Introduction:
A. One of my favorite stories about patience is the story told about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his boots.
1. She pulled and he pushed, but the boots still didn’t want to go on.
a. When the second boot was finally on, she had worked up a sweat.
b. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, “Teacher, they’re on the wrong feet.”
c. She looked and sure enough, they were.
2. It wasn’t any easier pulling the boots off then it was putting them on.
a. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet.
b. Once the boots were on, the little boy announced, “These aren’t my boots.”
c. She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, “Why didn’t you say so?” like she wanted to.
3. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off.
a. Once the boots were off, the little boy said, “The boots aren’t mine. They’re my brother’s boots. My Mom made me wear them.”
4. The teacher didn’t know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again.
5. When the boots were back on for the 3rd time, She said, “Now, where are your mittens?”
a. The little boy said, “I stuffed them in the toes of the boots...”
B. Let me ask you: Are you a patient person?
1. In his book, Killing Giants, Pulling Thorns, Chuck Swindoll writes: “Those late, take-offs, those grocery lines, those busy restaurants, those trains! What fertilizer for the thorns of impatience!...Your waitress will not likely be impressed that you can prove the authorship of the Pentateuch. Nor will the gal at the check-out stand stare in awe as you inform her of the distinct characteristics of biblical infallibility which you embrace (although she may stare).”
“One quality, however – a single, rare virtue scarce as diamonds and twice as precious – will immediately attract them to you and soften their spirits. That quality? The ability to accept delay graciously. Calmly. Quietly. Understandingly. With a smile. If the robe of purity is far above rubies, the garment of patience is even beyond that…But, alas, the garment seldom clothes us!”
C. Last week we talked about being clothed with kindness, and today we want to talk about being clothed with patience.
1. God instructs us to have several kinds of patience and all the kinds of patience are important.
2. We are to have the kind of patience that is necessary to await the expected things in life.
a. Like the patience required for the ketchup to come out of the bottle, or the daffodils to come up in the Spring, or the birthday party that is still three months away.
b. But that’s not the kind of patience I’m going to talk about today.
3. Another important kind of patience we need to have has to do with the circumstances or trials that we go through.
a. Often the Greek word used in these situations is hupomone.
b. It is a compound word that means to “remain under the weight.”
c. The word is sometimes translated as “patience,” but more often is it translated as “perseverance” or “endurance.”
d. As we go through trials we are called to be patient and to persevere.
e. But that’s not the kind of patience I’m going to talk about today.
4. Another important kind of patience is the patience that’s required to wait upon the Lord.
a. God’s timetable is much different from ours.
b. We want our prayers answered now, but God knows the right time.
c. But that’s not the kind of patience I’m going to talk about today, either.
D. Since this sermon series is about love and how to live a life of love, the patience I want us to explore today is patience that has to do with people.
1. The Greek word that has to do with having patience with people is makrothumeo.
2. It is a compound word that combines the words “long” (makro) and “wrath” (thumos).
3. The King James Version comes the closest to the literal translation with the term “suffereth long” or “long-suffering.”
4. This kind of patience means that when it comes to dealing with others you have a long fuse instead of a short one, and it takes you a long time to boil over.
E. Let’s look at a few verses where this kind of patience shows up.
1. 1 Corinthians 13:4, “Love is patient…” (long-suffering).
2. 1 Thessalonians 5:14, “…be patient (long-suffering) with everyone.”
3. Galatians 5:22, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness…”
4. Colossians 1:11, “…being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience” (long-suffering).
5. Colossians 3:12, “Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” (long-suffering).
6. Ephesians 4:2, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient (long-suffering), bearing with one another in love.”
F. When we think about the life and ministry of Jesus, we see that Jesus was patient with people.
1. Think of the way Jesus was long-suffering with the 12 apostles he had chosen.
2. So often they didn’t get it or didn’t say or do the right thing, but Jesus stuck with them.
3. Do you remember the time in Luke 9 when the messengers Jesus had sent ahead into the Samaritan village to prepare for his arrival were not welcomed, and Jesus was not welcomed?
a. Earlier in the chapter, Jesus had instructed them that if people do not welcome you, then just shake the dust off your feet and move on to another town.
b. But what did James and John suggest they do?
c. James and John wanted to respond swiftly and harshly, so they asked Jesus if he wanted them to call down fire from heaven and destroy those people?
d. Jesus chose to respond to the rejection from the people with love and patience, so he corrected his disciples and they went to another village.
4. And, of course, isn’t it amazing how patient Jesus is in His dealings with each of us?
I. How To Cultivate a Love that is Patient
A. So when it comes to love being patient and knowing that we should be patient and long-suffering with others, the question is not what or why, but how.
1. How can we cultivate a love that is patient?
2. Let me give several answers that question, but the first of them is the most important answer.
3. Question: How can we cultivate a love that is patient? Answer: We can’t without God’s help.
a. There is no way we can exhibit godly patience in our own strength or through our own efforts.
b. But the good news is that we don’t have to do it on our own.
c. God is with us and He desires to work His patience through us.
d. When we are depending on the Spirit and are cooperating with the Spirit, then the fruit of the Spirit, which includes patience, can grow in us and can guide us.
4. Do you remember the passage we looked at earlier?
a. Colossians 1:11 says, “…being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience”
b. God is all-powerful and has glorious might, and that power is able to work in us so that we can have great endurance and patience.
c. But we must believe that and act upon the belief that divine power can make us what we need to be.
d. Divine power can help us to have a love that is patient.
e. On our own, we can’t, but with God’s help we can! (Phil. 4:13)
B. A second thing that can help us to cultivate a love that is patient is have more realistic expectations for others and for ourselves.
1. Patience requires us to see others as we want to be seen ourselves.
2. People are not machines from which we can expect to get a perfect product.
3. In the heat of everyday interactions, we can forget that each of us has different emotions, ideas, desires and perceptions and that each of us has the ability to make choices.
a. Not everyone is going to make the choices we would make or think the way we think.
b. Not everyone is going to operate according to our priorities.
4. When we have unrealistic expectations for ourselves and for others, we are setting ourselves up for frustration, impatience and anger.
a. We often have expectations of what’s going to happen, and when those expectations don’t match reality that’s when things go badly.
5. For example, you buy a Christmas present for your child and it says on it “easy to assemble” or “some assembly required.”
a. But then after 20 hours of pulling out your hair it is finally assembled and you have emptied your patience tank.
b. Now if the package had said, “This toy is going to take 20 hours of your blood, sweat and tears, and then it is still not going to look good and work right,” you would feel very different afterward, because you expected that.
6. The same thing is true with relationships.
a. If our expectations are that our relationships are always going to run smoothly and that no one is ever going to hurt me, or act selfishly, then we are setting ourselves up for disaster.
7. If you are expecting a perfect Martha Stewart Thanksgiving next month, with the smell of a perfectly browned turkey wafting from the oven, and everyone getting along perfectly and graciously when they never have before, then you are probably setting yourself up for disappointment.
a. But if we lower our expectations a bit, then it will be easier to have a patient love.
b. If our expectations are that we hope we don’t kill each other, then anything short of that is a victory, right?
c. I know I’m being facetious, but I hope you can see what I mean.
8. Over 600 years ago, Thomas a Kempis said, “Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.”
9. None of us are perfect, and if that is what we are expecting, then we are going to be sorely disappointed.
10. We need to be both patient with ourselves and with others, and we need to keep our expectations under control.
C. A third thing that can help us to cultivate a love that is patient is to try to be more understanding of others.
1. This point goes right along with the last one.
2. Many times we are impatient with others because we jump to conclusions and judgments without the necessary understanding.
3. If we had all the facts, then we might come to a different conclusion.
4. For instance, let’s say you are upset because your friend shows up 30 minutes late to your dinner appointment.
a. When that happens how do we respond?
b. We can launch into words expressing our anger and hurt, or we can ask questions and listen.
c. If we go on the attack mode before we know the facts, we may be way off base.
d. Once we have the facts, we may conclude that their tardiness can be attributed to their irresponsibility, or to something that was out of their control.
e. If they were late because of their own doing, then we still have a choice to make.
f. We can express our impatience by using harsh or condemning words.
g. Such words will likely cause an argument or could harm the relationship.
h. Or, on the other hand, we can express our anger but choose to exhibit patience by saying something like: “I must confess I feel angry, hurt, and disappointed that you were late. But I don’t think either one of us wants to spoil our time together. So let’s put that behind us and enjoy the evening.”
i. This way we were honest about our feelings, but we chose to be patient with the imperfections with the other person, and we expressed ourselves in positive words.
5. Every time we are frustrated and impatient, we have a choice to make.
a. We can lash out with hurtful words or we can ask questions, listen, seek to understand, and then choose to speak words that bring healing.
b. We must never be satisfied with anything less.
J. A fourth thing that can help us to cultivate a love that is patient is to learn to focus on solutions to problems and frustrations, rather than trying to focus the blame.
1. I heard about a time when a wife had had a long day with their infant, and had called her husband and asked him to pick up formula on the way home from work.
2. When the husband arrived home without the formula, and told her that he had forgotten to get it, she said, “How could you forget it? That’s like forgetting you have a baby. I’ve been here all day taking care of this baby, and you don’t even appreciate me. I can’t depend on you for anything.”
3. Without a word, the husband turned, got into the car, went to the grocery store, and got the formula.
4. While he was gone, the wife’s words played over and over in her mind.
a. She realized that her response was not loving.
b. She knew that she had not exhibited patience.
c. She knew that her words had been detrimental to their relationship and were demeaning to him as a person.
d. She was reminded of important Biblical proverbs: “For as churning the milk produces butter, and as twisting the nose produces blood, so stirring up anger produces strife” (Pr. 30:33), and “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Pr. 15:1).
e. When the husband came home, his wife apologized to him and told him how sorry she was for putting him down. She admitted that she also forgot things at times and was sorry that she took her frustration out on him.
5. Had the wife originally focused more on the solution rather than the blame, things would have been better for everyone.
a. The main issue was not his forgetfulness, but how to feed the baby that evening.
b. When the wife focused on what she considered his irresponsible behavior, she came across as condemning.
c. Had she been more patient, she could have chosen to focus on the solution and said something like, “Honey, I’m sorry you forgot the formula, we all make mistakes, but we are still without food for the baby tonight. Do you want to keep an eye on her while I go to the store, or would it be easier for you to go to the store?”
d. Whichever choice the husband made, he would most likely have had a much more positive attitude and their relationship would not have been fractured by harsh, destructive words.
E. A final thing that can help us to cultivate a love that is patient is to realize that acting impatiently doesn’t help anyone.
1. One Saturday night at O’Hare International Airport in Chicago, a planeload of people sat near a closed gate waiting to board an airplane to their final destination for the evening.
2. The agent announced a delay in their departure because of weather – outside, the rain cascaded from the heavens and the wind blew fiercely.
3. After they had waited 30 minutes, the agent announced an additional delay; the rain and wind were unabated.
4. Fifteen minutes later, the rain slackened and the wind calmed, and everyone assumed they soon would be boarding the plane.
5. When the word “canceled” was announced a man sprang to his feet, dashed to the counter, and shouted loudly, “What do you mean ‘canceled’? The wind and rain have died down. How can it be canceled?”
a. The agent replied calmly, “Sir, it was not my decision. I am not in charge of such things-” The man interrupted her, “Well, someone needs to give us an explanation of why we are not flying. It’s obvious the weather is not a problem.”
b. The agent replied, “Sir, I’m sorry. I don’t know why the flight was canceled.”
6. Realizing he was fighting a losing battle, the man asked, “When does the next flight leave?”
a. The agent replied, “Tomorrow morning at six-twenty.”
b. “Tomorrow morning?” the man yelled, “What do you mean tomorrow morning? I can’t wait till tomorrow morning. I’ve got to get home tonight. What other airline is fling out tonight?”
c. “There are no other flights, sir,” the agent answered.
7. “Then what am I supposed to do? Spend the night in the airport?”
a. “No, sir. We will put you up in a hotel,” answered the agent.
b. “A hotel?” the man screamed. “I don’t want to spend the night in a hotel. I want to go home!”
c. “Then you can stay in the airport, sir. Or if you prefer, I’ll call the police.”
8. At the mention of police, the man calmed down and said, “I’ll take the hotel room.”
a. While the agent completed the paperwork for the hotel voucher, the man continued, “I can’t believe this. What kind of airline would cancel a flight when it’s not even raining? I’ll never fly this airline again!”
b. The agent handed him the hotel voucher and said, “Exit through baggage claim. Go across the street, and catch the shuttle to the hotel.”
c. The man walked off, still muttering to himself.
9. What amazing patience and kindness was shown by that agent in the face of such impatience and unkindness displayed by that man!
10. But notice something important: did that man’s impatience change the situation for the good?
a. After all his harsh words, the man in the Chicago airport who got so irate with the airline agent still spent the night in a Chicago hotel.
b. We can express all kinds of impatience with negative words and behavior, but when all is said and done, the situation remains unchanged for the good.
c. On the other hand, our negative reaction has probably hurt others and made matters worse.
d. And most importantly, it has not demonstrated authentic love.
11. Such impatient behavior is not only futile, it is also detrimental to the cause of Christ and to living a love-filled life.
Conclusion:
A. One of the very best gifts we can give others is the gift of patience.
1. Former president Jimmy Carter admitted to having “unreasonable standards about punctuality.
2. If Rosalyn was even a few minutes late there would be a furious exchange, and they would arrive at church or a friend’s house still angry with each other.
3. For 36 years of their marriage, it had been the most persistent cause of dissension between them.
4. One morning, Jimmy realized it was his wife’s birthday and he did not have a gift for her.
5. Then a brilliant idea hit him.
6. He wrote her this note: “Happy Birthday. As a proof of my love, I will never again make an unpleasant comment about tardiness.” The note was delivered with a kiss.
7. That happened in 1982, and Jimmy is still keeping his promise.
8. Both of them agree that it was the best birthday present he has ever given her.
9. When we are patient with each other, we acknowledge that relationships are more important than schedules or anything else.
B. What would your relationships be like if you…
1. Treated everyone, including yourself, as a person in process rather than as a machine that performs?
2. Show in your words and actions that you valued relationships more than anything?
3. Listened long enough to understand what another person was thinking and feeling?
4. Gave up harsh and condemning words and learn to speak softly and kindly?
5. Focus on finding solutions to problems rather than finding someone to blame?
C. So here’s what I want to encourage us to be working on this week:
1. Look for ways to express patience to yourself, your spouse, your kids, your co-workers, and to everyone you meet.
2. If you catch yourself being verbally out of control, stop and figure out what caused you to lose your patience, and seek to repair and restore the relationship through confession and apology.
3. Work at changing your thinking about people – remember that they are not machines, but are people who are in process.
4. Focus on how much patience you need God and others to show toward you and then show the same kind of patience to others.
D. I’m praying that God is helping us learn these lessons of love.
1. All you need is love – it is the key.
2. God is love – He’s the source.
3. God loves you, so you can love yourself.
4. And love is what you do:
a. Be kind, because love is kind.
b. Be patient, because love is patient.
Resources:
Love as a Way of Life, by Gary Chapman, Part 2, Chapter 3, Patience, Doubleday 2008.
Love is Patient, Sermon by Randy Smith, www.thegracetabernacle.org
Love is Patient, Sermon by Jim Mooney, SermonCentral.com
