Recovery of Right Relationships
James 1:19-21,
August 18, 2013
Series: You Pick
Morning Service
If you think your family has problems, consider the marriage mayhem created when 76-year-old Bill Baker of London recently wed Edna Harvey. She happened to be his granddaughter's husband's mother. That's where the confusion began, according to Baker's granddaughter, Lynn.
"My mother-in-law is now my step-grandmother. My grandfather is now my stepfather-in-law. My mom is my sister-in-law and my brother is my nephew. But even crazier is that I'm now married to my uncle and my own children are my cousins."
From this experience, Lynn should gain profound insight into the theory of relativity. (Sermonillustrations,com)
Sometimes relationships can create a sense of confusion but they are part of the fabric of life. Each day we deal with the reality of relationships. How we handle those relationships speaks volumes about who we are and what we believe. Not every relationship is the same and we all have different kinds of relationships. Every time we deal with people, we are dealing with the commodity of relationships.
Here are just a few of the relationships we encounter on a daily basis:
* Parent-child
* Spouse
* Siblings
* Employer – employee
Biblical basis for relationships
1. God is the foundation of all relationships
There is no possible way to have good relationships with other people and not have a right relationship with God. The moment that people neglect their relationship with God, they are really short circuiting all of their other relationships. A right relationship with God gives us the foundation to have effective and successful relationships with others.
2. We were created for relationships
Life is made up of our different kinds of relationships. There is no way to fully communicate the impact that relationships have on our lives. The quality of our life is not based in material things but in the quality of our relationships. People can have massive material possessions and wealth but live in a poverty of relationships. Our relationships make our lives have value.
3. Relationships are the bridge of the gospel
God uses the basis of human relationships to communicate the message of the gospel. Relationships are the medium that the good news spreads. Notice that when the good news was shared in the New Testament whole families and households were impacted, not just one person. Sharing the gospel means that we begin in our closest circle of personal connections and work our way out.
James gives some excellent advice on maintaining healthy relationships in chapter 1. 19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.
Three ways to maintain healthy relationships
James lays out some of the basics of developing and maintaining healthy relationships. Three issues will make or break us in the area of relationships more than any other. We must be willing to listen to others. We must be slow to speak and slow to become angry. These keys will help us in any relationship that we have and keep us from making some major relationship mistakes.
1. Be quick to listen
We have two ears but only one mouth that we may listen more and speak less - Zeno
Listening takes time, willingness and patience. The fact is that people are looking for those who are willing to listen. Most people today will not take the time to listen to others. Those who are dealing with problems and pain often need help but also they need someone to listen.
Relationships mean that we care enough to listen to others. Many problems that happen in relationships are a result of a lack of communication. Misunderstandings, misinterpretations and misconceptions happen because people do not actively listen to one another. If we do not take the time to listen to those closest to us, we will see those relationships slowly start to crumble. Listening is not only a matter of hearing with our ears but also we have to listen with our hearts.
2. Be slow to speak
One problem with many relationships is that everyone wants to have the last word and to have their opinion matter more than others. The issue that rises from this attitude is that not everyone is going to get the last word and someone is going to not get what they desire. The reality is that problems with the desire to speak flow from a lack of desire to listen. When we speak more than we listen, we are out of balance with others. James advises us to reverse the norm.
Slow to speak means that we speak with humility and patience. The words that we use are not said in haste but with care and precision. Many believe that wisdom is having something to say but that is not always the case. Acting in wisdom means that we listen carefully, consider prayerfully and speaking quietly.
The balance of listening and speaking is difficult to find. Jesus balanced speaking with listening by asking questions. Jesus would ask a question, then He would listen to the answer and finally He would speak. The model that Jesus sets for us for communication is one we should put into practice of we desire to have stronger relationships.
3. Be slow to become angry
James speaks about our emotional response to others and how it impacts the overall relationship. If we desire to have successful relationships with others, we have to be able to control our anger. Honestly, who wants to be in a relationship with a loose cannon. Our temper will get us into trouble in our relationships.
Anger works against the first two issues that James deals with. Anger clouds our judgment and stops us from listening to others. Anger will cause us to lose control of our tongue and say things that we should not say. Everyone has been guilty of refusing to listen to someone because of anger and everyone has said something they should not say when they become angry.
Words have the power to wound the heart and inflict the spirit. We all have fallen victim a verbal onslaught of some kind at some point or another. People will say and do things out of anger that they would not do otherwise. How many times have we felt attacked verbally and become defensive or angry.
Anger is the arsenic of relationships. Anger will poison our ability to relate with others and it will kill any chance that we have at having healthy and whole relationships. The reality is that we must have control over our anger if we ever hope to have stable relationships. James makes it clear that we must be the master of our anger and not allow it to control our lives and damage our relationships.
Problems of a Temper - Proverbs
A quick-tempered man does foolish things…14:17
A quick-tempered man displays folly…14:29
A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension…15:18
Additional Principles about relationships
1. God cares about our relationships
God cares about every aspect of our lives but He especially cares about our relationships. God uses the avenue of our relationships to communicate His love and His compassion to a lost and dying world. God works through us and our relationships to accomplish His divine purpose. God cares about our relationships because it is His desire that we not be alone. We were created to enjoy relationships with others but the reality of sin and selfishness unleashes havoc on our ability to relate with others.
2. Relationships will require some effort
Relationships do not happen in a vacuum. There is not some state where our relationships become static and no longer require work. To be in a relationship with another person requires that we continually work on that relationship. There is never a time when we are able to just forget the relationship, if we want it to flourish and be healthy.
Like anything that is worth anything in life, it is going to take effort to accomplish. Relationships will never come to the point that they are easy. We will always be faced with some form of challenge and we will always need to work at building stronger and stronger relationships.
3. Relationships will often make us give more than we receive
If you are in a relationship simply because of what you get, you’re likely in that relationship for the wrong reasons. Healthy relationships will require us to give something of ourselves to them. We will never be able to have a growing or deepening relationship with others if we do not give anything to it. One of the major reasons that marriages fail is because one or both of the individuals in the relationship have stopped giving to it. The choice to give more than you get from a relationship is risky because you may get hurt in the process. There can be no benefit from our relationships, if we give nothing to them. We will always reap what we sow.
