Opening illustration: Newspaper columnist and minister George Crane tells of a wife who came into his office full of hatred toward her husband. "I do not only want to get rid of him, I want to get even. Before I divorce him, I want to hurt him as much as he has me."
Dr. Crane suggested an ingenious plan "Go home and act as if you really love your husband. Tell him how much he means to you. Praise him for every decent trait. Go out of your way to be as kind, considerate, and generous as possible. Spare no efforts to please him, to enjoy him. Make him believe you love him. After you've convinced him of your undying love and that you cannot live without him, and then drop the bomb. Tell him that you're getting a divorce. That will really hurt him." With revenge in her eyes, she smiled and exclaimed, "Beautiful, beautiful. Will he ever be surprised!" And she did it with enthusiasm. Acting "as if." For two months she showed love, kindness, listening, giving, reinforcing, and sharing. When she didn't return, Crane called. "Are you ready now to go through with the divorce?"
"Divorce?" she exclaimed. "Never! I discovered I really do love him." Her actions had changed her feelings. Motion resulted in emotion. The ability to love is established not so much by fervent promise as often repeated deeds.
Let us turn in our Bibles to 1 Corinthians 13: 4 -7 and see how it can apply to our lives for making that transformation so that the lives of others can be touched by the love of Christ flowing through our lives.
Introduction: In 1 Corinthians 13, we find one of the most beautiful and familiar chapters in the Bible. This chapter is typically read at weddings and anniversary celebrations. It has even been set to music. Yet, this was never the original intent. Instead, Paul was writing a rebuke to a dysfunctional church for their abuse of the spiritual gifts. Typically though, this understanding is often ignored. Consequently, I wonder if most Christians have truly pondered the deeper meaning of this passage. Have we heard this Scripture so often that we no longer think about what the words mean? I would suggest that if we ignore the context of this chapter we are in danger of missing its major impact.
Another aspect of our society is the confusion between LOVE and LUST. Unlike lust, God’s kind of love is directed toward others, not inward toward ourselves. It is utterly unselfish. This kind of love goes against our natural inclinations. It is possible to practice this love only if God helps us set aside our own desires and instincts, so that we can give love while expecting nothing in return. Thus the more we become like Christ, the more love we will show to others. In fact this passage does not show any kind of emotion or sentiments but exhibits in action as to what love entails.
That love the Bible calls Agape love. It does not depend on the world’s criteria for "love". Nevertheless, believers can fall into the trap of blindly following the world’s demand that a lover feel positive toward the beloved. This is not agape love, but is a love based on impulse. Impulsive love characterizes the spouse who announces to the other spouse that they are planning to divorce their mate. Why? They reason “I can’t help it. I fell in love with another person!” Christians must understand that this type of impulsive love is completely contrary to God’s decisive love, which is decisive because He is in control and has a purpose in mind. There are many reasons a proper understanding of the truth of God's word (and of the world's lie) is critical and one of the foremost is Jesus' declaration that “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love (agape) for one another.” (John 13:35). (Comment: Agape is the badge of discipleship and the landmark of heaven! (John 13:35). )
Paul will argue that love is an action, not an emotion. The kind of love Paul will talk about is seen, experienced, and demonstrated. This is contrary to our culture that honors personal feelings above almost everything. We do what we want when we want because we “feel” like it. And if we don’t “feel” like it, we don’t do it. But as I study this passage, I am struck by the complete absence of any stress on personal feelings. Hence, if love is an action, not an emotion, we need to study what God has to say about love. We need to know what love is and what it looks like when it is lived out in the church.
Agape in the Greek classics spoke of a love called out of one’s heart by the preciousness of the object loved. This is the idea inherent in the Father's proclamation "This is My beloved Son ..." Agape is the love that was shown at Calvary. Thus agape is God’s love, and is the love that God is. It is not human affection but is a divine love, commanded by God, produced as fruit in the heart of a surrendered saint by the Holy Spirit (God Who is at work in us to will and to work to His good pleasure), self-sacrificial in nature seeking the benefit of the one who is loved, a love which means death to self and defeat for sin since the essence of sin is self-will and self-gratification, a love activated by personal choice of our will (working out our salvation in fear and trembling) not based on our feelings toward the object of our love and manifested by specific actions as described in this section of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 where we see "love in action."
Therefore how do you draw the line between love and lust?
What is the ‘Essence of Love?’
1. The FRUIT of LOVE [v. 4]: What LOVE IS
(a) Long-suffering ~ Endures slights and wrongs patiently and long, and returns a kindly spirit. It is "slow to anger" (Psalms 103:8). Christ, "when he was reviled, reviled not again" (1Peter 2:23). "The fruit of the Spirit is long-suffering" (Galatians 5:22).
(b) Kind ~ the positive side. Extending good to others. Compare with love’s features here those of the “wisdom from above” (James 3:17).
© Opposes Jealousy ~ Jealousy implies being displeased with the success of others. Yet, true love desires the success of others. The best way to cure envy is to pray sincerely for the one of whom you are jealous. To pray for him or her is to demonstrate love, and jealousy and love cannot exist in the same heart. [Illustration: Jealousy is one of the vilest of sins that we harbor in our hearts! It was Eve's jealousy of God that motivated her to take the forbidden fruit. It was jealousy that put Daniel in the lion’s den. It was jealousy that put Joseph in that pit! Yet, Godly love dies not get jealous, rather it is pleased when others do well!]
(d) Doesn’t show off ~ This means the more loving you become, the less boasting you need to do. The greater your spiritual gifts, the less prone you should be to brag. After all, the gifts you have been graciously given are from God. When you and I brag, we are demonstrating our insecurity and spiritual immaturity.
(e) Doesn’t have a Wind about themselves ~ A man may be very proud and vain, and not express it in the form of boasting. That state is indicated by this word. If he gives expression to this feeling, and boasts of his endowments, that is indicated by the previous word. Love would prevent this, as it would the former, it would destroy the feeling, as well as the expression of it.
Illustration: No one treated Abraham Lincoln w/more contempt then did Stanton. Stanton called him “a low cunning clown,” he nicknamed him “the original gorilla”. Lincoln never responded. - When it came time to pick his war minister he picked Stanton because he was the best for the job & he treated him w/ever courtesy. Years later when the assassin’s bullet murdered Lincoln in the theatre, in the little room the body was taken to, there stood Stanton. Looking down on Lincoln’s silent face, he said through his tears, “There lies the greatest ruler of men the world has ever seen.” The Patience of love had conquered in the end!
2. The DEFINITION of LOVE [v. 5-6]: What LOVE is NOT
(a) Behaving Rudely ~ Isn’t discourteously and in a way to shock good manners or morals.
(b) Selfish ~ does not inordinately desire nor seek its own praise, or honor, or profit, or pleasure. Indeed self-love, in some degree, is natural to all men, enters into their very constitution.
© Provoked ~ it is neither touchy nor irritable. Since it has surrendered all its rights for the one it loves, it has nothing to get upset about. Love is not easily aroused to anger, doesn’t wear its feelings on its sleeve and is not temperamental. Touchy people make poor marriage partners; they need to let the Spirit of God give them victory in this area of their lives if they hope to find happiness in marriage.
(d) Thinking Evil ~ this expression also is comparative. It means that love, or that a person under the influence of love, is not malicious, censorious, disposed to find fault, or to impute improper motives to others. Doesn’t keep an account of what people do against them. It is not mean!
(e) Rejoices in Iniquity ~ Instead of rejoicing, is filled with sadness by wrong doing of any kind, but does …
(f) Doesn’t Rejoice in the Truth ~ every thing that is opposite to falsehood and irreligion. Those who are filled with the love of God and man rejoice in the propagation and extension of Divine truth - in the spread of true faith, by which alone peace and good will can be diffused throughout the earth. Bringing forth its proper fruit, holiness of heart and life. Good in general is its glory and joy, wherever diffused in the entire world.
Illustration: The story is told of a child psychologist who spent many hours constructing a new driveway at his home. Just after he smoothed the surface of the freshly poured concrete, his small children chased a ball across the driveway, leaving deep footprints. The man yelled after them with a torrent of angry words. His shocked wife said, "You're a psychologist who's supposed to love children." The fuming man shouted, "I love children in the abstract, not in the concrete!"
I chuckled at the alleged incident and groaned at the play on words, but the story rang true for me. While I agree in principle with the concept of self-giving love, I find myself failing to express it to the people I live and work with each day.
First Corinthians 13 describes Christian love in terms of its tangible expression: "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil" (1Corinthians 13:4, 5).
As a theory, love isn't worth much; as a practice, it is the world's greatest treasure. When footprints are in the driveway, people discover whether our love exists in the abstract or in the concrete. (D C McCasland, Our Daily Bread)
3. The OUTLOOK of LOVE [vs. 7]: Four things LOVE ALWAYS does
(a) Bears all things ~ Bears up in spite of all things evil, and is not overcome. This is the idea of "bearing." Love bears up against the tide of evil, as the rock against the waves. Have you seen couples humiliating one another in public? As a friend of mine once told me, “There are many times in my life when I’ve been sorry I opened my mouth. But there has never been a time I’ve been sorry I kept silent.” When it comes to needless criticism of other people, that’s excellent advice.
(b) Believes all things ~ Is not distrustful and suspicious.
(c) Hopes all things ~ There are times in life when you face situations so difficult that faith is not possible. You would gladly give the benefit of the doubt but there is none to give. You search for the silver lining but the angry clouds overhead have no silver lining. Love has a positive forward look. Paul is not here advocating an unreasoning optimism, which fails to take account of reality. Nor is he just teaching the power of positive thinking. But he is suggesting that love refuses to take failure as final, either in oneself or in someone else. Love never gives up on people. And the reason the believer can take such an attitude is that God is in the business of taking human failures and producing spiritual giants out of them.
(d) Endures all things ~ The word “endures” is a military term that means to hold a position at all costs, even unto death, whatever it takes. The battle may be lost but the soldier keeps on fighting to the very end. The word pictures an army surrounded by superior forces, being attacked and slowly overwhelmed on every side. One by one your comrades fall at your side. Through the noise of battle comes one final command: “Stand your ground, men. And if necessary, die well.” So love holds fast to people it loves. It perseveres. It never gives up on anyone. Love won’t stop loving, even in the face of rejection. Love takes action to shake up an intolerable situation. Love looks beyond the present to the hope of what might be in the future.
Illustration: A Peanuts cartoon shows Lucy standing with her arms folded and a stern expression on her face. Charlie Brown pleads, "Lucy, you must be more loving. This world really needs love. You have to let yourself love to make this world a better place." Lucy angrily whirls around and knocks Charlie Brown to the ground. She screams at him, "Look, Blockhead, the world I love. It's people I can't stand."
Application: Love is not talk; it is action. We’re all prone to apply verses like these to others: “My mate and my kids could sure use a lesson in love. But me? I’m basically a loving person. I’m really easy to get along with.” But I ask each of you to forget about everybody else and ask God to apply these verses to you.
It is natural to love them that love us, but it is supernatural to love them that hate us. Love never fails.
