Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 – Extreme Marriages
9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Marriage relationships are hard work. It is difficult to have a marriage that is strong enough to withstand the challenges of life, yet rich enough to satisfy the longing of the heart for friendship and love.
But thanks to modern science there is hope. Take a look at what research has yielded to help enrich your marriage relationship.
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Now, now, that’s fiction. Some of you were ready to order one for your spouse. Pam had out her cell phone ready to order one for me ……..
So what does it take to make your marriage extreme – that is extremely strong, extremely loving, and extremely lasting?
• Marriage is important to the Father. God designed the first marriage, when He created Adam & Eve to be one in the miracle of the 6th day of Creation.
• Marriage is important to Christ. Jesus began His miracle-working ministry at a wedding. He is still doing miracles in marriages today!
• Marriage is important to the Holy Spirit. He is our “engagement ring” that connects us to the promise of our full marriage when we receive our reward. Our heavenly reward begins with the “marriage supper of the Lamb” where we are married to Jesus Christ as His bride.
o I’ve said that the first time I got married, I was the groom, but the next time I’m going to get married, I’ll be the bride.
o Now don’t you look at me funny like, what kind of church are we in where the pastor was a groom but is going to be a bride – That’s what Scripture tells us about our relationship with Christ. It is close, and intimate, and the closest thing on earth to the relationship God wants with us is a good, healthy, blessed marriage.
1. THE IDEA OF MEN & WOMEN WAS GOD’S IDEA.
• “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.” (Gen. 1:27)
• Men and women are equally important and are complementary to each other in God’s design.
• The creation of woman became a testimonial, for creation was incomplete without her.
• Think how colorless, how one-dimensional a world it would be if there was only your sex in it!
• Can you imagine living in an all-male world or an all-female world?
• You need to see and rejoice in the fundamental differences between male and female in order to enjoy the goodness God planned for you in marriage.
2. MARRIAGE WAS DESIGNED TO MEET THE FIRST PROBLEM OF THE HUMAN RACE: LONELINESS
“And the Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone …………..” (Gen.2:18-22)
• You were made for fellowship and not for isolation.
• Picture Adam in this beautiful environment - he had the fellowship of God and the company of the birds and the animals, yet he was alone.
• God saw that this was “not good”.
• So God created woman - a perfect solution for overcoming the man’s loneliness.
• Our wise and loving Creator made another creature, like Adam, yet wondrously unlike him.
• The creation of mankind was now complete; the woman complements the man.
• Man and woman coming together in marriage is God’s ideal of completeness.
• Man and woman, meant for each other and totally suitable for each other - spiritually, intellectually, emotionally and physically.
• It is possible for you to be living in the same house with your mate but because you or your mate’s needs - spiritually, intellectually, emotionally and physically are not being met by each other, you could still be lonely.
• However, this is not God’s design for you; his design is COMPANIONSHIP and COMPLETENESS for the two of you together.
3. MARRIAGE WAS DESIGNED TO BRING HAPPINESS, NOT MISERY
“And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man” (Gen. 2:23).
• This is the world’s first love song!
• Adam is delighted with the sense of unity and equality he has with the woman.
• He expresses a tremendous excitement, a joyous astonishment. *The phrase “bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh,” became a favorite Old Testament saying to describe an intimate, personal relationship.
• Finally Adam had found the one to complete him, who could take away his loneliness and who was as dear to him as his own flesh.
• God has designed marriage for our joy and happiness; his purpose has never changed.
LEAVING, CLEAVING AND ONE FLESH
4. MARRIAGE MUST BEGIN WITH A LEAVING OF ALL OTHER RELATIONSHIPS IN ORDER TO ESTABLISH A PERMANENT RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN ONE MAN AND ONE WOMAN.
“Therefore shall a man LEAVE his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh” (Gen. 2:24)
• In this three-part commandment at the beginning, God lays out what the marriage relationship is built on.
• Marriage begins with a LEAVING: Leaving all other relationships.
• The closest relationship outside marriage is specified here, implying that if it is necessary to leave your father and mother, then certainly all lesser ties must be broken, changed, or left behind.
• Leaving our parents does not mean to abandon then; it does not mean to leave them in the lurch.
• The bonds of love with parents are lasting ones.
• But, these ties must change in character so that the man’s full commitment is now to his wife.
• And the wife’s commitment is now to her husband.
• The Lord gave the man this commandment, although the principle applies to both husband and wife, because it is up to the man to establish a new household that he will be responsible for.
• He can no longer be dependant on his father and mother; he can no longer be under their authority, for now he assumes headship of his own family.
• The adult must continue to honor his parents and care for them when necessary and assume responsibility for them rather than responsibility to them. (See Matt. 15:3-9 and 15:4-8).
• Giving your full commitment to each other as husband and wife means giving other things a lesser priority - your business, your career, your house, even your hobbies, your talents, your interests, or yes, even your church work.
• Unless you are willing to “leave” everything else, you will never develop the beautiful oneness of relationship that God intended for you.
• This reflects, to a lesser degree, the commitment we have to have to find Christ – we must forsake all to follow HIM.
5. CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE REQUIRES AN INSEPARABLE JOINING OF HUSBAND AND WIFE FOR AS LONG AS BOTH PARTNERS ARE ALIVE.
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, AND SHALL CLEAVE UNTO HIS WIFE: and they shall be one flesh” (Gen. 2:24)
• You cannot really cleave unless you LEAVE.
• It is also no use leaving unless you are ready to spend a lifetime CLEAVING.
• When we come to the Greek New Testament, the word means to cement together - to stick like glue - or to be welded together so that the two cannot be separated without damage to both.
• The husband and wife relationship could also be compared to two pieces of paper that are glued together.
• If you try to separate two such pieces of paper you tear them both.
• If you try to separate husband and wife, both are hurt - and in the cases where they have children, the children are hurt as well.
• Divorce means to take a saw and to saw apart each child, from head to toe, right through the middle. This is not a pleasant illustration but hopefully it helps us to understand the serious consequences of divorce.
• Jesus himself gave commentary on this verse saying,
• “Therefore what God has joined together, let man NOT SEPARATE (Matthew 19:6).
• The force of meaning in the word “cleave” can be more clearly understood when we consider how the
• This commandment (Gen. 2:24) is directed to the husband especially, although the principle applies to both husband and wife.
• The husband is primarily responsible to do everything possible to form ties with his wife that will make them inseparable.
• These ties must be strengthened in the heat and pressures of daily life.
• God’s plan for you and your partner is a unity that cannot be broken as you obey His commandment, at all costs, to cleave together.
6. MARRIAGE MEANS ONENESS IN THE FULLEST POSSIBLE SENSE
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: AND THEY SHALL BE ONE FLESH. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. (Gen.2:24-25).
• The pattern for marriage that God established at creation produces something quite remarkable if it is followed.
• TWO WILL ACTUALLY BECOME ONE.
• This is more than togetherness.
• For this to take place some elementary requirements should be noted. The wording in verse 24 is “a man” and “his wife”. Christian marriage is monogamous (two people) and heterosexual (a man and a woman).
• Although it goes far deeper than the physical, becoming one flesh involves intimate physical union in sexual intercourse.
• Sex between marriage partners is not shameful.
• The devil did not create sex – God created sex!
• The biblical expression for sexual intercourse between husband and wife is “to know” an expression of profound dignity. “Adam KNEW his wife, and she conceived. (Gen. 4:1)
• The word “know” is the same word used of God’s loving, personal knowledge of Abraham in Gen. 18:19 : “for I know him ….”
• Oneness is not only an intimate physical knowledge, but also a tender, intimate, personal knowledge.
• So the leaving, cleaving and knowing each other results in a new identity in which two individuals merge into one - one in mind, heart, body and spirit.
• Ephesians 5:31-32 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.”
• This great intimate, loving, fulfilling relationship that God has designed for marriage, reflect the wonderful, loving, intimate friendship that He has for you – that mystery of the bond between a husband and wife, that closeness, He longs to have with you – you and your Maker as close friends.
Do you need healing in your relationships? Do you need the Holy Spirit to restore brokenness, remove mistrust, and wash away the pain of yesterday? He promises to restore the years the enemy has eaten! He promises to make all things new! He has rebuilt broken homes, broken hearts, and broken lives!
Do you need the have a relationship with your Maker? Not just to know about Him, but TO KNOW HIM! There is a loving God calling you to experience His loving embrace!
