CRISES OF BEING A FATHER
Luke 15:11–32 (NIV)
ILLUSTRATION Bill Cosby once observed, "If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right."
The reason I quoted this is because of the fact that fatherhood though a blessing is always challenging us. In fact, we never stop being a father. I am a father of three grown up children and still learning how to be a father. It is easy to become a Father than being a father of your children. I thank God there are mothers.
I believe that if want to learn being a father, we should learn from the greatest father of all – our heavenly Father. Please open your bibles to Luke 15:11-32. (Read the passage).
PRIMARY MESSAGE of this parable is to teach us how God accepts all repentant sinners, no matter how outcast they may be. God considered sinners as lost but when they are found it calls for a celebration. This is the primary message of the parable.
In conjunction to Father’s Day celebration, I would like for us to focus on the Father and how his example of being the Father serves as our guide as we Father of our own families.
Fatherhood is a divine plan and the Scripture listed the role and responsibilities of fathers. It also shows how God demonstrated being a loving father, who directs and guides his children. It is a privilege and responsibility that our omnipotent and omniscient God assumed the role of Father of His people gave us a role similar to His. Just as we honor all the mothers, God expects that we honor the fathers too.
Malachi 1:6 (NIV) 6 “A son honors his father, and a slave his master. If I am a father, where is the honor due me? ….
Our passage this morning reveals the decisive moment in the life of our heavenly Father. I think as human fathers, we are also predisposed to various crises as we perform our role. What makes fatherhood challenging? It is the various crises fathers’ encounters on a regular basis.
1) A CRISIS OF EXPECTATION (vv. 11-12)
We assumed that the Father in the parable is a responsible and caring Father since it depicts the image of our heavenly Father. Despite of that, the father ended up having sons with different behavior. Although he managed it very well, it signifies the crisis that all fathers experienced.
A crisis of expectation is the decisive moment in the life of a father or parent where he or other people expect his children to live according to his conviction and example.
In our parable, the Father had two sons. The younger one demanded that his share of the estate be given to him right away. It is obvious that the older son did not ask for his share yet. Comparing the two, the younger son is selfish, rebellious, wild, and squandered his inheritance while the older son is obedient, responsible, and thoughtful and care for his father’s business.
How can a loving and caring father have two sons with different character? Is it not godly parents raised godly children?
Personally, as a minister we are expected to have godly children. Or let say you are an elder or deacon and regular church goer, people expect that your children are nice and good person. You are a parent with high moral standards and example that are pressured to produce the same quality of children.
This is a crisis that each father or parent would encounter along the way despite of their being responsible spiritual guide, teacher, and provider for their children. This is not unique to our generations.
1 Samuel 2:22–25 (NIV) 22 Now Eli, who was very old, heard about everything his sons were doing to all Israel and how they slept with the women who served at the entrance to the tent of meeting. 23 So he said to them, “Why do you do such things? I hear from all the people about these wicked deeds of yours. 24 No, my sons; the report I hear spreading among the Lord’s people is not good. 25 If one person sins against another, God may mediate for the offender; but if anyone sins against the Lord, who will intercede for them?” His sons, however, did not listen to their father’s rebuke, for it was the Lord’s will to put them to death.
1 Samuel 8:1–3 (NIV) When Samuel grew old, he appointed his sons as Israel’s leaders. 2 The name of his firstborn was Joel and the name of his second was Abijah, and they served at Beersheba. 3 But his sons did not follow his ways. They turned aside after dishonest gain and accepted bribes and perverted justice.
As parents, it is painful and hard to imagine that our children grew different from our beliefs and values. There are times that we failed to model to them the life we expect them to pursue. But at times despite of our integrity our children decided to follow a different path and we are blame or punish ourselves for the result.
ILLUSTRATION Kendra Cherry - The nature versus nurture debate is one of the oldest issues in psychology. The debate centers on the relative contributions of genetic inheritance and environmental factors to human development. Some philosophers such as Plato and Descartes suggested that certain things are inborn, or that they simply occur naturally regardless of environmental influences.
Other well-known thinkers such as John Locke believed in what is known as tabula rasa, which suggests that the mind begins as a blank slate. According to this notion, everything that we are and all of our knowledge is determined by our experience. For example, when a person achieves tremendous academic success, did they do so because they are genetically predisposed to be successful or is it a result of an enriched environment?
Today, the majority of experts believe that behavior and development are influenced by both nature and nurture.I also believe that both nature and nurture contribute to the behavior of our children. God by his grace gave us the privilege of knowing Him through His Son and the Holy Spirit who would enable us to become a new creation.
To all the striving fathers, don’t give up. To those who have succeeded to a certain degree, we congratulate you. Even though there is no guarantee that our children would become the person we want them to be, let us not stop in nurturing them and molding their nature. Our heavenly Father did not give up on us, let us also persevere.
2) A CRISIS OF TOUGH LOVE (vv. 13-24)
I presumed that the younger son is old enough to make decision for himself. The father allowed him to pursue his desire and face the consequences of his actions. When he realized that the reason for his sufferings was his own doing, he decided to go home and seek the father forgiveness for his sin.
The Father seeing what happened to the Son extends His forgiveness and showed his compassion. As a Father, it is a decisive moment when we are place in situation where love and discipline clash. Similarly, every father out there faces the same crisis of how to balance love and discipline. We need to learn when to discipline our children or when to extend gracious forgiveness. It is a balance of being tolerant and intolerant.
ILLUSTRATION Wikipedia - Tough love is an expression used when someone treats another person harshly or sternly with the intent to help them in the long run. The phrase was evidently coined by Bill Milliken when he wrote the book Tough Love in 1968 and has been used by numerous authors since then.In most uses, there must be some actual love or feeling of affection behind the harsh or stern treatment to be defined as tough love.
For example, genuinely concerned parents refusing to support their drug-addicted child financially until he or she enters drug rehabilitation would be said to be practicing tough love.Athletic coaches who maintain strict rules and highly demanding training regimens, but who care about their players, could also be said to be practicing tough love.
Facing the crisis of tough love is crucial. As a father or parent, our children should learn the concept of responsibility and self-discipline. Love and forgiveness could become a crippling factor to maturity when use without accountability. Forgiveness is a significant tool when there is a realization of one’s sinfulness. Discipline is also meaningless when applied without love for the person.
When the younger son went home and seek God’s forgiveness, the Father did not hesitate and restore the person back as member of his family and object of his love. He knew that he already suffered and learn his lesson well, it is about time to redeem his soul. Sometimes one’s sinfulness could only be recognized when the person is allowed to suffer the consequence of his behavior. As a father, we should do what is right when we accept this challenge to practice tough love.
We honor the Father who have taken the risk to balance love and discipline and applied it to their children. We need loving father but discipline is an indispensable tool too. Our God is a loving and forgiving God but he is also righteous and just God.
Hebrews 12:7–11 (NIV) 7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? 8 If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. 9 Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! 10 They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. 11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Sons and daughters realized that balancing love and discipline is necessary for our growth. Realize that it is difficult for the fathers to implement both with effectiveness. Every father should learn the virtue of tough love.
3) A CRISIS OF FAIRNESS & OBJECTIVITY (vv. 25-32)
The older son thought that it was unfair that younger son was given a party despite of his rebellious behavior. In his mind, wrongdoing is equal to suffering and punishment. He needs to deal both with a repentant and an angry son.
The father had to explain that his brother was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found. He needs to illustrate to his children that no matter what happened, he cares for both of them.
What do you do when your one or two children misjudged as unfair when you show kindness to your children who don’t deserve it? There are sons and daughters who feel this way and accused their parents of being unfair and biased. Sometimes they don’t see the fact that as much as possible we would like all our children to receive the same love and forgiveness.
In our parable the Father needed to explain to the older son that nothing was lost or taken from him when the Father showed forgiveness and love to his younger brother. All that the Father wants is to see that all his sons are back into his arm. Our heavenly Father feels the same way too.
1 Timothy 5:21 (NIV) 21 I charge you, in the sight of God and Christ Jesus and the elect angels, to keep these instructions without partiality, and to do nothing out of favoritism.
Our God is an impartial God, no favoritism. Let us be the kind of father that display objectivity in loving our children.
Conclusion
1) Never give up teaching and guiding your children even if they don’t turn out the way you expected them to be. Your relationship with them is eternal, you are expected to stay with them.
2) Be tough, but with love. Be loving but with toughness.
3) Love and care for all your children fairly and objectively.
