A. Let’s start with a question: do we really want an extreme makeover of our lives and hearts?
1. That’s what we have been taking about for the last month in our sermons.
2. We have been learning that the Bible promises that God can help us change.
3. We don’t have to stay the same, we don’t have to stay stuck in our destructive patterns that harm us and others.
4. God is like the loving father in the Parable of the Prodigal Son, He waits for us to get up from our mud pit and come home to Him.
5. And when we come to Him, He will run to us.
6. As we have said, He will provide the way, but we must provide the will.
7. Last week we learned that for change to take place we have to think for a change.
8. When we change our thinking, replacing Satan’s lies with God’s truths, then we will experience life change.
B. There was a cute story told in Reader’s Digest about a man who was returning the movies he rented from Blockbuster.
1. As he got out of his car and approached the store, he watched a man being apprehended by Police just outside the Blockbuster.
2. The police jumped on him, cuffed him, and put him in the back of the police car.
3. The customer approached a police officer and asked him what was going on.
4. The officer replied with a serious look and tone: “When Blockbuster says that the movies must be returned on time, they mean it!”
C. The truth of the matter is: it can be frustrating trying to deal with past due matters.
1. Some of us here today have been deeply wounded because someone failed to give us what we were due.
2. Maybe we were due an explanation. Maybe we were due an apology. Or maybe it was respect, or faithfulness, or a promise kept.
3. Perhaps someone owes us something that is way past due.
4. If that is the case, then we are now susceptible to an attitude from an internal terrorist called justifiable resentment.
5. And if we don’t deal with that threat by resisting it and dispelling it, then it will warp our spirits and harden our hearts.
D. For some of us a bitterness makeover is long over due.
1. God wants to help us to be better rather than to be bitter.
2. I can’t say anything to that person who hurt you today, but I can talk to you and I can tell you what God wants you to know.
3. So, here is what God wants us to know: If we want to look and be like Jesus, then we must allow Him to help us mend our resentful hearts.
4. As followers of Jesus we are not responsible for the things that are done to us, but we are responsible for how we respond to them.
5. That’s why Paul wrote to the Ephesians saying, “And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every other form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Eph. 4:30-32)
E. There are several reasons that letting go is better than being bitter.
1. First of all, bitterness is a poison that chiefly harms the carrier of it.
2. I’ve chosen the image of a crumbling sandcastle for the background image in today’s powerpoint slides, because it depicts the crumbling effect of bitterness.
3. Bitterness is like an internal cancer or termites that destroy us from within (I didn’t think you would want to look at pictures of cancer cells or termites for the background of the slides).
4. Actress Susan Saint James is the wife of Dick Ebersol, who is the senior advisor of NBC Universal Sports and NBC Olympics.
a. Ebersol was seriously injured when his plane crashed in Colorado over Thanksgiving weekend 2004.
b. Susan and Dick's youngest child, 14-year-old Teddy, died in that crash along with two crew members.
c. Susan appeared on the Today show and had this to say, “I tell my kids, ‘Having resentment is like taking poison and hoping the other guy dies.’ Having resentments now, it's just gonna kill us.”
5. Doctors will tell you that what eats you is more dangerous to your health than what you eat.
6. Dr. Herbert Benson, Head of Mind Body Institute and host of the Harvard Summit said, ”There is a physiology to forgiveness, and when you do not forgive it will chew you up.”
7. Newsweek carried an article by Neil Crouse a researcher from the University of Michigan School of Public Health in which he said, “People who forgive easily tend to enjoy greater psychological wellbeing and have less depression, than people who hold grudges.”
8. Therefore, one reason to let go is not to let the other person off the hook, but so that you can get unhooked. That’s better than bitter!
F. Second, bitterness will lead us into all kinds of sins, and letting go protects us from that.
1. Did you notice in the passage we read from Ephesians 4 that bitterness is at the front of the list of things to get rid of?
2. One reason Paul starts with bitterness is because it can be the root of all these other actions.
3. Bitterness can lead to rage, anger, brawling, slander and malice.
4. In Acts 8 when Simon the Sorcerer tried to buy the miraculous powers of the Holy Spirit, Peter rebuked him saying, “May your money perish with you, because you thought you could buy the gift of God with money!…Repent of this wickedness and pray to the Lord. Perhaps he will forgive you for having such a thought in your heart. For I see that you are full of bitterness and captive to sin.” (Acts 8:20-23)
5. In Simon’s case, being full of bitterness was leading to all kinds of sins.
6. The writer of Hebrews had this to say in Chapter 12, verse 15, “See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
7. That bitter root can get so established and cause all kinds of trouble.
G. A final reason that letting go is better than bitter, is that it shows that God’s grace has had an impact on our hearts.
1. God expects a change of heart from those He has given an undeserved change of status.
2. One of Jesus’ most powerful parables is about a servant who owed an unrepayable debt to a king. You can find it in Matthew 18.
a. The king in his great mercy simply forgives the entire debt.
b. That servant then went out and found a neighbor who owed him a very small amount. But when the man could not pay the servant had him thrown in jail.
c. Well, when the king heard about what the forgiven servant had done, he was livid.
d. The king had a right to expect a change of heart from that servant who had received an undeserved change of status.
3. God, our King, has that same right, wouldn’t you say?
4. It is a disgrace to the faith when people sing the songs of faith, take the communion of faith, call Jesus our Savior, but then show no interest in extending grace to others.
H. Many years ago two young men with long records of crime robbed the YMCA on the lower east side of NYC.
1. On their way out of the door they noticed a man, named Donald Tippet, sitting at the telephone switchboard.
2. Fearing that he would call the police, the young men grabbed him and beat him mercilessly with brass knuckles.
3. Thinking he was dead, they then stuffed him behind a radiator near the swimming pool and left.
4. Later a swimmer walking near the pool found Bishop Tippet’s body.
5. He was rushed to the hospital where for days he lingered between life and death.
6. Thankfully, he lived, but one eye had been so badly damaged that it could not be saved.
7. Meanwhile, the two young men were caught and brought to trial.
8. Their past record assured they would get a long sentence.
9. To everyone’s surprise, Donald Tippet asked that the two young men be put in his custody.
10. He believed that with the right direction and discipline, they could have changed lives.
11. One of the boys refused to change and was soon caught and jailed for another crime.
12. The other boy, however, was more receptive. He went on to college and medical school and became an eye surgeon, who specialized in restoring sight to people who lost it in accidents.
13. That’s what people do with the grace of God.
14. God forgives them and they are so moved by the grace of God that they are changed.
15. Don’t you think that young man always remembered what Donald Tippet had done for him?
16. Unfortunately, sometimes we receive the grace and mercy of God, but then we don’t allow it to make a difference in how we treat other people.
I. How can we go to the cross and receive God’s mercy and then continue to live like being bitter is better?
1. Let’s be honest here…bitterness is a choice.
2. Bitterness is an unwillingness problem.
3. In the story Jesus told that we mentioned a moment ago, that fellow that owed the servant just a small amount, begged him to be patient until he could repay him.
4. But Jesus said that the servant “refused.” NAS says, “He was unwilling.” (18:30)
5. It was his choice, he made it, and then he bore the consequences of that choice.
6. And so do we. Right?
7. Did you notice that the king was not angry at the servant for getting into debt in the first place or being unable to repay it. He was only angry that after the servant had received mercy, he wasn’t willing to give it to anyone else.
8. God is the same way with us. God knows we are going to sin, and that we can’t do anything to take our sins away, but He gets angry when we receive His grace and then don’t pass it on.
J. How can we do that? How can we receive so much from God and then not be willing to pass it on to others?
1. This, as I’m sure we all know, is serious stuff.
2. In the Lord’s Prayer Jesus said, “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.”(Mt. 6:12)
3. Then in verse 14, Jesus clarified, “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Mt. 6:14-15)
4. James 2:13 reads, “…judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!”
5. A man once came to John Wesley and said, “I never forgive and I never forget.” Wesley replied, “Then I hope, sir, that you never sin.”
6. The problem is not insufficient reason to forgive – the cross has give us all the reason we need – the problem is sufficient desire to forgive. Sometimes we just don’t want to.
K. You might be thinking, “But I have a right to be bitter.”
1. “No child deserves what happened to me…or, he stood beside me at the alter and said…or, she stabbed me in the back…or, he or she does not deserve forgiveness…I have a right to be bitter.”
2. What we need to understand is that forgiveness is a commitment to unfairness.
3. Forgiveness is a decision to be unfair.
4. Nothing about salvation is fair.
5. Mercy is granting someone what they need, instead of what they deserve. Right?
L. I know that this is hard stuff, but before you tune me out, please understand several things.
1. I am not suggesting that we minimize the offense that we have suffered.
2. I’m not suggesting that we pretend it really wasn’t that bad, when it really was that bad.
3. I’m not suggesting that we excuse injustice.
4. Nor am I saying that forgiveness is instant trust.
5. Forgiveness is not restoring the relationship without evidence of change.
6. Sometimes we confuse forgiveness and reconciliation.
7. The difference is that forgiveness is a one way activity, and reconciliation is a two way activity.
8. We cannot make someone reconcile with us, but we can forgive them anyhow.
9. Forgiveness is releasing my right to what I am due.
10. Forgiveness is releasing my right to any kind of retaliation.
11. Forgiveness is releasing my right to keep bringing it up.
M. The person that we might need to forgive does not have to want it.
1. They don’t have to be present. They don’t even have to be alive.
2. Some of us may need to forgive someone who is already dead.
3. Forgiveness is a choice. But if we follow Jesus it is our only choice! Amen!
4. Col. 3:13, “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
N. Amy Biehl was a Stanford Graduate and she was an Anti-Apartheid activist who went to S. Africa to make a difference in 1993.
1. She was there for 9 months helping them to get ready for their first democratic election since the release of Nelson Mandella.
2. The day before she was to return to the U.S. she accidentally ended up in the middle of a riot.
3. She was pulled from her car, and as she begged for her life, four men stabbed her to death because she was white.
4. Three years later, the men were caught and convicted.
5. Amy’s parents attended the hearings and to the surprise of many they said they would not oppose amnesty for Amy’s killers.
6. Amy’s parents met with the families of the killers and eventually developed a relationship with the killers themselves.
7. Her parents moved to S. Africa and set up the Amy Biehl foundation, to continue their daughters work of bringing peace and justice for all people of S. Africa.
8. Two of the young men who killed Amy now work for the foundation, and they call Amy’s mother “Mom.”
9. I don’t know if the Biehls are Christian or not, but they understand the principle we are trying to learn today.
10. They understood that if they didn’t let go and forgive, then they would undermine what their daughter had died for.
11. The same is true for us, Christians. If we keep old wounds alive, and harbor anger and resentment, then we will undermine the cause for which our Savior died.
O. To continue the movement that Jesus started is better than being bitter.
1. So, what strategy can we employ that will bring about a bitterness makeover.
2. Let me quickly suggest three things.
P. First, we must not nurse our injury or our injustice.
1. We must stop feeding the monster. Stop picking the scab.
2. What does holding on to resentment change? How does it help? It doesn’t.
3. Bitterness grieves the Holy Spirit and leaves us open to Satan’s influence.
4. The result of bitterness is that our hearts become uglier than the original wound.
5. We are sons and daughters of God. Let that be our identity, not the injury or injustice we have suffered.
Q. Second, we must focus on the forgiveness God has given us.
1. That’s one reason that we share the Lord’s Supper every week is to remind us of how much God loves us, and how much it cost him to forgive us.
2. In the story of the king who forgave the great debt of the servant, what happened to that debt?
a. It wasn’t play money. It was a real loss. The king absorbed the loss.
3. That’s what happened at the cross.
4. The cross invalidates any reason for us to carry a grudge.
5. We must focus on how much God has forgiven us, not on how much others have hurt us.
6. It is not easy, but it is better than being bitter.
R. Finally, we can dispel the hurt by returning grace.
1. By doing so, we learn to “act” instead of “react.” To initiate rather than retaliate.
2. Jesus enables us to “love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” (Lk. 6:27-28)
3. The aim isn’t just to survive the pain, but to conquer it.
4. Returning grace may not change them, but it will change us.
5. Returning grace will cost a lot, but if we don’t it will cost us even more.
S. Let me end with the story of Corrie Ten Boom.
1. Corrie Ten Boom and her sister Betsie were arrested on February 28, 1944.
2. She and her family lived in Holland and housed Jews and other political activitists during the Nazi takeover of Europe. It is estimated that they saved the lives of 800 people.
3. Corrie and her sister spent 10 months in 3 different prisons, the last was the infamous Ravensbruck Concentration Camp near Berlin.
4. During their imprisonment, they shared the gospel with the other women, in spite of the deplorable conditions and treatment.
5. Betsie died at the camp at age 59, but Corrie survived.
6. She realized that her life was a gift from God and that she needed to share what she and her sister learned. And so at age 53 she began a ministry that took her to 60 countries over 33 years
7. Her message was: “There is no pit so deep that God’s love is not deeper still. And God will give us the love to be able to forgive our enemies.”
8. One day after she had finished speaking in Holland, a man approached who looked familiar.
9. She remembered that he was one of the guards who had caused her great suffering.
10. He said, “You mentioned Ravensbruck in your presentation. I was a guard there. I have become a Christian, and I know that God has forgiven me for the evil things I did. But I would like to ask for your forgiveness, too.”
11. Corrie wrote, “His hand was thrust out to shake mine and I who had preached so often the need to forgive, kept my hand at my side. Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ had died for this man. Was I going to ask for more? ‘Jesus,’ I prayed, ‘forgive me and help me forgive him.’ I tried to smile. I struggled to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity. So again I breathed a silent prayer, ‘Lord Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me your forgiveness.’ As I took his hand the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder, along my arm, and through my hand a current seemed to pass from me to him. While into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me. So, I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness nor our goodness that the world’s healing hinges, but on his. And when he tells us to love our enemies, he gives along with the command the love itself.”
T. God wants to give us a bitterness makeover.
1. He tells us to let go of bitterness and he enables us to do so.
2. We must be willing and we must invite his love and strength to do it.
3. As we sing the invitation song today, I want to encourage us to be thinking of someone we are having trouble forgiving.
4. I want to encourage us to be silently praying, “Dear God, In Jesus name give me the ability to forgive whomever.” You fill in the blank.
5. If you need to respond for salvation or transformation, then come...
Resources:
My original sermon series in 2006 was based on a sermon series by Rick Atchley.
