WHAT TO DO BEFORE & AFTER I SAY, “I DO”.
Natalie and I just celebrated on this last Thursday, March 7, our 15th year wedding anniversary! I remember saying, “I do” like is was yesterday.
Even though 15 years is decent amount of years – I was on the other side of those 2 words, “I DO”, longer that I’ve been on this side of the words, “I DO”. BARELY. I was 22 when I got married! (some of you are doing the math and trying to figure out my age – I’m 37 you weirdos).
Our passage of scripture for our wedding was 1 Corinthians 13:
1 Corinthians 13 (LOVE CHAPTER)
13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails.
Whether you are single, or you are married today – there are some rules for living - that will make you a happier single as well as a happier married. And that’s what I want to talk about today. What to do, before AND after I say, “I DO”.
The first point in your outline today is this:
1. DEDICATE MY LIFE AND RELATIONSHIP TO GOD.
“Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalms 37:4
When I first met Natalie, I was a music pastor. I did what pastor mike does (not nearly as well) – for a little church in Glendale, Arizona. I led the people in worship.
I was passionate for God! My focus was God…my friends loved God. I was delighting myself in the LORD.
I wasn’t out clubbing, going to bars or signing up for ChristianMingle.com. I was just loving God. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted a woman. But I wasn’t pursuing woman…I was pursuing God.
Then one day, as I’m leading worship in this small church…in walks this hot little mama and I couldn’t take my eyes off her. (How jacked up is that!? ) I’m supposed to be “leading worship and taking people into the holy of holies”…but there was this beautiful girl in the back just lifting her hands in the air, with her eyes clothes just worshiping God. MAN, THERE IS NOTHING MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN THAT!!!!! Well, okay, not to mention, she had really nice legs.
Like, as I am sining “amazing grace”…I’m thinking “amazing legs”…I told you!!!! That’s jacked up! I’m a jacked up, hot mess!
The only problem was…this girl didn’t even NOTICE ME! I, mean, I was on stage, FRONT AND CENTER, and she still didn’t even notice me! AND YOU KNOW WHAT…part of THAT is what I really LOVED about her. She, herself, was just pursuing God. Not a man. Not a husband. God. She was delighting herself in the LORD.
We would talk here and there, but nothing major. And about 6 months down the road from the first time I laid eyes on her…God started to put in all together.
I just seems like yesterday…our church used to feed the homeless every Saturday and I would always go…so I went up to Natalie and asked her if she would like to go feed the homeless with us!
How’s that for a pickup line! Hey baby, wanna go feed some homeless people!? I’ll pick you up at 8!
She said, “YES”!!!! Woohoo! I’m in business! We got our first date! Although she didn’t think it was a date – I DID!
It went so well and we had so much fun serving God together, that we did it 3 more Saturday’s in a row!!! 3 Dates!
Then we started to fall in love.
I encourage you today…married or single…the answer to a better single life and the answer to a better marriage – is to dedicate your life and relationship to God. Delight yourself in God. Pursue God. And He will give you the desires of your heart.
2. DEEPEN MY ROOTS IN CHRIST.
“Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.” Colossians 2:7 (NTL)
That’s the key to every strong marriage and the key to every strong single…deep roots and your lives built on God.
How deeply are you rooted today? If a storm comes, do you become tumbleweed Christian and end up on the front bumper of satan’s car? Or do you weather the storms of life because your roots are deep in Christ.
As Natalie and I grew in our relationshiop, we were also growing our roots deep in Christ. We were studying the Bible together, praying together, talking about God together…but you know why? Because we were doing this individually before we even came together.
3. DEVELOP THE HEART OF A SERVANT. AND #4 goes hand in hand with it….
4. DEVOTE MY ATTENTION AWAY FROM MYSELF.
The Bible says:
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” Philippians 2:3 (NIV)
“Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms.” 1 Peter 4:10 (NIV)
Serving is the model Christ lived by and died by. Jesus (who is GOD) said, “I didn’t come to be served, but to serve.” If GOD said that, how much MORE do we need to be like that. Serve.
Whether your married or single…I strongly encourage you to develop the heart of a servant. Are you a servant today?
Let me give you some traits of a servant…
• Servants are thoughtful. (always thinking about others)
• Servants are helpful. Like at work, do you just do what you “have to do”…
• Servants go the extra mile…over and above the call of duty.
• Servants protect.
• Servants give. (Time, talents, treasures)
• Servants see. “See a need, fill a need”. Always looking for ways to help)
• Servants align and are submitters…submission is not a Lording, but an aligning.
“Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
Ephesians 5:21 (ESV)
If you are single today, you need to be submitted to the Lord…if you are married today, you need to submitted to the LORD and to your spouse.
“Submit” is the idea of serving…aligning…it means you are going to make your spouse’s wishes, desires, and dreams a priority over your own. You are now “one flesh” and your is about her life…and her life is about your life.
What a perfect depiction of marriage. You ourserve one another because of your passion for Christ.
Ephesians 5:21 says: I submit out of reverence for who? Her? Him? No. for Christ. Delight myself in the LORD…and He will give you the desires of your heart. Seek first the Kingdom of God, then all these things will be added unto you. Do everything as a worship unto God…
Submit to God and your spouse benefits from it.
In a marriage, God wants you to take all of the passion and gratitude you have for Him and all that He has done for you and channel it to your spouse.
“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands…” 1 Peter 3:1
“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:22
Every man in the middle should have jumped up and shouted “hallelujah” right now!!!! What’s wrong with you!!!???
Wives, turn to your husband right now…look them in the eyes and tell them, “I submit to you baby boy”.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
Ephesians 5:25, 33
Husbands: God says, “Lay down your life for her just as He laid down His life for you.
Women???? “Amen’s”????
Husband and wives – in order to serve your spouse…in order to please your spouse…you need to serve them in areas that make them happy…that bring them joy…that give them peace, comfort, safety. In order to do all that – you gotta LEARN about THEM!!!
We are all wired differently. Just because something makes you happy, doesn’t mean it makes THEM happy!
If you're like most couples…you married someone that is COMPLETELY different! Like, Alien status.
One of you is an early riser, the other one is a night owl.
One of you is daring and impulsive, the other is cautious and reserved.
One of you says, "I play by the rules," the other says, "Forget the rules!"
One of you loves to talk, the other is a bump on the log.
One of you loves to spend money, the other is a tightwad.
One of you loves to cuddle, the other is a porcupine.
Sex: One of you is a firecracker, the other is a dud.
One of you says, "Drop everything!", the other says "Drop dead!"
Like the guy who went home and handed his wife two aspirin. She asked "What's that for?" He said, "For your headache." She said, "I don't have a headache." He said, "Gotcha."
Just because your spouse is different, doesn’t mean they’re wrong…they’re just different. Differences bring balance to a marriage. And trust me, you need a balance.
So, #3 is develop the heart of a servant and…#4 is devote my attention away from myself.
5. DECIDE WHAT MY EXPECTATIONS ARE.
I almost made point #5 say, “Drop my expecations”. (Maybe you wanna write that down above “Decide What My Expectations Are”. “Drop My Expectations”. But I do think there is at least one expectation we should have.
“Expecations are prepaid resentments”! It’s kind of true, right? you go into a relationship, into a marriage with expectations….and when those expecations aren’t met…we become resentful.
Expectations have a HUUUUUUUGE impact on any relationship! You have expectations for your spouse…and to be honest with you – it’s not even fair to them. They may not even know you have these…and even if they did…it might not be in their nature to meet them.
Where do we get these expectations? All kinds of places. What we’ve seen growing up in our own homes. How our parents were. What my mom did. What her mom did. What we read about in books or magazines. Something a friend tells us. What you think another marriage looks like (which is probably not even reality).
Expectations. I think we need to be careful with expectations.
You get married and think your wife should cook, clean, do the laundry, get up with the baby in the middle of the night…etc. Why? Expectations. Maybe your parents did it like that.
Drop those expectations.
But there is at least ONE expectation you should have before you get married and actually a few more.
I had expectations. I wanted a wife who was a Christian. If a woman didn’t love God – I wasn’t interested. I also knew she’d need to have the same desire to serve with me in ministry. The Bible has a term for this..it’s called, “equally yoked”.
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14 (NIV)
The word "yoke" means a coupling…as when two oxen are coupled or yoked together by a pulling beam to do work such as plowing a field or pulling a wagon.
That should be an expectation – equally yoked. Some of you sitting in here today are married to an unbeliever…you know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s difficult. It’s a hard road when two people are married and become “one flesh” and one of them is not a Christian.
I don’t believe in dating evangelism. You date unbelievers hoping that you can win them to Christ. Often times, the unbeliever pulls you away from Christ, rather than the other way around.
#5 is decide what my expectations are…and why?
You might have a lot of “expectation-dropping” to do today. I encourage you to move away from expectations and move toward communication.
Remove the expectations…and for your marriage…create your own normal through communication with one another and your commitment toward one another.
Move from expectations toward communication.
6. DON’T KEEP A RECORD OF WRONGS.
We already read this verse earlier…
“It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” 1 Corinthians 13:5
Years ago, I was talking to a gentleman who had been married to his wife for 60 years! 60 years! That’s a long time! I asked him, “So tell me, what the key to staying married for 60 years!” I was expecting some deep philosophical answer…you know what he told me, “Short Term Memory”. No record of wrongs…
Some of you, you need to hear this today…maybe your married…maybe your not…but someone’s hurt you. It’s time to forgive…it’s time to move on. It’s time to have short-term memory and keep no record of wrongs.
Keeping a record of wrongs doesn't help you anyway. And it doesn't hurt the other person…it only hurts you. Short term memory.
Isn’t that the love of God, anyway? God’s unconditional love that keeps no record of wrongs…
CLOSING PRAYER
