I Choose Forgiveness
Scripture: Proverbs 16:6; 28:13; 17:5, 9; 24:17-18; 10:12; Eccl. 7:21-22
Introduction:
At 4:30 p.m. yesterday afternoon I sat down at my desk to finish the sermon that I had been working on for this morning. I had been working on the next message in my series on the names of God when the Spirit spoke to me and told me that message was not for this morning. So I had to start all over with what God was giving me, this message on forgiveness. As a Christian and a pastor, I will admit to you that there are times when I struggle with forgiving others just like everyone else, but there are choices that all of us must make. I can tell you that forgiveness is necessary for everyone regardless of whether you’re a Christian or not. As a Christian we know that we have been commanded to forgive, but this morning I want to approach this subject from the eyes of one of the smartest men that ever walked the earth – King Solomon. King Solomon offered some very specific advice as it relates to forgiving others and of we can find our way to do as he says, our lives will be enhanced because we shed the weight of unforgiveness that tends to weigh us down.
I. When We Need Forgiveness
Before we examine what Solomon says about our forgiving others, let’s examine a couple of things he says about how to obtain genuine forgiveness when we have wronged someone else. Although these Scriptures will apply to our relationship with God, I only want us to consider them this morning in light of our relationship with one another. So let’s begin with Proverbs 16:6. “By lovingkindness and truth, iniquity is atoned for and by the fear of the Lord one keeps away from evil.” (Prov. 16:6) In this verse King Solomon says that lovingkindness and truth opens the door for forgiveness. When you do something that harms someone else, especially if it was intentional and you knew what you were doing, being truthful about it and walking in lovingkindness (some translates this word as faith) towards that person will not only open the door for us to be forgiven, but it will also allow us to move beyond the guilt we feel because of what we did. Now keep this in mind as we look at what he says about what happens when we try to hide or cover up a wrong done. Turn to Proverbs 28:13.
“He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion.” How many of us have ever did something and tried to hide it and when the truth finally came out we initially lied about it? This is a common practice in the world – deny, deny, deny until we can no longer deny! However, Solomon makes it clear through the wisdom that God gave him that the quickest way to restore prosperity to a relationship is to admit the transgression and not to do it again. By confessing it (not hiding or lying about it) the door is open for forgiveness to start – providing that we repent and not repeat the wrong. Again, truth will always open the door to forgiveness where as a lie will not only close the door but will keep the door close the next time when we are actually telling the truth – and yes I am speaking from painful experience!
II. Rejoicing In Other’s Problems
The next area I want to address pertains to our rejoicing when someone who wronged us experience hardship and/or pain. I am sure that most of you have never looked at someone who wronged you and was happy that they were finally getting what was coming to them. Well, I have been there and I was very spiritual about it. On the outside I was trying to be ministerial and holy while on the inside the thoughts ran through my mind that they were getting what they had coming to them. But let me share with you what King Solomon had to say on this subject. Please turn with me to Proverbs 17:5.
“He who mocks the poor reproaches his Maker; he who rejoices at calamity will not go unpunished.” (Prov. 17:5) Some people would refer to this as sowing bad seeds and you getting in return what you gave out (rejoicing in someone else’s problems and thus you have problems of your own.) The first part is not about forgiveness, but I can’t read it without commenting on it. What Solomon says here is that those who snub their nose or looks down on the poor reproaches God. In other words when we treat the poor badly (not only in what we say or don’t say to them, but just our general attitude that they are beneath us) it shames God and He will not be pleased with us. After this point is made, Solomon stresses that the person who rejoices in calamity will not go unpunished. This verse paints the picture of one of our enemies falling on hard times and we’re happy about it. We actually rejoice and think that God is punishing them because of how they have treated us. But let me share with you the other side to this coin. Turn to Proverbs 24:17, 18. “Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles; lest the Lord see it and be displeased and He turn away His anger from him.” We should never, even when dealing with the worst person we know, wish harm upon them. If you read what Jesus said in Matthew the fifth chapter, you will find that He spoke of forgiveness and not taking revenge on someone who harms us. We have all offended someone else so as we seek forgiveness let us be the first to also offer forgiveness. This also applies when we hear, live or through others, something negative that someone has said about us. King Solomon gave some interesting advice pertaining to our being easily offended.
III. Easily Offended
I have been a manager for years and I was a manager at a young age when I was in the military. I have learned a lot in the last 30 years about managing people and one of the things I have learned is that no matter how hard I try not everyone who works for or with me is going to like me. It does not matter how good I treat my employees or look out for them, I will not make everyone happy and at some point something that has been said about me will find its way to my ears. For example, a couple of years ago someone posted something on a pharmaceutical representative website about me and my management practices. They also commented on the fact that I was a minister and maybe not spending as much time as I need to on my “real” job. Of course the first response from me was to be offended and wanting to know who said it. I began to think through each person on my team and people who used to work for me to think of possibilities. But it did not matter. Listen to what Solomon said and take this to heart, even if you’re not a supervisor. Turn to Ecclesiastes 7.
“Also, do not take seriously all words which are spoken, lest you hear your servant cursing you. For you also have realized that you likewise have many times cursed others.” (Eccl. 7:21, 22) Did this snack you in the face as it did me? Solomon says that we should not be so sensitive about what is said about us because in reality we have talked about others just as people are talking about us and that should make us willing to overlook or forgive the person making the statement. I have talked about a lot of people that I have worked for through the years in the spirit of being “transparent and honest.” Why is this so important as it relates to forgiveness? Imagine someone who works for you or works with you as a peer and is always very pleasant to you when you’re at work. You consider them as a good employee or co-worker. But then someone comes to you and tells you “in secret” something this person has said about you. Now you do not go to the person and confront them, but whenever you see them your mind goes to what you were told they said about you. Eventually you find yourself not treating them like you did in the past because you cannot move past what they said about you. Again, I have been here and I wish I could tell you that I always handled the situations correctly, but alas that was part of my growth. (By the way, I am still growing so if you’ve been talking about me and it gets back to me I might need a moment to move to the forgiveness phase. Just kidding – I hope!)
IV. Love: The Great Medicine
Unforgiveness is like a cancer that is growing in your body. It will multiply and multiply until it takes over your life. Everything you see and experience will be shaded through the lenses of unforgiveness. Love, however, is a great medicine and love is the primary quality of our God and our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. As hard as it might be to do, an adversary or competitor deserves the same courtesy and kindness that we show to others we like and/or love. In doing so we “melt their hearts” and maybe even become friends. But if we treat them with hatred as the world would have us to do, it will breed more hatred. Turn to Proverbs 10:12. “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all transgressions.” Also, Proverbs 17:9 says, “He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separate intimate friends.” Hate will always stir up more strife while love will cover a transgression and pave the way to forgiveness. But look closely to what Solomon says about the person who repeats a matter. What he was referring to is someone who tells the business of someone else and the end result cause friends to separate, or no longer be friends. Some things are meant to be kept private, but some people do not understand this and a lot of relationships have been ruined because of people talking and repeating things that should have been kept private. For example, one of your friends tell you about an offense they had with a mutual friend and ask that you keep it between the two of you. However, you choose to go back and tell the other friend which upsets them and they confront the friend that told you. In the end, the friend that originally came to you sees that you betrayed them and now they are no longer friends with either of you. This is how a lot of friendships end.
So what should our response be to those who are our enemy? Turn to Proverbs 25:21, 22. “If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink; for you will heap burning coals on his head and the Lord will reward you.” In other words, do not treat your enemy as they would treat you. If you see that they have a need, help them. Solomon says that in doing so you are reaping coals of fire upon their heads. They will not expect you to be doing this nor will they understand why or how you could do it because if the situation were reversed, they would not do it for you. This is how God desires that we respond, but this is not the response of the world. But if we practice this response it will bring us more closely into alignment with walking in a lifestyle filled with forgiving others.
Let me share how the world wants us to response as it relates to forgiveness. My daughter Clarissa shared this song with me initially making me think it was a gospel song. Let me read a little of what the songs says: (Note to readers of this message, I am not including the words to the song in this message, but the title of the son is “Pray for You.” The writer speaks of praying that God actually causes harm for the person that hurt him.)
Now if any of you thought that what was written in this song was funny then your mind went to a place where you could understand what the author was saying. For the average Christian who hears it, they will laugh and think it’s funny because their minds will see all of these things happening to someone who has wronged them. When I first heard it, my mind went there and it shames me that I initially laugh at parts of it. But now I think about what the song is teaching and the fact that it includes our Lord and Savior in it. It goes against what we stand for as Christians and we really should be offended by it. Yes, I know that I might be over zealous and can’t take a joke, but this song is really no joke. This song represents the truth when it comes to the world’s way of thinking about forgiveness.
Conclusion
I visited the website of the Mayo Clinic. On the Mayo Clinic website, they have an article posted there about the impact of unforgiveness on the body. It states that if you do not practice forgiveness, you will be the one who pays most dearly. It states that forgiveness can lead you down a path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. Here are some physical things that have been linked to having an unforgiving spirit: anxiety; stress; high blood pressure; depression and the potential for alcohol and drug abuse. Each one of these carries additional problems that are associated with them and could lead to an early death. It is not just “religious mumbo jumbo” that we need to forgive, it has been proven medically.
As I close this message this morning, I ask that you examine the situations that you have experienced in your life and see if you are harboring any unforgiveness. If you are, I ask that you consider releasing it today. I am not talking about your forgetting the situation and acting like it did not happen, but accepting that it happened and asking God to strengthen your spirit to help you release the pain, anger and every other dangerous emotion that is linked to it. This will be a process but today and be the start day. When I started walking in forgiveness I felt free. It was like I laid down some weights after a long workout. It was not easy but it was worth it. Am I perfect now? No, but I am a lot better than I was. Make the choice today and I promise you that you will not regret it. If you have any doubts about whether you are walking in forgiveness with those who have wronged you, go back through the Scriptures we have discussed today and compare your reactions to the individuals with those of King Solomon’s wisdom and you will have your answer.
May God bless and keep you is my prayer.
