Introductory Consideration
1. Tom was one of the best friends I had ever had, we had so much in common. We were both from Dutch background, both accountants, both attended the same church and served in consistory together and even lived across the street from each other. Mostly, though, our friendship was so beautiful because we both had a deep love for Jesus Christ and we both sought to serve him and live our lives for hint. We even attended Bible Institute together at a local church.
2. The Psalmist says how good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity. It is like precious oil poured on the head. Our friendship felt that good.
3. Some very controversial issues came up in consistory. Tom felt very strong about a few things and disagreements arose between him and the some others in consistory. - - he was very troubled and at times he would share his feelings with me in confidence.. Matters got worse and soon Tom had little to do with consistory and the church.
4. As an elder, I was part of the discussions which we had in trying to deal with Tom. It was difficult. Many of the other elders were also close friends with Tom. I tried to approach him but he wanted nothing to do with me. Soon I felt totally rejected by him. I wrote him a letter but received no response.
5. Soon he left the church and went elsewhere.
6. It had been almost a year since we had had a meaningful talk together. I was hurting as were his other friends in the church. He had taken us out of his life just as one rips a page out of a book. I knew that I would soon be moving to go to seminary and felt that we had to talk. I just couldn’t leave wondering why he had hurt me so much. Had I done something wrong? I agonized over what I should do. I had tried to get together in the past but all my efforts had been rejected? Why should I try again?
7. Finally I called him, and to my surprise, he agreed to go out for lunch with me. During that lunch, I learned that he had thought that I had betrayed his trust. He thought I had disclosed to the other elders those things he had told me in confidence. I explained that I had not betrayed his trust. However, I did disagree with some of his views and his actions.
8. While we talked, it became easy to see how, over the years, many things that had happened were misinterpreted by us - mostly because of our feelings and mistrust. A lot of things came out into the open. Things did not get solved completely, but we had a better understanding of each other. Though there were still hurts, we could still feel love toward each other and pray together.
9. Now, as I look back, I can see how, the longer we did not communicate, the more we misunderstood each other and the further apart we grew.
10. The difficult thing I had wrestled with was how to get I together. I felt he had wronged me. Should I go to him or should I wait until he came to me and acknowledged his wrong? Some people told me that, since he had hurt me, he should take the first step to call me. Somehow, though, I questioned whether that was the right attitude.
Teaching
1. This morning we look at two Scripture passages that refer to broken relationships.
a. In Matthew, Jesus teaches us that if our brother has something against us, we should go to that brother and to be reconciled with him. If we have sinned against our brother, we are to go to the one whom we have wronged
b. In the Acts passage, those who have been sinned against are urged to forgive and encourage the one who has wronged them.
2. Considering these two Scripture passages, who should take the first step? The offender or the one offended against? The answer is both. When we are in a broken relationship with someone we are to go to the other person in that relationship and seek to be reconciled with him.
3. In Matthew, Jesus indicates that broken relationships are very serious. Not only is murder subject to judgement, but so is anger. The feelings which we have toward one another are subject to the judgement of God. Jesus came to reconcile us to God but that reconciliation also requires that we be reconciled or made right with each other
4. For that reason, when we come before God’s altar with our offerings or worship, we must first be right with our fellow Christians.
a. In Micah 6:8, God tells us that requires us to act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with our God. This takes precedence over any offerings that we may bring before Him.
5. In fact God questions if we can really love Him when we do not love our brother.
a. In 1 John 4;20-21, we read that "If anyone says, ’I love God,’ yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen. And hie has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother."
6. If our brother has something against us, it means that, in his eyes, he feels that we have wronged him.
a. We may not be aware of the wrong we have done and we may not have intended to hurt him.
b. On the other hand we may .well be aware of what we have done and feel bad about it.
c. In either case, we are called to go to him and seek to be reconciled to him.
7. The sooner the reconciliation the better - before more issues cloud the situation. There is an urgency before things get out of hand. If not feelings build up, we gossip and sin, etc.
8. But we must have the right attitude when we seek reconciliation. One of love and humility, not one of anger and pride. We must ask God to remove the anger we feel so that we can approach our brother in love.
9. Maybe someone feels that you have wronged him. You may not feel that you have done that and so you may think that you don’t have to do anything. "In time that person may work out the problem."
a. The passage tells us to go to our brother if he has something against us. It doesn’t tell us just to go when we feel he is justified in his feelings. We may be innocent victims of his misunderstandings, but at least we must try to clear them up.
10. Does someone have something against you? Are things being blown out of proportion? Are you willing to take the first step - to go to that person. To repent or to find out why they feel you have wrong them? Take that first step.
11. Passage in 2 Corinthians is not speaking to the offender but to those who have been wronged.
12. Paul is referring to a person in the Corinthian church who led a rebellion against him. While the details of that rebellion are not told, we do know that Paul had instructed the church to repent and to discipline this person.
a. The church has carried out these instructions and now Paul urges the church to forgive him.
b. Those who have been wronged are urged to take the first step in now attempting to reconcile their relationship with this person.
c. The person was punished for his sin. The purpose of that punishment was not for vengeance but to restore him to correct behaviour.
13. Discipline in the church should be modeled upon God’s discipline.
a.In Hebrews we are told that the Lord disciplines those He loves, and punishes everyone He accepts as a son.
b. He disciplines us that we may share in His holiness.
c. When we are astray in our actions we need to be corrected so that we may again walk in the right path.
d. So also in the church, discipline is not to make someone pay for the wrong they have done, but to help that person see that wrong and to repent from it.
e. The attitude with which we discipline must be one of love not revenge, anger, or hate.
f. When that person has been punished and realized their wrong, they must be forgiven and comforted.
14. In verse 8, Paul says that the church is to reaffirm its love to the offender. He does not tell them to start loving him again. If they had forgiven him before, their love for him would have continued.
15. As a body we are to encourage one another in love. To do that we need to forgive one another. Only in that way can the unity of the fellowship be restored.
16. When someone wrongs us and they have been disciplined, do we try to restore them to their former relationship with us? Not only through the discipline, but after they have repented and the discipline has been lifted?
a. Do we encourage them to again be part of our fellowship?
b. Or do we hold the wrong over them, reminding them continually of their past sins?
c. Do we try to stay clear of that person so that they won’t hurt us again? Do we keep them out of our inner circle of friends?
17. It’s so easy to forgive someone but in little, subtle ways to continually remind that person of what they have done. That is not a demonstration of love which seeks to encourage.
18. Another reason why we must seek reconciliation is the affect that personal disagreements have on the entire community.
a. When you feel wronged by someone or if you have hurt another person, the rift between you is seen by all. When Tom and the rest of consistory were divided, the rest of the church was affected.
b. Spiritually we are affected by each other’s spiritual state/
c. That is why in verse 5, Paul says that the person who rebelled against him did not just grieve him but grieved the entire church to some extent.
d. Love needs to flow freely in the church and when hate and hurt exist, that flow of love is hampered.
e. We are all part of one body and the pain that one part of the body feels, is felt by the entire body. The spiritual fellowship we have is like the nervous system in our bodies. We are sensitive to the feelings of each other. We cannot help but be affected by the attitudes of those around us.
f. Often we seem to place people into the position of needing to decide which side they are on. It is hard to remain neutral. If we refuse to support someone’s opinion it seems that we disagree with them. And so what may have been a disagreement between two people has avalanched into a full-scale division - the bigger the division, the more people involved, the harder to be reconciled and the more entrenched people become in their positions.
19. If only we would take that first step to try to resolve our differences while they remain relatively small and easy to resolve.
20. Though we can not blame him for our divisions and lack of reconciliation, we are playing into the hand of Satan. In verses 10-12, Paul says. READ.
a. An unforgiving heart and a lack of love are weapons which Satan uses in his attempt to destroy the church - it was love which gave us victory over death and over Satan and love is the strongest weapon we have to continue fighting him.
b. Because of Christ, we do already have victory over Satan, but he has not given up trying to divide us.
21. We are the body of Christ, we are his witness on earth. To be an effective witness we must be united. To be united, differences and disagreements must be resolved.
22. Often, we are unable to agree on all the details of a disagreement, but we can however, come to each other and seek forgiveness for the sins we have committed.
a. We can admit our hurts to each other.
b. We can, in the power and freedom which the love of Jesus Christ gives us, agree to forgive and to affirm our love to each other.
c. Then and only then can we move ahead in service to Jesus Christ
23. One question that I would like to address is that of repentance. Although we are not told whether the rebel in the Corinthian church repented of his sin, it appears that he did. Paul is concerned that he will be overwhelmed with excessive sorrow. This indicates that he did feel sorrow for what he had done and had probably repented for it.
24. What if he hadn’t repented? How should the church have reacted? Should they still have affirmed their love for him? What about those who have wronged us and never acknowledged any guilt? Should we forgive them?
a. In order for us to be forgiven by God we are told that we need to confess our sins. Each Sunday we confess our sins before we read the assurance that God forgives us.
b. The words of that assurance indicate that God forgives those who confess their sins to Him. Do we take this requirement to repent as a condition to forgive those who have sinned against us?
25. I have wrestled with this question and my conclusion is no. We can forgive those who have hurt even if they do not repent
a. Just before He died on the cross, Jesus said "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." Had those who crucified Jesus repented of their actions? No!
b. Joseph forgave his brothers for selling him into slavery. They told Joseph a lie that Jacob had asked them to tell Joseph to forgive his brothers. Despite that lie in seeking forgiveness, Joseph did forgive them.
c. When he was stoned to death for proclaiming the good news of Jesus Christ, Stephen fell on his knees and cried out, "Lord, do not hold this sin against them." Had those who stoned him repented? No!
d. In each of these cases the offenders were forgiven by those whom they offended.
26. That doesn’t mean that all those who crucified Christ or stoned Stephen were forgiven by God, but it means that Jesus and Stephen released them of their sins.
a. They were forgiven in the heart of those who forgave them but for them to feel the power of that forgiveness, to themselves be restored in the relationship, they had to repent.
b. When we forgive the unrepented person, we are freed or healed from the sins which have been committed and from the pain which those sins generated.
27. However, unless he can see that he has done anything wrong will our forgiveness mean anything to him.
28. Is there someone that you have sinned against? Someone you have hurt either intentionally or unintentionally? Maybe you simply did not do something to show love to them at a time when they needed love? You know that this person has something against you. Maybe their feelings are justified, maybe they are not. Does that make a difference? You know that they are hurting and you can help them be healed from that hurt. Are you willing to take that first step toward reconciliation?
29. Is there someone who has sinned against you? Are you waiting for them to come to you and seek forgiveness? Are you back on that forgiveness and using it as a weapon to make them come to you and repent?
30. Maybe you tried to resolve your conflict some time ago and you have decided that was their last chance. Maybe your feelings are so strong against that person that you would rather never see them again. You know, however, that they are hurting and you have to admit that you are hurting as well. Why not try to talk to that person one more time? Are you .willing to take that first step toward reconciliation?
31. Jesus Christ came to reconcile us to God and to each other. The first step is not one which you are taking. He has already taken that first step. We need but to follow that step.
32. How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity! It is like precious oil poured on the head, running down on the beard, running down on Aaron’s beard, down upon the collar of his robes. It is as if the dew of Hermon were falling on Mount Zion. For there the Lord bestows His blessing, even life forevermore.
