A. There’s a story told of a four-year-old boy who came out of the bathroom screaming to his mother for help.
1. Startled, his mother ran to him asking, “What’s wrong?”
2. The little boy answered, “I dropped my toothbrush into the toilet.”
3. She calmed him down saying, “That’s okay. I will get it out of the toilet. We will throw it away and I will get you a new one.”
4. The boy stood their thinking for a moment, then ran into the bathroom and came out with his mother’s toothbrush.
5. He said, “Then we better throw this one out too, because it fell into the toilet a few days ago!”
B. The truth is an interesting thing, isn’t it?
1. The truth can be distasteful and hard to hear…The truth can hurt.
a. That was true in the case of the mother’s toothbrush.
2. Nevertheless, we want people to tell us the truth, don’t we? Well, kind of...
3. But when do we want to know the truth?
a. As soon as possible, right?
b. Consider again the case of the toothbrush, sooner would have been better than later.
C. Let’s contrast two famous sayings about the truth.
1. One of them is from the movie called A Few Good Men.
a. There’s a scene in the movie where Tom Cruise, who was a military lawyer, is cross examining Jack Nicolson, the base commander, and a Colonel, in a military courtroom.
b. Cruise was trying to get Nicolson to tell the truth about the orders he had given about a certain situation.
c. With much intensity, Cruise shouted, “I just want the truth!” Nicolson barked back, “You can’t handle the truth.”
d. In reality, the truth can be hard to handle.
e. And like the ostrich, some people would rather put their head in the sand and ignore the truth than to have to face it.
f. How about you? Does the saying “you can’t handle the truth” apply to you?
2. The other famous saying about the truth comes from Jesus.
a. In John 8:32, Jesus said, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
b. Lies and falsehood keep us in bondage, but the truth leads to freedom.
c. But that doesn’t mean that the truth-enabled path to freedom is an easy one.
D. So you might be asking what all of this has to do with love.
1. This sermon is our last one in our All You Need Is Love sermon series.
2. I hope you have benefitted from the series as much as I have!
3. It has been a rich three month journey for me, and I’m a little sad it is coming to a close.
4. But I’m sure the subject of love is one we will return to repeatedly in the future, because love is the key to everything.
E. Let’s return one last time to 1 Corinthians chapter 13, verses 4-6 – this is where we have found many of the characteristics of love we have been learning about.
1. The Bible teaches: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth (1 Cor. 13:4-6).
2. Today, we want to focus on the last phrase.
3. Here is how the verse is rendered in a few other translations:
a. Love…does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out (NLT).
b. Love…is always glad to side with truth, and pleased that truth will win (ISV).
c. Love…takes pleasure in the flowering of truth (The Message).
4. The characteristic of love we want to wrestle with today is: love speaks the truth.
F. When Gary Chapman was doing research for the book Love as a Way of Life, a book I have been using as a resource for this sermon series, he asked numerous people to give him the name of someone they considered a loving person.
1. Once they identified a person or persons, he then asked, “What about that person leads you to conclude that he or she is a loving person?”
2. Most of the answers he received fell into the characteristics we have discussed in this series – the person is loving because they are kind, patient, forgiving, humble, and courteous.
3. But a significant number of the respondents also indicated that the person was loving because he or she would tell the truth even when the other person didn’t want to hear it.
4. The respondents said things like:
a. “A casual acquaintance may tell you what you want to hear, but a true friend will tell you what you need to hear.”
b. “A loving person is always honest with the people he loves and will tell them the truth in a tactful manner.”
c. “A loving person is willing to give advice and be critical when necessary in order to help you be a better person. He is honest and yet sensitive.”
G. The late Fred Rogers, the beloved host of the Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood television show, wrote many beautiful songs for children that hold great truths for adults as well.
1. In the song, “I Like to Be Told,” he writes of every child’s desire to be told “if it’s going to hurt,” if a parent is going away, or if something will be new or difficult, because “I will trust you more and more” each time these things come true.
2. One woman told Gary Chapman about an incident that occurred in her young life.
a. She woke up one morning when she was a child and was told that she wouldn’t be going to kindergarten that day, but was going to the hospital for eye surgery.
b. Her suitcase was already packed.
c. She was old enough to understand that this meant her parents had withheld information from her.
d. The memory of being betrayed is more painful than the memory of the surgery itself.
3. Compare this with a young boy who when facing heart surgery asked his grandfather if it was going to hurt.
a. His grandfather answered truthfully, but softened it with hope, saying, “Yes, it is going to hurt for a while. But every day the pain should get less and less, and it means you’ll be getting better and stronger.”
4. In reality it isn’t just children who desire to be told the truth.
5. Dishonesty is like a wall that builds up over time in our friendships, marriage, family or work relationships.
6. If we are going to be loving people who make love a way of life, then we must speak and act out of the truth.
H. Let’s look at Ephesians 4:15, one of the verses that was read during the Scripture Reading today.
1. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ (Eph. 4:15).
2. What do we learn from this verse?
a. This verse teaches us that the key to growing to maturity and becoming like Jesus, our Head, is learning to speak the truth in love to each other.
3. Speaking the truth in love means keeping every other character trait of a loving person in mind.
4. How does speaking the truth in love involve kindness?
a. Kindness is both the motivation and the method for speaking honestly about hard things with people.
b. Gary Chapman tells the story of a couple named Allen and Lucy, who enjoyed having college students over for dinner every Sunday evening.
c. During the school year they got to know and enjoy the young adults, and the students got to know them as surrogate parents.
d. One young man named Thomas came over regularly and he was very difficult to like.
e. Thomas never stopped talking about himself, and he interrupted and topped everyone’s stories. He never asked questions about others or listened when they tried to talk.
f. Many of the students tried to avoid Thomas.
g. One evening Allen invited Thomas to go for a walk.
h. As they walked along, Allen gently asked Thomas, “Do you ever feel like people avoid you or don’t like you?” Thomas said, “Yes.”
i. Allen continued, “Thomas do you want to know why some people treat you that way?”
j. Thomas’s answer came as a surprise, “Yes, I do. And no one will tell me.”
k. Allen went on to suggest how Thomas could listen more and how he could improve his social skills.
l. Thomas was eager to hear the kindness of an honest answer.
m. So love speaks the truth with kindness.
5. Love also speaks the truth with patience.
a. The truth can be spoken as bullets or as seeds.
b. If we speak the truth as bullets, then we will likely kill the relationship.
c. But if we speak the truth as seeds, then we must be patient for the seeds to take root and grow.
d. Patient honesty might mean telling the other person your feelings even though you’d rather they figured them out on their own, even though you have told them about them before.
6. Love also speaks the truth with forgiveness.
a. The purpose of speaking the truth in love is not to condemn, but to restore.
b. If we approach the conversation with the desire to forgive the other person and restore the relationship, then we are showing a loving honesty guided by forgiveness.
7. Love also speaks the truth with humility.
a. Chapman shares the story of a man named Daniel who told him, “The hardest thing I have ever done was to confront my brother when I knew he was being unfaithful to his wife. I started by saying, ‘I find it hard to bring this up because I know that I could be in your shoes. I hope that if it were me, you would do what I’m trying to do. I love you too much to be silent.’ Then I told him what I knew and urged him to talk with a counselor. He did, and in time he and his wife were reconciled. I am so glad that I had the courage to confront him in love.”
b. If Daniel had approached his brother with an attitude of superiority, his brother might not have listened.
c. Instead, Daniel humbled himself and acknowledged that he was not above similar wrongdoing.
d. He put himself in his brother’s place and used words that spoke love and humility.
I. When we find ourselves in a situation where we need to speak the truth in love, here are three additional things to keep in mind.
1. First, we should check our motives. Why do we feel the need to do this? What do we hope to accomplish?
2. Second, we should plan our presentation. Plan what you will say, how you will say it, and when you’ll say it.
3. Third, we should give a lot of affirmation: before, during, and after.
a. This is certainly the model we see the apostle Paul use in his many letters of the NT.
1. Paul often praises the recipients of his letters at the beginning and end, even though he may correct them in the middle of the letter.
b. There is a fascinating study by a psychologist by the name of John Gottman.
1. As Gottman studied the interactions between spouses, he identified a rather simple predictor which was 90% accurate in determining if a marriage would succeed or fail.
2. According to Gottman, couples whose ratio of speaking words of affirmation to words of criticism was at least 5 to 1, had marriages that were successful.
4. So before we speak the truth in love, it helps to check our motives, plan our presentation, and give a lot of affirmation.
J. To be honest about honesty, I have to admit that both speaking and hearing the truth in love is not easy.
1. It takes love and courage to be the one on the sending end of speaking the truth in love, but it takes humility and love to be the one on the receiving end.
2. So in addition to being loving, truthful speakers, I want to challenge all of us to be loving, truthful hearers.
3. The main reason that people shy away from speaking the truth in love, is because many people don’t welcome it nor appreciate it.
K. Imagine going to the doctor’s office for a check-up, and the doctor says to you, “You are a magnificent physical specimen. You have the body of an Olympian! You are to be congratulated.”
1. Later that day while climbing the stairs, your heart gives out. You find out later your arteries were so clogged that you were one jelly doughnut away from the grim reaper.
2. Imagine you go back to the doctor and say, “Why didn’t you tell me the truth about my condition?”
3. Imagine the doctor says, “I knew your body was in worse shape than the Pillsbury doughboy, but when I tell people that they get offended. And it’s kind of bad for business. They don’t come back. I want this to be a safe place where you feel loved and accepted.”
4. How would you respond to that? Would you say, “don’t tell them what I want to hear, tell me what I need to hear?”
5. The easier we make it for people to tell us the truth in love, the better off it will be for everyone.
L. There are a number of proverbs in the Old Testament book of Proverbs that talk of the wisdom of being someone who is approachable, correctable and teachable.
1. Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid (Pr. 12:1).
2. Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you (Pr. 9:8).
3. Like an earring of gold or an ornament of fine gold is a wise man's rebuke to a listening ear (Pr. 25:12).
4. He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise (Pr. 15:21).
5. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses (Pr. 27:6).
M. Also from the Proverbs we learn that words are powerful, and that we should use them carefully!
1. A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver (Pr. 25:11).
2. Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing (Pr. 12:18).
3. The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit (Pr. 18:21)
4. These Proverbs go right along with Eph. 4:29 that we read as part of the Scripture Reading: Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen (Eph. 4:29).
5. As we strive to speak the truth in love, we must strive to only communicate things that are of benefit to people.
a. We must only say things that help people to be more whole and healthy as people.
b. Nothing else must come out of our mouths.
N. Let’s talk for a minute about what telling the truth in love isn’t.
1. Telling the truth isn’t telling everything we know – not everyone needs to know everything.
2. Telling the truth isn’t verbalizing every emotion we feel – we are emotional creatures, and our emotions fluctuate easily – we don’t have to report every single emotion.
3. Telling the truth isn’t an excuse to be unloving – a person might say, “I just have to be honest!” - You don’t just have to be honest if you can’t do so in a loving way.
O. Let’s touch on one final thing about speaking the truth in love – sometimes standing for the truth and speaking the truth will mean that we have to stand and speak against popular opinion.
1. This week we lost Nelson Mandela and he was a great example of someone who did just that.
a. He spoke the truth that apartheid was evil and had to be overturned and was imprisoned for 27 years because of it. He maintained his stand and apartheid eventually fell.
2. Similarly, Martin Luther spoke against the corruption of the Catholic church and led the protestant reformation.
3. Martin Luther King, Jr. spoke against civil rights abuses for African Americans and led the civil rights movement.
4. Susan B. Anthony spoke against the civil rights abuses of woman and helped gain women the right to vote in the United States.
5. There are many important truths that we may have to lovingly stand for or against, and speak for or against.
a. Such things would include the sanctity of human life.
b. And the sanctity of human sexuality and marriage as God has designed it.
c. And justice for the poor, the handicapped, or the foreigner.
d. And the truth about the church and how to become a Christian.
6. How can we truly be loving people if we don’t speak and live the truth in these matters with these individuals?
7. Who would have thought that speaking the truth in love would have so many aspects to it?
8. How would your relationships grow if you learned how to speak the truth in love?
P. I want to conclude this sermon and this series by returning to the place we started at the very beginning of the series.
1. We started with an illustration of a tourist who stopped at an old service station in a small town.
a. There he saw and old, weathered man, sitting in a rocking chair in the sun, holding a short piece of rope in one hand that hung toward the ground.
b. The tourist asked the old man, “Sir, what are you doing with that piece of rope?”
c. The old man replied, “I’m using it to predict the weather.”
d. Puzzled the tourist asked, “How can a piece of rope predict the weather?”
e. “Simple, sonny,” said the old man. “When it swings back and forth the wind is blowing, and when it gets wet it’s raining.”
2. The point is that some things are not intended to be as complicated as we make them out to be.
3. Then I reminded us about the scene from the movie City Slickers where Billy Crystal's character, Mitch (the disillusioned city man going through a mid-life crisis), is alone with Curly, played by Jack Palance (the rugged old cowboy).
a. Curly gives Mitch some advice for his life.
b. Curly says: “Do you know what the secret of life is?”
c. Curly holds up one finger and says “this.”
d. Mitch asks: “Your finger is the secret of life?”
e. “No,” says Curly, “The secret of life is just one thing. You stick to that and the rest doesn’t mean anything.”
f. Mitch asks: “But, what is the ‘one thing?’ ”
g. Curly answers, “That's what you have to find out.”
4. For three months I have been trying to help us understand that that one thing is love – all you need is love.
5. How do I know that love is the most important thing? That’s what Jesus said.
6. One day a Pharisee tested Jesus with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments” (Mt. 22:34-40).
7. My prayer throughout this series is that God would help each of us to learn how to make love a way of life.
a. That we would learn how to love God and receive love from God.
b. That we would learn how to internalize God’s love for us and be able to love ourselves.
c. And finally, that we would be able to love others in the way that God loves us.
8. Love is the greatest thing and it never fails nor ends.
9. Love is the key to everything.
10. Love is all you need!
Resources:
Love as a Way of Life, by Gary Chapman, Part 2, Chapter 8, Honesty, Doubleday 2008.
Love Speaks the Truth, Sermon by Dale Campfield, http://www.eastgatecommunitychurch.com/
Member/Messages/tabid/882/Default.aspx
Loving Enough to Speak Truth, by John Ortberg, http://www.preachingtoday.com/sermons/
sermons/2011/august/lovingenoughspeak.html
