God’s Social Security Plan
Exodus 20:12
A few years ago, I received my Social Security statement. I never really read the outside. I always go to the inside to see how much money I’ll be getting at retirement. It tells you if you work until you’re 62, you’ll get this much. If you work until 67, you’ll get this much and as an inducement to work longer, they tell me how much I’ll receive you work to age 70. When I look at that amount, I realize that my retirement from the government is only 25% of what I’m making now. You can’t really live on that. But if you go back and read on the front, there’s a letter which says, “Unless action is taken soon, in just 11 years Social Security will begin paying out more in benefits than we collect in taxes. By 2041, the Social Security Trust fund will be exhausted.” The upshot is there’s not a lot of hope to receive Social Security when I retire.
In the Fall of 2011, my wife asked me if her parents could move in. They had been hit hard by the recession and needed to move in for financial reasons. In addition, my father in law was showing early signs of dementia. So in February of last year, they moved in. It’s one thing to go visit your in-laws but quite another to live with them. We’ve adjusted to each other and it certainly changes the dynamics of the household, for good and sometimes not so good. There have been times when my wife has wondered how long this will last and I remind her it’s until the end of their lives, and they’re in good health! And then there have been times when my in-laws have been away and then come home and I realize that our house is no longer our own. When I walked down the isle 20 years ago, I didn’t think it was a package deal and that it included my in-laws moving in. But as the economy continues to drag and people become more vulnerable financially, this may well be God’s Social Security plan.
The problem with family is that most are problem families. It’s tough to find healthy, normal families these days, whatever that is. It’s not just today. There were a lot of pretty mixed up families in the Bible too. In fact, it’s hard to find healthy families in the Bible. Take the first family in the Bible, Adam and Eve. They had two sons, one, Cain, who killed his brother Abel. Then there’s Noah who after the flood developed a drinking problem and his kids had to cover for him. Then there’s Abraham and Sarah who was barren and so Sarah had Abraham sleep with her maidservant and then Sarah took that baby as her own. Not long after that, Sarah conceives and gives birth to her first son, Isaac. Sarah grows increasingly unhappy having Hagar and Ishamel around and so she forces Abraham to get the first divorce in the Bible, sending both away with no child support.
Then there’s Jacob who dressed up in a smelly animal skin to fool his blind father into giving him his brother’s inheritance. Esau becomes so mad that Jacob ran away, never seeing his family again. Jacob then finds work and wants to marry the boss’ beautiful daughter but to do so he has to marry the oldest daughter first who is ugly. Can you imagine that family, where two sisters are married to the same man, one of whom he wanted and the other he did not? The two wives competed to see who can have the most babies. In the end Jacob had 12 boys. He did the same thing his father did to him by playing favorites. As a result, the 11 oldest boys sold the favorite son Joseph into slavery and then told their father he was killed by wild animals.
You get the picture. Biblical families weren’t all they were cracked up to be. It’s hard to have a healthy family because families are made up of people who are sinful and self-serving individuals and who make mistakes and hurt each other. The reality is we all grew up somewhere between The Cosby’ and Archie Bunker. But despite all of that, we’re still family and we as children have responsibilities to our parents. The Bible says a lot about that. Lev. 19:3 says, “Each of you must respect his mother and father…” Lev 20:9 says, “'If anyone curses his father or mother, he must be put to death.” Our Scripture today is the 5th Commandment which calls us to honor our mothers and fathers. This is the only Commandment which comes with a promise: if you do this, you will live long in the land the Lord your God has given you. This verse gives us the key to God’s Social Security plan: if you love and care for your parents when they are old, modeling that for your kids, you will be cared for when you get old.
In Grim’s Fairy Tales is a story of an older man who lived with his young son and his son’s wife. They also had a 4 year old boy. The old man’s eyes were cloudy and his hands shook. When he ate, the silverware would rattle against the plate. He often missed his mouth and food would be spilled on the tablecloth. This upset the wife. She appealed to her husband to do something. They decided to move their dad to a corner at mealtime away from the family. He would sit alone in the corner eating out of a bowl, sitting on a stool. The old man would look sadly his family and desired to be with them. One day the man dropped his bowl and broke it. His son and daughter-in-law said, “If you eat like a pig then we will serve you like a pig.” They made a wooden trough for the old man to eat out of. Not long after, they saw their son playing with some pieces of wood. The dad asked what he was doing. The boy looked up, smiled and said, “I’m making a trough to feed you and mama when I get big.” The next day the old man was back at the table eating with the family again and no one ever scolded or mistreated him again. How you treat your parents may well determine your return in God’s Social Security Plan.
No matter how we were treated by our parents, the 5th Commandment call us to honor our parents. Notice God gives no age limit here. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a young child, a teen still living with your parents, or whether you’re older and living on our own, you must honor your parents.” So how can we do that? First, the Scriptures says to live righteously. “The father of a righteous man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him. May your father and mother be glad; may she who gave you birth rejoice.” Proverbs 23:24-25 This is a picture of proud parents. What are they proud of? Their children who live a wise and righteous (moral) life. Righteous means to be in good relationship to God. Righteous living comes only from living a life in tune with God, practicing His ways and seeking to honor and live for God’s purpose in everything you do and everything you say.
Second, value their advice. "A wise son heeds his father’s instruction..." Proverbs 13:1. As a kid, you are called to obey your parent’s every command after you move out on your own. However, as an adult you are called to honor their advice. One of the things we’ve lost in our culture is a respect for the wisdom of the older generation. Yet this was the key role they have played in cultures throughout the centuries. Why would anyone in their right mind avoid the collective wisdom of the generations before them, making it their destiny to repeat the same mistakes of the parents and grandparents? Does that mean you always heed their advice? No. But it does mean you hear them and even if you disagree, it may still add to your decision making process.
Third, listen attentively. “Listen to your father, who gave you life…..” Proverbs23:22 The word listen means to pay attention. More than our financial assistance, more than our advice, our parents want our attention. It’s not just giving a half ear while you’re focused on something else. It’s listening to their words and watching their non-verbal expressions. It’s listening to them, even when they repeat the same stories over and over. Because when you listen to them, you’re telling them through your actions that you value them.
Fourth, show your appreciation. "When your mother is old, show her your appreciation." Prov. 23:22 This can be as simple as a phone call, a card, or a letter but let them know what they mean to you! Be thankful! Make a list of the things you are thankful about your parents and then share that with them. If you look for the good things to give thanks for and focus on them, you will change how you look at your parents and how you treat them.
Fifth, help meet their needs. "But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show their commitment to God at home and to repay their parents; for this is good and acceptable before God.....But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." 1 Timothy 5:8 (NKJV) That can be their financial needs, their physical labor needs or their emotional needs. It can also mean protecting them. The older our parents get, the more vulnerable they become to exploitation, to violence, as their body grows weak, even to less than adequate medical care. God calls us to protect our parents by looking out for their best interests, making sure people around them aren’t exploiting them.
Sixth, bear with each other. Colossians 3:12-13 says, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other…” Why? Because we’re all struggling in this life with our own sinfulness. We are also called to bear the difficulties and disappointments of life with each other. Seniors go through an enormous amount of change and challenges. This can be very stressful and difficult to accept. You are called to bear that burden with them.
Seventh, forgive their failings. Col. 3:14-15, “…forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” I know there are some of you here today thinking, “I am NEVER going to be able to honor him/her. . . Not after what he/she’s done.” That can be parents who divorced, and left you hanging, fought and put you in the middle. abused you physically or emotionally or let you down. Forgiveness is not a feeling. It is a choice to let go of your anger or the desire for revenge, grounded in the love and forgiveness you received from Jesus Christ on the cross and in response pass that forgivness on to others.
Social Security will be bankrupt by 2041. What will you do then? The reality is that SS has only been around since 1935. Prior to that the elderly came to live with the parents. They babysat the children and the sandwich generation realized that someday I’m going to be in this role and I’ll need my kids to care for me. In all of that, God made provision for the Social Security of people through families. Erma Bombeck writes, "When did I become the mother and the mother become the child? Does it begin one night when you are asleep and your mother is restless and you go in her room and tuck the blanket around her bare arms? Does it appear one afternoon when, in a moment of irritation, you snap, "How can I give you a permanent if you won’t sit still?" Or did it come the rainy afternoon when you were driving home from the store and you slammed on your brakes, and your arms sprang protectively between her and the windshield... and your eyes met with a knowing, sad look. The transition comes slowly, as it began between her and her mother: the changing of power, the transferring of responsibility, the passing down of duty. Suddenly you are spewing out the familiar phrases learned at the knee of your mother. "Of course, you’re sick. Don’t you think I know when you’re not feeling well? "So where’s your sweater? You know how cold the stores get with the A/C." "You look very nice today. Didn’t I tell you’d like that dress?" "Did you take your nap this morning." And on the parent’s part rebellion.. "I’ll thank you to let me make my own decisions. I know when I’m tired! Stop treating me like some kind of child." But that’s exactly what has happened, slowly, almost imperceptibly. So you bathe and pat dry the body that once housed you. You spoon feed the lips that once kissed your cuts and bruises and made them "all better."
And then she writes, “You never really thought it would be like this. Then one day while riding with your daughter, she slams on her brakes and her arm flies out instinctively in front of you. My..... so soon. That’s the love cycle of the family.” And that’s God plan for your Social Security.
