Characteristics of a True Friend
1 Samuel 18:1 - 4
True friendship is a gift of God, and a person who has a true friend should be thankful and appreciate that friendship. CS Lewis said that friends are people that face in the same direction toward common projects, goals – above all, towards a common Lord.” What draws people to be friends is that they see the same truth. They share it.” (The Four Loves) David and Jonathan are a beautiful picture of what true friendship is. What are the characteristics of a true friend?
I. A true friend is generous
A. Webster's New World Dictionary defines "generosity" as: "1. the quality of being generous; specif., a) nobility of mind, magnanimity; graciousness b) willingness to give or share; unselfishness 2) generous act"
B. Genuine friendship does not look for what it gets in return.
C. 1 Samuel 20:17 (NLT) "And Jonathan made David reaffirm his vow of friendship again, for Jonathan loved David as he loved himself."
D. Friendship gives without expecting anything in return. Someone said it this way, "A friend gives without expectation and receives without obligation,"
E. Philippians 2:3 "Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself"
F. True friends are willing to invest time, talent, and treasure in their friendship.
II. A true friend is trustworthy
A. Proverbs 11:13 "A gossip goes around revealing a secret, but the trustworthy keeps a confidence."
B. You can trust a true friend. Not only will he listen, but he will also not tell others that which you do not want them to know.
C. Friends are people with whom you dare to be yourself. Your soul can be naked with them. They ask you to put on nothing, only to be what you are. They do not want you to be better or worse. When you are with them, you feel as a prisoner feels who has been declared innocent. You do not have to be on your guard. You can say what you think, as long as it is genuinely you. Friends understand those contradictions in your nature that lead others to misjudge you. With them you breathe freely. - C. Raymond Beran, in Bits & Pieces, September 19, 1991, p. 3-4
D. Proverbs 17:9 "He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends."
E. A friend is a person who does his knocking before he enters instead of after he leaves.
F. An enemy is better than a two-faced friend.
G. Part of discipleship is that of transparency between the disciple and the discipler. To achieve this there must be a bond of friendship that is established with a sense of trustworthiness where one can be oneself without fear of ribbing, ridicule, rejection, or rumor.
H. Proverbs 20:19 "He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets;
Therefore do not associate with one who flatters with his lips."
I. A true friend will listen when you speak. He wants to understand how you feel and what concerns you. He will keep confidence. His concern is you. His desire is to help you to be who God wants you to be. He has your best interest at heart.
III. A true friend is supportive
A. A true friend will defend and "stick up" for their friends.
B. Jonathan was a genuine friend to King David. He defended him before his father Saul and when he realized that his father planned to kill David, Jonathan warned him and helped him escape.
C. 1 Samuel 19:4-5 " Jonathan spoke well of David to Saul his father, and said to him, “Let not the king sin against his servant, against David, because he has not sinned against you, and because his works have been very good toward you. 5 For he took his life in his hands and killed the Philistine, and the Lord brought about a great deliverance for all Israel. You saw it and rejoiced. Why then will you sin against innocent blood, to kill David without a cause?”
D. Walter Winchell has said, "A friend is one who walks in when others walk out."
E. Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity(to help in time of need).
F. When trouble or adversity occurs true friends step up to help.
G. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up.
H. "Friends will build you up not tear you down; friends will inspire confidence not inflict criticism; friends will encourage bold faith not discourage taking risks; friends will support with heart and soul; not just those who stick around for the party" - Dan Anderson, Going Vertical Soaring to New Heights
I. Friends stand by one another through thick and thin. Even if we do
not always agree with them we do not abandon them.
IV. A true friend is sacrificial
A. 1 Samuel 18:3-4 "...Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan took off the robe that was on him and gave it to David, with his armor, even to his sword and his bow and his belt."
B. Jonathan did not hold back. He gave to meet David's needs. True friends will give sacrificially to meet the needs of others.
C. 1 John 3:17 "But whoever has this world's goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him?"
D. Jermaine Washington, 26, did something that has amazed many people. He became a kidney donor, giving a vital organ to a woman he describes as "just a friend." Washington met Michelle Stevens, 23, when they began working together at the Washington, D.C., Department of Employment Services. They used to have lunch with one another and chitchat during breaks. "He was somebody I could talk to," says Stevens. "One day, I cried on his shoulder. I had been on the kidney donor waiting list for 11 months, and I had lost all hope." She told Washington how depressing it was to spend three days a week, three hours a day, on a kidney dialysis machine. She suffered chronic fatigue and blackouts and was plagued by joint pain. He could already see that she had lost her smile. "I saw my friend dying before my eyes," Washington recalls. "What was I supposed to do? Sit back and watch her die?" Steven's mother, suffering from hypertension, was ineligible to donate a kidney. Her two brothers were reluctant. "I understood," says Stevens. "They said they loved me very much, but they were just too afraid." The operation at Washington Hospital Center in April 1991 began with a painful procedure in which doctors inserted a catheter into an artery in Washington's groin. They then injected dye through the catheter into his kidney before taking X rays to determine if it was fit for transplant. A week later, an incision nearly 15 inches long was made from his navel to the middle of his back. After surgery he remained hospitalized for five days. Today, both Stevens and Washington are fully recovered. "I jog at least twice a week," Washington says. Three times a month, they get together for what they call a "gratitude lunch." To this day, people wonder why Washington did it -- and even question his sanity. But when one admirer asked him where he had found the courage to give away a kidney, his answer quelled the skeptics. "I prayed for it," Washington replied. "I asked God for guidance and that's what I got." - Courtland Milloy in Washington Post, quoted in Reader's Digest.
E. John 15:13 "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends."
V. A true friend is truthful
A. True friends will speak the truth to one another.
B. Proverbs 27:5-6 "Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful."
C. A true friend will be honest with you and speak the truth in love even if it hurts.
D. In 1 Samuel 20 David seeks to find out if or when Saul truly plans to kill him. He asks in verse 2 Jonathan “What have I done? What is my guilt? What is my sin against your father they he is trying to take my life?” Jonathan replies that David will not die. David asks Jonathan a favor. David tells him that he is not going to sit at a meal with the king, but instead go and hide out in a field. He asks Jonathan to tell him Saul's reaction, if the king is angry or accepting that David is absent. Jonathan promises by the Lord, the God of Israel, even upon his own death, to tell Jonathan the truth either way.
E. True Friends tell it like it is.
F. Imagine going to the doctor's office for a check-up. The doctor says to you, "You are a magnificent physical specimen. You have the body of an Olympian. You are to be congratulated." Later that day while climbing the stairs, your heart gives out. You find out later your arteries were so clogged that you were one jelly doughnut away from the grim reaper. You go back to the doctor and say, "Why didn't you tell me?" The doctor says, "Well, I know your body is in worse shape than the Pillsbury doughboy, but if I tell people stuff like that, they get offended. It's bad for business. You might not like me. I want this to be a safe place where you feel loved and accepted." You'd say: “Doctor, I could have died, tell me the truth.” Do you have friends who speak the truth in love to you? - copied
G. We have a responsibility to be truthful if we are to be true friends.
H. There is no greater act of friendship than to tell the truth about the need for salvation and introducing a friend to Jesus, the friend of sinners.
I. Mark 5:19 " And he did not permit him but said to him, “Go home to your friends and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.
In John 15:13 we read that "No one has greater love than this, that someone would lay down his life for his friends." Romans 5:7-8 tells us that very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, although someone might possibly have the courage to die for a good person. But Christ demonstrating God's great love and grace died for us while we were anything but good and were alienated from God. He did this that you might know the joy of His forgiveness and experience what it means to be a part of the family of God.
