How to Throw a Pity Party
1 Samuel 27:1-12; 30:1-6
When Barbara and I first came to Independence, we began our Wednesday night Bible studies with a teaching on the book of James. We figured we’d get off to a good running start on what it means to live out our Christians lives in the realness of the world we live in. I didn’t want to come to Independence with an “all life in Jesus is a journey from victory to victory with hardly a battle to be fought can you say ‘Praise the Lord’ and ‘Hallelujah’” type of attitude. Besides, that is not who I am or how I teach, which, if you’ve been at Journey Church more than about fifteen minutes, you’ve figured out by now.
One of the key phrases in the book of James, if not also one of the most troublesome, is found right up front in the second verse of the very first chapter. This is where James says, “Consider it all joy when you encounter various trials.” Well, isn’t James just a bundle of fun and warm fuzzies! Also, notice James didn’t say “if” you encounter various trials, but “when.” Trials and troubles are a guarantee. They are not negotiable. They WILL happen. And James is saying to take these trials in joy because they are going to produce in you a faith that is complete so that you will need nothing more. But the product of troubles and trials isn’t my point. My question is simple: What will you do when, not if but when, the troubles come?
As we’ve seen for the last few weeks, David has been in trouble with Saul. He’s let him out of a cave alive and even stole his spear and water while Saul slept just to prove that he is not going to harm Saul. But that doesn’t stop Saul. Now David’s life is in a pit. He was anointed to be the king of Israel but now he’s out living in the desert with a ragtag group of misfits and malcontents, running for his life. Naturally, there are always causes when we find our days going dark and our life descending into a pit of despair and depression. And I want you to beware of these things so that you can bypass them the next time life gets difficult, because it WILL get difficult. But if you do want to throw yourself a good old fashioned pity party – and I’ve met a few people who are experts – let me tell you how to do so. First you begin by . . .
1. Talking to yourself (27:1). Verse one says, “But David kept thinking to himself. . . .” That is usually the problem, isn’t it? We talk to ourselves and think to ourselves but we don’t talk to God. Or, we deceive ourselves into thinking that since we’re talking to ourselves we are actually praying. But that isn’t the case. Now, I’m not against talking to myself. I do it all the time. Sometimes I think when I talk to myself I finally have someone who is listening, but even then that isn’t always the case. However it is important that when we talk with ourselves we are telling ourselves the right things. And this is just what David didn’t do. He looked at what was going on around him and took his advice horizontally instead of vertically. You won’t find David praying even once in this chapter. He didn’t seek God until chapter 30. So the first step in throwing a pity party is to keep your conversation to yourself. The next step in throwing yourself a pity party is to—
2. Engage in negative reasoning (27:1). David started out talking to himself and what he said was quite negative. He says, “Someday Saul is going to get me.” That is about as negative and pessimistic and it gets. He says Saul “IS” going to get me. How does David know what tomorrow will bring? Didn’t Jesus say not to worry about tomorrow? Matt. 6:34 says, “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” No one knows about the future. And to go negative about something you really can’t predict is a simple way of lowering yourself into a pit of despair and then inviting people to join you in your misery.
One of the problems with negative thinking is we forget what God has already said to us. We forget His promises. We forget how He has already saved us from a bunch of problems. We forget that His mercies are new every morning.
David seems to have forgotten that Samuel anointed him to be king. He seems to have forgotten that Abigail, before she became David’s wife, said that the Lord would make David the leader of all Israel (1 Sam. 25:30). God spoke through Jonathan who told David he would be the next king. Even Saul said, “And now I realize that you are surely going to be king, and that the kingdom of Israel will flourish under your rule” (1 Sam. 24:20). But David begins talking to himself and says, “I’m going to perish. Saul will kill me. I have to save myself.” We become negative and pessimistic when we keep our eyes only on our current situation and forget what God has promised. God NEVER leads us to think pessimistically. Even when bad things happen God reminds us that He can work everything out for our good according to His love for us (Rom. 8:28). The third ingredient to a successful pity party is to—
3. Follow with irrational thinking (27:1). Look at verse one again. David’s conclusion after having a good talk with himself is rather stupid. He says, “The best thing I can do is escape to the Philistines. Then Saul will stop hunting for me in Israelite territory, and I will finally be safe.” Can you say, “Dumb, dumb, stupid, dumb”? Well of course Saul isn’t going to Philistine territory. That is the enemy’s territory. Gath is the home of Goliath! David is a perfect example of today’s Christian who believes in God on the inside but who chooses to live like the world on the outside. And you know what is really frightening? God lets him. If someone wants to forget about all the good things God has done for them and all the promises He has placed in their future and run and live in the world and not consult God, then God lets them. So off David runs to Philistine territory.
Psychologist Rollo May said, “Man is the only animal that runs faster when he has lost his way.” It seems that sometimes the further we get down into the pit the faster we start to dig. We get panicked because we know we are not in a good place and we start moving faster because we don’t know what else to do. And then we invite others to join us and it isn’t too hard to find people who will help us dig. You see, nobody’s choices are choices that affect them and them alone. People will say, “Hey, it is my life and I’ll live it any way I want. The only person I’ll hurt is me.” But that isn’t true. We always end up dragging people with us. Look at verses 2-3. “So David took his 600 men and went over and joined Achich son of Maoch, the king of Gath. David and his men and their families settled there with Achish at Gath.” You are never alone when you decide to live only for yourself. Others are ALWAYS affected.
Now that others have joined our pity party, we get to watch as it produces . . .
4. False security (27:3). David says to himself that when he leaves Israel he will “finally be safe.” Feeling that relief from the pressure Saul had constantly placed upon David, he starts to feel safe. For some people, living in the enemy’s territory without pressure feels more secure than living where God has placed you. And most of us will admit there is intense pressure in the life of a Christian. There is even pressure in the life of the Church. Saul and David were from the same country, the same religious history, the same group of people led from Egypt by Moses. But the pressure Saul put on David drove David from his home and into the wilderness. It didn’t, however, drive David to Philistine territory. That was his own choice.
Many are the Christians who want out of church involvement. I understand that. I’m giving serious consideration to doing a whole sermon on the idea of what it means to be a people of God in the enemy’s territory and the perils involved. But any time we leave the fellowship of other Christians; any time we take ourselves away from allowing people to speak into our lives and help us in our spiritual walk will find false security. It may feel like a relief at first, but it leads down a dangerous path. Because without the checks and balances of allowing people to be an Abigail in your life, as we talked about last week, you will next find yourself getting involved in—
5. Wrong allegiances (27:5). When we choose a disobedient lifestyle we choose to live for everything that is the opposite of God. We end up submitting to the enemy and contributing to his cause. We all have an allegiance to whatever place we to live in. We are aligned with the United States because we choose to live here. That doesn’t mean we agree with everything, but we’ve told the world that of all the places we could live, we choose to be here. Some Americans have given up their citizenship to live in other countries, which is their right. But for the most part, those who are here choose to be here. We also choose to live in Independence, KS. Our taxes contribute to the goals and structure of this city. We give “approval” to Independence because of our choice to live here. Again, we may not like everything that is taking place, but we have still aligned ourselves with Independence.
David has aligned himself with the Philistines, becoming part of that nation. He “joined Achish son of Maoch, the king of Gath” (vs. 2). When you join with someone more powerful than you are, you have become their servant. You may say in your heart you are still a servant of Christ, but your actions say you are serving the enemy. This is a very dangerous place to be, because you could find yourself involved in—
6. Months of compromise (27:6-7). David lived in Ziklag for sixteen months. A visit to the enemy’s territory is rarely a one-night stand. It is sad to see how often a person who has been so involved in the local church will one day decide they have better things to do than obey Jesus’ directives to become a disciple and then go out and make disciples. Acts 2:42 says that after spending three years with Jesus twenty-four hours a day and seven days a week, His disciples still made the decision to gather together to share in teaching, fellowship, the Lord’s Supper and prayer.
And prayer. What is interesting is that here we have David, a man after God’s own heart, the man who wrote half the book of Psalms, a man 2 Sam. 23:1 calls “the sweet psalmist of Israel,” never writing a Psalm during the time he spent in Philistine territory. This is because our victory songs to God are silent while we spend time in the enemy’s camp. We cannot sing to the Lord while we’re in a foreign land governed by a foreign king. Which is why the captives in Babylon would later ask, “But how can we sing the songs of the LORD while in a pagan land?” – Psalm 137:4. Perhaps this describes many people in church today who don’t like to worship; their bodies are in the pew but their hearts are in Philistine territory. They are in a compromising position and they know it.
This pity party, which leads us to a foreign land and a compromising position, finally leads us to a life of—
7. Duplicity (27:8-9). Duplicity is when you pretend to be one thing or operate by one set of feelings while really doing something else. Deep inside himself David was an Israelite, but he tried to make the Philistines think he was on their side. This is what happens when people claim to be Christians but they don’t want to look too different from their non-Christian friends. Now there is a lack of total allegiance. They aren’t fully committed to Christ, but they aren’t completely in the world, either. This can make a person very miserable.
David spent his time attacking the enemies of Israel, but they were neither the friends nor the enemies of the Philistines. David wasn’t in Israel, but he wasn’t really fighting for the Philistines, either. He was living a life of duplicity. Now, when Achish asks him what he’s been up to, David can’t really tell him the truth. So the next consequence of living in enemy territory is—
8. Vagueness (27:10-12). The south of Judah is not very specific. LOTS of things are south of Judah. Furthermore, he was implying he was fighting against Israel, which he was not. He was killing Amalekites and Geshurites and Girzites. So now David complicates his vagueness with lies, telling Achish he was killing Jerahmeelites and Kenites. He didn’t kill those people, which is why he had to completely destroy the people he did fight against, because he couldn’t leave any witnesses who might tell Achish the truth. When you are in enemy territory you get vague and try to cover you bases and live in secrecy. You run from being accountable. You cover up, just like Adam and Eve. You can’t be exposed so you deflect the question. The truth is far from you, which leads you to—
9. Depression (30:1-5). In chapter 29 the Philistine army is getting ready to fight Israel and David is supporting King Achish in the rear with his men. But the Philistine commanders didn’t trust David, thinking he would try to get back in Saul’s favor by handing them all over to Israel. Achish says, “As far as I’m concerned, you’re as perfect as an angel of God. But the Philistine commanders are afraid to have you with them in the battle” (29:9). So David heads back to his home city of Ziklag, only to find their city has been invaded by the Amalekites, who burned it to the ground and took all their families. Now all they can do is weep and weep and weep. 1 Sam. 30:6 says, “David was now in great danger because all his men were very bitter about losing their sons and daughters, and they began to talk of stoning him.” About this time I’m sure David was feeling lower than squid dung. He is living in enemy territory, telling lies and compromising his faith. His prayer life zero and he’s not even trying to write songs to God. To top it all off, his family has been taken captive and his men are talking about stoning him. I think I’d be a bit depressed myself. In fact, I’d be more than depressed. I’d be absolutely despondent, hopeless and dejected. I’m sure right about now David is wishing he never started this process by having a talk with himself!
Why is it some people have to hit the absolute bottom before they finally do the right thing? This is the place where some people consider suicide. But there is a choice. You can end it all yourself or you can do what you should have done in the first place. The second part of verse six, after David hears he’s about to be murdered by his men, says, “But David found strength in the Lord.”
So the final cure to inviting all your friend and enemies to your own pity part is to—
10. Seek God’s strength (30:6). The word strength in verse 6 does mean to be strong, to give strength and to encourage. These were all things David needed. But the word also means to grasp, to seize, to make repairs. When we finally tire of throwing ourselves a pity party, a party we’ve usually created due to our own inappropriate actions, will we seek the Lord and repair our lives by grasping onto Him? Up to this point in the story David is working on his own. We find no Psalms associated with the period. We find David offering God no prayers. Not until He got so far down that it hurt him to the core did David finally strengthen himself in God and seek God’s advice, which he receives. For the first time in sixteen months David seeks and gets God’s help.
When we are facing dark days, trials and tribulations, our first order of business is to stay away from talking to ourselves as David did, and seek God’s strength, grasping onto Him so He can repair our lives.
We’ve all spent times talking to ourselves and ending up serving the enemy in his own territory. We can all tell stories of living vague lies about who we really are. But I pray that if you are here this morning you are looking to have God do some repairing in your life. You are ready to look to God. You are tired of your own pity party. You are ready to come home.
Questions—
1. Tell us about a time you talked yourself into a wrong situation without consulting God.
2. How did God repair your life after you left enemy territory?
