I don’t care much for TV, but I have to confess there was a program that I used to watch when it was still not reruns. A few years ago, it was rated as one of the most watched family-oriented programs on TV "Home Improvement."
Not only does Tim Taylor mess up things and receive minor injuries along the way, but he's also usually messing things up in his marriage or parenting that he has to repair too.
I guess one of the reasons I liked that show is because I can relate to a blundering husband and father who has to constantly go back and fix whatever it was that I messed up at home - both in house repairs and family repairs!
-For you fans of Tim: there's a way to get "more power" into our homes! So, today really is a Tool Time - time to get some tools into your family to make it stronger.
In the text that was read earlier, we get the news that God has given us the tools we need for strong homes. He has given us the things we need for life, and godliness - to participate in the divine nature and to escape the corruption in the world...
Tools that, if we will pick them up and use them, will protect our homes from the dangers we spoke about last week and strengthen them where they're weak. (All T's...)
I. Terrific Priorities
-when you send something by "priority mail." The idea is for it to get the 1st attention and preferential treatment. So that's what we're talking about here. What gets preferential treatment and 1st priority in your life?
-God's word has a lot to say about priorities. When they're confused, they endanger our home, but when they're correct, they become a useful tool to make it stronger.
(Col 1:18) "He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. And He is the head of the Body, the Church ; He is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything He might have the supremacy."
-the first helpful tool is to make Christ the head of your home. Make Him top priority. Got a financial question? -Mt 6:33 - seek first His kingdom and His righteousness.
-Then, discover from that point what God would have you to put first in your life! Check His word, and you'll see that family life receives a high-priority rating:
• When God flooded the world, He preserved a family
• His promise to Abraham was that through Abraham all the families of the earth would be blessed
• men who had recently married were exempted from military service for 1 year
• Widows and orphans were to be cared for
• Christians are commanded to provide first for their own immediate families
-Ill - American adults, in the Louis Harris poll, expressed the things in life that were essential or most important to them: Good income 60%, Successful career 80%, Close Friends 85%, Clean environment 95%, Happy family life 97%! In other words, people say that they hold family life as a #1 priority - do they?
-1988, I did a survey at MSSC, "How important is family life? 1-10: the overall importance of family life rated 86% (the importance of Mom being at home rated 82%), yet only 21% said a person should endure a bad marriage for the children's sake. They also believed about 1/2 of all family problems were due to circumstances beyond their control - education, pressure from society, the economy. Conclusion: "While people tend to realize what problems are threatening the families of today, and while they realize that the family unit is important, few are willing to assume their role of responsibility or to admit that the solution is up to them."
-Priorities are more than what we say is important to us, they're what we act like is important to us.
Application:
-List your priorities. Make a list of the things that determine your decisions in life. God should be at the top of that list. Then go down, and in the order of importance, list the things that make up your life; the things that take time, energy, or money: family, job, hobbies, friends, health, things you own - list them out until you have 10 items on that list. NOW...
1. Does your list reflect God's priorities? Rewrite it until it does.
2. Memorize it or carry it w/you. Whenever a question of priority comes up, go back to that list. When things that demand your time conflict w/each other, which one is higher on the list? When money is limited, and something will have to be left out, start on the bottom of your list. When you have a decision to make, and you're not sure which way to go, go to that list - always making sure from God's Word that His priorities are what's on that list. It will be a useful tool for tough decisions.
-Use those priorities. Not only will they help you make more decisions that are in line with God's will, they'll make life a lot easier. Family life won't be as neglected, when we start to really live what we say we believe.
II. Tranquility
-Joke - A Sunday School teacher said to his 3rd grade class: "We've learned the commandment, 'Honor thy father and mother.' Is there one that refers to brothers and sisters?" Little girl: "Thou shalt not kill." Sibling rivalry is as old as Cain & Abel. Is tranquility in the home even possible?
-The American lifestyle has been reshaped over the last few decades. Overall, we get less sleep than we used to. We have pills to help us go to sleep and pills to help us wake back up. School schedules are packed with activities to be attended. Work schedules are juggled so that the factory can run 24 hours a day. As a result, rather than being a sanctuary for rest, homes are becoming more of a Grand Central Station, and the family is paying the toll. What can help? Tranquility.
-Peace ought to typify the Christian life. Paul lists several characteristics of the man w/o God in Rom 3 and among them "the way of peace they do not know." Peace is 3rd on the list of the fruit of the Spirit. "Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives."
(Peter to Cornelius:) "You know the message God sent to the people of Israel, telling the good news of peace through Jesus Christ." "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ." "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace." (Col 3) "Now may the Lord of peace Himself give you peace in every way." (II Thes 3)
-take it one step further. If it typifies the Christian life, it ought to also typify the Christian home. If it's such a blessing in the life of the individual, it'll equally be a blessing in the life of the family.
-Ill - (from The Language of Love) A survey taken several years ago asked men what they wanted most in a home. Not the best furniture, a new car in the driveway, or a private study in which to work. What they wanted most at home was tranquility. Home needs to be a haven to which a man can return - or to which a working woman can return also.
-Joke - Father's Day card: front: Dad, I want you to know that if there's anything you need, like a soft pillow, an afternoon snack, or a glass of lemonade... Just let me know, and I'll call Mom!
-take tranquility and use it in your home. God intended for it to be there.
III. Training (Loving Discipline)
On an average, the time we’re spending with our kids isn’t very impressive. That's too bad because...
Ill - Seventeen: most teens get along with their parents. 71% rated their relationship with Mom/Dad as good or excellent; 84% said they confide in their parents. Most of them agree with their parents on politics, religion, moral issues and careers. (parents influence!)
-We need to retake the meaning of loving discipline in our homes. We need to re-grasp the fact that it's more than just spanking and grounding - it's life-shaping, instilling a proper respect for authority so that kids, as they grow up, can be able to have a proper respect for God's authority. We need a biblical perspective on discipline. It's up to us, parents.
(Eph 6:4) "Fathers, do not exasperate your children, instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."
Ill - (Lookout magazine) "I had the meanest mother in the world," writes a housewife, who's now raising a family of her own. "While other kids ate candy for breakfast, I had to have cereal, eggs or toast. When others had Cokes and candy for lunch, I had to eat a sandwich. As you can guess, my supper was different than the other kids' also.
"But at least, I wasn't alone in my sufferings. My sister and two brothers had the same mean mother as I did.
"My mother insisted upon knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we were on a chain gang. She had to know who our friends were and what we were doing. She insisted if we said we'd be gone an hour, that we be gone one hour or less-not one hour and one minute. I am nearly ashamed to admit it, but she actually struck us. Not once, but each time we had a mind of our own and did as we pleased. That poor belt was used more on our seats than it was to hold up Daddy's pants. Can you imagine someone actually hitting a child just because he disobeyed? Now you can see how mean she really was.
'We had to wear clean clothes and take a bath. The other kids always wore their clothes for days. We reached the heights of insults because she made our clothes herself, just to save money. Why, oh why, did we have to have a mother who made us feel different from our friends?
"The worst is yet to come. We had to be in bed by 9 each night and up at 8 the next morning. We couldn't sleep till noon like our friends. So while they slept-my mother actually had the nerve to break the child-labor law. She made us work. We had to wash dishes, make beds, learn to cook and all sorts of cruel things. I believe she lay awake at night thinking up mean things to do to us.
"She always insisted upon our telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, even if it killed us-and it nearly did.
"By the time we were teen-agers, she was much wiser, and our life became even more unbearable. None of this tooting the horn of a car for us to come running. She embarrassed us to no end by making our dates and friends come to the door to get us. If I spent the night with a girl friend, can you imagine she checked on me to see if I were really there. I never had the chance to elope to Mexico. That is, if I'd had a boyfriend to elope with. I forgot to mention, while my friends were dating at the mature age of 12 and 13, my old- fashioned mother refused to let me date until the age of 15 and 16. 15, that is, if you dated only to go to a school function. And that was maybe twice a year.
"Through the years, things didn't improve a bit. We could not lie in bed, 'sick,' like our friends did, and miss school. If our friends had a toe-ache, a hang nail or other serious ailment, they could stay home from school. Our marks in school had to be up to par. Our friends' report cards had beautiful colors on them, black for passing, red for failing. My mother, being as dif¬ferent as she was, would settle for nothing less than ugly black marks.
"As the years rolled by, first one and then the other of us was put to shame. We were graduated from high school. With our mother behind us, talking, hitting and demanding respect, none of us was allowed the pleasure of being a drop-out.
"My mother was a complete failure as a mother. Out of 4 children, a couple of us attained some higher education. None of us has ever been arrested, divorced or beaten his mate. Each of my brothers served his time in the service of this country. And whom do we blame for the terrible way we turned out? You're right, our mean mother. Look at all the things we missed. We never got to march in a protest parade, nor to take part in a riot, burn draft cards, and a million and one other things that our friends did. She forced us to grow up into God-fearing, educated, honest adults.
"Using this as a background, I am trying to raise my three children. I stand a little taller and I am filled with pride when my children call me mean.
"Because, you see, I thank God, He gave me the meanest mother in the world."
-Take the tool of loving discipline and use it well. It will make your home a happier place to live.
IV. Tolerance (Forbearance)
-Tolerating others' foibles and failures is another tool that ought to characterize a Christian's life and therefore a Christian family too!
*Eph 4:1-3, Col 3:12-13 "put up with"
Ill - Shirley Scott was visiting w/friends who had just celebrated their 54th wedding anniversary. The husband came inside in his work boots, leaving clods of dirt behind him on the spotless kitchen floor. Expecting his wife to be upset, she said, "His boots certainly do bring the dirt in." She smiled as she got up to get a broom, "Yes, but they bring him in, too."
(I Co 13:7) love "bears all things..."
V. Talking (Communication)
-Joke - What do you mean we don't communicate? Just yesterday I had my answering service Email a reply to the message your secretary left on my voice mail!
-we don't. Not enough. Jesus sets the example for us here too. It was His common practice to go off to a lonely place and communicate with His Father. There's no way a marriage can be what it ought to be, no way a church can be what it ought to be, no way a family can be what it ought to be w/o deliberate communication.
-C. Morley - "If we discovered that we had 5 minutes left to say all we wanted to say, every telephone booth would be occupied by people calling other people to stammer that they love them. Why wait until the last 5 minutes?"
-What can we do to capitalize on the use of this tool that will strengthen the family? Here's one suggestion:
- (Dr. Dolores Curran) Consider what we could do as a society to foster family communication, affirmation, support and other traits if every institution and agency were to take as their responsibility the establishment of an inviolate family dinner time. If "Save Family Dinner" became a national management objective, if businesses stopped calling dinner meetings and schools calling practices, if TV stopped calling football games, churches and communities stopped calling evening meetings before 7 pm, imagine what it could do to support family communication.
Ill - The Bugg family in Farrigate, OH, at dinner table discussion, ended up speaking about Daddy's upcoming birthday. Kevin Bugg, age 5, piped up, "I know how old Daddy is - He's 34." The rest of the family was impressed that little Kevin had remembered his dad's correct age. His mother asked how he knew and Kevin said, "It says so on his underwear."
Communication - we need to take and use this tool.
3 more tools:
VI. TIME, TIME, TIME
-The Bible teaches us that time has to do w/growth & maturity (Heb 5 - by this time you ought to be teachers). Likewise in our families. Growth and strength in our families is directly related to how much time we give them. We all have a certain amount of it. Are we using it to strengthen our families?
-We already mentioned eating meals together. What's the big deal? It means time together! A survey by the National Merit Scholars researchers found that high-achieving students have something in common besides high grades: They eat dinner with their families every day.
Ill - -In 1971 an earthquake hit So. CA Happened when most people were in bed asleep. Because of when it hit, it was especially upsetting, particularly to children. Most of them awoke in the middle of the night, shaking, finding themselves separated from their families. Hundreds of adults and children were so emotionally traumatized that state supported psychiatric care was provided. Researchers compared the results of that earthquake to the results of one in Alaska in 1964. Some interesting differences: Though the quake in Alaska was just as severe as the one in CA, few people suffered from any psychological trauma. Conclusion: this was true because the CA quake came at a time when family members were separated from one another. But the Alaskan quake came just as most families were sitting down together for their evening meal.
-Consider how much better a Christian can weather the storms of life when his church family is nearby for support. The Church is the family of God with members that need time with each other. That church is made up of families with members who need time with each other. We need to make it happen. Think of some of the benefits of time with your family - things that you miss unless you make time together:
Ill - 3-year old girl told her mother she learned that Jesus will come live in the heart of those who accept Him. That's a tough concept for a little girl! Her mother was sitting on the couch, and the girl came over and put her ear to her mother's chest. "What are you doing?" "I'm listening for Jesus in your heart." "Well, what do you hear?" "He's there, and it sounds to me like He's making coffee."
Ill -A small boy was asked to write what he had learned about the human body. "Our body is divided into 3 parts: the branium, borax, and abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, if any. The borax contains the lungs, lights, and heart. The abominable cavity contains the 5 bowels, a,e,i,o, and u." -Things like that take time to catch, or they'll be missed.
-Long distance is the next best thing to being there, but why settle for the next best thing? Relationships can't be built by long distance. Families need time together. You all have the same amount as everyone else: 24 hours/day.
Suggestions:
-Try keeping a family calendar so that conflicts will be weeded out.
-Schedule times together and stick to them
-Worship together!
-try some creative family activities (like we've inserted in the bulletins)
-try using this tool of TIME. See if it doesn't help your family grow stronger.
Conclusion:
Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men, but as wise, making the most of your time because the days are evil." (Eph 5:15-16)
Ill - Every parent who bundles up a child to go out in the snow knows the sense of concern that they wrap under those coats, scarves, mittens and boots. It's an emotional process that usually ends in the child saying he forgot to go to the restroom. And every child who has been bundled like that knows how it feels to be bound and gagged and then told to go have fun! But we bundle them up just the same. It's cold out there. We want our children to be prepared, and safe, and warm.
-Evil days are upon our families. It's cold out there. And every family who gives it any thought concerns itself with making sure that it's members are ready to go out and face a cold and dangerous world with security and strength. We have the tools we need to make our families secure.
"He has given to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, everything we need to participate in the divine nature and to escape the corruption in the world..."
-We can do it. God cares about your family. It needs Him first...
