A. I heard the story of a preacher, who was greeting people at the door after worship one Sunday.
1. As one of them left, he shook the minister’s hand, and said, ‘Thanks for the message. I would have to say that you are smarter than Einstein.”
2. Beaming with pride the minister said, “Why, thank you, brother!”
3. As the week went by, the minister began to think about the man’s compliment.
4. The more he thought, the more he became baffled as to why anyone would deem him smarter than Einstein.
5. The next Sunday, he asked the church member about the previous Sunday’s compliment. The minister asked: “Exactly what did you mean that I must be smarter than Einstein?”
6. The man replied, “Well, brother, they say that Einstein was so smart that only ten people in the world could understand him, but you’re even smarter because no one can understand you!”
7. I doubt that anyone will ever call me smarter than Einstein, but if they do, I hope it is not because no one can understand me!
B. Today we want to return to our Sermon Series - All You Need is Love.
1. We took a break from it last week for Friend Day, so I could give a simple but straightforward message about salvation and the urgency of becoming a Christian.
2. You might recall that our last sermon in this series addressed the fact that love is not proud.
3. We talked about how pride destroys relationships, and then we talked about how to cultivate a humble love.
4. We learned that a humble love comes from having the right view and value of ourselves, and the right view and value of others.
C. Today we want to learn about another thing that love is not – love is not rude.
1. Have you ever been treated rudely?
2. Have you ever been rude to someone else?
3. I’m guessing that all of us have experienced rudeness, and probably all of us have passed it on.
4. But if we are going to be like our God and live a life of love, then we must cultivate a love that is not rude.
D. When we look at the characteristics of love as described in 1 Corinthians 13, we learn that “love…is not rude” (vs. 5, NIV 1984).
1. The new NIV renders it “love…does not dishonor others.”
2. The NASB renders it “love…does not act unbecomingly.”
3. The KJV renders it “love..doth not behave itself unseemingly.”
4. The Holman Christian Standard Bible renders it “love…does not act improperly.”
5. The Message renders it “love…doesn’t force itself on others.”
E. From these renderings of the Greek word, we can begin to get a picture of what Paul was trying to say.
1. Love doesn’t act improperly, or dishonorably, or indecently.
2. Love doesn’t behave in an ugly or unbecoming manner.
3. Love doesn’t needlessly offend, or act bluntly or crudely.
4. Love does not behave gracelessly.
5. And so if you state it positively, love always behaves itself – it always acts properly and honorably, and decently and gracefully.
6. Rather than being rude, love acts with common courtesy.
F. Have you ever heard someone say:
1. “Well, they mean well…they just come across badly, but that’s just their way.”
2. Or, “Oh, you know me…I’m just straightforward and blunt. I’m the kind of person that, when something needs to be said, I say it.”
3. Or, after ruthlessly making a joke of someone, saying, “You know that I’m only kidding.”
4. If that is what we have to say about ourselves, or what we force others to say about us, then we are just wrong and unloving and must change.
5. We can’t excuse ourselves blaming our temperament or personality.
6. There is never an excuse for a Christian to be rude to anyone.
7. If we really want to show people that the love of God dwells in us, then we have to be careful that our love is not rude.
G. Rudeness can express itself in several ways.
1. A person can say something rude.
2. A person can do something rude.
3. Or, a person can fail to do something, and that omission is considered rude.
a. Like failing to say “thank you.’ Or failing to send a thank you note for a gift you received.
H. An example of rudeness was taken before the courts in Minnesota a few years back.
1. A man had fallen out of his canoe and had lost his temper.
2. Even though the river was lined with vacationing families, the man polluted the air with obscenities.
3. Some of those families who endured his filth, sued him in court.
4. He claimed, “I have my rights. I have a right to say anything I want to say!”
I. God calls us to a higher and more noble concern than “what are my rights?”
1. God wants us to be asking, “What is loving? What is courteous?
2. Do you have the right to dominate a conversation? Yes, but is it loving to do so?
3. Do you have the right to interrupt someone when they are speaking? Yes, but is it loving to do so?
4. Do you have the right to pretend you don’t hear your wife or husband or child speaking from the other room? I suppose so, but is it a loving thing to do?
5. Is it within your rights to bark at the clerk or snap at the kids? Yes, but is it loving to act that way?
6. Is it within your rights to take up two parking spaces at the mall? I suppose so, but it is rather inconsiderate of others, don’t you think?
J. As we have done with all of the other characteristics of love, let’s consider how the love Jesus has shown us is not rude.
1. Think about this courtesy: Jesus always knocks before entering.
a. If anyone has a right to barge in, Christ does. But Jesus doesn’t.
b. In Revelation 3:20, Jesus says, “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.”
c. Jesus doesn’t force Himself upon us, but awaits our invitation.
2. That’s how Jesus treated the two disciples on the Emmaus road.
a. The resurrected Jesus didn’t presume on their hospitality.
b. As they were entering the house, Jesus acted as if he would continue on.
c. Only after they urged him to enter, did Jesus do so (Lk. 24:29).
d. Jesus was ever the humble gentleman, who walked with no presumption or swagger.
K. Think about other gestures of courtesy that Jesus modeled.
1. When Jesus enters someone’s life, He always brings a gift.
a. Some bring flowers, or dessert, but Jesus brings “the gift of the Holy Spirit” (Acts 2:38).
2. When Jesus stays with you, He always serves.
a. Jesus said of Himself, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve” (Mk. 10:45).
b. If you’re missing your apron, you’ll find it on Jesus, because he often serves the guests as they sit, like He did in John 13, when He washed His disciples feet.
3. Jesus also won’t eat unless He offers thanks, and He won’t leave until the leftovers are put away, like He did in Matthew 14:19-20 when He fed the 5000.
4. Another courtesy of Jesus, Jesus always listens when you talk, and He never interrupts you.
a. Have you ever been to a doctor who is so busy that he prescribes the medicine before he hears your problem?
b. Jesus isn’t like that. Of course, He could be, because He “knows what you need before you ask him” (Mt. 6:8).
c. Jesus also knows what you have done before you ask Him for forgiveness.
d. A God of lesser courtesy would stop you midsentence, but not Christ.
e. He is not rude; He listens.
5. Jesus even opens doors for you and pulls out the chair for you.
a. Paul was able to preach at Troas because “the Lord had opened a door” (2 Cor. 2:12).
b. And the Bible tells us that God “raised us up with Christ and gave us a seat with him in the heavens” (Eph. 2:6).
L. One day a man and his wife took a widow out for dinner at a restaurant and the man pulled out the chairs for his wife and the widow.
1. The widow said, “My,” and as she blushed and brushed the sudden moisture from her eye, said, “it’s been a while since anyone did that for me.”
2. Has it been a while since someone showered you with love and courtesy?
a. People can be so rude, can’t they?
b. Could you use some courtesy?
3. Why not receive the courtesy of Christ.
a. Remember, Jesus is our groom.
b. Does not the groom cherish his bride?
c. Doesn’t he respect and honor his bride?
4. Why not let Christ do what he longs to do for you, His bride?
5. For as we receive the love of God, we will find it easier to give love to others.
6. As we reflect on God’s courtesy toward us, then we’ll likely be able to offer the same to others.
M. Sometimes Christians put symbols or bumper stickers on their cars that announce that they are Christians.
1. Sometimes Christians wear jewelry or clothing that announces that they follow Christ.
2. Churches sometimes give staff members and church members shirts that bear the name of the church.
3. All this is well and good until we act unbecomingly while openly wearing the name of Christ.
4. I heard about one church staffer who was wearing a shirt with the church name on it and left the church building on an errand.
a. The staffer endured a tough drive through heavy traffic only to encounter a gruff store clerk.
b. The staff member started to return ugly for ugly when she remembered that she was wearing the church shirt and quickly changed her behavior.
5. The truth is, we are all wearing a shirt with Christ on it – Galatians 3:27 says, “All of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.”
6. We, Christians are wearing Jesus.
a. And those who don’t believe in Jesus note what we do.
b. They make decisions about Christ by watching us.
c. When we are kind, they assume Christ is kind.
d. When we are gracious, they assume Christ is gracious.
e. But when we are brash or rude, what will people think about our King?
7. Courteous conduct honors God and it also honors His children.
a. When we surrender a parking place to someone, we honor them.
b. When we treat an impatient person with patience, we honor them.
c. When we make an effort to greet everyone in the room, especially the ones others may have overlooked, we honor God and God’s children.
N. In his book Handyman of the Lord – the Life and Ministry of Reverend William Holmes Borders, James English tells the story of a black man whose poverty had left him begging for food.
1. Ringing the front doorbell at a Southern mansion, the man was told to go around to the back, where he would be given something to eat.
2. The owner of the mansion met him on the back porch and said, “First we will bless the food. Repeat after me, ‘Our Father, who art in heaven…’”
3. The hungry man replied, “Your Father, who art in heaven…”
4. “No,” the owner of the house corrected, “Our Father who are it heaven…”
5. Still the beggar said, “Your Father who art in heaven…”
6. Frustrated, the giver of the food asked, “Why do you insist on saying, ‘your Father’ when I keep telling you to say, ‘our Father’?”
7. The poor man answered, “If I say ‘our Father’ that would make you and me family, and I’m afraid the Lord wouldn’t like you askin’ your brother to come to the back porch to get a piece of bread.”
8. Common courtesy honors God and His children.
9. Love is not rude.
O. Let’s consider this illustration that does a great job of contrasting courtesy and rudeness, and the attitude that causes people to behave with one or the other.
1. Max Lucado tells the story of a time when he was at a packed Dallas - Fort Worth Airport.
2. Numerous flights had just been canceled and everyone was racing through the concourse like Walmart shoppers on the day after Thanksgiving.
3. Max stood before the ticket agent with basset-hounds eyes as he tried to pour on the little charm he had left.
4. “Are there any seats left?” He asked.
5. The ticket agent just starred at the screen and sighed, “I’m afraid…”
6. “Afraid,” Max thought, “Afraid of what? Afraid I’ll have to spend the night in the men’s room…afraid the only seat left is in the last row, between two sumo wrestlers?”
7. The ticket agent finished her sentence, “I’m afraid there are no more seats in coach. We are going to have to bump you up to first class, if you don’t mind.”
8. So Max boarded the plane and nestled down in first class with the wide seats with the extra leg room. He was not only going home, he was going home in style!
9. He leaned back in his chair, and closed his eyes, but then he heard a man loudly say, “Hey! Hey! Lady!”
10. Max opened his eyes and saw a short man two rows in front of him in first class standing, speaking rudely with an awful tone of voice.
11. The man said, “How does a guy get an extra pillow around here? And what about my drink? My wife and I paid extra to fly first-class. I’m accustomed to better attention. I want some service!”
12. Max writes, “It’s not like the flight attendants had nothing to do, mind you. There was the simple matter of making sure the doors were closed and the overhead bins were shut so this already-hour-late flight could take off. You’d think a fellow could wait on his pillow and drink. Not this guy. After all, as we all knew, he had paid extra to fly first-class!”
13. Max continued, “Which may explain the difference between his behavior and mine. I’m not always a good example, but that night I was a poster child for courtesy. You weren’t hearing me grumble. I wasn’t complaining. No demands from the window seat in row four. I was just happy to be on board. Mr. Got-to-Have-It-Now may have paid for his place. Not me. Mine was a free gift.”
14. “And it wasn’t the first. God gave me one long before the airlines did. Talk about an upgrade! Not just coach to first class. How about sinner to saint, hellbent to heavenbound, confused to clarified, guilty to justified? If anyone has been bumped up, I have. I’m not only heading home, I’m heading home in style. And I didn’t pay a cent. Nor have any of God’s children.”
15. “But do we sometimes act as if we did? Do we sometimes behave like the pillow-less prima donna in the first row? Think about his request for a moment. Was it unreasonable? No. A pillow is part of the flight package. What he requested was understandable. The way he requested it, however, was not.”
16. “His timing was poor; he could have waited a few moments. His tone was harsh; the flight attendants didn’t deserve his condescension. His agenda was selfish. He didn’t just want a pillow; he wanted to be the center of attention.”
P. That’s what happens when we are self-centered and filled with pride, as we talked about last time.
1. But when we have a right view of ourselves and a right view of others, then we can be humble, patient, and kind.
2. Then we can be guided by a love that is not rude.
3. If we keep three realities in the forefront of our minds, we’ll find that courtesy will become a more natural way of interacting with others.
4. As we have already talked about in this series, one thing to keep in mind is: every person we meet is valuable – they are valuable to God, therefore, they are valuable to us.
5. Second, let’s keep in mind that every person we meet is struggling.
a. Behind every face is a struggling human spirit.
b. Sometimes the struggle is rooted in physical pain or disease.
c. Sometimes it grows out of wounded relationships or difficult circumstances.
d. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow once said, “Every man has his secret sorrows, which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”
e. So when someone is particularly rude or distant, let’s take a minute to consider what might be the underlying cause.
6. Third, let’s keep in mind that every expression of courtesy enriches someone’s life.
a. When we express courtesy to someone, we can know without a doubt that we have made their day brighter.
b. We can know that our actions will have encouraged that person to be courteous to others.
c. And we can feel good about ourselves, because we have treated others the way God wants us to treat them, and the way we want to be treated.
Q. As difficult as it can be to extend courtesy to strangers, the greatest test of love is to extend courtesy to those who are closest to us.
1. Even relationships with co-workers, good friends, a spouse, or family members should include common courtesies and a love that is not rude.
R. Here are some of the simple ways that we can express a love that always behaves itself:
1. When someone gives you a compliment or gift, always say, “Thank you.”
2. Ask permission before using anything that belongs to someone else.
3. Don’t take the biggest piece of chicken.
4. When you see someone laboring, always ask if there is some way you can help.
5. When someone arrives, welcome them with a smile, handshake or hug.
6. Don’t scream at anyone unless there is a fire.
7. When someone else is talking, don’t interrupt, or finish their sentences.
8. Look a person in the eye when you speak to them, or when they are talking to you.
9. When you need someone to do something for you, use the magic word – Please!
10. If you have to interrupt someone, say, “Please, excuse me.”
11. All of these things express a respect for others. Rudeness communicates disrespect.
S. Let me leave you with these questions: What would your relationships be like if…
1. You treated every individual with common courtesies – especially those you love the most?
2. Made choices as you drove, talked on the phone, and interacted with your neighbors that showed that you value every person greatly?
3. Received others’ acts of kindness and generosity with graciousness?
4. Spoke courteously with everyone, even those with whom you disagree?
T. Life can be such an adventure as we try to live a life of love – being kind, patient, forgiving and courteous.
1. Or life can be such a disaster if we are unforgiving, impatient, unkind, and rude.
2. Ultimately, being crude and rude brings trouble on ourselves, because in God’s economy, we get what we give.
3. I heard about a waitress that brought a man the coffee and donut he ordered.
a. The man looked at the donut and it was not pretty.
b. The man asked the waitress, “Why is my doughnut smashed?”
c. The waitress replied, “I only did what you said, ‘bring me a cup of coffee and a doughnut, and step on it.’”
4. It never pays to be rude, but treating others with loving, common courtesy pays great dividends.
5. May God help us to have a love that is not rude; a love that always behaves itself.
Resources:
A Love Worth Giving, by Max Lucado, Chapter 6 – “A Call to Common Courtesy,” Word 2002.
Love as a Way of Life, by Gary Chapman, Part 2, Chapter 5, Courtesy, Doubleday 2008.
Love is Not Rude, http://englewoodcog.com
The Expressions of Love, Sermon by Lowell Johnson, www.bivosmallchurch.net
What Love Does Not, Article by Shawn Thomas, www.shawnethomas.com
