Series: For Better or For Worse Pt. 5
"Homework for Husbands"
Ephesians 5:22-33, 6:4
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
INTRODUCTION:
I. A DISTINCTIVE ROLE -- verse 23
a. The Divine Origin of the Home
Gen 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
19 And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.
20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.
21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
The home was established by divine decree. This in and of itself would explain why the home is under attack today. The ungodly rebel against God and His Word which puts a large bull's-eye on the home and family unit. The home is under Satanic attack as evidenced by the fact that we have seen more changes in the structure of the home in our generation than all the rest of history combined. The traditional family unit has been and is being redefined by our culture. For the first time ever marriages are outnumbered by divorces. For the first time ever there are more couples cohabiting (living together/shacking up) than are legally married. For the first time in its history we have a political system that supports and advocates same-sex marriage and recent supreme court cases have overturned everything concerning marriage as we know it. (I'm waiting for a polygamist case to make its way to the Supreme Court). If a marriage cannot be defined as between a man and a woman then how about one man and six women etc. etc. ad- nausem! And what about all the laws about marriage between close family members and the list goes on and on. God designed the family and when it is established according to the divine blueprint it always works!
b. The Divine Organization of the Home
What does the word "...head..." mean in verse 23? I can tell what it does not mean. It doesn't mean dictatorship. There are two decidedly different perspectives on this subject and both are wrong. First, the world claims that this principle of "headship" allows men to put women "in their place," to behave like Neanderthals (cave men) and they see it as degrading to women. To these folks I would say that your problem is not with men, it is with God. Second, and just as wrong is the notion in the church that men can be authoritarian and dictatorial, and that women should be subservient to men in everything.
Tombstone: "Here lies the body of Jerry Ray, who refused to give up his right of way, he was right dead right as he traveled along, but just as dead as if he was wrong!"
Let me observe that the attitudes of the former have been shaped largely by a reaction to those of the latter! If it doesn't mean dictatorship then what does it mean? It means leadership. You say to me, "isn't that the same thing?" and my answer would be no. God has ordained that the husband is to provide leadership in the home. Now let me tell you something about leadership. Someone has said, "If you think you are a leader, just look behind you, if no one is following then you are not a leader!" Dictatorship demands that we follow while leadership desires that we follow. Believe me my friend, there is a big difference!
Ill. - Gordon Selveridge built huge department stores in England by being a leader, and not a boss. He said, "A boss drives men, a leader coaches them. The boss depends upon authority, the leader good will. The boss inspires fear, the leader enthusiasm. The boss says I, the leader says we. The boss fixes blame for breakdowns, the leader fixes breakdowns. The boss knows how it is done, the leader SHOWS how it is done. The boss says go, the leader says let's go."
It's the difference between cornering someone and getting them in your corner.
Now let me make a point that I believe is vital to this discussion. If you are unwilling to accept and embrace the truth that God is the designer and director of the home then nothing else that I am going to say this morning will have any meaning for you. God has a plan for the home and His plan works
c. The Divine Order for the Home
Why did God ordain the home and provide for its organization? The answer is so that there might be order. This is a fundamental issue. God by His very nature is a God of order. When He spoke the universe into existence He brought order from chaos! When He created Eden and placed man in it there was a divine order. There was peace and order between God and that first family (Adam and Eve) and it wasn't until sin entered into the human experience that we find disunity and disorder. Even after the fall God gave commandments to Adam and Eve about order for the home.
II. A DEFINED RESPONSIBILITY -- verses 25, 28, 6:4
The husband's relationship to his wife and family can be summarized in one word and that word is love. Let's look again at Ephesians 5:
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
LOVE HER!
I recently heard a preacher speaking of his efforts to counsel a man who was having marital trouble. He said to the man, "The Bible says husbands love your wives."
"But I do not love her anymore," he replied.
"Then love her as your sister in the Lord."
"But I don't think she is saved," he said.
"Then love her as your neighbor." He replied that he didn't have any intention of being her neighbor.
Finally the preacher said "Then love her as your enemy!"
Source: From a sermon by Steve Trail, The Invincibility of Love, 8/16/2011
a. The Husband as a Loving Partner
When Adam was created God said that it was "...not good for the man to be alone; I will make a help meet for him."
I will make him a help meet for him; òæø ëðâãå ezer kenegdo, a help, a counterpart of himself, one formed from him, and a perfect resemblance of his person. If the word be rendered scrupulously literally, it signifies one like, or as himself, standing opposite to or before him. And this implies that the woman was to be a perfect resemblance of the man, possessing neither inferiority nor superiority, but being in all things like and equal to himself. Adam Clarke's Commentary of the Bible
ILL - IT IS NOT GOOD...
God made a woman to keep him company and to be his companion.
The fact is we men don't do too well without such a companion. Researchers from the Universities of Utah and South Carolina recently collected data from 148 different studies, conducted over three decades, involving more than 300,000 people, and discovered that what God said here is literally true: "It is not good for man to be alone." People who have no social life are 50 percent more likely to die early than those who are well connected. ("Being Lonely 'Can Kill You', research Shows," Telegraph.co.uk, 9-14-10.)
In 1990, researchers at the University of California found that unmarried middle-aged men face twice the risk of dying within 10 years as their married counterparts (Associated Press, 10-3-1990). It is not good for man to be alone.
In his book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell tells the strange story of Christopher Langan, a genius with a staggering IQ of 195. (For some perspective, Einstein's IQ was 150). During high school, Langan could ace any foreign language test by skimming the textbook 2-3 minutes before the exam. He got a perfect score on his SAT, even though at one point he fell asleep. Even so, Langan never used his exceptional gifts and ended up working on a horse farm in rural Missouri. According to Gladwell, Langan never had a community to help him capitalize on his gifts.
Gladwell summarizes the story of Langan in one sentence: "[Langan] had to make his way alone, and no one--not rock stars, not professional athletes, not software billionaires, and not even geniuses--ever makes it alone."
(Malcolm Gladwell, Outliers, Little, Brown and Company, 2008, p. 115. From a sermon by C. Philip Green, The Worth of a Woman, 5/5/2011)
b. The Husband as a Loving Provider
If you recall from last week's message I mentioned that Adam already had a job before he met Eve.
Genesis 2:15 And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.
In Genesis chapter 3 we see that Adam would continue to work but there would now be a wife and later a family (children) to provide for.
Genesis 3:17 And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life;
18 Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field;
19 In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.
The Scripture makes it plain that we are to provide for our family. Paul states:
1 Timothy 5:8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
If a man loves his family you won't have to beg him to get out of bed to go to work! He will take great satisfaction in doing so. It will be part of who he is as a person. He will enjoy "bringing home the bacon," so he can provide for his loved ones. He will work long hours, even two jobs and make sacrifices for his family. Ladies, if you have a man who is willing to work then thank God for him every day! Bottom line is, if you are able bodied guys, do everything you can to provide for your family and you ladies show some appreciation for it. And this too is important. Dad, your sons will never learn how to be good providers if they don't have a good example.
ILL - President Calvin Coolidge once invited friends from his hometown to dine with him at the White House. Unsure of their table manners, the guests decided to imitate the president. They watched closely to see which utensils he used, what foods he ate and when. Their strategy seemed to succeed until coffee was served. Coolidge poured some coffee into his saucer. They did the same. He added sugar and cream. His guests did, too. Then the president bent over and put his saucer on the floor for the cat! Be careful whose example you follow.
c. The Husband as a Loving Protector
How far should a man be willing to go to protect his family? Look at the example of Jesus who loved the church and "...gave himself for it..." Now very few men are ever called upon to die for their families but all men are called to live for their family. Are you prepared to live for your family and not for yourself? Our Lord was willing to make any sacrifice for us. He left heaven for us. He laid aside His glory for us. He emptied himself and became a servant for us. His death upon the Cross was the proof of His love for us. How are we to protect our homes? We are speaking about more than physical protection. What about the spiritual protection of your family? You start by being a man of God and living your life in submission to the will of God.
James 4:10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.
You lead your family in worship. I've always said that the best picture that your family can have is of your back as you lead your family into God's house for worship. There's a great deal more we could say about this subject but let's move on to our last point.
III. A DEEPER REALITY -- verse 32
The point I'm about to make is probably the most neglected aspect of this whole subject.
Ill. - A Nashville newspaper carried a tongue-in-cheek story about a Mrs. Lila Craig who hadn't missed attending church in 1,040 Sundays (20 years). The editor commented, "It makes one wonder, what's the matter with Mrs. Craig? Doesn't it ever rain or snow in her town on Sunday? Doesn't she ever have unexpected company? How is it that she never goes anywhere on Saturday night so that she's too tired to attend the worship service the next morning? Doesn't she ever 'beg off' to attend picnics or family reunions, or have headaches or need time to read her Sunday newspaper? Hasn't she ever become angry at the minister or had her feelings hurt by someone and felt justified in staying home to hear a good sermon on the radio or television? WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH MRS. CRAIG ANYWAY?"
A Love Affair Between Christ and His Church (Part 1) Sermon shared by D. Greg Ebie
Can I tell what's the matter with Mrs. Craig? She loves the church! Even many in the service this morning have no clue as to what anyone would attend church faithfully for 1,040 Sunday's in a row w/o missing. It's a mystery to you. Paul talks about a mystery in verse 32. The word means something that can be known but has not been revealed until now. What is the mystery?
a. The Mysterious Union
Notice that Paul says that the two shall "...become one flesh..." Now this is more than a physical union, more than mental union, it is a spiritual union! That is why unfaithfulness in marriage is so serious. It is the breaking of a spiritual bond in God's sight. Marriage is a picture of a greater reality. Paul says that the mystery "...concerns Christ and the church." You see, in Christ God joins believers all over the world together into one body and your marriage should typify that!
Ill. - In a Peanuts cartoon, Lucy demands that Linus change TV channels and then threatens him with her fist if he doesn't. "What makes you think you can walk right in here and take over?" asks Linus. "These five fingers," says Lucy. "Individually they are nothing, but when I curl them together like this into a single unit, they form a weapon that is terrible to behold." "What channel do you want?" asks Linus. Turning away, he looks at his fingers and says, "Why can''t you guys get organized like that?"
b. The Mysterious Unction
What is this unction? It is love! Not just any kind of love but the same kind of love that Christ displayed for the church when "...He gave Himself..."
Ill. - There's an old story about Dr. Benjamin Warfield. He was a theology professor at Princeton Seminary. While he was still at the height of his academic powers, his wife got sick. And she became an invalid. He took care of her for ten years. During that ten year period, he never spent more than 2 hours away from his wife. Even though she was handicapped, she still loved to read. And so Dr. Warfield would sit at her bedside day after day. And read to her. He was always gentle and caring with her.
One day, someone asked him, "Have you ever thought about taking your wife to an institution?" Then you could write bigger books and have a bigger ministry." But Dr. Warfield said, "No way. My wife is my ministry. I will never leave her side. I am going to love her and take care of her as long as God grants us life."
That's how the Lord Jesus feels about us. He will not walk away from us. He will not abandon us. He will not throw us away like yesterday's news. He will minister his love and his compassion to us just as Dr. Warfield did for his wife.
Source: (From a sermon by Marc Axelrod, Justice and Compassion For All, 8/16/2010)
Believe me dear friends when I say that the world knows nothing about this kind of love. But when a man loves his wife and family this way he typifies the love of Christ for the church.
c. The Mysterious Utility
We are told the ultimate intention and purpose that Christ has for the church in verses 26-27.
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
When a man loves his wife like he should and "...nourisheth and cherisheth..." her he is typifying what Christ is doing for the church on a far greater scale!
