There is a word that is used to describe the broken and shattered homes of today. And that word is dysfunctional. If you listen closely you will hear people talk about, dissect, dialogue and analyze dysfunctional homes and dysfunctional families. Case studies reviewing families and family members who act out of control/order with the family structure are tagged being as dysfunctional. Talk shows, Jerry, Maury and even Oprah have on stage a family with two dogs, 1 cat and an IT—stating that ‘I am the way that I am because I am dysfunctional’. And if you listen to it long enough, this tainted view, though it is ideal and euphoric, will leave you the mistaken impression and false illusion that there are homes, relationships, families that are fully functional. And if, left with that euphoric impression—you will look at what you’ve got to go back to—and you will walk away in disillusionment, confusion, pandemonium and perplexity every time.
I want to submit to that there has only been one fully functional family home in the history of mankind and the human race. That home, without argument, hands down would have be the home of Adam and Eve, the masterpiece of God’s creation in the world, prior to their sinful disobedience. You know the story very well—They were created to be in perfect and harmonious sync and relationship with God in a perfect environment. Everything about them was perfect, ideal, just right—then all of that changes when Adam does not take his God-given covenant authority to kick a snake out his relationship, his home and his family. And as a consequence, sin entered in and it has never been the same since.
From Adam to today, families have faced an onslaught of tough problems. Adam and Eve had a dysfunctional marriage. Abraham and Sarah suffered financial distress, causing them to move out of the country. Isaac and Rebekah played favorites with their children. Rebekah plotted against her husband. Jacob betrayed his brother’s trust. Joseph lived in family plagued with so many problems that his own brothers sold him into slavery and told their father that he had been killed. All of these family problems came about because of sin, but what about Job? Job was a man who lived close to the Lord. You might say he was in church every time the doors were open, gave his offerings, taught a Sunday School class and sang in the choir and lived a holy life, but in one day the Bible says he suffered the loss of all his children, all his wealth and his health.
The Bible is full of such stories: stories of families as they suffer the storms of life. Those stories are the stories of our lives today. No family is immune to the storms of life – they are simply a fact of life. Every family here today is facing storms: you are either suffering through them now or you know they are coming. Some of you are in financial distress and there seems no way out. Some of your marriages are taking a beating from the hurricanes of life and you wonder how much longer you can hold out. There may be family shame, lying, deception, jealousy, or mistrust. It may be that you’re burdened with having to take care of family that cannot take care of themselves.
To say that our homes needs some improvement from the storms and the hurricanes that would eventually come our way is to say that everything is not what it should be and not what it COULD be. When it comes to remodeling our home there are five things we need to remember:
1. It takes longer than you planned
2. It cost more than you figured
3. It is messier than you anticipated
4. It requires greater determination
5. It takes more patience than you expected.
This is true of our home life as well. You make plans to improve your relationship with your spouse and children. In the beginning everything goes well, but then somewhere in the process, you realize:
1. It takes longer than you planned
2. It cost more than you figured
3. It is messier than you anticipated
4. It requires greater determination
5. It takes more patience than you expected.
It’s not easy, but with God as your architect, His Word as your blueprint, faith as your hope and victory as your motivation—in the words of Missy—you can ‘Work it if it’s worth it’.
I. Essential
If you are going to make it/survive/continue and endure, there is an essential element that must be present in your family.
The text states for us very clearly, aptly and succinctly “Except the Lord”. Which is to suggest and purport that without the Lord it is useless, futile and pointless to the extent that it is a waste of time and worth nothing at all.
He says here “Except the Lord” and a more accurate translation would be “Unless the Lord”.
• Is there anybody in here who has discovered that in your own life that there are some things that you can not substitute or find a substitute for.
It is true—every now and then you can find a substitute to replace certain things in your life.
(Sugar—Splenda; Hair—Extension; Bad Eyes—Contacts; back in the day—didn’t have pancakes…Syrup Sandwiches; Canadian Bacon or Italian Sausage…Fried Balogne)
But there is no fake substitute for real blood. They may give you something that will hold you over temporarily; but they can not leave it in you long because you have to have the real thing.
- And you may run your family/relationships/home/son/daughter/husband/wife off of cheap, weak, flimsy, shallow or superficial substitutes that will satisfy and appease you temporarily—but you won’t be successful very long.
- Why? Because a substitute is an alternative, a surrogate, stand in, a replacement….
- Nobody is trying to hear Solange when they can have Beyonce/Nobody is standing in line to see Mill Vanilli when Brian McKnight or Luther is available/Once you have matured enough—McDonalds wouldn’t be your preference if Saltgrass, Outback, Olive Garden, Pappadeaux, Gringos, Steak and Ale, Luby’s, Piccaddily’s or Chillis were an option.
- And to say that you would rather have anybody other than the Lord as the foundation/focus/spotlight/sum and the substance/center and circumference—is to suggest that a substitute is better than that which is real; that a knock off is actually better to you than the genuine article.
• Houses and Land—That’s a GOOD substitute!
• Cash, Cars, Creature comforts—That’s a GOOD substitute!
However—it is only a temporary substitute that will not last because if that were the reality—then the rich would never have their children in Jail/would never be in divorce court/would never be dealing with their children who are struggling with substance abuse and narcotics.
If you ever want to experience the abundant life/unspeakable joy/peace that passes all of your earthly understanding—grab a hold of 3 words in the text that will change your life: Except the Lord.
Matthew chapter 6 Jesus says “Lay not up for yourselves treasure on earth…..”
• SUBSTITUTE will only leave you DESTITUTE!!!
Mark 8:36 ‘What profiteth a man if he should gain the whole world and should lose his very soul’.
A substitute is that which temporarily acts as another replacement—but upon examination is cannot stand the test of time.
That was the issue with the woman Jesus met at the well in John chapter 4. Jesus said to her that you are going to a well to find comfort and contentment in something that will quench your temporary thirsty—but if you drink from the well that I have that never dry—I will give you something to where you will never thirst again.
In the cabaret/strip club/Chip and Dales/Happy Hour/Club/Zydeco/Madame Butterfly
‘Excpet the LORD’. No substitutes allowed; there is an essential element/ingredient and that element is the Person of the LORD.
• I understand that we are modernistic and pluralistic in our thinking that we can get by. That that is how it used to be. Mama did that because she didn’t have a broad understanding about life.
• But somebody in here knows that regardless of what school you’ve gone to—when you boil it all down—there is one thing you need if you don’t have anything else and that is that you need to LORD.
• That where I am the Lord brought me; what I know the Lord taught me….
And it amazes me that even church folk have forgotten where it is that the LORD has brought you from.
- You get an extra letter behind your name/have the right to vote/gone and leaned up against a book…and all of a sudden you’ve got no time for God.
Substitutes can buy a BED—REST
Substitutes can get you a DATE—LOVE
Substitutes can get you a new hair style—BRAIN…Peace of mind
Substitutes can buy you a family ranch in the valley—Won’t keep your son off crack
Substitutes can buy you things, cars and fun—but it won’t keep you daughter from growing up insecure.
- Maybe for Christmas –the gift you need to give to somebody else should be the gift of introducing somebody to the LORD.
* Friends don’t let friends drive drunk—this may be true—friends don’t let friends go to HELL.
Grandmamma may not have had must education. But when you backed her up in a corner—she had no problem reminding you—“IF it had not been for the LORD”
• I didn’t think I would make it in 83—but the LORD……………
- You’re wondering what’s wrong with that girl/boy/husband/wife—I’ll tell you what’s wrong—they need - the LORD.
- I’ll tell you what’s wrong with that husband and wife—why they can’t forgive and experience reconciliation. It’s because they have missed the essential ingredient—and that is they need the LORD.
You can do without the 3,000 Sq Ft. house/50k dollar car (trying to spend money you don’t have to impress people you don’t even like; buying what you want and begging for what you need)
-You can do without the clothes from Neiman Marcus.
-You can do without the furniture from Ethan Allen.
-You can do without all of that but you can’t make it without the LORD.
• My great grand mother lived in a shanty in Sequin, Texas but she made it.
• She didn’t have much money but she raised 13 children and none of them left the Lord.
• She didn’t have a source of transportation but she made it.
She didn’t need Valiums, Excederim PM, Unisom, Sominex…
- But she learned how to get down on her knees and cry out to God ‘Father….I stretch’.
Except the LORD….
II. Establish
If God is involved He will ESTABLISH your house.
The text says “Except the Lord BUILDS the house”….
The LORD is a master builder.
One thing about a builder—is that if you are going to have anything worthwhile, valuable, meaningful—you don’t ever bring him in at the END.
• The reason why some of us have lopsided lives and crooked houses is because we brought the BUILDER in at the END.
We tried to construct it and put it together ourselves and on our own (we didn’t know a 2 by 4 from a 6 by 4 and we tried to build our own house and then asked the LORD to Bless our MESS)…
No! You have to bring Him in at the beginning. He wants to be God, building in your life at Ground Zero. You have to allow Him to establish—He has to be the ONE to set it up; He has to lay the foundation.
• I’ve discovered that most builders don’t want to deal with somebody else’s foundation. (I wish I had a builder in the house). Their kind of skeptical—they are not sure of the soundness of the foundation. But if you allow them to start from the beginning—then they will stand behind their product.
• Because if the foundation is bad, it doesn’t matter how good they build the home—if the foundation cracks, the home can be destroyed and the builder places him or herself at the risk of invalidating the legitimacy of their product.
- If you allow God to be the builder of your house—He’ll lay the Foundation.
This one won’t crack under you. The earth may shift but the foundation won’t crack. It’s built to last for eternity.
And what this text says is “Except the LORD Builds”.
When you look at the word built “BANAH” it is spoken in the Qal, Niphal, Participle, Active Voice. It is not just something that is a once and for all finished act; but a continuous process.
• See, a lot of us play TAG with God.
• We come in a get the plans and the blueprints and then go out and try to subcontract it ourselves.
And then we wonder why it doesn’t work; but God wants to be in it from the beginning to the end. Paul says in Philippians 1:6—be confident of this one thing—that He who has begun a good work in your shall perform it unto the day of Jesus Christ.’
It didn’t end when Mama died/Daddy walked out/Friends walked away……
The saints of old used to say: Let the Holy Ghost lead you all the way.
God will be with you when you’re courting/proposal/wedding/honeymoon/early part of your marriage/little children are their/adolescents/graduate from high school/when they start their family/grown old and gray….
If you let the LORD, HE will establish you.
Solomon, the author of this psalm, did some building of his own; viz. the Temple in Jerusalem. Psalm 127 reflects his observations about the vanity of life apart from God found in Ecclesiastes. He knew that, without the right priorities, his work was in vain. Unless God blesses our efforts, unless He is a part of what we’re doing, our labor is worthless. All of life is meaningless—if we leave God out of the picture. We have choices: faith or futility; self-reliance or trust in God. Self-reliance ends in despair, while trusting the Architect of our home leads us to find purpose and meaning in our lives and livelihood.
Illustration: One day Henry Ford was driving in the Michigan countryside when he came upon a man whose Model T had broken down. The guy was bent under the hood trying to figure what was wrong. Mr. Ford stopped and asked if he could take a look. In a few minutes, he had the car running. The grateful owner said, “I’m amazed at your ability; you fixed my car so easily.” Ford replied, “I ought to be able to fix it, because I’m the one who designed it.” The same is true with God—He designed us, and He can fix whatever’s wrong with us.
Paul says that “no other foundation has been laid than Jesus Christ Himself.”
III. The next word is the word EFFORT
Now the text says “Except the LORD build the house……….Labor in vain who build it”
It does NOT say that we should not labor. It just says that without the LORD we labor in vain.
• One of the PARADOXICAL TRUTHS about faith is the sovereignty of God.
• The sovereignty and the absoluteness of God BALANCED with the volition and the responsibility of man.
• God is in CONTROL; but God does not violate your will.
• God will give you what you need; but you’ve got to take responsibility for yourself.
• What I am suggesting to you is that if you want a strong family—you’ve got to work at it.
God will give you what it takes but you have to work at it.
• If I can be honest I have discovered that so many work at everything else but their families.
- They work at being a good Delta—instead of being a good wife
- They work at being a good Mason—instead of being a good husband
- Some women spend more time in the mirror trying to MAKE UP their face than they do facing their husband trying to MAKE their MARRIAGE.
- Some men spend more time in the weight room or with the boys trying to BUILD their bodies than they do with the wives and their children trying to BUILD their families.
It TAKES WORK!!!!
• I believe Dr. Bailey and I were having a conversation one time and I believe its true—‘he said Pullam, you know—I’ve come to believe that the more money people spend on the wedding the shorter the marriage.’ That if they had spent as much time getting to know one another as they did trying to impress people that don’t even like them anyway—they might have lasted longer than six months.
• Let me talk to some of you single folk who use the excuse that you can’t afford to get married—instead of spending four of five thousand dollars (that’s a modest number) trying to impress folks with what you’ve got that you don’t have—when you could have taken the time and energy to learn one another!
IT TAKES TIME!
I tell couples who have problems in the first year or so—I say it just takes time.
• We’re a microwave society—we want it right now.
- We’re accustomed to instant tea/instant coffee/instant rice/instant grits
- Even so much that now we have instant marriages—it takes WORK and TIME to raise a family.
- It takes WORK to raise a family. It’s not easy being a parent.
• Watch this, and I mean no harm—if you’re self-centered you don’t need to be married and you don’t need to be a parent.
- I you are in love with yourself, stuck on yourself/and think that the world revolves around yourself—you don’t have any business marry anybody and you don’t have any business being anybody’s parent.
(I know you don’t like it—but it doesn’t make me any difference and those of you who are married, have been married or have children—you need to help me)
- It takes an effort to rear a child. You have to go through some stressful moments to rear a child. The television can’t rear your children. I understand that it’s necessary—but the daycare can’t rear your children. The schoolhouse can not rear your children. The church cannot rear your children. YOU must read your children.
It takes an EFFORT. An effort to live with someone besides yourself. Because to be honest we have a problem living with ourselves.
• Anybody ever fallen out with yourself? Have you ever said ‘why did you do that?’ Now if you said that to yourself—what do you think you would have to do living with somebody else?
IV. Empty
If God is not involved in the blueprints of your family and in the plans of your home—you will leave with constant, remaining, never-ending emptiness.
It is right here in the text: EMPTINESS.
“Except the Lord……..they that labor, labor in VAIN” (Hebrew word SHAWV means to be empty)
• We have a lot of empty houses.
- Yes, the lights are on—but its empty
- It’s well-furnished—but its empty
- The air is working—but its empty
- The stove is working and meals are prepared—but its empty
- The family room is functionable—but its empty
- There are people inside—but its empty
If you have a home and God is not the center of what’s happening, you don’t have anything but an empty house.
You can even have a Bible and it still be empty.
Illustration: A young boy went to his daddy and pointed at the Family Bible and asked “Daddy, isn’t that God’s book?’ The father said, ‘Yes”. He said, ‘Daddy, since that’s God’s book why don’t we give it back to Him since we don’t use it?”
EMPTINESS
- Dressed to a T—but empty
- Sometimes you can shout on Sunday—but empty
- Do you not even realize that you can be BIG in church but still empty at home?
- Do you realize that you can be important in the community and empty at home?
- Do you realize that people around you can ooohh and awe at what you have—but you know in the midnight hour—all you have is emptiness.
Why are our children running to gangs? Because there is emptiness in the house. You don’t like it. But do you know why children go to gangs? Because they are seeking a place to belong. And they can’t find it at home. Because you can’t belong to what’s empty. So they seek something that Satan has set up as a cheap imitation for a family and they join something where they can feel like they belong.
- Anybody know that emptiness will make you do something strange things?
- Finding yourself with people that you shouldn’t be with?
- Finding yourself some places where you should not be?
- Finding yourself doing some things you should not do?
That is emptiness.
V. EYES
Now often we use that word as a noun—to describe an Organ by which we take in light an the brain transfers it into images that we understands and comprehend what we’re looking at. That’s not what we’re talking about.
Sometimes it refers to the eye of a needle for thread. We’re not talking about that.
Sometimes in the Bible we talk about the eye in the wall of Jerusalem; where Jesus talked about the Camel through an eye, he was talking about that wall where they would enter when the gate was down.
But if you get you a good dictionary you will discover that the word eye can be used as a VERB.
And it means to watch with the intent of protection. It says…”Except the LORD KEEP the city”.
The word KEEP (SHAWMAR) means to eye. It means to have your eyes upon. It means to watch with the intent of protection.
He says that except the Lord keep the city the watchman wakes but in vain.
If God is involved in your family—then God has His eyes on you. And when God has his eye on you, it’s like a hedge being built around you. Now we don’t understand a hedge, because we use a hedge for beautification. But a hedge was originally used as a fence, a parameter for protection. For it was made up of some type of plant that would provide thorns or thistles so that if you tried to cross, you would be pricked by that hedge itself.
And what God does is that He puts Hie eyes on your, He puts a hedge around you. When God is the priority in your family, He puts a hedge of thorns around your family.
Maybe some things that you haven’t experienced in your family/your child is not on crack—it’s not because you’ve been so smart. It’s been because God has a hedge around you. God has a way of keeping His eye on us.
When God is involved in your home—you don’t have to worry about trying to watch out for yourself. Because the text says that ‘except the Lord keep the city—the watchman waketh in vain’.
Question: What does a watchman doing waking up???? IF the watchman is supposed to be watching, why is he waking up—he’s supposed to BE up? It just suggests to me that no matter how intent you are on watching—you can’t keep your eyes long enough.
But I know somebody who never slumbers nor sleeps. I know somebody who’s got His eyes always open.
No wonder the songwriter declared “I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free….His eye is on the sparrow….”
Anybody ever tried to stay up and keep a watch—but you found yourself dosing? And I am not talking about just physically. Because you can be physically alert; but asleep with some stuff that your natural eye can’t see in your house.
- Your child can be strung out on drugs and you not see it.
God has his eyes on your family. You need somebody with good vision.
Every now and then I go to the doctor for my eyes—but they can never get it perfect. My vision dims as the days go by—but I know somebody.
that even in the darkest night—He can see a black ant on the blackest rock (it doesn’t make any difference. The Bible says that the night is as day to Him.)
Have you ever had things to get dark in your life/family where you couldn’t see which way you were going?
Then you ought to be celebrating today that you’ve got somebody Who has His eyes on your family and that He knows what’s happening.
- Mama used to say, ‘He sits high and looks low’…I didn’t understand it.
- Someone else said ‘His eyes move across the earth’.
- Someone else said, ‘God’s got an all-seeing eye’.
That’s why God can protect you form dangers unseen; just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean He can’t see it:
That’s why the old folk used to say ‘Guide me oh thou great Jehovah…..’
I see one more word and that is the word EASE.
VI. When God is involved, He will allow you to be at EASE.
VERSE 2…but those who are beloved.
And when God is involved in your family, He allows you to be at ease. He doesn’t necessarily make it EASY; but He will give you ease.
• You don’t have to have everything going your way to be at EASE. All you have to have is something on the inside to be at EASE.
• A whole lot of people here—you’re tossing and turning/full of depression/stressed out.
But if you let God be in charge, you can be at ease.
- That boy may not change—but God will give you peace
- That girl may not change—but He’ll give you peace
- That Husband may not act right—but God will give you peace.
They’ll wonder why you’re snoring with all the hell that surrounding you—because GOD has given you PEACE.
No wonder why Paul says, ‘Be careful for nothing—but in everything through prayer and supplication, let your request be known unto God with thanksgiving in your heart.’ And then he says, ‘and the peace of God, that passeth all understanding, will guard your hearts in Christ Jesus’.
Anybody know about thanksgiving in your heart? That when hell tries to come in your home, you’ve got a soldier name peace saying, you can’t come in here. When fear tries to come in, he says you don’t have authorization to come in. When despondency, the soldier says you’re not authorize because you’ve got peace on the inside.
Anybody in here got peace…
You’re about to lose your job/past your last dime/doctor tells you that you’re not going to get well/tell you that they are going to take your child -- but you’ve got peace.
You ask me why I’ve still got peace—
My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.
You need to let God be involved. He’ll make your House a Home.
He’ll give you peace in the time of storms.
Let the Lord be involved. The word translated Lord is Jehovah. And I began to think about that name Jehovah.
It means the one WHO is and Is the Come.
But if I had a witness in the house, they would ask, what about Jehovah Jireh? I would say you’re right—because the Lord will provide.
Rohi—Shephard
Rapha—Doctor in my sick room
Nissi—He will fight my battles
Saloam—He’s in charge everything
Shammah—because when I get to where I think I’m headed, He’ll already be there.
But if you can’t remember any of those names, I’ve got a name that you can call on.
Somebody said He was a wheel in the middle of a wheel/rose of Sharon/lily of the valley/bright and morning star/water in dry places/bread in a starving land.
I call Him JESUS. Anybody know JESUS.
When troubles burden me down/Eyes are filled with tears/my heart has been broken/I’ve been lied on/when my friends walk away from me/I don’t know which was to go—I call Jesus!!!
