Opening illustration: My conversation with a pastor friend in our local community while meeting him over lunch last winter. [Biblically marriage comes first then love … our culture has switched it around …]
Introduction: God could have just directly communicated to Abraham – “go get Rebekah your brother’s granddaughter as a bride for your son.” God has directly communicated to Abraham about a number of issues already in his life, it would have been no surprise; it wouldn’t have seemed like something unimaginable or unheard of. But God didn’t – He remains totally silent, so how is the servant supposed to find the right woman for Isaac?
At this point in history, they also have nothing to fall back on – there is no Bible for them to read. They don’t have the Holy Spirit dwelling inside them. They don’t have the resources we have today, so the servant comes up with a sign of his own and asks God to validate it.
Some might say it is not a guaranteed method – what if no one meets the criteria he lays out? Does that mean that none of the women at the well were “the one?” Or, does that mean God simply isn’t going to play his game? Having experienced much of God’s hand upon our lives, I can boldly proclaim that God’s way is the only successful way until and unless we mess it up ourselves.
What about us? How are we to handle decision making? Especially about important things like who to marry, or where to live, or what jobs to pursue? How should we go about making those decisions?
The Scriptures may not tell you exactly who to marry by name, just like God didn’t simply tell Abraham to go get Rebekah by name, but God has revealed some principles that can guide us. And, importantly, nothing else will ever contradict what God has already said in His Word. These are the non-negotiables, no matter what else happens.
How to choose a wife/mother of your kids?
1. A BELIEVER who will TRUST and FOLLOW your vision (vs. 1-9)
So, Abraham tells the servant - I need you to help me find a bride for Isaac, but she can’t be one of the local girls. If you remember, Noah had cursed the Canaanites back in Genesis 9:25. Instead, she needs to be from Abraham’s extended family, which will involve a 1,000 – mile round trip journey and a difficult task – “hi, um, I know you don’t know me, but do you want to leave your family behind, come to some place you’ve never been before, and marry someone you’ve never met?” It’s no wonder the servant asks, “What if she won’t come?” I mean, if she says yes, isn’t a part of you going to be suspicious? What are you trying to run away from?
Isaac already had the promise that he would inherit all the blessings God had given to his dad. If you are in Christ, you already have the promise of an inheritance as well. The question for Isaac was simply, how would the inheritance unfold? And the question for us is the same. If you are a child of God today, everything else is just details – details that need to be subjected to God’s commands and desires, but details none–the-less.
So when you get stressed out trying to discern God’s will in a particular circumstance, come back to this fact and rejoice and like Abraham, believe, on the basis of what you have already seen Him do in your life, that He will continue to lead and provide as only He can, if only you will let Him.
God’s promise and vision was already set for Abraham and his descendants, now they only needed women who were voluntarily willing to adhere and submit to God’s call and stand shoulder to shoulder with their spouses … someone who would give up their independence for their husband and God’s corporate call upon their lives. She would have to make a lot of adjustments but be willing to just do it! If she lacks humility, wants her way in everything, doesn’t trust your call and vision, sorry she is not the one. Beware; you will surely get your fingers, toes and possibly your entire self, burnt alive.
Some queries one could possibly dwell on while making this choice –
• Don’t be unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14)
• Wives, submit to your husbands as unto the Lord - can I submit to this man? (Eph. 5:21)
• Husbands, love your wives like Christ loves the church – do I want to serve her or use her? (Ephesians 5:25)
• Is this person able to raise our children to walk in the fear and knowledge of God? (Ephesians 6:4)
Illustration: One of my cousins who got married almost 2 years ago. Both are thriving engineers. I had a couple of conversations with his to be wife. She was so ready to leave Mumbai and travel to stay with my cousin after marriage.
2. Must PASS the TEST of KINDNESS, HOSPITALITY & PATIENCE (vs. 11-25)
On being asked by Abraham’s servant to serve him water, she did not reject him, did not show an attitude of pride or arrogance, she did not say, “I don’t know who you are … you are just a stranger.” She did not say, “Why are you are coming on to me? Find someone else!” You can see that her heart was very pure. She did not have the capacity to think with a contaminated mindset even though she was living in the Arab culture where a man approaching or talking to a girl like this was considered inappropriate. She showed kindness just by talking to him and hospitability by not only giving a drink of water to him but to all his camels which was a very tedious task to do. Where will you find Christian girls like this today? Yes we can if guys step up to be Abrahams and Isaacs.
She went beyond all bounds by serving the servant of Abraham and his camels whom she was not aware would be her servant and serve her in the near future. She was overtly patient with the servant and went over the edge with the camels. She crossed all boundaries just to meet the needs of the camels. All this may sound weird and abnormal in what we call normal (which in fact is distorted and a dysfunctional culture and society that we live in) … sad to say that is the absolute truth. Where are those Sarahs and Rebekahas in our society? Finally she takes him and his camels’ home. Boy! What is going on here?
To help us understand her immense patience, let me give you a sense of the workout this young lady was doing.
• Wells were dug into the ground, with steps leading down into the depression.
• A typical jar would hold 3 gallons = 24lbs; a camel would drink up to 25 gallons = 80-100 trips, 1½ or 2 hours work, moving more than 1 ton of water and the text says she was running, and moving “quickly.” (Did the servant even think that she was coming on to him? -Normal hospitality in ME)
• Rebekah was doing a LOT of work here and it’s important to note – she didn’t know how this was going to turn out. We know where things are going, but this could just as easily have been some guy just passing through instead of the servant of her soon to be father-in-law. Rebekah does the kind and hospitable thing, simply because it’s right, not because she expects to get anything out of it. It’s another example of this theme of being others - centered, which we have seen throughout this text. [Hospitality is normal in the ME culture whereas it may seem weird to us.]
For starters I would like to see more of Sarahs and Rebekhas in our churches … some of these young girls who would exemplify and radiate the image of godly, chaste and hardworking women. Women who are completely sold out and given up to their creator and their husbands. I don’t know about you all, but I needn’t worry about myself.
3. GIVES of Herself - SELFLESS (vs. 18-25)
Why do you want to do the thing you are considering? Is it for your own benefit or is it to glorify God or serve someone else? Remember, we have already pointed out that everyone in this story so far is looking out for the best interest of someone else.
Notice how this is manifest even in the criteria the servant lays out – he doesn’t say anything about what the woman will look like. Instead, he wants a woman of character, a woman who is willing to serve others – a woman whose motives are right herself. A woman who has an attitude cannot be selfless … that is her uncomfortable zone. Apparently this becomes a nuisance for the guys and the family in the future. America has been drifting toward a culture of entitlement, 'What can you give me? What can you do for me?' What will I get out of it? Or What is in it for me? What a shame that even Christians have taken the bait of a corrupted culture. Instead of the church impacting the culture it is going the other round. 'Good relationships, even the best ones, take work, take selflessness.'
If you have a selfish motive – if you are trying to get God’s permission to do something because you think it will bring you the fulfillment you lack, that could be a sign that you think more highly of your option than you do of God. You think you need it, or him, or her to make you happy, when God says you should rest and be content in Him. So, check your motives.
In Romans 8:8 Paul says that those who live according to the flesh, that is, if your motive is selfish, you CANNOT please God. On the other hand, if you desire to please God, to serve Him and make Him known through whatever it is you do, you will find that you can worship Him in all kinds of ways. You might be wondering why didn’t you know of this before? Well if only you had opened this book, probably you …
Application: If a woman would just identify herself and live as a godly, biblical lady, there will be no problems. Seriously, why do we have so many dysfunctional marriages and divorces … think about it! I had lived in a bubble of not knowing what divorces are for 41 years. The last 10 years I have come across very few non-divorced marriages. I have to ask you all at this point … where are all those Abrahams and Isaacs gone? If we have Abrahams and Isaacs, then there will be no scarcity of Sarahs and Rebekhas. Time for guys to take the lead and be raised to be Godly men who will in turn raise Sarahs and Rebekhas.
