“Questions about the Fifth Commandment”
Exodus 20:12
Over the past few weeks, we have been examining the 12th chapter of the book of Hebrews and its focus upon practical Christian living.
Those of you who were here likely remember that I made a point that all of Christian ethics can be boiled down to two points:
We are to live in peace with other people.
We are to live in holiness toward God.
This is best described by Jesus when He made this point:
Matthew 22:37–40 ESV “And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”
It is interesting that Jesus here says that on these two commandments “depend” all of the Law and the prophets.
The reason for this is that if you distill the commandments of God - the ten commandments - down to two points, it is this:
How we live toward God.
How we live toward each other.
The first four commandments focus on God.
Have no other gods before the Lord.
Do not make any graven images.
Do not use the Lord’s name in vain.
Remember to keep the Sabbath holy.
The last six deal with our relationship with one another.
Often these are called “The Laws of the Second Table” because the attention has gone from our treatment of God to our treatment of others.
Interestingly, the first of these commandments which begins the discussion of our treatment of one another is the one which deals with the treatment of our parents.
Commandment 5 addresses our responsibility to “Honor” our father and mother.
And as today is the day which our nation has set aside to honor mothers, I want to spend some time giving an exposition of this commandment.
READ: EXODUS 20:12
From birth, the very first relationship that we are in as human beings in this world is the relationship with our parents - especially our mothers.
It is our mother’s arms which we are placed in first after having been born.
It is from our mother’s touch that we receive warmth and comfort.
Her very body produces milk which quenches thirst and satisfies hunger.
For the first years of our lives, this relationship to our mother is the highest and most important in regard to security, love and comfort.
Mother’s arms can warm a feverish chill.
Mother’s kiss can heal an open wound.
Mother’s smile can mend a broken heart.
Along with the father, the mother is the window through whom we learn about and understand the world around us.
Is there any wonder, then, as to why the very first commandment about how to deal with our earthly relationships focuses on our first earthly relationship?
This morning we are going to consider three questions derived from this text:
What does the term “honor” mean?
How is the accompanying “promise” fulfilled?
Is there an age which causes this command to “expire”?
What does the term “honor” mean?
Exodus 20:12 ESV “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.”
The word “honor” here actually comes from a root word which means “heavy”.
Kabad or Kabed - to be heavy.
In a bad sense it means burdensome or severe. Someone might say that a punishment was too “heavy”. This word could be used in that way.
In a good sense it means numerous, rich or abounding.
If used causatively, it means to make more weighty.
As such, when it described bad - it means “heavily bad”
And when it is used to describe good - it means “abounding good”
Certainly, in this sense, it is being used to describe the “good” or “honorable” way a children should behave toward parents.
NET BIBLE “The verb dE;bA;k (Kabbed) is a Piel imperative; it calls for people to give their parents the respect and honor that is appropriate for them. It could be paraphrased to say, give them the weight of authority that they deserve. Next to God, parents were to be highly valued, cared for, and respected.” [W. Hall Harris, ed., The NET Bible Notes (1st, Accordance electronic ed. Richardson: Biblical Studies Press, 2005), n.p.]
So, in laymen’s terms it might be easy to say that this term actually means to be “heavily reverent” in our behavior toward our parents.
In fact, this term reverence is used elsewhere:
Leviticus 19:3 ESV “Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father, and you shall keep my Sabbaths: I am the LORD your God.”
This word comes from the root word which means “to fear”.
Reverence is a form of fear.
Not fear which leads to a being emotionally scared.
But fear which leads to being appropriately respectful.
Similar to the way we are commanded to “revere” God, we are also commanded to “revere” our parents.
When we disrespect God, we show that we truly do not revere Him.
Likewise, disrespect to parents shows we have no reverence their either.
So, again, to “honor” is to be “heavily reverent” toward our parents - to show them the respect, and appreciation they deserve.
How is the accompanying “promise” fulfilled?
It is often pointed out that the fifth commandment is accompanied by a promise:
Exodus 20:12 ESV “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.”
In fact, Paul makes this point in Ephesians:
Ephesians 6:2–3 ESV “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
But what does this mean? How does “honoring” of parents ensure that a person will “live long in the land?”
The Pragmatic Answer
The pragmatic answer could be that this is simply an explanation of a reality which existed in the OT times.
That reality was that dishonoring of a parent was considered to be a “capital offense”
Exodus 21:17 ESV “Whoever curses his father or his mother shall be put to death.”
Leviticus 20:9 ESV “For anyone who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death; he has cursed his father or his mother; his blood is upon him.”
Proverbs 20:20 ESV “If one curses his father or his mother, his lamp will be put out in utter darkness.”
Taken this way, the command is simply making the point that dishonoring of parents was a quick path to a SHORT life!
The National Answer
The pragmatic answer focuses this promise on an individual scale, and this is really too narrow a focus for this promise.
This promise is on a national scale with national consequences.
It speaks of living long “in the land”
When the land is spoken of, it the Promised Land which is in view.
The idea here is that when a generation refuses to honor their parents - and by extension the God of their parents - that their days as a nation in covenant with God in the land which He had promised would be cut short.
So someone might ask: Does this promise have a modern application?
Yes... when our parents bring us up in a godly family wherein the parents are in covenant with God, and we reject that covenant, we cannot expect to live in the same blessings which they enjoyed.
Is there an age which causes this command to “expire”?
Generally when someone asks this question, what they are really asking is “do we have to obey our parents forever?”
The answer to that question is “no”.
Obedience is not necessary for honor, after a certain point.
However, children must obey in order to fulfill the command to honor, as the Bible clearly says:
Ephesians 6:1–4 ESV “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
The context here is specifically geared toward children.
The word children is used twice in this context.
“Children” Gr. “te÷kna” child, as in daughter or son.
It teaches that children who refuse to obey are not fulfilling the command to honor their parents.
However, there does come a point in our lives when we are no longer under parental authority.
In America, the legal age of adulthood is 18.
But the Bible declares that it is actually marriage which causes a person to “leave” the authority of his parents.
Genesis 2:24 ESV “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
This passage is repeated in Matt 19:5; Mark 10:7; Eph 5:31
Once a man has left his father’s home and taken for himself a wife, he has established a new household and a new authority structure.
REMEMBER: Honor only demands obedience insomuch as obedience is required to maintain honor.
(That sounds redundant, but I assure you it is perfectly sensible.)
A child who disobeys his parent dishonors his parent because obedience is required from a child to a parent.
However, when a man becomes a husband and thus forms a family of his own, which he is the authority over, he is no longer under the subjection of his parents.
As such, his parent has no right to command him to do anything.
His parent can request, and he can respectfully decline; and no honor is lost in the process.
The same thing applies to a woman.
When she leaves home to be married, she is no longer under the authority of her parent.
She is under the authority of her husband.
Illustration: “Wedding Ceremonies” Wedding ceremonies demonstrate this when the father “symbolically” gives his daughter to the man she is to marry. This is a gesture which symbolizes the “passing of authority” from the father to the husband.
SIDE NOTE: One of the most dangerous things for a marriage is when one of both of the people in that marriage choose to allow the authority of either of the parents to overrule the authority in the home.
When a man and a woman get married, that is an established family.
They must function as God intended.
The husband is the spiritual head, the provider and protector of the home.
The mother is his help mate, the nurturer and manager of the home.
The children they have are to be in subjection to them.
If any person outside this sphere - even parents - attempt to exercise authority, it is a breach of the system which God has put in place.
Now, having said all that, I still have not answered the question.
Does the command to honor ever expire?
The answer is no, absolutely not.
Even though a person is not commanded to be in subjection to their parents forever, they never have the right to dishonor them.
The parents are to be held in esteem, respected and appreciated throughout our lives.
There is no expiration date on that.
In fact, as a parent ages, there is going to come a time when MORE HONOR may be required.
What do I mean by more honor?
Beloved, we are all advancing in age.
No person is getting younger, including our parents.
And if the Lord extends their life to a certain point, it will be up to us to be the ones who take care of them.
This is the ultimate way we honor our parents - we are there for them in their later life as they were there for us in our early lives.
NOTE: I remember two incidents where I watched my parents care for their parents.
I watched my stepmother Pat care for Granny White as she grew older, and came to live with us. I watched her help her with her oxygen, and help her with her food.
Likewise, I watched my mother care for my Granny West as she grew too frail to take care of herself. I watched her prepare her food, take her to the doctor, and sit and pray by her hospital bed.
Beloved, that was how a person honors their mother.
And that never expires.
CONCLUSION: The Bible is very clear that we are to show honor where honor is due.
And our parents deserve honor - fathers and mothers alike.
They may not be perfect.
They certainly have made mistakes.
And some of you undoubtable have had parents, either fathers or mothers, whose lives were not worthy of respect.
But yet our command is the same.
We revere the position of mother and father, and we seek never to give disrespect in either case.
For by revering our parents, we are ultimately revering God who gave us to them.
This is our commandment from God - to honor them - and in doing so, we receive His blessings.
