OPENING PRAYER:
We are gonna have some FUN over the next few weeks! Today, we are starting a brand new message series called, “Relationships”! Typically, every year, anytime I do a series on relationships or marriage, it’s one of the highest attended series of the year. That shows how desperately we need God’s presence and God’s Word in our relationships. Everyone one of us is in a relationship. Unless you’re a hermit, you have at least one relationship. Whether you’re married, dating, just friends, have family, or work or live around people – we all have relationships.
Can I tell you something this morning. (Everybody take a deep breath.) Relationships are supposed to be enjoyable. God created people to have relationships with people – for enjoyment. Too many people have relationships that are simply not enjoyable.
And when it comes to marriages – God gives us an excellent passage of Scripture to guide us.
Ephesians 5:21-33
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Everyone say “submit”. Every relationship.)
(This next verse is my favorite verse in the Bible…I’m thinking about getting a tattoo of it!!!)
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.
HUSBANDS– READ THIS PART OUT LOUD WITH ME AS LOUD AS YOU CAN! “WIVES, SUBMIT YOURSELVES TO YOUR OWN HUSBANDS AS YOU DO TO THE LORD.”
Let’s close in prayer and get you guys outta here for lunch!
(All I know is every man in the building should have been shouting “amen”.)
KIDDING!
When I first got married I tried to tease my wife with this verse…I said, “Baby girl, never forget I’m the head of this house”. She said, “Yeah, well you never forget I’m the neck that turns the head!”
Let’s continue reading!
23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Let’s just stop right there for a minute…that’s a whole lot of love for some of you fellas! To love your wives as much as you love your own bodies! Some of you dudes REALLY love yourselves. In fact, some of you ladies REALLY love yourselves, too. Lemme tell you something…(pause) Instagram is living proof of that! Some of you love yourselves so much – we get to see SELFIES of you ALL THE TIME! Some of you throw out the daily selfy…or the hourly selfy…or for some it’s even the secondly selfy. Just in case we forgot what you looked like 10 minutes ago! Some of you…there’s more selfies on your IG than there are pictures of your wives or husbands or kids!
Some of you like yourselves so much that nobody else likes you!
We need to live our lives “selfie-less”!
What God is saying is…love your wives…loves your husbands…as your own bodies. Remember when Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment in the Bible was? He said in Matthew 22…the greatest commandment is to LOVE GOD and the second greatest is to love others like you love yourself. Why did he say that? Because, by nature, we are selfish. We love us. We think about us. It’s a me first world we live in.
29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” (One flesh! THIS IS PERFECT HARMONY) [c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
Listen, when you get married…it’s not about YOU anymore. It really should have never been about you anyway…but when you get married…it’s not about YOU.
When you get married, it’s about him. It’s about her. I’m married and I have 3 kids. My life is about them. I decided a long time ago – to give my life up for theirs.
That’s how a perfect marriage is supposed to work.
I submit to God…to His direction, to His correction and His protection.
My wife submits to the Lord and to me and lives in harmony with me. It’s not me Lording my wife and family. It’s me leading my wife and family. I don’t Lord over. I lead over.
I don’t spit out commands. I submit to God’s commands. I don’t tell her how to live. I show her how to live.
It’s like Paul said 1 Corinthians 11:1, “Follow my example as I follow the example of Christ.”
Lemme ask you guys something…how is a woman…how is a wife…supposed to submit to a husband - who is not submitted to the Lord? In verse 22 it tells wives: “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.” How do you do that if you’re husband is not submitted to the Lord? You can’t. It’s nearly impossible. It creates an incredibly frustrated relationship. (That’s why God wants us to be equally yoked.) If you’re single today…if you’re single today and you’re a Christian…don’t date non-Christians. I don’t recommend it. It typically doesn’t work out. Some people say, “Pastor Trav, I’m dating them and I’m gonna win them to the Lord! I call it dating evangelism or missionary dating! Typically, this doesn’t work. It usually pulls down the Christian. It’s usually ends in Christian martyrdom.
Guys also like to use this Ephesians passage outta context, too. Guys like to say, “I’m the head of THIS house. I call the shots. My wife just has to submit. To deal with it. That’s just not true. That’s not Bible. That’s only part of the Bible..which is using the Bible outta context. In order for the Harmony of this Scripture to work and operate properly, it works both ways. Yes, wives submit to Jesus and to your husbands…and the other part is in verses 25 and 28:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (that’s a lot of love)
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
What happens in a lot of marriages…in a lot of relationships (period)…is that we try to live a “selfie” marriage and that doesn’t work…the two are supposed to become ONE FLESH…not she becomes MY FLESH. Or he becomes MY FLESH. It’s not about YOU. In fact, everyone say this out loud… “it’s not about me”. SAY IT AGAIN! If your married, or in a relationship, turn at look them in the eye and say, “IT’S NOT ABOUT ME”.
One flesh is perfect harmony. Harmony sounds amazing. Harmony is pleasant to the ear. In music, it’s fun to harmonize with people. Harmony is a primary note with supporting notes that compliment the primary note and make it sound better, bigger and stronger. That’s what a marriage is supposed to be like. Harmonious. Jesus is the primary note. We are supporting notes.
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(ILLUSTRATION)
(Sit at keyboard…Play a few chords to make harmony)
That’s what every relationship…every marriage SHOULD sound like! Perfect Harmony!
Instead..many marriages…many relationships sound like this…
(Take your flat palmed hands and clank against the keys!)
It sounds like a horror film!!! Unfortunately, many marriages…even Christian’s who are married…their marriages sound like this!
Can I ask you a question? If your relationship could produce a sound…what does your relationship sound like? Harmony or horror?
Strife. Friction. Fighting. Arguing. Yelling. Screaming. Violence.
Today, I wanna look specifically at the topic of arguing in relationships. Let’s keep it real…How many of you got in an argument on your way to church this morning???!!!
Joke:
After years of nagging, the wife was finally going deer hunting with her husband. "I'll drop you off here and go park the car. Don't get into trouble". says her husband. He drove the car down the road and parked it. Walking back he could hear a heated argument between his wife and some man.
"It's my deer. I shot it!" he could hear his wife shouting.
The man's voice kept insisting... "That's not your deer, lady"
The husband started walking faster. His wife said "It is TOO my deer. I shot it and it's mine." "No it's not" said the man. The argument got louder and louder with his wife shouting about her killing her first deer. Finally, the weary voice of the man was heard admitting defeat. "Okay, lady, it's YOUR deer. Just let me get the saddle off it!"
People are so stinkin’ argumentative today, aren’t they? Everyone’s gotta give you a piece of their mind…everyone’s gotta tell you like it is…it seems like everyone wants WIN and to be RIGHT! So let’s talk about that.
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HOW DO I WIN EVERY ARGUMENT:
THE ANSWER IS BY NOT ARGUING**
Now, for you lawyers, I’m not talking to you! Don’t get me wrong…there are some things in life – worth arguing, debating or fighting for.
But I’m talking about arguing in relationships. You win every argument by not arguing.
James, the half brother of Jesus, talked about “where arguing comes from…
“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?” James 4:1,2
Circle “your desires” in that verse. There it is again! The selfie disease. We get into fights. We get into arguments. We get into quarrels – because of our own desires. Imagine that! It seems like every argument I’ve ever been in is because of the other person…or what the other person said or did. NOPE. It’s not their problem…it’s your problem. It’s on you…not them. But we are too selfish, too prideful to just let something go.
“Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels.” 2 Timothy 2:23
Underline those 6 words in that verse in your outline… “don’t have anything to do with”…let’s say it out loud together…ready, “Don’t have anything to do with”.
Remember two weeks ago – I talked about the fact that you grow what you sow… If I want to grow a rose bush in my back yard – I don’t plant the seeds of a cactus. That’s what some of us do in our relationships…we hit em upside the face with a cactus and hope a rose buds out of it! Not gonna happen!
Some of you love to pick fights! You carry a gallon of gasoline with you all the time in case you see a fire! You grow what you sow.
Guess what?! There ARE spiritually mature ways to talk through something that you may not see “eye-to-eye” on.
Instead of arguing and producing quarrels - sow seeds for peace and harmony.
“Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.” James 3:18
Sow for peace. Communicate with peace. Pray about the situation. I’m not talking about not talking about it. I’m saying “don’t argue”. You don’t have to be right. you don’t ‘have to win. Communicate with words of peace. You have to talk through it…Unresolved conflict just keeps growing. Push it under the table under the carpet and you may think it's dead but it will rise again. And like some of those horror movies when the monster comes back to life, it's more powerful than before. They've got twice as much atomic energy. It's going to come back to haunt you. Deal with it now. The best time to deal with it is as quickly as possible.
Even the healthiest marriages…even the healthiest of relationships have disagreements. But you can disagree without being disagreeable. You can argue without assassinating! And conflict is the key to intimacy. The road to intimacy goes through the tunnel of conflict.
I heard about a guy who said, “We got married at the Justice of the Peace. Since I got married I haven’t had either.”
LET ME GIVE YOU 4 QUICK KEYS TO LIVE BY FOR WHEN YOUR IN THE HEAT OF BATTLE.
When you’re in the heat of an argument…
1. SUBMIT YOUR SITUATION TO GOD.
There are lots of different kinds of arguments, aren’t there? Sometimes we get into arguments over the most trivial of matters…and other times we get into arguments over major matters. Either way…it’s pride. It’s ego…it’s insecurities.
No matter what situation you find yourself in…submit it to God. Give it to Him. Maybe sometimes when you’re arguing…you’re right. maybe sometimes when you’re arguing they’re right. But GOD’s the only one who’s ALWAYS right. Give it over to HIM.
God knows the situation. And when you’re arguing – HE knows your both wrong.
When you’re so focused on winning…you’re actually losing. When you’re so focused on being right…you’re actually wrong.
But it’s not just your argument scenario that I’m talking about submitting to God – it’s your life situation.
Let’s face it. Some of you today are in some tough situations. You’re between a rock and a hard place. You’re back is up against a wall.
God never wants to waste a problem. Never.
Listen, the reality is this…Some of you are right smack in the middle of a lonely, dark, scary alley right now because God wants you to be a light and guide for someone else who’s on their way there.
Listen. Submit your situation to God. I said this a few weeks ago…God will never allow you to go down any road where HE’s not there. He’s got you.
I don’t know why we goo down these roads. I hate them. But I know they make me better. Adversity always makes me better. Stronger. Wiser. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, IT MAKES ME MORE DEPENDENT ON GOD.
One reason I think God allows us to go through a problem in life…is just so we will start talkin to Him and hangin’ out with HIM. He misses us. He longs for intimacy with us and knows that the only way He’ll get it - is to allow us to go down the road to a dark-end.
Another reason God allows us to go through problems is to help others with theirs. God never wants to waste a problem. Never. Some of you are right smack in the middle of a lonely, dark, scary alley right now because God wants you to be a flash light and guide for someone else who’s on their way there.
Listen to me.
For some of you…what you think is destroying you…is actually God’s anointing you. Anointing oil comes from the crushing of an olive…when you crush it…and when you squeeze it…oil comes out.
When God anoints you…it means He’s setting you apart. Consecrating you. What you think it destroying you, is God anointing you. He’s setting you up to set you apart.
You’re being crushed…you’re being squeeeeeezed. You’re being smothered because God is setting you apart. He’s anointing you.
God never wants to waste a hurt or a problem. Submit your situation to God. God’s got you. He knows what you need, when you need it!
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5,6
2. SUBMIT YOUR PRIDE TO GOD.
We all have pride. We all do. Every single one of us deals with pride.
Pride swings from one end of the pendulum all the way to the other end. Too high of self-esteem…pride. Too low of self-esteem…pride. They’re both pride. Whether I think I’m the junk…or whether I think I AM junk.
Both are pride ISSUES. Both sides put my focus on me, myself and I. That’s pride. JUST ME, MYSELF AND I.
Submit your pride to God.
“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” Proverbs 11:2
“Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.” Proverbs 13:10
“Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”
Proverbs 16:18
“A man's pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor.” Proverbs 29:23
3. SUBMIT YOUR EMOTIONS TO GOD.
This is easier said than done. I get it. Submit your emotions to God. When you’re in the heat of battle…you’re emotions are raging…your so upset…
You can actually get a grip by reaching out to God.
“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13 (ESV)
“Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” Proverbs 16:32 (ESV)
4. SUBMIT YOUR MOUTH TO GOD.
For some of you – I realize this is a bigger miracle than the resurrection of Jesus!
Everyone pray this prayer right now…repeat this after me:
“God, put a filter in front of my mouth.”
This is the prayer of David. In Psalm 141:3:
“Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips.” Psalm 141:3
“And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.” Colossians 3:15 (ESV)
“The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” Luke 6:45 (ESV)
“ Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29 (ESV)
(GNT) Ephesians 4:29 "Do not use harmful words in talking. Use only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed . . ."
If God is going to put a filter a filter over my mouth…we need to first allow Him to put a filter over our hearts. And if we are going to put a filter in front of what comes out of our hearts – we need to first put a filter in front of what comes in our hearts.
Guard your intake! Filter your intake! Be careful what and who you’re listening too! If your’e around negative, critical judgmental people – you’ll become negative, critical an judgmental. If you’re around potty mouths – you’ll become a potty mouth! Filter your intake!
Jesus said in Luke 6:45 “The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”
What’s your heart full of?
The hard truth is we don’t have a mouth condition – we have a heart condition.
“And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 26:36
“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10
"Intelligent people think before they speak. What they say is then more persuasive." Pr. 16:23 (GN)
"Listen before you answer. If you don't you are being stupid and insulting." Prov. 18:13 (GN)
Illustration-----------Nails in the Fence
There was a little boy with a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, to hammer a nail in the back fence.
The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence.
Then it gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.
He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence.
The fence will never be the same.
When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out.
It won’t matter how many times you say ’I’m sorry’, the wound is still there."
You know what one of the scariest verses in the Bible is? The scariest verse in the Bible is found in
Matthew 12:36.:
“I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak…”
CLOSING PRAYER
