Series: For Better or For Worse Pt. 3
"Something Old and Something New"
Matthew 19:1-12
Matthew 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
INTRODUCTION: Someone has said that there are three stages in marriage. The first stage is called the "ideal" stage when romance is in bloom and all is right with the world! The second stage is the "ordeal" when reality sets in and one or both partners begin to find out about each other and become aware of the negative personality traits that may have been undiscovered during the dating and courtship phase. The last stage is the "new deal" which is what is happening to 50% of marriages today. For whatever reasons a majority of couples are "opting out" for what they think is a "better deal!" There are three questions I want to try and answer this morning and they are; Does the Bible permit divorce and is remarriage permitted and under what guidelines.
I. THE PERFECT WILL OF GOD FOR MARRIAGE
a. The request
Among the Pharisees there were two prominent schools in Jesus day, the Shammai (conservative) and Hillel (liberal) and they differed on what constituted the grounds for the bill of divorcement in Deuteronomy 24:1-2. "When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house." 2 And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife." Hillel allowed divorce for any cause, whereas Shammai limited it to sexual immorality. This discussion in the "schools" forms the background of the Pharisees' question to Jesus in Matthew 19:3: "Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for ...every cause?"
b. The reaffirmation
The Lord Jesus begins His argument where every question should be settled, in the Scriptures. On this and every other issue we need to consult the Word of God and if we do we will find the answers we seek. He begins His statement with "...have ye not read..." thus pointing His listeners to the OT. Note that Jesus does not quote the above passage in Deuteronomy but he goes to Genesis chapter two and reaffirms God's original design for marriage, that it was to be between a man and a woman and that they were to live together until parted by death. Someone said, "Has it ever occurred to you that the reason no divorce is mentioned in Genesis two is that there was no other woman living for Adam to remarry!"
II. THE PERMISSIVE WILL OF GOD FOR MARRIAGE
What is God's permissive will? The Bible.org defines it as: "There is what we might call God's "permissive will." This is what God allows, even though it is sin. God allowed Joseph's brothers to betray him, and to deceive their father, so that He might bring the Israelites (few in number) to Egypt, where God would spare them, and they would greatly multiply (Genesis 50:20). God allows man to reject the gospel, to willfully disobey His laws, to persecute the righteous, and so on. But in all of this, God is still in control, and His purposes are being accomplished."
a. The explanation (verse 7)
The Lord tells the Pharisees that Moses allowed a bill of divorcement because of the "...hardness of your hearts..." A. T Robertson translates hardness as "...a heart dried up (sklēros), hard and tough." What possible reason could Moses have had for allowing this expansion/departure from the Genesis directive? It is simple! Moses knew the "hardness" of the human heart and to prevent the exposure of wives to the cruelty and excesses of their husbands he allowed a bill of divorcement to protect the "innocent party" in a marriage. Now just for a minute think about what we have heard in recent years about the cruelty in many Middle-Eastern countries of husbands for their wives, duathers and daughter-in-laws. The so called "honor killings," rape, beatings, public executions and other forms of cruelty serve to remind us that the human heart is capable of any kind of behavior. Moses was trying to protect the innocent, not shield the guilty!
ILL - I like what Dan Erickson calls the seven stages of a cold for a married couple. The first year of marriage, the husband says, 'Honey, I'm worried about my little girl. You have a bad sniffle. I want to put you in the hospital for a complete checkup. I know the food is terrible there, but I have arranged for meals for you to be sent in from Olive Garden or Hunts' The second year: 'Listen, sweetheart, I don't like the sound of that cough. I've called the doctor and he said I can bring you in this afternoon. Just rest in bed until it's time go.' The third year: 'Maybe you should lie down, dear. I'll make supper tonight. Do we have any cans of soup in the house?' The Fourth year: 'Look, dear be sensible. After you have fed the kids and washed the dishes, you should go to bed.' The Fifth year: 'Why don't you take a couple of Tylenol. The Sixth year: "Please gargle, or something, instead of sitting there barking like a seal. I think I'll sleep on the couch tonight." The Seventh year: 'Would you stop sneezing. What are you trying to do, give me pneumonia? You better sleep on the couch tonight.'"
b. The exception
Verse 9 is a restatement of what the Lord taught in Matthew 5 in his Sermon on the Mount. Now I want to digress just for a minute and share some information about the Hillel school of Pharisaical teaching. Do you remember that they were the progressives of their day (where have we heard that word before) and that they taught that you could divorce for any reason? Some of those reasons included, (this is the truth) (1) If a wife failed to season her husband's food correctly he could divorce her (2) If she raised her voice so that the neighbors could hear her he could divorce her and (3) If she displeased him in any way he could divorce her and marry someone he liked better. Jesus restores the dignity and sanctity of marriage while at the same time clarifying the Biblical exception for the dissolution of a marriage. It is clear that He (like Moses) also has an interest in protecting the innocent in a divorce situation. What is the exception? The word fornication comes from Greek porneia and refers to any sexual activity outside of the marriage bond. That's the only exception allowed by Jesus and His statement is directed at this progressive teaching from the Hillel school.
c. The enlightenment
In Matthew 5:32 and again in Matthew 19:9 Jesus affirms that it is permissible to remarry if there has been a violation of the "exception clause" as some folks prefer to call it. Jesus assumed that the man who was putting away his wife "...for this cause..." would "...marry another..." (Verse 9) So, in answer to the question, "If my spouse has committed fornication can I re-marry without sinning?" The answer is yes. Now, before I go any further let me say this. Divorce does not have to be the solution to the problem of fornication in a marriage. Forgiveness, restoration and reconciliation are always God's ideal and I can tell you from my experience as a Christian counselor over the years that it is possible although not probable. Why you ask? Because experience has taught me that by the time fornication has become the focal issue there are so many other problems as well that it makes reconciliation difficult if not impossible.
III. THE PRINCIPLES IN THE WORD OF GOD FOR RE-MARRIAGE
Finally, we need to answer the last question. What are the principles set forth in Scripture regulating re-marriage? The first is the most obvious:
(Q1) What if my spouse is deceased? Yes, you may remarry, only in the Lord.
1 Corinthians 7:39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.
Q2 - I am a Christian, but my spouse is not. Should I divorce my unbelieving spouse and try to find a believer to marry? No.
1 Corinthians 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
If your unbelieving spouse wants to be married to you, stay faithful to your marriage. Your unsaved spouse needs your continued Christian witness and may likely be won to Christ by your godly example.
1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
Q3 - I am a Christian, but my spouse, who is not a believer, has left me and filed for divorce. What should I do?
If at all possible, seek to restore the marriage. If reconciliation is not possible, you are not obligated to remain in this marriage.
1 Corinthians 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
Q4 - What are biblical reasons or grounds for divorce?
The Bible suggests that "marital unfaithfulness" is the only scriptural reason that warrants God's permission for divorce and remarriage. Many different interpretations exist among Christian teachings as to the exact definition of "marital unfaithfulness." The Greek word for marital unfaithfulness found in Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9 translates to mean any form of sexual immorality including adultery, prostitution, fornication, pornography, and incest. Since the sexual union is such a crucial part of the marriage covenant, breaking that bond seems to be a permissible, biblical grounds for divorce.
Matthew 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
Matthew 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
Q5 - I divorced my spouse for reasons that have no biblical basis. Neither one of us have remarried. What should I do to demonstrate repentance and obedience to God's Word?
If at all possible seek reconciliation and be reunited in marriage to your former spouse.
1 Corithians 7:10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.
Q6 - I divorced my spouse for reasons that have no biblical basis. Reconciliation is no longer possible because one of us has remarried. What should I do to demonstrate repentance and obedience to God's Word?
Though divorce is a serious matter in God's opinion (Malachi 2:16), it is not the unforgivable sin. If you confess your sins to God and ask for forgiveness, you are forgiven (1 John 1:9) and can move on with your life. From this point forward you should commit to honor God's Word pertaining to marriage. You should do so carefully and reverently when the time comes. Only marry a fellow believer.
Q7 - I did not want a divorce, but my ex-spouse unwillingly forced it on me. Reconciliation is no longer possible because of extenuating circumstances. Does this mean I cannot marry again in the future?
In most cases, both parties are to blame in a divorce. However, in this situation, you are biblically considered the "innocent" spouse. You are free to remarry, but you should do so carefully and reverently when the time comes, and only marry a fellow believer.
Q8 - I divorced my spouse for unbiblical reasons and/or remarried before I became a Christian. What does this mean for me?
When you become a Christian, your past sins are washed away and you receive a brand new fresh start. Regardless of your marital history before you were saved, receive God's forgiveness and cleansing. From this point forward you should commit to honor God's Word pertaining to marriage.
2 Corithians 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
18 And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;
Q9 - My spouse committed adultery (or another form of sexual immorality). According to Matthew 5:32 I have grounds for divorce. Should I get a divorce because I can?
One way to consider this question might be to think of all the ways we, as followers of Christ, commit spiritual adultery against God, through sin, neglect, idolatry, and apathy. But God does not forsake us. His heart is always to forgive and reconcile us back to him when we turn back and repent of our sin.
We can extend this same measure of grace toward a spouse when they have been unfaithful, yet have come to a place of repentance. Marital unfaithfulness is extremely devastating and painful. Trust requires time to rebuild. Give God plenty of time to work in a broken marriage, and to work in each spouse's heart, before following through with divorce. Forgiveness, reconciliation and restoration of the marriage honors God and testifies of his amazing grace.
Colossians 3:12 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;
13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.
14 And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.
Christianity.About.com
There is only one word that applies in this case, grace!
