Knots
Pt. 1 - Knot Knowledge
In our society we tend to separate people into categories short, fat, white, black and perhaps the most common category of all is those who have knots and those with no knots. The prevailing question for someone with no knots as they approach the age of 30 is, “So when will you tie the knot?” More than physical attributes, race or any other pigeon holing attribute, characteristic, or label it seems that relationships are paramount for cataloging folks in our society. Over the course of the next few weeks I want us to examine relationships and learn some principles that will help us navigate relationships. This is important whether you are knotted or not. Why? Out of the 10 marriages that will take place tomorrow in America - 5 will end in divorce and of the 5 that make it only half of those say they have little or no intimacy of relationship at all! And of those that make it the average marriage only makes it 9.8 years. So it is obvious that knots are not working and we need to become more knotty! We need some knot knowledge!!! (Yes . . . the puns are going to be think during this series!)
So let’s start with the first knot!
Genesis 2:18
The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
Genesis 2:21-25
So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” 24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. 25 Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
1. God Now . . . Knot later.
This knot was successful because God was involved in the selection process. God created/designed/assigned and then the knot came. You must guard against selecting and then asking God to become knotted in this thing. You can’t create and then ask for blessing. He must be involved from creation. How have YOUR picks worked. How has that worked out for you? You can have the one He picks! I recognize the pool was smaller. It is harder to single out when the options are numerous. However, (Slide 11) not everyone is suitable for you. God says let me find someone suitable for Adam. That is why it is so essential to let God get involved. He can find suitable rather than just sexy! If you fail to understand this, then you will date good, good looking, sweet, etc. but not suitable.
This is why we reference the passage in Ecclesiastes 4:12 that states "a 3 stranded cord is not easily broken" used so often in weddings. The fact is God should be the 3rd party to every relationship.
Too many of us want God once the selection has already been made and our mind has been made up. I have almost come to the conclusion that premarital counseling is a waste of time because you aren’t changing your mind, I’m not changing your mind and God isn’t changing your mind. What you really need is pre-relationship counseling. What you really need is to change your selection criteria by allowing God into the process! We don’t want God involved as the selector. Well I know what I like! Like He doesn’t know what you like and more importantly need?
Our issue is trust! Our issue is control. Some of ya’ll getting the order wrong. You get naked only to discover they weren’t made for you! Adam discovers that Eve was made for him so there was no shame in their nakedness. Who has God made for you? Maybe you could find that person if you would allow God control.
We don’t trust Him enough to choose better or choose quicker than us (by the way choosing quickly is the issue some of us have)! We can’t get you to pull the trigger on any other decision except who to date/marry. In one week’s time you have fallen head over heels, shared every piece of intimate information about your life, given your heart and body away and it took you three weeks to pick out what shirt to wear with those pants! Come on. Slow down and let God run the show. Our issue is control. We refuse to give control of our life to God. We call Him Lord until it comes to love. We call Him master until it comes to marrying. We allow Him to get involved in the single most important decision of our life but want Him to come into the equation late in the game in the second most important decision we will ever make!
Let God get involved in selecting someone for you. List out your criteria and match it against His list. He can handle every item you are looking for. It won’t shake Him. Give Him measurements, characteristics, traits, bank account requirements and then realize that He can add to or take away as He sees fit!
2. Gutters Don't Lead to Gardens
What you find in the gutter won't usually turn into a garden!
You can't bring someone into the garden (Adam and Eve met in the garden). You need to find them there! Beginning is important. You are more likely to end up in paradise if you find them in paradise. Start in a bar and then shocked when they go back our want to build relationship around that beginning.
The environment you find a person in usually reveals nature of person and destiny of relationship.
Some of you are allowing or bringing intruders into your garden. You expect them to be able to change to garden behavior, attitude, longings and they don't because they weren't in the garden they were in the gutter to begin with!
Remember good seed doesn't turn bad soil into good soil. We want garden experience to birthed in the swamp! Since you know Christ you are good seed. You can't allow that good seed to be planted in, invested in, used up in bad soil in hopes that the soil will be influenced by the seed. The truth is that the seed is almost always influenced by the soil! Good soil and good seed equals good fruit. Good soil and bad seed usually equals some fruit. Bad soil and good seed usually equals no fruit and wasted seed! In fact, as little as I know about farming I know that if you come across bad soil the only way to fix it is with huge amounts of fertilizer. So unless you are willing to walk through, put up with, endure, and handle all the sssstufff that is going to be required to change the soil of their life then you better walk away now!
In order to have a healthy relationship you must find a healthy person. A healthy person usually isn’t running from their issues by covering them with alcohol or patrolling meat markets.
Broken people . . . broken relationship. You need to knot with someone who is whole.
3. Know Before Knot
Adam knew who he was and what he was about before Eve came along. Go back into Chapter 1 of Genesis or even right before the passage I read to you and Adam has received a revelation of who he was. He was a creation of God, the love of God's life, and the ruler of his domain. Some of you are picking wrong people because you don't who you are! Some of you are picking people who don't know who they are so they can't even really know you! Those who don't know their purpose randomly wander into yours to suck the purpose out of you!
We say about Jesus, "In Him we live and move and have our being." What does that mean? That speaks to completion. No one can complete you but Christ. However they can take away from your life. Julie completes my world but she doesn’t complete my worth. My worth was secure before I married Julie. If my worth is wrapped up in my wife then if my wife leaves I am worthless! You better figure out if your selection knows who they are and you better know who they are. If their worth is wrapped up in their car, their bank account, your looks then you should know that when the car is lost, the money is lost, and your curves turn into creases, then you can be sure that a trade in, pursuit of better, a disconnect is on the horizon!
Too often we expect others to do a healing that only God can perform. You can be saved . . . but you need to be healed. NEWSFLASH . . . a date, a spouse can't do that. You have to let God do that. If you displace that expectation on someone they will only add to the pain not take it away.
If you are not whole, then you need to hide from relationship! Why? You will take your brokenness and your baggage into a new relationship! Listen if you don't know your own worth and find your completion in Christ you will settle for less than! You will miss the suitable person God has for you! You will try to use them to fill something in you that they will never be able to fill! They don't have the ability or power to do so and since you try to use them to fill something that only Christ can fill any substitute is in reality an idol!
Scripture says they became "one flesh". We want to say that is about sex. That is only the physical manifestation of what takes place spiritually. You wholeness intertwines with their wholeness and produces health. Your wholeness and their hurt only destroys your wholeness. You cannot truly become one unless you are whole! I know in math half place half equals whole but that is not true in relationships!
This is extremely important for those who go extended periods of time or even permanently without a knot. What if its not God's will for you to have a knot? What if every time you want to knot God says not? If you are waiting on anyone other than Christ to complete you, then your entire life will be incomplete! You will not experience the "Life more abundantly" that Jesus has provided for you! Christ can complete you and you can be completely complete without a boo, a sugar pie, a pookie bear! Until you know that embrace and experience that you are going to be miserable!
