Knots
Pt. 3 - Knot Candidates
We talked about how our relationship status is the number 1 way of categorizing people in our society. We are either a "have knot" or "have no knot". Relationships can either be one of the greatest blessings in your life or they can produce more pain than drugs, bankruptcy or sickness combined. In order for us to survive relationships we must learn to navigate knots. So in week 1 we talked those with no knots:
1. Get God involved early in the selection process. Otherwise you will then have to ask Him to perfect what He didn't select.
2. If you want to have a garden experience, then you can't bring someone into your garden from the swamp. Good seed doesn't turn bad soil into good soil. Soil usually influences seed not vice versa.
3. You need to know who you are and you shouldn't mess with anyone who doesn't know who they are. They will suck the purpose out of you if they don't know who they are!
In week 2, I talked to those with knots. We talked about
1. What wins . . . keeps. We work hard to win someone and then seem to quit doing what we did to win so we don’t keep. Marriage is work . . . period. Perfect marriages are the product of work.
2. Work for the prescribed time frame! We want a quick fix or a change in 1 week. The prescribed time is until death. It will take time.
3. Work early. Make preemptive strikes to protect us instead of just taking measures to protect you. There are few mountain climbers left only mountain viewers that see a mountain and then leave. Therefore, you must deal with your molehills before they become mountains!
So today I want to shift back to those who have no knots or who are working on tying the knot. I want to talk to you about “Knot Candidates!” What are some of the principles you should apply in dating that will help you find out if someone is knotty?
There is the standard, trusty, fall back passage of Scripture that every preacher loves to pull out on single folks to help them decide who they should date. I am going to pull it on you this morning but maybe with a little different perspective.
2 Corinthians 6:14-18 14-18 Don’t become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That’s not partnership; that’s war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands? Who would think of setting up pagan idols in God’s holy Temple? But that is exactly what we are, each of us a temple in whom God lives. God himself put it this way: “I’ll live in them, move into them; I’ll be their God and they’ll be my people. So leave the corruption and compromise; leave it for good,” says God. “Don’t link up with those who will pollute you. I want you all for myself. I’ll be a Father to you; you’ll be sons and daughters to me.”
Preachers focus on connecting with an unbeliever aspect to try, and rightfully so, to convince you that it is literally spiritual suicide and a
relational risk for you to give your heart to someone who doesn’t hold to the belief system you have embraced. We have all seen this happen and understand that it seldom, if ever, works out very well. However, I think we must go back to this passage and see an equally import truth regarding unequally yoking. You can both be totally saved and still be totally unequally yoked! The writer not only deals with salvation status but he also addresses compromise and confronts the truth that some people can pollute you and distract you from your Father.
It is too simplistic to say the dating candidates you should avoid are those that are unsaved. If they are saved then they must be good for you! Really? Have you met any Christians that weren’t good for one another? Ever seen Christians, even though their souls were saved, still ended up crushing one another’s hearts?
Paul is trying to get us to understand that dating/relationship is more than just intimate candlelight dinners and flowers. There is a yoking, a connection, and a soul exchange that takes place and therefore it is absolutely essential to make sure your souls are compatible.
So let me talk to you about a two very simple things that I believe will assist you in making sure that you are not unequally yoked not only with unbelievers but with other believers as well.
1. Date for Data!
Too many of us did in dating what we should have been doing in marriage. So now that we are married we are bored. The intimacy that should have experienced in marriage we already experienced in dating. Then we want to say there is no fire in our marriage. Nope we used all the logs on our dates! Then we do what we should have done in dating in marriage. Now that we are married we gather data about what we like and especially about what we dislike about them. Then you want to punish them after you married for your failure to get data while dating.
So if you are dating, let me help you . . . dating is for gathering data! Get your tongue out of his/her throat and start gathering data! See the truth is purity isn't natural...our minds (if left unguarded) will always lead us towards doing things that we know we should not do. Purity in a relationship MUST be fought for...and you MUST lead that fight. You should NEVER see how far you can take things and then depend on the other person to tell you to stop when they are uncomfortable! Wake up the enemy is simply trying to use the wiring that God put in you to distract you into asking the wrong questions. We become consumed with “Can he/she kiss?” That is the wrong question. We become consumed with, “Can they make me feel good physically?” That is the wrong question. NO we are dating for data. The real question is are they kind, considerate, do they have character, are they really interested in anyone other than themselves. They are 40 and still talking about their football days . . . that ought to give you some data! If they are only concerned with their looks and avoid dealing with their charter that ought to give you some data!
What data do you need? You need to know their heart. You need to know their issues. In other words date long enough to get the data you need and then if the data isn't what you are looking for get out!
Handle their heart before you hand over yours! Are they knot worthy? If they are not knot worthy, then they are not dating material.
Proverbs 31 and I Peter 3:1-4 describes a woman who is beautiful!!! It’s not all about how she appears, but rather her character. You have to fall in love with a person's heart (not just their body)! Why? Solomon in Proverbs 4 tells us that “From the heart flows the issues of life!” Issues . . . . if you don't know their heart, then you won't know their issues and whether or not you can love those issues. Did you hear that statement? You better find out whether or no you can handle their issues. Personal issues become corporate issues. If you become yoked then their issues will become your issues.
In dating you better find out if you can you live with their weakness? They can work on their weakness but that doesn't mean they will ever turn that thing into a strength. By the way . . . desperate people rarely make good decisions and reality is that some of you are pursuing a relationship that has warning signs all over it…but instead of paying attention to that you believe that if you push through that eventually the other person will become who you want them to be! So you better wake up and look at their weaknesses and see if it is a deal breaker or not!
If you can't handle their heart or if there are issues that continue to make you question their heart then you are unequally yoked. You better not knot! Get that data now!
2. If someone keeps you tied in knots then they are not a knot candidate.
A legitimate candidate will bring order and peace to your life rather than confusion and chaos. If you find that someone is constantly causing you to be tied up in knots emotionally then that is a great indication they are not knot candidates!
If someone walks through your life and destroys your peace you better get rid of them now or they will destroy your life! I am not really interested if they bring goose bumps or can you cause you to blush. I want to know do they bring peace? If they are a peace destroyer then you are headed for heartache at some point in the future. We are told in Isaiah 26 that God will keep us in peace if our mind stays centered on and fixated on Him. So then that must mean if someone is stealing your peace, then they are causing you to take your mind off of God! If there is no peace then you are unequally yoked. Chaos is a curse! God is a God of order. God wants order for your life! Have we forgotten that we have been told that God is not the author of confusion? Come on now . . .why do we pass over that truth? The computation is not difficult to complete. If confusion is not from God, then it must be from where? Do the math. If they are a drama queen or chaos king get out! You can pray about it all you want but since they are bringing confusion then they must not be from God. Yeah but they are cute! Who cares if they are stealing your peace? Get out! It is not normal to fight all the time! It is not OK to constantly be in turmoil. It is not OK to live in upheaval all the time! It is not OK to lose sleep because of the mind games and manipulation someone is using on you! No one can produce peace except Christ. So, if you allow someone into your life that can destroy that peace, then you are in fact giving them more power than you are giving Christ! If you are going to date, then wear protection! Peace is your protection. Is peace fleeting? Then you aren’t protected! You are unequally yoked if they steal your peace!
By the way I want to help you to become a knot candidate too. You can’t take someone where you haven’t been. If you know no peace, no order then you will be unable to bring that to someone else. Find order and peace in your own life before you knot with anyone else or you will be guilty of undoing their peace!
