Series: For Better or For Worse Pt. 2
"Making a Marathon Marriage"
Genesis 2:15-25
Genesis 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
INTRODUCTION: When we left off our study last week we had focused on the real purpose of dating and we said that dating was not for exploration but confirmation! That we should seek to confirm three important things about the person we are dating (because there is always the possibility that our date might become our mate), so we wanted to know if they had a relationship with God, if they were a person of character and if they had communication skills because the capacity for communication in marriage is so vital. Once we have determined those three things about someone and we feel good about proceeding further in the relationship, what do we do and where do we go? I think that we would all agreed that there is a difference between dating and courtship so that's where we will start today. First, let's examine what I'm going to refer as:
I. THE COURTSHIP
To have a marathon marriage I believe that there needs to be a renewed emphasis on courtship.
a. The definition of courtship
What is courtship? Wikipedia defines courtship as the period in a couple's relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind. Traditionally, in the case of a formal engagement, it has been perceived that it is the role of a male to actively "court" or "woo" a female, thus encouraging her to understand him and her receptiveness to a proposal of marriage.
b. The discovery in courtship
During courtship, a couple gets to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement leading to marriage. A courtship may be an informal and private matter between two people or may be a public affair, or a formal arrangement with family approval. Just the other day I spoke with a woman who had married a man that I know, (they had been married 4 months), and she was distraught and in a great state of emotional upset at his behavior and asking me what I thought she should do. I asked her how long she had dated him and she said 4 months prior to their marriage. I asked her if she had attempted to find out anything about him before agreeing to marry him and I got the impression that she had not beyond her own circle of friends and acquaintances. Let me tell you what I believe you need to discover during courtship. (1) You should find out what their convictions are. (2) You should find out as much as possible about their life circumstances. (3) You should find out about how they feel about child rearing issues. These are just a few of the things you need to know in order to build a healthy relationship.
c. The duration of courtship
The average duration of courtship varies considerably throughout the world. Furthermore, there is vast individual variation between couples. Courtship may be completely omitted, as in cases of some arranged marriages where the couple do not meet before the wedding. In the United Kingdom, a poll of 3,000 engaged or married couples resulted in an average duration between first meeting and accepted proposal of marriage of 2 years and 11 months, with the women feeling ready to accept at an average of 2 years and 7 months.
II. THE COVENANT
For us to have a marathon marriage we must see marriage not as a contractual agreement but a divine and holy covenant.
A BETTER VOW
Eric Snyder, Minister of the Farwell Church of Christ tells this story:
I recently did a wedding. During the wedding rehearsal, the groom pulled me aside and made me an offer.
He said "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He gave me a $100 bill and walked away.
The day of the wedding the bride and groom were in front of me and we were to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it came time for the groom's vows, I looked at the young man and said "Will you promise to bow down before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall
live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes." Then He leaned in and asked "what happened I thought we had a deal."
So I gave him his 100 dollars back and told him that she had made a better offer.
SOURCE: Eric A. Snyder, Minister, Farwell Church of Christ, in "A Friend Like That" on www.sermoncentral.com.
My friend, what we need is a better vow and there is one and it's called a covenant!
a. The nature of a covenant
Marriage is not a contract no matter what our culture says. Bill Gothard says: "Marriage is not a contract between two people; it is a sacred covenant between two people, two families, and God, with witnesses to the vows.
A covenant marriage is joined by God and continues "till death do us part." In a covenant relationship, there is no tolerance of competing affections in either party. God has serious consequences for those who violate their covenant vows. (See Ecclesiastes 5:1--7, Proverbs 6:23--35, Romans 7:1--3, Romans 1:31--32, etc.)"
b. The need for a covenant
It is obvious to many folks both in and outside the church that our cultures emphasis on the contractual nature of marriage is not working. We often hear of pre-nuptial agreements in the sports and entertainment world. These agreements are an acknowledgement that for many marriage is viewed as something temporary (until divorce we do part) and so there must be a contingency plan in case the marriage is dissolved. Many states now have offer an option to the traditional marriage license. In states like Louisiana and Arkansas couples have the option of choosing a covenant marriage which requires couples to meet a higher standard for marriage. For instance, couples must agree to pre-marital counseling and divorce is more difficult under covenant marriage guidelines. One of the big differences in perception between contracts and covenants is that contacts are made to be broken while covenants aren't! Friend, do you see marriage as a contract or a covenant?
ILL - A college man walked into a photography studio with a picture of his girlfriend... He wanted the picture duplicated... The owner of the store noticed the inscription on the back of the picture, it said, "My dearest Tom, I love you with all my heart... I love you more & more each day... I will love you forever & ever... I am yours for all eternity..." It was signed "Diane," and it contained a P.S.: "If we ever break up, I want this picture back..."
III. THE CONSTRUCTION
Finally, to have a marathon marriage then you need to pay attention to its construction, pay attention to how you build it! Is there a plan or design for marriage? Yes there is and it is found in our text.
Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh (weave).
a. Leave
This word is often translated "forsake" and it means that when we get married we are to separate ourselves from our parents. This speaks first of emotional severance. We don't stop loving our parents; we just love our spouse more! This doesn't mean we should no longer honor our parents; it means we should re-order our priorities and our allegiance should be to our spouse second (God is first)! If at all possible I would not advise married couples to live with their parents for an extended period of time. Human nature being what it is we will be tempted to turn to our parents for emotional support instead of our spouse.
b. Cleave
This word is one of those interesting English words that has two opposite meanings (contronyms). In some places it means to split apart and in others it means to stick together. Here it means to stick together. What is the glue that will cause a couple to stick together through thick and thin? The majority of you will probably say love, right? And you would be in agreement with a popular singing duo who sang "Love will keep us together!" But what if the day comes when love is not enough? Then there is one thing and one thing alone that will keep you together when nothing else will. It is the vows, the covenant that you have made with each other and in the sight of Almighty God! That will keep you together when nothing else will. That will keep you together until love is rekindled and refreshed.
c. Weave
HOW MUCH IS THAT?
Now I can't find this in the Bible, but perhaps you've heard the story that before Eve was created, God was talking with Adam. He said, "You really need a helper, don't you?" And Adam answered, "Yeah, I really do."
So God said, "What if I make a woman? She'll be perfect for you. She'll be beautiful. She'll rub your back at night, & your feet in the morning. She'll plop grapes into your mouth. She'll prepare all your favorite meals without fail. She'll clean up the kitchen & take care of the kids. You'll never have to do a thing, just sit around & be the king of your household."
Adam said, "Boy, that sounds great, but how much is this going to cost?" God said, "Well, it's pretty expensive. It will cost you an arm & a leg."
Adam thought for a moment & then asked, "How much can I get for a rib?"
What does this word weave suggest to you? I think first it speaks of labor or work and a marathon marriage is work, hard work! Weaving a piece of cloth or a garment requires that we work. It also suggests that if we are willing to do the work we will produce something that is strong, something that will stand the test of time.
In Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 we find those words: "Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.
10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up!
Hold up the two ropes and wrap them together to show the strength and companionship of marriage]
Solomon continues in verse 12: "...a threefold cord is not quickly broken.." If a second strand provides more strength, can you imagine how much stronger three strands is?
Now, take a third piece of rope and wrap it around the other two.
What is Solomon referring to here? Who is this 3d strand? Friends, this third strand is Jesus Christ. As you open yourself to Him, as you confess your sins and shortcomings, as you surrender to His leadership in your life and your marriage, He will give you a fresh start, and He will give your marriage strength.
As your marriage moves through the various seasons of life, and yours will, you need to start living according to His blueprint for a marathon marriage. And, you need to base and build your marriage according to His specifications.
If you have not yet surrendered yourself to Jesus Christ by asking Him to forgive you for your sins, this is your first step to having a Marathon Marriage. Actually, it's the most important thing you can do even if you're not married.
