Building the Unbreakable Home 1 Peter 3:1-9
Father’s Day Sermon by Don Emmitte, Grace Restoration Ministries
Introductory Remarks
Having presided over many different weddings through the years, there have been an equal number of unusual experiences. Following one particularly formal wedding ceremony, the bride's father approached me and asked in a humorous way, "You did tie that knot tight, didn’t you preacher?” I smiled and answered that the knot would stay tied as long as they continued to tighten it!
The duration of a marriage depends on the attitudes and actions of both partners. With all the polarizing factors in our high-speed, high-tech world that pull against a successful marriage, an unbreakable one is difficult to make. Some marriages are miserable; others are mediocre; a few are a mistake; but good, growing marriages possess a magnetism that binds two people for a lifetime.
A married apostle named Simon Peter instructed husbands and wives about their duties in the initial verses of the third chapter of the first epistle.
Take Your Bibles, Please…
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. (1 Peter 3:1-9 ESV).
There are four principles…
First, an unbreakable home cooperates.
Teamwork makes a terrific marriage. The phrase "have unity of mind” (v. 8) is here only in the Greek New Testament and literally means "to think as one." It implies a cooperative mind-set on behalf of a husband and a wife. A good ball team must think as one, as a whole, to play effectively. An orchestra must think as one to achieve a harmonious sound. Any lasting relationship between two people depends on a cooperative effort. Of course it is true that two are required to make a marriage, while one can break it. There are two essentials in these principles for us to understand.
1. You should develop an alliance. A popular magazine explored the idea of what makes happy couples and concluded that marriages that endure happily ever after are built on a practice of love as an "alliance." An alliance involves a mutual confederation between two parties. A husband and wife are allies, not antagonists. They share a likeminded cooperative mindset with each other. They must wage war against the outside forces that threaten to destroy their alliance.
2. You should develop unity in diversity. Was Peter suggesting that "unity of mind" excludes differences of opinion? Certainly not! Differences of opinion are inevitable results of divergent personalities among male and females. However, he called for unity in the midst of diversity. This requires that we understand the goal and purpose of God in our family and personal lives.
Second, an unbreakable home is compassionate.
No marriage can possibly survive without compassion. It is the force that holds everything together. In the Greek text, Peter used several words descriptive of compassion: sympathy, brotherly love, and tender-hearted affection. A functional definition of compassion is "love based in a fellowship of common weaknesses. A husband can show compassion quite easily when his wife is charming, gracious, and loving; however, his real test occurs when she is irritable, cutting, and unaffectionate. The critical need for compassion is when we are weak and vulnerable to ill behavior. Husbands and wives share a common humanity in faults and failures that polarize relationships. We are both at our base just sinners.
The wonderful play by Lorraine Hansberry, A Raisin in the Sun is the story of the dreams and struggles of a black Chicago family in the 1950s. After Walter Lee (Sidney Poitier) gets cheated out of a large sum of money, he makes the unpopular and demeaning decision to accept a buy-out of their new home from a white community association that didn't want a black family moving into their neighborhood. Walter's sister, Beneatha, emphatically tells her mother, Lena, "He's no brother of mine. That individual in that room from this day on is no brother of mine!" Lena admonishes her daughter, "You're feeling that you're better than he is today? Yes? What did you tell him a minute ago, that he wasn't a man? Yes? You, give him up for me? You've wrote his epitaph, too—like the rest of the world? Well, who gave you the privilege?" "Momma, will you be on my side for once? Now, you saw what he did. You saw him down there on his knees. Wasn't it you who taught me to despise any man who would do that? Who would do what he's going to do?" "Yes, yes, I taught you that. Me and your Daddy. But I thought I taught you something else, too. I thought I taught you to love him." "Love him? There's nothing left to love."
"There's always something left to love. Have you cried for that boy today? Now, I don't mean for yourself and for the family because we lost the money. I mean for him, and what he's gone through! God help him, what it's done to him. Child, when do you think is the time to love somebody the most? When he's done good and made things easy for everybody?" In a more subdued but firm tone she stands up and continues, "Oh, no. It's when he's at his lowest and he can't believe in himself because the world done whipped him so. When you start measuring somebody, measure them right, child. You make sure you take into account the hills and valleys he's come to, to get to wherever he is."
Third, an unbreakable home practices courtesy.
In case we may not be clear, Peter says, Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. He’s talking about courtesy. Courtesy is a quality that enhances every home when it is practiced. Courtesy picks up dirty clothes, opens car doors, brings flowers, expresses appreciation, and shares unselfishly.
When Peter said to be courteous, he was pleading for humility. Humility is inseparably linked to courtesy. Actually, the Monday morning mirror is sufficient grounds for courteous and mutual humility in a marriage. The puffy eyes and disheveled hair should signal a truce between partners, indicating that neither has room for a spirit of arrogance. John Flavel appropriately said, "They that know God will be humble; they that know themselves cannot be proud."
Courtesy linked with humility calls for a gentle spirit and a guarded tongue. Some marriages resemble a war zone in which explosive words inflict gaping wounds that leave emotional scars. No spouse deserves to be attacked. A good rule for an unbreakable home is to practice courtesy and shun criticism. The last thing your mate needs is an aggressive critic. For those inevitable moments of heated exchange, strive for courteous dialogue. It works better than debate anyway.
Fourth, an unbreakable family practices forgiveness.
Look at verse 9 again: Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. (1 Peter 3:9 ESV).
I read an amusing story about a judge in a divorce trial who asked the husband, “Will you tell the court what passed between you and your wife during your big argument that caused you to seek this separation?” The husband answered, “I will your honor. It was a rolling pin, six plates, and a frying pan.”
Remember that forgiveness must always follow repentance. It’s hard to be forgiven before we have said, “I’m sorry.” Although this admonition has direct reference to persecuted Christians, it also carries significance for believers in any situation. The home’s great hope rises out of such an attitude of forgiveness and confession. Tragic shadows of stretch dark images across many marriages because the partners won't admit a mistake. Much of the polarity among many couples develops when little failures go unconfessed and ultimately lead to division and separation without forgiveness. If your mate has the willingness to admit a wrong, you have the corresponding responsibility to forgive. The Wisdom of Solomon says, A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (Proverbs 15:1 ESV).
A Final Thought
You’ve heard the story of the wife who was beside herself. After her husband attended a seminar on interpersonal relationships and became convinced that he needed to do a better job of showing appreciation to his wife, he decided on his way home from work to pick up a dozen long-stem roses and a box of chocolates. He was eager to see how excited his wife would be at this example of appreciation. "What's wrong, honey?" Bob asked. "It's been a terrible day," she exclaimed. "First, Tommy tried to flush a diaper down the toilet. Then the dishwasher quit working. Sally came home from school with her legs all scratched, and now you come home drunk!"
I hope that you will do two specifics today… forgive often and love more!
