Introduction: How do I keep wealth from ruining my family?
A weird thing happened to me. I did very well starting from nothing. I graduated from college with nothing, got married with nothing, and got rich-at least by a kid from Antioch, Tennessee, standards. I had about $4 million worth of real estate by the time I was 26 years old.
But I borrowed too much money, did some stupid things, and lost everything. In the process of losing everything and having to start over, I discovered God's ways of handling money. I read the Bible and things that people like Larry Burkett and Ron Blue were writing in those days. That was 25 or 30 years ago.
And as a person with a finance degree, the academic underpinning, and all the letters and licenses after my name, learning what God's Word said about money was really interesting to me. It was a natural gravitational pull for me in my spiritual walk. I was a baby Christian at that time.
And so I went from having nothing to having a lot to having nothing to starting to apply these principles. And they worked! And that started to create a problem for me. Because when I started to build wealth the second time, I was a Christian. I started having worries and thoughts that I didn't want to be that guy. You know the one I'm talking about.
Have you ever worried that if you've got enough wealth that it would ruin your life because you've seen other people have that happen? You've watched people who became wealthy all of the sudden or through an inheritance. They were okay before the money, but then they got money, and they weren't. It was not a blessing. It ruined their life.
I didn't want to be that guy. I'd already been through one ride up and down because I was stupid-not because I was arrogant, I was just stupid. And I just didn't want to be that guy. Worse than that, when you do God's ways of doing things, did you know they work? And so I'm doing God's ways of handling money, and it's working. So I'm starting to have some money.
I'm out of debt, I've got an emergency fund, I'm investing for the future, the mutual funds are building up. I'm starting to have some money. And so the thought Am I going to mess me up? is a real concern. Worse than that, I started thinking, Is this going to screw up my kids?
Do you want to see some screwed-up kids? Let me tell you, there are two types of rich kids: screwed up and not. There is no middle ground. They're freaks, or they're the best on the planet. And I've met them.
I've met generationally wealthy families all over this country. I know a bunch of them. I know a bunch of them that are Christians, and there are some incredible third-, fourth- and fifth-generation young people out there walking in wealth-and there's some fruit loops. Y'all see them. It's called reality TV, isn't it?
I didn't want that to happen to me, so I started studying Scripture.
And now we've been doing financial coaching in our organization, nationwide on radio, in classes and in one-on-one sessions for 25 years. I mean, we've got our hands on it. We know what's going on.
And so I started seeing these people progress through the process from broke to not, and I started wondering what the Bible had to say about this natural progression-this wealth evolution, if you will-that I was observing.
And I think I figured it out. I'm going to share it with you. Then you can decide if I figured it out. But I'm pretty sure I've discovered a biblical pattern for wealth and how it's supposed to work in your life if it's going to be a blessing.
A Biblical Framework: Now, Then, Us, Them
* Now
The first thing you start with is what we call Now.
Now is, "I kind of got my head down and I'm paying my bills. I have to pay the light bill; I have to put food on the table. Thank God it's Friday. Oh, God, it's Monday." Y'all know what I'm talking about? All the money comes in, and all the money goes out. I'm just paying payments and working-and it's not working.
I just feel like a rat in a wheel, and that's where a whole lot of people are. They're stuck in the Now. They just run, run, run, and run but get nowhere.
But then when you insert biblical principles into their lives, they start to win. And it's okay, by the way, that you started with Now because the Bible says to take care of your own household first or you're worse than an unbeliever. You're supposed to take care of your kids before you have some grandiose ministry thing over here.
You're supposed to feed your kids. That's not wrong. Anybody who guilt-trips you and says don't pay your light bill so that you can give to their thing . . . that's not a biblical admonition. You're supposed to take care of your family first. That's what the Bible says. So I'm going to release you to do that. You need to start with Now.
While you're in the Now, you're functioning and you need to be really leaning into the basic biblical financial principles. It's get out of debt because the borrower's slave to the lender. It's get on a budget because Jesus said, "Don't build a tower without first counting the cost." It's save money because in the house of the wise are stores of choice food and oil. It's live on less than you make because a foolish man devours all he has. And it's give because God loves a cheerful giver.
And so you lean into these basic biblical principles of saving, getting out of debt, and living on a plan. You're impacting your money instead of the lack of it impacting you. And the more you do that, margins start to occur, and you start to say, "All right, I really do believe that borrower is slave to the lender. And I'm really going to work my tail off and sell so much stuff the kids think they're next. I'm getting out of debt. I'm not kidding about this Bible stuff. This is real. MasterCard has ruled my life for too long. I'm done." And you lean into this, and you work like a crazy person, and you do what you can do, and God looks down and says, "Hmm, that one's growing a brain. That one can be trusted."
* Then
And so you not only get yourself out of debt, you're on a plan, which is what intelligent, wise people do with money. You have a written plan every month, and you start living these things, and as soon as you do that, you get rid of the debt, and you bring in savings. You're on a plan, and you're giving, and you're living on less than you make. All of a sudden you don't have to worry about right now because there's wiggle room in there.
Margins start to occur. You don't have the payments, and you've got the savings. You can kind of breathe. You look up, and you go, "Wow."
Because you had your nose down. You had to. And that's okay. But the natural evolution is, your head comes up, and as your head comes up and you look toward the future. And we call looking toward the future Then.
Now . . . Then. And it is good to look toward the future because the Bible does say, "In the house of the wise are stores of choice food and oil." The Bible does say, "Where there is no vision, the people perish." As in, they die. You will retire with nothing if you don't start investing toward the future. Now, when you're trying to eat, you can't worry about stuff like a Roth IRA. That's a theory.
But when you get the wiggle room, as soon as you've got the emergency fund in place, you've got the debt cleared, your head comes up, and you say, "Hey, we're going to start investing so we can retire with dignity," instead of, "My game plan is: I'm going to work all my life and hope the government, which is well-known for its ability to handle money, will take care of me. My game plan is when we grow old, we're going to buy a cookbook called 72 Ways to Prepare Alpo and Love It. I'm going to live on Social Insecurity." No.
Once I get past my Now, I go to Then, and I start thinking that I'm going to invest in the future. And that is faith. Because I just gave you the Scriptures. God says you're supposed to plan and think and have a vision. It's not faith to live hand-to-mouth your whole life and call that faith. That is not proper biblical stewardship.
"In the house of the wise are stores of choice food and oil." The average household income in America right now is about $48,000. 15% of that is $7,200. If you save $7,200 a year into a decent growth stock mutual fund and a Roth IRA from age 30 to age 70, you'll have $7.4 million.
I mean, what if I'm half wrong? Seriously. "Where there is no vision, the people perish." $100 a month saved from age 30 to age 70 is $1,176,000 in a Roth IRA and a good growth stock mutual fund. You could be a millionaire! "Where there is no vision, the people perish."
But you can't look at that until you get this done, and as soon as you get this done, it is a natural biblical progression to look at that. That should be your next step. And you start thinking about your kids' college. How many of you've got kids you'd like to send to college? Everybody talks about it, but nobody does it. $166.67 a month, which is $2,000 a year, fully funds an ESA-an educational savings account-that grows tax-free. It's like the Roth IRA of education.
If you started that when you had the child at zero to age 18, putting in $2,000 a year, $36,000 goes in, but that account will be $126,000 when they turn 18. And they can go to school without a student loan anywhere they want to go. See, that's Then.
* Us
As soon as you've kind of got those things going, and you can see those equations that I just spit out like rapid-fire, and you say, in other words, I'm going to retire with dignity, and my kids are going to school.
Today's bills are paid. I've got Now, I've got Then.
The next thing that happens is, you go to Us. Us is when you look around out of your peripheral vision and you realize you've got kids, and you start to think about how you want to change your family tree. Because the Bible says, "A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children." It is biblical.
Assuming your kids have a brain and you've taught them proper spiritual stewardship-that they don't own it, God owns it-it is biblical to create this idea of generational wealth. It is biblical to create this idea of changing my family tree. That is not evil and it's not wrong. It's in the Bible . . . a lot.
Some of you are going, "Hmm. I've never heard this." It's because nobody talks about it. It's almost not allowed to be talked about in our culture because money is considered evil. Wealth is evil, right? So now I take care of my bills. Everybody's okay with that. I start building some wealth for the future. Most people are okay with that. I start talking about changing my family tree, and people get freaked. But that's your legacy. What's your legacy going to look like?
It's fun to look back into your heritage and find family members. My grandmother passed away a few years ago, and I already had the memoirs that were typed out. She had typed them out, handed them to us, and I had them printed and gave them to each of our family members. I read about her grandfather-my grandmother's grandfather. That would make him my great-great-grandfather, I think. He's old.
I'm from the South. He was a Yankee. He fought on the wrong side-the side that won, by the way. But when he was 16 years old, he fought in the Civil War. He was a member of the Ohio infantry, and so he came through the South during those battles. When he went back home, he studied for and went into the ministry and became what we later called a carpetbagger. Carpetbaggers were preachers who came from the north to evangelize people in the South and to lead people to the Lord in the South.
Like nobody in the South knew the Lord, but . . . some of them did need to know the Lord, I'll just tell you. And when my grandmother passed away, I found his Bible in some of her stuff. He carried this Bible in saddlebags on his horse and spread the gospel in the South. I bet you those were some hellfire-brimstone sermons. It even has sermon notes and a little antique paper clip in there.
This might be one of my favorite possessions, because it represents legacy, doesn't it? My great-great-grandfather was a mighty man of God. That matters. That's a legacy. And I start thinking about my grandkids, my great-grandkids, my great-great-grandkids, who I obviously will never meet this side of heaven, and I think about legacy, and I think about what it takes to change my family tree.
If that doesn't inspire you, you don't have blood in your veins. If you've got kids, and that doesn't get you moving, something's wrong. You're just self-centered and dysfunctional. Because as soon as you get the Now taken care of and the Then taken care of, the natural progression is we go to the Us.
I don't want to just leave money to my kids and screw up their lives if they have no character. So how do I safeguard Us and keep Us from blowing up? Well, I think it starts with me. And we look at wealth as a reminder and as a safeguard through three different lenses.
One is, we want to remind ourselves that whatever you are when you become wealthy will be magnified. If you're a jerk and you become wealthy, you're going to become a colossal jerk. If you're a giver, and you become wealthy, you will be become what we know as a philanthropist.
If you have a temper, you're going to be a rage-oholic when you get money. If you're kind and patient, your patience will be legendary when you get money. It magnifies whatever you are. And so I've got to be real careful about what I am if I'm going to be on this progression to build wealth biblically. Because it's dangerous. When people don't have the character to carry it, and they get the money, it destroys their life.
Sometimes I go in and I speak to sports folks. I was at a rookie camp for the NFL not long ago, and I was trying to explain to those young men that NFL stands for "not for long." The average NFL career is 3.7 years. But nothing's brighter than a 22-year-old except a 22-year-old who got a $10 million signing bonus. And I'm trying to say, "Wake up! Because what you are just grew up and blew up, and we get to see you in the news if you are stupid. Because now you have the money to do stupid on steroids." Y'all know what I'm talking about. You magnify.
The second thing that helps me and other people that I've met do a good job with their character as wealth comes on board is to remember who owns it. God owns it all. And so if you start going, "I have $10 million," you're messed up. God's got $10 million. I happen to be managing it.
"Well, why did He let you manage it instead of me?" Because apparently I was better at it. Why did He let somebody else manage a billion instead of me? Apparently they were better at it. So, that's His deal. He's God. He gets to make these decisions. And I don't have to, thank goodness.
But I do know that whatever I'm in charge of-those cars, that house, those mutual funds, that business, those kids, that dog-are God's, and I'm managing them. And if I can keep that emotional disconnect there that I don't own it, it's not mine . . . If I don't get that ugly spirit in my heart, then it helps me to manage any amount of money.
Because you know what? It's easy to manage other people's money without emotion. It's also easier to give away other people's money. When you take ownership, it makes it hard to give, but when you're just managing it for God, you're giving away somebody else's money. If I walk out here, and I give one of you guys this $1,000 that's in my pocket, and as soon as I hand it to you, I say, "You have to give away $100 of it immediately to someone near you," you'll say, "Okay, let's see. You just gave me 10, I give them one, I keep nine."
I say, "Yeah, that's the deal."
You'll say, "Oh, no problem. Can we do that again?"
Because you didn't have the money in your hand long enough to become emotionally attached to it. But if I let you carry it around for a week, and I say, "Hey, that money I let you hold for me? I want you to give $100 of it away," you'll go, "Wait a minute. Hold for you? I thought you gave it to me. It's mine."
You suddenly took ownership of it. You're going, "I don't know about this thing, giving some of that away. I kind of got plans. Uncle Benjamin and me, we're like best friends now," right? You see what happens when you become an owner?
I have an accounting staff at my office among my 400 team members, and we were making a donation to a thing. I walked back to my controller, and I said, "I need you to write a check for $10,000 to this ministry."
And I'm not bragging. It's just something that's part of God's plan. You know, I didn't notice her saying, "$10,000? That's so much. Are you sure you want to do that?" She's like, "Okay." It really wasn't hard for her to give away my money.
If you can maintain that ownership perspective-that you don't own it, you just manage it-it changes your generosity, but it also changes your ability to handle wealth without the wealth screwing you up.
And then, of course, you need community around you. "In the multitude of counselors, there is safety."
You need people who love you around you. You need to be careful of who you're hanging out with because you become who you hang around with. You don't let your kids hang around with Johnny the drug dealer because you know they'll become drug dealers. So you're going to talk like, walk like, dress like, and make the same incomes of the people you run around with.
Be real careful where you spend your T-I-M-E.
Now, it's okay to do outreach and minister to people who you don't want to be like when you're trying to lead them to Jesus. That's a different thing. But in terms of your buds-who you run with-you're one of them. In a scary way, you're one of them. Even the way you roll your R's when you speak. So be careful of your community because that will help you manage wealth from a proper spiritual perspective.
Now, once I've done that for me, then I need to do that for my marriage, because my marriage is going to be magnified. The problems in your marriage, when you get money, are still going to be problems. But now they're going to be Mount Vesuvius.
It won't get better. Everything doesn't get better with money. Everything that's bad gets worse, and everything that's good gets better. Getting money is not going to solve your marriage problems. It's going to make them worse. The divorce rate among Lotto winners is four times the national average. Sudden wealth is really scary.
And then if I'm going to do that with me and I'm going to do that with my marriage, maybe I ought to do that with my kids. I'm going to start with my kids. I'm going to say my kids-whatever they are-they're going to be more of it when they inherit this wealth.
So if they're doing drugs, they don't get to inherit the wealth. They're out there running a life of prodigal sin, they don't get to inherit the wealth because they're not going to be a good manager for God-and it's not my money, anyway. I'm managing it for God. What kind of manager would give it to a drug dealer, even if it's your kid? None.
So my kids are real clear. Walk with Jesus and stay in the will. Don't walk with Jesus, and you're out of the will. And it's not because I don't love them. It's because I do love them. Because if they're doing heroin, I don't want to fund it at my death.
But if they're walking with Jesus, wow. And how do I help them do that? I teach them that magnification principle. I also remind them of the ownership principle. You don't own it. You ask my kids who owns the Ramsey wealth. They're all grown. Two of them are married now. They'll tell you. Because we have family meetings about this to remind them that this wealth is a responsibility. It is a blessing, but most of all, it's a responsibility because we are blessed. We're way past just paying our bills, and this stuff can ruin your life.
Man, it was tough being a Ramsey kid growing up. I made them work in the salt mines. When we finally went from a hooptie to a nice car, one of my kids kicks back in that car and he's looking around. He's about 12 years old, and he goes, "We're doing pretty good, aren't we, dad?"
I said, "We aren't doing anything. You're broke. I'm doing pretty good. You've got nothing."
I don't want this kid rolling into school blowing off at his mouth about that. Do you? I don't want him to be that guy. So, man, we were tough on them.
"Dad, you're tough on us."
"Yeah, because you have tremendous responsibility. You're going to have to be able to carry some weight."
Now, Then, Us. Us works like this too. How do you work with your kids on this? You think like King David. Solomon, his son, built the temple. David was prohibited from building the temple because of an adulterous affair with Bathsheba. He saw a UFO-an unclad female object. Right? So God says, "You don't build the temple."
Solomon builds the temple with David's money. My friend Robert Morris, who wrote one of my favorite books on generosity, The Blessed Life, says that biblical economics dictated that the temple in today's dollars would cost $21 billion to build.
That's Bill Gates kind of money-$21 billion to build the house of God.
Solomon inherited that from his dad, David. But he also inherited the understanding that it wasn't his money; it was to be used to build the temple. Now, neither one of those men were perfect, but both of them are prominent in Scripture for a reason.
I love the Scripture in Deuteronomy. It says, "I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessings and cursings. Therefore, choose life that both you and your descendants may live."
Choose life, not death. Something to think about, you guys.
* Them
Once we've done Now, Then and Us, the last step of the progression is your vision broadens beyond your family tree to Them. And Them represents all the needs of the world that God is going to put in front of you and assign you to do.
Did you know $7,000 will drill a well in Haiti? And that changes not only the village, it changes women's rights, it changes education, it changes marriage, it changes life and death, because they die from dirty water. Seven thousand dollars changes an entire village generationally. Seventy thousand dollars will do that for 10 villages. A handful of mosquito nets changes people's lives in Africa.
There are people within 20 minutes of your house who are hungry, and $10,000 will change their life. A $1,000 hooptie car will change the life of a single mom who's catching the bus. Going to Grandma's house on Thanksgiving, and you stop at the Waffle House. Let me tell you who's working at the Waffle House on Thanksgiving: Somebody who needs a job bad. They're at Waffle House, and it's Thanksgiving. Two indicators that they need a job bad. Be sure you leave a $200 tip, and just for fun, sit in the car and watch.
Don't leave them a tract on how to meet Jesus. Don't be one of those people who servers hate on Sundays-because some Christians are cheap. Don't be that. Just leave them a couple of uncle Benjamins smiling at them. It's weird, isn't it? Can't do that if you're broke.
Margaret Thatcher said, "No one would remember the Good Samaritan if he didn't have coin."
He paid for the man who was left in the ditch to have a place to live and food to eat and a place to be healed, and he told the innkeeper as he walked away in Jesus' story, "If it costs more than this, I'll give you the money when I return. Keep an account of it."
So he left him money and a promise to pay whatever else it took. I've noticed that poor people can't feed poor people. Interesting idea.
Now, Then, Us, Them Reminds Us That We Are Called to Be a Blessing
Now: Take care of your household first, or you're worse than an unbeliever. Then: Where there is no vision, the people perish. Us: A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children. Them: God loves a cheerful giver.
I've got a good friend who's an orthodox Jewish rabbi, and he wrote this wonderful book called Thou Shall Prosper-Rabbi Daniel Lapin. He says, "As the Sabbath ebbs away each Saturday night"-Sabbath in a Jewish home would be Saturday-"Jewish families prepare for the productive work week ahead by singing the joyful Havdalah service. The Havdalah service is recited over a cup of wine that runs over into the saucer beneath. This overflowing cup symbolizes the intention to produce during the week ahead not only sufficient to fill one's own cup"-take care of your own household first-"but also an excess to be used for the good of others."
Maybe you should keep pouring, and maybe your cup should be a cup and not a swimming pool. And it's not a thimble, either. You decide the size of your cup, but keep pouring and let the overflow be for the good of others.
This is a biblical framework for a proper way to view wealth. When you do it this way, you're going to do it properly. People aren't going to understand, but people never understand. It's none of their business. This is your job before your Lord Jesus. Take it as your duty. Make it a way of saying thank You to Him in your excellence in this area.
Closing Prayer
God, we thank You for this day. We thank You for these people. We ask that You pour prosperity on them and that You take care of their needs and their future and their family tree, but most of all, You use them as a way to Havdalah-to create excess to be used for the good of others.
God, let extraordinary generosity continue to flow out of this place.
In Jesus' name, amen.
