Introduction:
A. If I were to ask you, of all the human emotions you are capable of experiencing, which one seems to be the most difficult for you to cope with, my guess is that many of us would report that anger is the one that gives us the most trouble.
1. Anger is such a complex and challenging emotion.
2. It is complex because it can surface at the strangest times, brought forth for the strangest of reasons, and exhibited in the strangest ways.
3. It is challenging because if anger is not handled properly, it can be a very dangerous and destructive thing. It can hurt us and others in every possible way – physically, emotionally and spiritually.
4. Because life can be a very anger provoking experience, we all must learn to deal with anger.
B. I heard a story about a man who was taking a flight from L.A. to Dallas, but the plane he was on was to continue to N.Y.
1. The man was not continuing with the plane to N.Y. but had an important meeting in Dallas.
2. He was very tired and was very concerned that he might fall asleep on the plane and sleep right through to N.Y.
3. So, he instructed the flight attendant that he was going to nap, but that she must be sure to wake him up when they stop in Dallas.
4. He warned her that when he is woken up he is often very grouchy and uncooperative, but that regardless of how ugly he might be at the time, make sure he gets off at Dallas.
5. She said she would and he was asleep before they reached cruising altitude.
6. Well, the next thing he knew he awoke to hear the pilot say, “Welcome to N.Y.”
7. He couldn’t believe it. He was livid. He went to that flight attendant and read her the riot act, veins popping, and using every nasty word in the book.
8. After the irate man left, another passenger apologized to the flight attendant saying that he had never seen anyone so angry.
9. She said, “Thank you, but that was nothing compared with how mad the man was that she forced off the plane in Dallas.”
C. I want to say at the outset today, that there are likely some among us who are in serious need of an anger makeover.
1. I must confess that anger has not been the Achilles heel of my life. And for that I am thankful.
2. For some of you anger has been the hardest thing for you to deal with in your life.
3. Some of you have likely done so successfully and others not so successfully.
4. I want you to know that I want to speak about anger with compassion, because I know that many of you have struggled hard to control this monster.
5. For some, their experience with anger as been one of failure as they have seen anger get the best of them time and time again – destroying relationships and righteousness.
6. What you won’t hear me say today is that dealing with anger is easy and that there is a magic pill that you need to take that will cure all.
7. What you will hear me say today is that dealing with anger is critical, it must be taken seriously, and that the promises of God include the ability to tame the temper.
8. I’m hoping that today’s sermon will give all of us the hope and help that we need.
D. Let me ask you a few questions.
1. All of us have moments of anger, but do you find anger to be a frequent companion?
2. Are you known for your quick temper?
3. Do you live with long periods of time in a state of mad?
4. Well, let us all acknowledge that God has not designed us to live that way, and that we invite a lot of trouble if we do.
5. Solomon had a lot to say in Proverbs about anger. Proverbs 29:22 says, “An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins.”
6. We cannot consistently be angry people and reflect the character of Christ.
7. If we are going to look like Jesus then we need to learn to control and channel our anger.
E. We have been saying in this Extreme Makeover Series that the behaviors we need to change are usually motivated by some kind of deceptive thinking.
1. Therefore, to change the behavior, first we must change the thinking.
2. Anyone who says, “I’m just so mad, I can’t think straight!”, is telling the truth.
3. One reason we get so mad so often is that we are not thinking straight.
4. To overcome anger, then, we have to overcome some of the deceptions that support it.
I. Anger Myths
A. There are a number of myths about anger. Let me share with you three of the most common ones.
B. The first myth is: “I cannot control my anger.”
1. People who often use this excuse try to justify their eruptions as healthy venting.
2. They say, “It is not good to hold it in.” And, “I feel so much better when I let it all out.”
3. A lady once came to Billy Sunday and tried to rationalize her angry outbursts. She said, “There’s nothing wrong with losing my temper. I blow up, and then it’s all over.” Sunday replied, “So does a shotgun, and look at the damage it leaves behind.”
4. People who say that they cannot control their temper are not being honest nor wise.
5. Proverbs 29:11 says, “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.”
6. What we do with anger is a choice.
7. Every time a person gets angry they choose whether to allow that anger to boil and then explode, or they choose to cause it to subside and act appropriately.
8. Even people who have the greatest problems with anger don’t always explode when angry.
9. Most angry people don’t loose it completely with their boss. They exercise control.
10. Have you ever found yourself engaged in a heated discussion with your voice getting louder and harder, but then when the telephone rings you control your temper and sweetly say, Hello?
11. Or maybe you have had a fuss in the car on the way to church, but then it is amazing how anger is brought under control when you get out of the car and walk into the church building.
12. So, to say we can’t control our anger is not true. We can and we do.
13. The problem is that we have gotten into the habit of losing control of our anger in certain settings and with certain people, like our mate and our kids.
14. So, in reality it is not that we can’t control our anger, it is that we won’t.
C. A second anger myth is: “Other people make me angry, or circumstances make me angry.”
1. When we say something like that, do you know what we are saying?
2. We are saying that we are victims. It is somebody else’s fault that I am so mad.
3. If that is true then why does the text in James 1:19 say, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…”
4. How can we be slow to become angry unless anger is a matter of personal will?
5. Prov. 22:24 says, “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.”
6. We certainly don’t want to pick up the negative habits of others. Amen?
7. But another reason for staying away from someone so easily angered is that sooner or later they are going to blame you for their anger.
8. Those of you who have lived with a quick-tempered person know that when they explode they usually blame you.
9. It is always someone else’s fault – “If you hadn’t made me so mad I wouldn’t have…”
10. Ben Franklin said, “Anger is never without reason, but seldom with a good one.”
D. A third anger myth is: “I was born with a bad temper.”
1. We say things like, “That’s just how my side of the family is wired. We’re hot-heads.”
2. While there may be some truth to biological propensity to all kinds of things, there is more correlation between our environment and behavior, than our biology.
3. Mismanaged anger is a learned behavior. If our parents deal inappropriately with anger, then there is a good chance that we will mimic their behavior.
4. Some years ago, Reader’s Digest carried an article about a man who spent some time in an Amish community in order to write an article about Amish life.
a. One day as he was at an Amish school he noticed that as the children were playing, none of them raised their voices.
b. He asked the Principal, “Why don’t I hear any of the Amish children yelling?”
c. The Principal responded, “Have you ever heard an Amish adult yell?”
5. The truth is that for those who seem not to be able to control their anger, they have learned somewhere along the way that throwing a fit is an effective means of getting their way.
6. Therefore the ability to control our temper has less to do with biology and more to do with theology.
7. If we have been born again, then we have the Holy Spirit. And if we have the Holy Spirit then we can develop the fruit of the Spirit.
8. Gal. 5:19 and following gives us a description of sinful behaviors which include hatred, discord and fits of rage, but in contrast the fruit of the spirit includes things like love, patience, gentleness and self-control.
9. The Biblical position is that anger is an option, an option that the believer needs to learn to control and channel.
10. Col. 3:8 says that we need to get rid all such things as anger and rage.
11. Don’t you think it is time to do just that? Isn’t it time for an anger makeover?
12. Let’s talk about two truths about anger that will help us manage it.
II. Anger Truths
A. First of all, anger is a window into the heart.
1. Anger is like a smoke detector warning us that something is wrong below the surface.
2. When we find ourselves getting angry, the anger is telling us that something is going on that needs immediate attention.
3. Therefore, anger is an invitation to investigate our hearts.
4. Anger is usually not the real problem but just a reaction to a problem.
5. Cain was angry, but underneath that anger was resentment that his brother’s offering was more acceptable to God than his.
6. King Saul was angry with David and tried to kill him. But underneath the anger was insecurity that his position might be threatened.
7. In the story of the Prodigal Son, we see that the Older brother became angry. But underneath that anger was the perceived unfairness of his father and resentment toward his brother.
8. The critics of Jesus were often angry with Jesus, but underneath their anger was a lot of misunderstanding and unbelief and pride.
9. If we find that we have a continuously angry spirit, then what we are likely attempting to do is to divert attention from a more painful emotion.
10. What we need to do is to try to understand what is underneath the surface that is causing our angry spirit and angry outbursts.
11. Anger often comes from some bitterness and unforgiveness that we are harboring in our hearts.
12. Maybe it is toward a father or mother who didn’t treat us appropriately and give us what we needed.
13. Or maybe it was the family system we were in, or something else that happened along the way that has caused us to be wounded, insecure, or have a self-hatred.
14. We need to ask God to search us and show us what is going on beneath the surface that may be the source for this rage that so frequently affects our lives.
15. So, anger is a window to our hearts. Anger is a warning sign that there is unfinished business.
B. Second, Anger is a door for the devil.
1. Add one letter to the word anger and you have the word danger. And the “D” stands for devil.
2. Eph. 4:26-27, “In your anger do not sin; Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”
3. Notice that Paul doesn’t credit the devil with making us angry – we might have a legitimate reason to be angry – but if we don’t deal with our anger quickly and appropriately, then the devil will take advantage of it.
4. Let me clarify, God has created us with the ability to be angry for a reason.
a. The inability to feel pain is a dangerous condition.
b. When violated by others we should feel anger.
c. When we see someone else being harmed or treated unjustly, we need to feel anger.
d. Jesus got angry at those times and in those situations, but his anger and response to it was not sinful.
e. We need to become angry when we see corruption and injustice.
f. We need to be angry as we see evil harming others in all kinds of crimes, murders, and rapes. Abortion, child abuse, alcoholism and the like should all bring about our indignation. The devil is busy taking many to hell with him.
g. But then these feelings need to be controlled and channeled in the right direction.
5. But if we don’t deal appropriately with all these kinds of anger, then the devil can set up his base of operation in our hearts.
6. Prov. 25:28 says, “Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.”
7. The devil loves to come through the door erected by anger.
8. Closing the anger door is our choice and our responsibility, but God is eager to help us.
III. Anger Management
A. Here are some things we can be doing to manage our anger.
B. First, We need to place our heart on the altar.
1. As I said a moment ago, sometimes anger is the right response.
2. Jesus got angry at the money changers, and at the Pharisees and at the disciples like when they wouldn’t let the little children come to him.
3. He got angry when someone was dishonoring God or another human being.
4. It is amazing how calm he stayed when people were dishonoring him.
5. When we get angry we need to stop right there and place our heart on the altar.
6. We need to learn to stop and ask God to search our hearts, “Should I be angry?” “Are my motives pure?” “Do my feelings reveal that there is a part of me that needs to be crucified?”
7. The more we surrender our expectations and rights to God, then the less angry we will be.
C. Second, We need to alter our anger management strategy.
1. If we have learned an inappropriate way to handle our anger, then we can learn a better way.
2. The Holy Spirit can teach us to act rather than react to the people and circumstances around us.
3. Remember, in Christ we can be made new. We are not the people we use to be, and so we don’t have to live the way we use to live. We can change!
D. Third, We need to admit our anger.
1. When angry feelings arise, we need to call them what they are.
2. And just because we can admit we have angry feelings doesn’t mean that we have to speak in angry tones or act in angry ways.
3. Most of the time we try to repress or suppress our anger. We think that if we just ignore it, it will go away, but that doesn’t work.
4. When we bury our anger, we bury it alive, and sooner or later it will arise from the grave.
5. Did you know that some bombs from World War II continue to kill people?
a. Some bombs from WWII continue to turn up and blow up at construction sites, in fishing nets and even on beaches more than 60 years after the guns have fallen silent.
b. Unexploded bombs become more dangerous with time. As the corrosion increases the weapon becomes more unstable, and the detonator becomes exposed.
c. What is true of lingering bombs is also true of lingering anger.
d. Buried anger will explode when we least expect it.
6. Therefore, when we are angry we need to learn to express it and confess it.
E. Fourth, We need to quickly submit it to God.
1. Don’t hold on to anger, or the devil will get a hold of you.
2. That’s why Paul says that we should not let the sun go down while we are angry.
3. So we must quickly take the anger to the altar of God for his inspection.
4. How long should we stay at the altar? We should stay there until we know what to do with the anger.
5. We can ask God to help us to use the appropriate anger to do good rather than evil.
6. Aristotle said, “Anyone can become angry, but to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way – that is not easy.”
F. Finally, We need to forgive in advance.
1. As we discovered last week, Eph. 4:32 says, “be compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
2. Some of our anger may come from real injury and injustice, but if we don’t learn to forgive, that stuff will only lead to more anger and rage.
3. God has extended great grace to us, and we must learn to extend it to others.
4. We don’t deserve God’s mercy, but he gave it to us anyhow. Others may not deserve our mercy, but we must learn to give it anyhow.
5. I want to encourage us to live with a new mindset that says I will begin each day thinking, “Today nobody owes me. Today I will not build a case against anyone. Today you are forgiven even before you need it. Life is too short to be angry, and bitter and resentful.”
Conclusion:
A. Let me end with a powerful story of injury and forgiveness.
1. In 2002 a book was published titled, “The Punch: One Night, Two Lives, and the Fight That Changed Basketball Forever” by John Feinstein.
2. The time was December 9, 1977 the place was the Forum in Englewood, CA.
3. The game was between the Los Angeles Lakers and the Houston Rockets.
4. A fight broke out on the court between Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and several players.
5. Rudy Tomjanovich, then a 29-year-old, 6-8 All-Star forward with a feathery shooting touch, came rushing to the aid of his team-mate Kevin Junnert, who had tussled first with Abdul-Jabbar.
6. Jabbar’s team-mate, Kermit Washington, then a 26 year-old, 6-8 power forward, feeling someone rushing up behind him, turned and delivered a frightful right hand punch that shattered Tomjanovich’s face, dislodged Tomjanovich's skull and nearly destroyed both men's careers and lives.
7. Rudy Tomjanovich laid there motionless in a pool of blood. Those who saw it will never forget it, and Jabbar said he didn’t see it but he will never forget the sound of the impact, nor the sound afterward as everyone waited for a sign of life.
8. “It was the loudest silence you have ever heard,” former Rockets guard Mike Newlin said.
9. Tomjanovich went through five surgeries, and Washington was fined $10,000 and suspended 60 days without pay.
10. Amazingly, Tomjanovich did return to the court for 3 more seasons, and Washington played 5 more seasons
B. Forgiveness was a gradual thing for Tomjanovich.
1. An hour or so after the punch, he was in a hospital being told by a doctor that he was leaking spinal fluid, would not play basketball the rest of the season, was headed up to intensive care, and that his life was in danger.
2. Tomjanovich said that he wanted to rush back to the Forum and get in a few punches of his own.
3. The doctor told him, “Wait a minute, man, I’m telling you something right now. You have to get on a path to healing, and any negative thoughts are going to hurt you.”
4. Later, Tomjanovich said, “Washington did say he was sorry, and that’s great, but even if he didn’t say he was sorry, I had to let it go for my own sake. Otherwise I’m playing God.”
5. In a recent interview a reporter asked Tomjanovich, “How much anger do you still have toward Kermit Washington?”
6. Tomjanovich said, “None.”
7. The reporter said, “Come on, that guy nearly killed you and he killed your career. Don’t you have some anger or bitterness toward him?”
8. Rudy Tomjanovich said, “I don’t have any at all.”
9. The reporter came back with, “How can you say that?”
10. Tomjanovich said, “I knew that if I wanted to move on in my life, then I had to let it go. I didn’t do it for him. I did it for me.”
C. I hope that you have found something you can begin working with from today’s message.
1. This next week all of us are going to experience something that will result in an anger response.
2. Let’s learn to stop and see anger as a window to our hearts, but let’s not allow it to be a door for the devil.
3. Let’s admit our anger, quickly submit it to God, and allow him to help us control and channel our anger.
4. Prov. 19:11, “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.”
5. May God help us have the anger makeover that we need!
Resources:
Based on a sermon series by Rick Atchley.
