"The Dangerous Digit"
James 3:1 My brethren, be not many masters, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation.
2 For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body.
3 Behold, we put bits in the horses' mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body.
4 Behold also the ships, which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm, whithersoever the governor listeth.
5 Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth!
Two elderly, excited Southern women were sitting together in the front pew of church listening to a fiery preacher.
When this preacher condemned the sin of stealing, these two ladies cried out at the tops of their lungs, "AMEN, BROTHER! "When the preacher condemned the sin of lust, they yelled again, "PREACH IT, REVEREND!"
And when the preacher condemned the sin of lying, they jumped to their feet and screamed, "RIGHT ON, BROTHER! TELL IT LIKE IT IS... AMEN!"
But when the preacher condemned the sin of gossip, the two got very quiet. One turned to the other and said, "He's quit preaching and now he's meddlin'."
Intro: There are many warnings in the Bible about the how lethal and dangerous the tongue can be. Someone has well said that: "The world's most dangerous animal has its den right behind the teeth!" I want us to examine just one aspect of the behavior of this dangerous digit! Matt Mitchell, a local church pastor and author has written a book entitled "Resisting Gossip: Winning the War of the Wagging Tongue." This is a topic about which I care deeply because every pastor/preacher and his family sooner or later will be the target of gossip. I'd like to share some thoughts with you in a message on the subject of "The Dangerous Digit"
How many of you would want to be known as a gossip? So, you don't want to gossip, right? If you're like me, you don't want to fall into a pattern of sinful gossip because you know how hurtful and harmful it can be and how much God hates it. But it's not always that easy to resist, is it? The Bible says, "The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly." Proverbs 18:8, 26:22. The English translation doesn't do justice to the word "...wounds..." It should be translated "dainties" or "choice morsels"--those little bits of food that are hard to say "No" to and, once swallowed, have a lasting effect on our hearts. One of the chief reasons why it's hard to resist gossip is that we often can't see any alternatives. I wish I had a dime for every time I've heard someone say, "But if we didn't gossip, we wouldn't have anything to talk about!" Of course, that is not true. But it often feels as if it is. Everybody around us is doing it. Talking about others behind their back is fun and exciting. Gossip is juicy and attractive, and it just doesn't feel like we have a lot of options. I believe that that are some alternatives to gossip and I want to suggest some good ones. Here are five:
I. Be Silent
As the saying goes, "If you can't say anything good, don't say anything at all." Silence can be golden. Proverbs 17:27 says, "He that hath knowledge spareth his words: and a man of understanding is of an excellent spirit.
28 Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding."
Abraham Lincoln put it this way: "It is better to keep your mouth shut and let them think you are a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." This rule of thumb goes not just for face-to-face talking but also for texting, messaging, emailing and every other kind of communication through which gossip could flow.
Proverbs 10:19 In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise.
ILL - Four preachers met for a friendly gathering. During the conversation one preacher said, "Our people come to us and pour out their hearts, confess sins and needs. Let's do the same. Confession is good for the soul." In due time all agreed. One confessed he liked to go to the movies and would sneak off when away from his church. The second confessed to liking to smoke cigars and the third one confessed to liking to play cards. When it came to the fourth one, he wouldn't confess. The others pressed him saying, "Come now, we confessed ours. What is your secret or vice?" Finally he answered, "It is gossiping and I can hardly wait to get out of here."
II. Be Solicitous (caring, considerate, kind)
A man once wrote, I overheard my mother passing along to my father a newsy tidbit, concerning a neighbor. "You know you shouldn't repeat stories about others," I said with mock seriousness. "That makes you a gossip." "I'm not a gossip!" she snapped back. "I'm a news analyst."
(James J. Saunders in Reader's Digest)
Proverbs 10:21 The lips of the righteous feed many: but fools die for want of wisdom.
Often we can do even better than silence. We can say something good. Offer encouragement, commendation, affirmation and approving words. If we are tempted to talk about someone, then we should talk about that person's good points.
Don't lie. Do not commend something that is not commendable, but in most situations, we can find something positive to share instead. The next time you are tempted to gossip about someone, talk about how good that individual is. That is what Jesus' Golden Rule implies. Speak about people in the way you would want them to speak about you. You can always find something good about someone.
ILL - There were two evil brothers. They were rich and used their money to hide their despicable deeds. They attended the same church and presented the impression of being faithful Christians.
Their pastor retired and a new one was called. Being either more honest or a better judge of character than his predecessor - or both - he could see right through the brothers' deception. He was also an effective preacher and a diligent pastor. The church grew in numbers.
Suddenly, one of the brothers died. The day before the funeral, the remaining brother sought the new pastor out and handed him a very large check for the church's building campaign.
"I have only one condition," he said. "At his funeral, you must say something good about my brother."
The pastor gave his word and deposited the check.
The next day at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back. "He was an evil man. He cheated on his wife and abused his family. But, compared to his brother, he was a saint."
III. Be Straightforward
When there is a problem between us and another person, the overwhelming temptation for us is to run to just about anybody other than the one with whom we have the conflict. The way forward in conflict, however, is not to talk about the other person but to talk to the person in love. Jesus says, Matthew 5:23 Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;
24 Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift."
Did someone offend you at church? Talk to him about it. Did a co-worker hurt your feelings in a meeting? Bring it up with her. Did your parents' recent decision mess up your plans? Take it up with them.
Matthew 18:15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
Amy Carmichael, a missionary to India in the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, had this rule for managing conflicts at her mission station: "Never about, always to." Conflicts are fanned into flame when we talk about people, but they can be resolved when we talk directly to the person with whom we have the problem.
IV. Be Sympathetic
Ephesians 4:29 says that our words should build up others "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers." Proverbs says, "The lips of the righteous nourish many" (10:21).
I have a friend who is that kind of person. Dan always has something good to say, even when there is not much good to talk about. He's not afraid to confront someone in love when they are offensive, but he goes above and beyond the call of duty and encourages the people he's confronting! He's the first person I call when I have a problem, not just because he is wise but because he is nourishing. He uses merciful words, and people love to be around him. Dan is what I call "a party waiting to happen," because he's so full of grace.
You and I don't have to say everything we think. In fact, we can be merciful because our heavenly Father is merciful: Luke 6:36 Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful. Often we can do better than just staying quiet or even commending the commendable. We can go the extra mile and speak words of grace.
V. Be Seperated
Is avoiding a gossiper a Biblical position that we can feel comfortable with? Can we do this without sinning? The answer is yes!
Romans 16:17 Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them.
Proverbs 20:19 says, He that goeth about as a talebearer revealeth secrets: therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips. Don't go near a gossiper. Separate yourself from that person. If you have to walk on the other side of the street. Get away from that person. You and I might even need to skip out on some social situations if we know that all we will hear in them is sinful gossip. It might be a sacrifice, but it might also be worth it.
Sometimes we cannot avoid a person who gossips, simply because of our relationship to them. They are our mothers, sisters, brothers, co-workers, and fellow church members. In cases like these, we need to avoid not the person but the topic. We need to redirect conversations, if we can, to avoid the gossip in them. It's not wrong to push a conversation in a new direction. That may sound a bit sneaky, but it is really just shepherding a conversation and acting as a leader. The Bible says, Proverbs 26:20 Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth.
21 As coals are to burning coals, and wood to fire; so is a contentious man to kindle strife.. Just removing the gossip can change the temperature in a room.
I've shared five biblical methods for dealing with gossip. It is only when we allow the Holy Spirit to guide and direct us that we can overcome the hazards of this dangerous digit. I found this illustration about gossip that I'd like to share in closing: It is appropriately entitled:
ILL - My name is Gossip. I have no respect for justice. I maim without killing. I break hearts and ruin lives. I am cunning and malicious and gather strength with age. The more I am quoted, the more I am believed. I flourish at every level of society. My victims are helpless. They cannot protect themselves against me because I have no face. To track me down is impossible. The harder you try, the more elusive I become. I am nobodies friend. Once I tarnish a reputation, it is never the same. I topple governments, wreck marriages, and ruin careers -- cause sleepless nights, heartaches, and indigestion. I spawn suspicion and generate grief. I make innocent people cry in their pillows. Even my name hisses... I make headlines and headaches. Before you repeat a story, ask yourself, Is it true? Is it fair? Is it necessary? If not -- shut up!
Laura Schlessinger, The Ten Commandments: The Significance of God's Laws in Everyday Life, p. 203
