2Co 4:7 But we have this treasure (wealth) in earthen vessels, (frail clay) that the excellency (going beyond) of the power may be of God, and not of us.
2Co 4:8 We are troubled (crowed afflicted) on every side, yet not distressed; (extreme anxiety sorrow and pain) we are perplexed, (be at a loss, hemmed in in doubt) but not in despair; (utterly at a loss, despondent)
2Co 4:9 Persecuted, (pursued made to suffer) but not forsaken; cast down,(thrown) but not destroyed;
2Co 4:10 Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body.
Sometimes leaders are hurt. This does not mean you are not strong or a good leader it just means that you are in the trenches fighting.
We are working with a broken world full of broken people that are going to make broken decisions that cause breaking in you and I as leaders.
You will battle with anger bitterness and hatred, this means you still need Jesus and are not dead.
If you do not handle these strong emotions properly you may because cynical negative and discouraged.
Dr. Kenneth Haugk, a clinic psychologist, defines pathological antagonists as “individuals who, on the basis of non-substantive evidence, go out of their way to make insatiable demands, usually attacking the person or performance of others. These attacks are selfish in nature, tearing down rather than building up, and are frequently directed against those in a leadership capacity.” They are termed pathological because their attitude and behavior are abnormal that is characteristic of disease.
Labeling is a necessary part of communication and understanding. It is an important function of language. All disciplines practice labeling-the sciences history philosophy psychology psychiatry politics and theology. Labeling is simply a way of classifying and understanding observable realities.
These people are destructive (their goal is damage) they ae determined, deceitful, sometimes demonic, often in denial of their own responsibility, intimidating, are often in disguise- looking like the crowd they are hanging with. And usually these people in the process of their living have been terribly damaged themselves.
These leader killers have surrounded and insulated themselves with a whole array of defense mechanisms and justifications for their actions. They firmly believe that what they are doing in harming and terminating a minister is the right thing to do. For them, it is the will of God. Nevertheless, they are sick and mean people.
So you will deal with broken people who break other people
Idiots selfish people dishonest people underhanded people those with ulterior motivation
Be careful not to demonize normal opposition that is somewhat healthy and a natural sometimes spiritual balancing mechanism.
Example of loss of $10,000
The apostle Paul used labels to identify certain church leaders who sought to destroy his ministry
2Co 11:13 For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into the apostles of Christ.
False Apostles – pseudo-apostolos pretend leaders, not genuine
Paul also called religious leaders false teachers and hypocrites
john referred to Diotrephes whose name comes from trepho which means to turn away convolution twisted to stiffen to fatten to pamper to cherish feed nourish who was prideful he wanted to be out front and first, he was malicious a very ambitious individual,
Diotrpehes spread false charges
when you as leaders are hurt there is much collateral damage inflicted on your marriage, children, health, peace of mind, faith and future.
If we do not allow healing then we may find ourselves in the very dangerous position of retreat from leadership and calling and developing the attitude as others that “all the church has done is hurt me”.
Research reveals that leaders and ministers are leaving church servanthood at alarming rates
There are those who purposefully attack and try to harm those in leadership but there are those that attack and hurt accidentally. Some revolt and stand for what seems to them to be a noble and valiant fight. And you can not convince them otherwise.
The hardest pains to endure is when the people hurting you are good people that you respect and love. Part of our growth is pain induced and is not meant by God as evil but we determine the outcome
EX. Our ideas shot down (ex. Minister now in false doctrine)
-Our good overlooked
- alone in our pain is allowed by God
Joseph had many years and pits and prisons to have his humanity worked on
You meant it for evil but god meant it for good
And it is still painful to be attacked even by mean evil people
The arguments of a pathological antagonist are usually founded on little or terribly misrepresented evidence.
Some common logical fallacies employed are:
- pettifogging (quibbling over petty details, offering strong proof of irrelevant points);
-extension (exaggerating the position of one’s opponent); ---argumentum ad ignoratium (making an accusation that cannot be disproved and then claiming that this makes it true). This is an Argument from ignorance, also known as appeal to ignorance, is a fallacy in informal logic. It asserts that a proposition is true because it has not yet been proven false.
-outright lying or falsification.
An antagonist, in his attempt to make the kill, will take certain facts and so twist them that they are blatantly false when presented. In time he convinces himself that his twisted facts are true.
a pathological antagonist will initiate trouble. This person is hypersensitive to any word or action, even trivial oversights, so that he takes these things as a personal attack and responds aggressively.
Failing to speak to him in the hall, not giving them special attention are examples of behavior that will cause his antagonism to flare up. He will take these as evidence that you are against him.
Hard-core antagonists will go to any length and expense to wreak havoc on their targets. As far as they are concerned, they are fighting a jihad, a holy war, and the leader is the enemy. They believe they are doing God a favor.
Their inner rage is baptized in the aura of holy zeal. Without a doubt, the hard-core antagonist is slippery and dangerous. He cannot be reasoned with.
The apostle Paul may have had this kind of people in mind when he warned the Ephesian elders about “savage wolves” infiltrating the congregation and “not sparing the flock” (Acts 20:28–29).
Most major antagonists are not as severely disturbed as the hardcore ones, but they will at times demonstrate similar behaviors. If the hard-core antagonist cannot be reasoned with because of emotional instability, the major antagonist refuses to be reasoned with. Reason is within his capacity, but he knows that if he uses it, he may be defeated or proved wrong. So to protect his position, he simply refuses to be reasonable and his demands are insatiable.
Some people feel like they have the best interests of the church, but their methods and attitudes are still those of doing more harm than good, undermining the ministry of the church without intending to do so
Paul calls these types of people false apostles deceitful workers disguising themselves as apostles of Christ.
Then he directly identifies them as ministers of Satan who disguise themselves as angels of light and ministers of righteousness but falsely so (11:13–15). In a spirit of stern judgment, the apostle states, “Their end will match their deeds” paul said that the Corinthian beleivers had become prey been taken advantage of and been slapped in the face and devoured.
Paul was concerned that as a consequence of these antagonists having a following and some support that the church would fall into quarreling jealousy anger selfishness slander gossip conceit and disorder.
as a consequence of their having followed and supported these antagonists. Paul implies that his ministry had been for “building up and not for tearing down” (13:10), an implication that the work of the antagonists had been for tearing down.
some people we work with will present themselves as wearing velvet gloves but under those gloves there will be a hammer
Don’t let that mess with your mind or thinking. some people’s actions will take you by surprise and you may begin to wonder about everyone.
These people usually are also hiding from theirselves also
Dr. Crabb writes that humans have one basic need that is a sense of personal worth, an acceptance of oneself as a whole, real person. This basic need requires two inputs, which are significance (purpose, importance, adequacy for a job, meaningfulness, impact) and security (love – unconditional and consistently expressed; permanent acceptance).
There are three aspects of vision that can be clouded for the wounded helper/healer. The first is a vision that is worn down, clouded as if with cataracts. We’ve seen too much, and our eyes are covered with a film that makes all we see out-of-focus.
We struggle to see the goodness in the people we work with, those glimmers of possibility that stir within all of us. A third concern that keeps our vision from being pure and clear is like the mirrored sunglasses that hide the truth about ourselves from those around us As leaders increase in stature, a significant temptation draws them like a magnet. They are seduced into hiding the truth about themselves in order to create or maintain an image that they believe will maintain their status.
Self-deception about our sin/pain is a narcotic, a tranquilizing and disorienting suppression of our spiritual central nervous system. What’s devastating about it is that when we lack an ear for the wrong notes in our lives, we cannot play right ones or even recognize them in the performances of others.
When you as a wounded leader begin to focus on self-pity anger or bitterness, cynicism (i.e., being contemptuously distrustful of human nature and motives), hopelessness, vengefulness or vindictiveness, self-pity, and depression (mentioned above as a result of anger turned inward) revenge the enemy wins.
We should focus on healing and forgiveness.
Until healing takes place the effects of the abuse will flow over like a poison into other facets of a wounded leader’s life and work. The unhealed wounded minister will have either a toxic ministry or no ministry at all. A sincere leader does not want that. So how does a wounded minister move toward healing? There are several steps to take.
FACE REALITY
1. YOU ARE WOUNDED
Maybe betrayed, lied on, charged with false motivation,
2. you are angry (secondary emotion that often disguises heart break)
3. Social and emotional loneliness and feeling abandoned
Deal with anger/pain
Nearly every wounded leader has a reservoir of long-standing and unhealthy anger. Anger is a normal, natural, and inevitable human emotion. It has certain positive functions—to correct injustice, protect from threat, change unhealthy or undesirable circumstances.
But anger, if long-term and persistent, can be unhealthy and damaging to one’s physical, emotional, and relational welfare. Since most wounded leaders feel unfairly and unjustly treated, they are going to have to deal with their anger, constructively. How can this be done? There are three basic ways people deal with anger. Some choose to vent their anger: yelling, screaming, throwing things, “blowing their top,” throwing verbal temper tantrums, even breaking up the place. This is not wise.
Someone is going to get hurt. People will certainly avoid a person who displays anger in this way. Venting one’s anger also tends to make it worse. This kind of ventilation is psychologically unhealthy. Others choose to repress their anger: shoving it down inside, covering it up, denying it, pulling back and pouting. Repressing anger in any way is an excellent recipe for depression, which is anger turned inward. This is also unhealthy, even dangerous.
repression of anger will break down the immune system of the body, making the person vulnerable to all kinds of physical and medical problems. Repression that leads to depression may also bring about thoughts of self-destruction.
The best way to deal constructively with anger is to learn how to talk about it. Express your feelings to a confidant who understands the stresses of the ministry.
Seven Steps to Healthy Anger Release
1. Recognize the anger you’re feeling. We may deny that we’re angry because we feel too guilty about it. Denial turns the feeling inside where it seethes.
2. Decide what made you angry. Ask yourself the very important question: Is this worth getting angry over? If you can’t forget it, then perhaps the source of your anger goes beyond a single event. Filter out the underlying cause of your grievance.
3. Give the “provoker” the benefit of the doubt. Instead of inflaming your anger by feeding yourself such reflections as, Who does he think he is for treating me in this underhanded way! suggest to yourself that perhaps this person is having a bad day or didn’t intend to come across as he did.
4. Count to ten and cool off. Or practice some form of mental relaxation. There’s nothing to be gained by an explosive outburst aimed at retaliation. Calm down first.
5. Make your grievance known without attacking the other person. This calls for tact and good communication skills. One important suggestion: Register your complaint using “I messages” instead of “you messages.” For example, instead of saying, “You’re acting unfairly and you’re wrong,” it’s far more effective to say, “I feel hurt by what is happening.”
6. Listen. Listen hard and try to understand. This is the key step in resolving the conflict and diffusing your anger.
7. Forgive. When we forgive someone, many positive psychological and physiological changes take place. We feel warm and more relaxed; we breathe more easily; we feel calmer; our blood pressure and heart rate drop; we may even cry tears of relief. But most important, through forgiveness we once again experience love, the highest essence of a relationship. We remember that we care about the other person. Is this why their behavior hurt us so much in the first place?
forgivness may involve the following:
1. instead of demonizing we need to humanize them and understand that they have and are experiencing most of the same emotions we are feeling
2. jesus said father forgive them they know not what they do, yet they knew what they were doing and it was intentional so we surrender our right to get even and our desire for them to die.
3. We allow revision to our feelings toward the antagonist
Instead of feeling hatred for the offender, we gradually begin to wish the person well, hoping for his meanness to change to understanding and compassion.
Forgiveness is not forgetfulness is not acquitting the offender blameless and without responsibility
Is not an award or something earned by offender but must be given freely and it is not saying you approve of actions
Forgiveness is a reflection of the profound kind of love that is attributed to God.
The toxicity of unforgiveness spreads relentlessly throughout one’s life into family profession goals dreams etc.
2Co 4:7 But we have this treasure (wealth) in earthen vessels, (frail clay) that the excellency (going beyond) of the power may be of God, and not of us.
2Co 4:8 We are troubled (crowed afflicted) on every side, yet not distressed; (extreme anxiety sorrow and pain) we are perplexed, (be at a loss, hemmed in in doubt) but not in despair; (utterly at a loss, despondent)
2Co 4:9 Persecuted, (pursued made to suffer) but not forsaken; cast down,(thrown) but not destroyed;
2Co 4:10 Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body.
