their spouse died. Good news is that most marriages last a lifetime.
- Myth came out few yrs ago: “Barna found that the rate of divorce is the same in the church.” Barna Group found no such thing. Reran a bunch of numbers, & what they did find out was that regular church attendance lowers the divorce rate anywhere from 25-50%.
Great implications to these findings! We can confidently proclaim that going to church matters for your marriage! We can confidently tell a struggling couple, “Most people get through this, & you can, too!” We can confidently teach our young people that, when they encounter the cynics & their “why bother getting married” friends who are living together, they can tell them the truth that most marriages last a lifetime!
You have a copy of the main points of my sermon from last Sunday that outline God’s perfect marital status.
Bottom line is that a marriage done God’s way, according to God’s plan, for God’s glory, is a marriage that works! God’s perfect marriage status works! And it’s awesomely wonderful!
But, if we are going to be true to the Word of God & true in our study of it, we have to look at some of the things that Jesus said that may make us uncomfortable. He had a way of doing that when necessary. Not out of spite or b/c He got some sort of sick pleasure out of putting people on the hot seat. He did it b/c He always shared the Truth of God b/c He WAS the embodied Truth of God. Everything He did was motivated by His obedience to His Father who is ALWAYS working for our good & for His glory. When He pointed out sin or disobedience or rebellion, there was always the opportunity for repentance & restoration. Sometimes folks would respond in repentance; many times, they wouldn’t. Sounds a lot like today, doesn’t it?
So, while we celebrate God’s perfect marital status, we, unfortunately, live in a fallen world & man has a way of really messing up a good thing, which we have done w/ marriage. So, not only do we see the perfect marital status, we also see:
THE PERVERSION OF THE MARITAL STATUS: I want to hit 3 highlights b/c Jesus hit these highlights, & if we truly want to see what Jesus said about marriage, then we need to see these truths, too:
Hard hearts – v. 8a – God never intended for marriages to end in divorce. The provisions that were made for divorce in the Mosaic Law were temporary & were only there b/c the people had gotten so hard-hearted to the things of God. Moses did not “command” them to get divorced as the Pharisees were indicating. Divorce was “allowed” but only on very specific grounds, &, again, b/c there was a hard-hearted rebellion against God among the people, which led to the serious defilement of marriages. Gk word for “hardhearted” – sklerokardia – “stubbornness; obstinancy.”
When our hearts get hard against the things of God, we will distort His truth, defile His precepts, & destroy His work in our lives. We will look for all sorts of way to defend our sinful decisions & justify our sinful actions. Having a hard heart will lead you down a path you never intended to do & will kill your marriage.
Hard truth – v. 8b – “But it was not this way from the beginning” – The hard truth that Jesus is driving home here is that God’s clear intention is that there be no divorce at all. Mal. 2:16 tells us that it is something He hates. Divorce was not God’s way from the beginning.
But, praise God, there is grace, forgiveness, & restoration given to those who are repentant.
Hard realities – v. 9 – B/c of the hardness of hearts, people are looking for an out in any way they can find. They want to find the loophole, the escape clause, the exception. I've had people come to me to try & get me to give them justification for an unbiblical divorce. But the hard reality is that when we dig into the Scriptures in this area, we find that there are only 2 biblical reasons given for divorce – marital unfaithfulness as Jesus said here, & abandonment by an unbelieving spouse, as Paul indicated in 1 Cor. 7:15. Jesus was making it clear to these conniving Pharisees, that in their easy divorce climate in which some Pharisees taught that you could divorce your wife if she wasn’t a good cook, if she burned your toast at b’fast, if you decided she wasn’t pretty anymore - God says NO to divorce for any reason other than the 2 biblical reasons that are very specific & explicit. And in our easy divorce climate today, God says NO!
- This is NOT to say that there is no forgiveness for the person who got a divorce for unbiblical reasons, b/c there is.
- This is NOT to say that the person who got a divorce for unbiblical reasons is finished & can’t be used by God, b/c that is wrong.
- This is NOT to say that, even in the case of marital unfaithfulness, there can’t be forgiveness & reconciliation, b/c there can be! Many cases of this!
But it is to say that God is serious about us being serious about our marriages. We need to be serious about protecting our marriages at all costs.
Let me speak to the issue of adultery. No adulterous relationship just happens out of nowhere. As one counseling minister at a large church said, “Relationships don’t just go from A to Z overnight. You hear people who have been caught say that it just happened, or there was nothing they could do about it. But things don’t ‘just happen.’” (Dwayne Hastings, “Safe and Sound: Protecting Personal and Ministry Relationships,” Light, Sept/Oct 2003, p. 12)
We need to put safeguards in place in our lives to protect us. And we need to recognize the warning signs of enticement that indicate that we are on thin ice in this area:
- We think about that person more often than usual.
- We’re tempted to find reasons to initiate contact.
- Our imagination produces scenarios of what it would be like if this person were our spouse.
- We’re disappointed when we expected to see this person & they didn’t show up.
- We get excited when this person appears unexpectedly.
- We start paying attention to our appearance when we think we will encounter this person during the day.
- When we’re in this person’s presence, we’re tempted to position ourselves close to them than to others.
- There is usually more incidental touching.
- There is flirtation that is sensed but not easily identified.
(Ibid)
CONCLUSION – As we did last week, let’s go back once again to the beginning of this passage. Look at v. 2 – “Large crowds followed Him, & He healed them there.” – Aren’t you thankful that Jesus is in the healing business? The good news today is that, no matter what the status of your marriage is right now, Jesus can heal it if you will come to Him. To take it one step closer – No matter what the status of your own heart today, Jesus can heal it if you will come to Him. We need Jesus to heal us! We need Him to heal our marriages! We need Him to heal our hard hearts! We need Him to heal our broken hearts! We need Him to heal our weary hearts! We need Him to heal our anxious, frightened hearts! We need Him to heal our judgmental hearts! We need Jesus to heal us today! And He will, if we will come to Him in brokenness & repentance today!
“Temporary failure” message when I tried to send an email. Rebooted & sent it again. Worked this time.
All of our failures, whether in our marriages or in other areas of our lives, are “temporary failures” when we come to Christ in brokenness & repentance. His grace & mercy is the reboot that we need. Some of the consequences of our sin may last longer than we would like. But we are completely forgiven! WE are not failures! Don’t let the enemy tell you that! In Christ, we are COMPLETELY redeemed, forgiven, set free, & restored!
