Jesus on Marriage
Matthew 5:31-32
In 1960, in the United States, 70% of all adults were married.
Today, that number is just over half.
As a result, 8 times as many children are now born out of wedlock as compared to that same year.
In the 1960s, two thirds of all young adults in their twenties were married.
Now, only 26% of those in their twenties are married.
TIME Magazine reported that 40% of Americans polled believe that marriage is now obsolete.
The article is quoted as saying, “Neither men nor women need to be married to have sex or companionship or professional success or respect or even children.”
As a result, many people are not just cohabiting prior to marriage, but are instead are cohabiting “instead” of marriage.
And according to the most recent polls, less than half of Americans believe that cohabitation is morally wrong.
(Above info from AlbertMohler.com).
Furthermore, even those who do choose to get married are not seeing it as a permanent institution.
Determining the actual divorce rate is difficult to do; some claim that one in every two marriages end in divorce, however that is based on some flawed numbers which come out of the CDC (http://magazine.foxnews.com/love/whats-divorce-rate).
But even if the divorce rates were somewhat lower or higher than 50%, it is easy to assess just on an experiential level that the attitude toward marriage and divorce in America has taken a radical turn in the last half century.
Many people even practice divorce in their youth and young adult life entering and exiting multiple intimate relationships and experiencing emotional and physical connections which are supposed to be reserved for the marriage relationship.
IMPORTANT SIDE NOTE: People always ask me when I am going to allow my daughters to date. They look at me like I am a fool when I say, “never”. Dating is not a necessity. Dating means that I allow my daughters to go out into the world and share in and experience intimate relationships without any supervision or accountability. We do not plan to allow this.
Instead, my goal, which I have discussed with my oldest (and will with my youngest) is to aid her in developing healthy relationships, in particular the relationship with the man she will one day marry. They don’t get to have unfettered “alone time”.
They don’t get to practice being married, to practice intimacy, and practice divorce when things do not work out. Instead, their relationship will grow within a system of courtship which will involve more than just “take my daughter out and bring her back safe.”
Some people think the good dad is the dad who is “cleaning his gun” when the boyfriend arrives to pick up the daughter - to scare the young man; or the man who forbids his daughter from being in a relationship until she “is 30”. But that’s not it!
The good father is the man who begins talking with his daughter about the marriage relationship early, about the responsibilities, difficulties, and goals of a godly marriage, and works together with her to help her find a godly man to fill that role in her life.
We don’t want to keep her from a relationship... we want to help her be in the BEST relationship possible, because we believe this is “FOR LIFE!”
Now, we know that marriage is not held in the high esteem it was in our land... and for many people, its not “for life” anymore.
Divorce is rampant... people are cohabiting instead of marrying... and some are even trying to radically alter the definition of marriage.
But it is important to understand that marriage fidelity and issues of divorce are not new.
The problem with people not honoring their marriage vows goes all the way back to the very earliest times in man’s history.
Which is why in the Ten Commandments we see the sin of adultery included... its not a new sin.
As a result, it makes sense that Jesus would address the issue of marriage in His Sermon on the Mount; it is a foundational building block for society, and a valuable microcosm of the visible church.
In this portion of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus is addressing a misunderstanding of the divorce law which was given in the Law of Moses.
Deuteronomy 24:1-4 (ESV) 1 "When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, 2 and if she goes and becomes another man's wife, 3 and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, 4 then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance.”
This passage was the subject of great debate within the Jewish community of Jesus’s day; and there were basically two schools of thought regarding the “certificate of divorce” that Moses mentions.
There was Hillel; a Rabbi had made allowances for divorce for the slightest reasons.
His teaching included that even a wife’s bad cooking could make her eligible for divorce.
He was what one might call the more ‘liberal’ Rabbi.
Then there was Shammai, a Rabbi who only allowed divorce on the most egregious grounds.
He took a hard line against the flippant attitude towards divorce taught in the Hillelian school.
He was what we might call the ‘conservative’ Rabbi.
Jesus is addressing this issue and seeking to again clear up the interpretation of a Law which had been miscommunicated by the Jewish leadership.
Matthew 5:31 “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.”
Both schools of thought taught this, and believed it to be in accord with the Law of Moses.
Yet, a closer look at the Law of Moses shows that it does not “command” the giving of a certificate of divorce, but rather it passively is said to be a reality among the people.
The primary focus of this passage in Deuteronomy is not the divorce, necessarily, but rather restrictions regarding remarriage.
Yet, the debate was raging over what constituted the proper grounds for divorce.
In fact, the debate raged so much that Jesus was later confronted by the Jewish leaders about this issue in an attempt to catch Him in some type of heretical teaching.
Matthew 19:3-9 (ESV) 3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, "Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?" 4 He answered, "Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh'? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate." 7 They said to him, "Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?" 8 He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery."
Notice, Jesus does not change anything which he says in the Sermon on the Mount, but He does expand upon it here.
In this, Jesus does not just give the teaching opposing divorce, but he also gives a positive case for biblical marriage.
LIBERAL QUOTE: I heard recently a person say, “The Bible doesn’t give a standard for marriage, there are all kinds of different marriage types displayed in the Bible including polygamy, so really we cannot look to the bible for a standard when it comes to marriage.”
But this person makes a grievous error.
This person somehow believes that just because the Bible talks about polygamy and other forms of marriage that it endorses them.
This is wrong; the Bible never endorses polygamy as virtuous.
The Bible only endorses one type of marriage, and it has not undergone change.
Christ describes to us in this passage that marriage was established by God at the very creation of the world.
In God’s plan, from the beginning of creation, marriage was designed in this way:
1 Man (which we see represented in Adam)
1 Women (which we see represented in Eve)
1 Purpose: Marriage for life (the two become one flesh)
This is God’s creationary design for marriage.
In the midst of this, Jesus makes the very powerful statement, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” (v.6)
The Jews challenge Jesus at this point, arguing that Moses allowed for divorce and now Jesus seems to be condemning it outright.
What they are missing is that marriage is the most important union in the world, one that no one should seek to separate.
The Bible teaches that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16) and it is not difficult to understand why.
It is destructive to people’s hearts.
It is destructive to people’s lives.
It is destructive to people’s families.
But if it is so destructive and God hates it, why does He allow it?
Jesus gives a very succinct answer to this question in v.8
He says that it is because of man’s hardness of heart that divorce has been allowed.
In this statement we learn two important truths:
Divorce is allowed in the Decree of God
Divorce is not aligned with the Design of God
Jesus said, “from the beginning it was not so” hearkening back to creation. (v.8)
According to Christ the reason for the allowance of divorce is because of man’s sinful and depraved nature.
Jesus’ point is simple:
ALL divorce, no matter what the circumstances, is deplorable in God’s sight.
Because ALL divorce begins in the sinful heart of man and not in the creative design of God.
The question many people have at this point is simple:
Is divorce ever justifiable from a Christian perspective?
Within Christianity, there are those who debate this issue much like the schools of Hillel and Shammai did in Jesus’s day.
Some say divorce is NEVER justifiable (Permanence Position).
Some say that it is ALWAYS justifiable (Liberal Position).
Some say it is SOMETIMES justifiable, if certain perimeters are met.
The two perimeters which are often pointed to for justifiable divorce according to this view are...
Sexual Immorality
It is clear Jesus does say that sexual immorality is an exception in regard to divorce.
Note: Those who hold the permanency view say that this has been misunderstood, and only applies very narrowly to a specific type of incestuous immorality which was common in Jesus’s time.
Abandonment
The Apostle Paul speaks to this in his first letter to the Corinthians.
In fact, Paul speaks a lot about marriage in that book, and in the midst of his admonitions regarding marriage He says the following:
1 Corinthians 7:15 (ESV) “But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.”
Those who believe that this is justifiable grounds for divorce also typically believe that it alleviate the abandoned person’s responsibility, and they are free to remarry.
However, those in the permanency position would argue that, even though they are no longer bound to that person, they are not free to remarry.
So, within the faith - even among conservatives - there are differing views on this very foundational issue.
Good and godly men stand are varying sides.
Men like Voddie Bauchem take the view of permanency.
On the other hand, R.C. Sproul believes that sexual immorality and abandonment make a person innocent, and thus not guilty of sin in a divorce, and justified to remarry.
And I believe all are seeking to be in accord with God’s Word regarding their positions.
Yet, here is something I want us to consider...
Even if you do allow for the two possible exceptions of adultery and abandonment, you would have to agree that the vast majority of divorces which occur (even in the church today) are absolute assaults on the purpose of God for marriage.
Like abortion, divorce has become primarily a “sin of convenience”; its easier to do it, than to deal with the situation.
In fact, so many people get up in arms about GAY marriage, saying that is desecrates the sanctity of marriage.
But the truth is, we have already done that, by destroying the bond that is supposed to be “til death do us part’
The most serious problem in the world today, regarding divorce, is not whether or not there are biblical justification for divorce.
The real problem is that today, divorce is often the 1st and only option people consider when they have marital problems.
No more do people believe in “till death do us part”.
Today it is “till disagreement do us part”.
Divorces are so easy to get today – and they are often seen as the first way out – and rarely does the biblical mandate for marriage affect anyone’s handling of marriage and divorce.
It is a sad reality that most people - including many Christians - couldn’t care less about what Jesus or God says about marriage and divorce.
Especially when one is facing marital problems and they see divorce as the easiest and safest end to those problems.
And most people, to be honest, do not see the Bible as authoritative anyway.
If a pastor were to tell someone seeking divorce that, “The Bible teaches that divorce is not really allowed in your case” he often times would do just as well to speak to a brick wall.
QUOTE: Macarthur “People want to run under the truth of God’s salvation, run under the truth of God’s blessings, but out from under the truth of divorce and holy living contained within God’s revelation.”
The authority of God’s word in this area of modern life is rarely respected and often mocked... and that, sadly, is one of the main reasons why our society is suffering the way it is.
Someone might ask, “Well, I have been divorced. Maybe multiple times. I have been wrong in divorces and I know it. What do I do? Is there any restoration or am I condemned to be forever a perpetual adulterer?”
I wanted to make sure to include this part, as it is important.
Because no one can change the past. No one can undo what has been done.
And some may need to know where to go from here.
1 John 1:8-10 (ESV) 8 If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.
Every one of us has sinned and sinned in grievous manners.
And God has promised two things to all who sin: If we confess to Him our sin (1) He will forgive us and (2) He will cleanse us.
Divorce is not an unforgivable sin; but it is a sin we should repent of.
If you have gone on to marry someone else, I am not telling you to leave them and go back... that would be impossible, and would break yet another vow.
Instead, you recognize the sin of your past, and resolve not to continue that sin in the future.
CONCLUSION: Ultimately we must remember that God has set a plan for marriage, and divorce is not a part of that design.
Divorce exists because sin exists.
And those who have had to deal with it know its potential for causing pain.
Marriage is the foundation of our society.
As we watch it erode, society will not be far behind.
We must, if there is any hope, get back to a right view of the sanctity of the marriage relationship.
Ultimately, this is a religious issue; but it is not only a religious issue.
It has historical significance for the health of our nation.
History shows that as goes the family, so goes the nation.
And when the family is destroyed, the nation will not last long.
Even secular thinkers throughout history have recognized the fundamental importance of marriage and family, and their vital role in preserving society.
QUOTE #1: Edmund Burke once remarked, “The Christian religion, by confining marriage to pairs, and rendering the relation indissoluble, has by these two things done more toward the peace, happiness, settlement, and civilization of the world, than any other part in this whole scheme of divine wisdom.”
QUOTE #2: J. D. Unwin of Cambridge University, saw marriage as the crucial element in the development and maintenance of healthy societies: “The whole of human history does not contain a single instance of a group becoming civilized unless it has been completely monogamous, nor is there any example of a group retaining its culture after it has adopted less rigorous customs. Marriage as a life-long association has been an attendant circumstance of all human achievement, and its adoption has preceded all manifestations of social energy. . . . Indissoluble monogamy must be regarded as the mainspring of all social activity, a necessary condition of human development.”
Now, these secular thinkers do not confirm Scripture; Scripture is true with or without their words.
However, their words do demonstrate that even the unbeliever can recognize the value of the marriage relationship to society - and how its profanation can be ultimately destructive.
As Christians, we need to have - and stand up for - a proper understanding of marriage.
A man...
A woman...
Together for life...
No others.
True to each other alone.
Til death do they part.
That is the model which Christ provides, and the model for which all believers should strive.
