What Every Wife Owes Her Husband
Walking in Harmony, pt. 1
Ephesians 5:22-24
http://gbcdecatur.org/sermons/130828.mp3
So far we have seen how to walk in unity, in purity, and now in harmony, followed by in victory.
What is a feminist? What makes one radical/militant? Are you pro-woman? What does the Bible say about this subject? How about this word 'submit?' Can you believe this is our subject tonite?!
The negative connotation of a feminist is anyone who seeks to obliterate the distinction between men and women. But God did make us differently. And when He made the woman, He made her just right! And so woman will never be more fulfilled than when she plays the role God designed for her.
In the verses which follow we see that wives are to submit to husbands, and husbands to Christ, children to parents, and employees to their bosses. Headship does not mean dictatorship. It's not total control. Submission and subjection are found throughout the Bible, and never does it indicate this as a negative. Even Jesus was subject to His parents, which He created.
Submission is simply responding correctly to the loving leadership God has given you.
It doesn't mean placing your husband in the place of God. Jesus is Lord alone. I know of men who try to make their wives do things that are wrong and when put in that position, it is better to obey God, rather than man.
It doesn't mean you can't have independent thoughts and ideas, or that you are less intelligent, are fearful or timid, going around cowering under the will of a man. There is no loss of dignity in the concept of Biblical submission.
But real submission will indeed affirm the headship of the husband as a Scriptural concept. It's an acknowledgement of God designed authority.
Remember now, Ephesians was written to Christians. [saints at Ephesus] A lost person wouldn't like this message. This is why it is imperative to only marry a believer. V. 21 indicates it is a mutual submission, and we short circuit God's plan when we settle for less.
This passage follows the command to be filled with the Holy Spirit. And headship in the home is impossible to do right w/out God's help.
3 reasons why wives do well to obey God in the matter of submission:
1. It's scriptural.
v. 22 When you do it 'unto the Lord' it is fulfilling and not demeaning. If you don't, you can expect 4 problems:
• With the Lord--you can't be wrong w/ your spouse and right w/ God.
1 Peter 3:7
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
Psalm 66:18
If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me:
• With your husband--there's something in the heart of every man that lets him know he is supposed to be the head of the home. It's just the way God built man. But the devil will try to get you to focus on the negative in your husband so you can justify not submitting to him.
ill.--remember records [lps]? That vinyl had 2 sides. You bought the side you wanted, but you also got the other side with it. Ladies, there was something about your husband that attracted you to him in the first place, but another side came with him. How could you know when you were dating that guy that he would use a fork tine to clean under his toenails? There was no way you could have foreseen that your football playing hero would later be shaped like a football?
The devil will try to unqualify him in your view, maybe spiritually, so you will end up not submitting because you feel he doesn't deserve it. However, if you submit anyway, you then free him up to be what he ought to be. If not, he'll either retreat and let you be the head of the house, or there will be a constant tug of war. Either way, you are asking for violent explosive outbursts because he is not in his proper role, and he knows it.
• With your children--because you will not be able to exercise authority over kids if you are not yourself under authority. The same is true for me as a pastor. I'm supposed to lead this congregation, but how can I effectively do that if I'm not under God's authority? If you are rebellious, your children will follow your example.
• With yourself--you'll become a frustrated individual with inner turmoil and confusion, because deep down you know your husband is to be the head of the home.
It's scriptural...
2. It's sensible.
"I don't like this inequality stuff." This is a major misunderstanding of God's way in this matter. Jesus came to a man's world, and taught things that would free women to become who they were meant to be. In those days a woman was a man's possession just like his land, house, and animals. Every day the Jew thanked God that he was not a Gentile, not a slave, and not a woman. So Paul wrote,
Galatians 3:28
There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.
That's Godly equality! That's equal rights. So what is God's plan for authority?
1 Corinthians 11:3
But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
That last phrase says a lot, because we know Christ is equal with God, and yet He submitted Himself to His father...it's the natural order of God's design.
Philippians 2:6
Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God:
Jesus willingly submitted, because it's no insult...it's simply an organizational principle. It's a sensible thing. No organization can function without headship. This is why your bank has vice presidents, and a president, and a board of directors.
You can't run a church without headship. I have an Associate Pastor...a very capable leader himself, who has willingly submitted himself to God's design of headship here. That doesn't make him less spiritual. I find that it takes more spirituality to submit than to lead, to be truthful. It takes real maturity to take your place where you are assigned, rather than to strive to have something that you don't possess.
ill.--ask any conductor about the most difficult position to fill in the orchestra and his answer will be '2nd fiddle'. First violin is an easy spot to fill, but not second.
Being in submission doesn't make one less spiritual, less important, or inferior, or less of a man. What it does mean is that when it comes to decision time only one can make that final decision, if not, the result is chaos. Anything with 2 heads is a monster, and will pull in 2 directions like Siamese twins.
And chaos is a good describer of most homes today! Because we have husbands who refuse to submit to God and wives who refuse to submit to husbands, and children who don't submit either, and grow into bad employees, and poor husbands and wives themselves!
Let's talk about delegation now. If a leader doesn't delegate and assign authority, he is a micromanager, and that also results in chaos.
Back to our church illustration. If my associate pastor, who is over youth, doesn't have the freedom to minister to the youth, then what is he here for? If everything has to be exactly my way, 100% accountable, then why don't I just do it myself? Actually, the successful leader surrounds himself with people who can do the job better than he can. Most jobs being done in this church are filled by people who are in those roles not just because they are willing, but because if I was in that role it wouldn't go very well!
Each part of the body should be free to do its functions as only it can.
What roles are you best at in the home? If you are better with money than he is, then you should handle it. Each of you have strengths which can compliment the other's weaknesses.
Wise is the man who frees his wife to be all God intends for her to be.
Proverbs 31:31
Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
My wife is better with kids, with ladies' ministries, with office organization, with personal people skills. I never nursed our children. I don't pick out matching clothes, not for them, or me!
Submission is scriptural, sensible...
3. It's satisfying.
We hear a lot about freedom and liberation these days among women. But I ask you, when is a woman most free?
When is a train most free? In an open field, or on the tracks it was intended to run on? When is a pianist most free? With rules and standards of music, or when anything goes?
A woman is most free when she fills her role within the plan of her Creator.
If your husband is lost:
1 Peter 3:1-2
1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
Begging him to change and nagging him to do right will have the opposite effect. Submission will earn you a leader!
Husbands, we'll talk next time about loving leadership, which makes her submission much easier.
