IT SOUNDS GOOD AND RIGHT: “Family first.”
- “Family first” comes naturally for us because it’s so easy to love your family more than anything.
- Sure, they aggravate us sometimes, but they are our deepest earthly relationships. When a family is as it should be, they mean so much to us.
- When someone says that they’re cutting down on hours because they want to put their family first, we applaud that (as we should).
- When someone says that they can’t help us with a project because they’re committed to going to their child’s ball game, we applaud that (as we should).
- But while family is important, that’s not the same thing as saying that we should put family first.
JESUS' IDEA: Love for God should overshadow love for family (and love for self).
- Matthew 10:35-37; Luke 14:26.
- Let’s look at Luke 14:26.
- We’re in a series of sermons about hard words that Jesus spoke and these certainly qualify.
- He says we are to “hate” our father, mother, brothers, and sisters. What in the world does that mean? Does that mean we’re to treat them badly or to shun them or to hope bad things happen to them? Of course not.
- You have to understand each passage in the context of all the other things that Jesus said. Jesus said that the second greatest commandment was to love your neighbor as yourself. In John 15:12, Jesus commands us to love each other as He has loved us.
- The meaning of v. 26 is clearly that we are to “hate” in comparison to our love for God. That our love for God would be so much greater than everything else that our love for family pales in comparison.
- This is what comes out in Matthew 10:37. Jesus says that we are not to love our family more than Him. Our love for God should be the greatest love of our lives.
- It sounds right to say something like, “My kids come first.” But when you extend that sentence out to what it actually means in light of what we’re talking about this morning – “My kids come before God” – it doesn’t sound so good.
- I love my wife and kids. But they are not the best thing that ever happened to me. Meeting Jesus was the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
- We try to make the Bible fit into the categories and plans that we’ve already made up. One way we’ve done that over the past thirty years is declaring within the culture war that family comes first.
- It is true that family is important. It is true that family means a great deal to us. It is true that God desires that we treat our families well. It is true that we have an enormous opportunity for impact through our family relationships, especially parents impacting their children.
- But we need to recognize the limitations of that. The Bible is not “family-friendly” in the way that we normally use that term. The Bible is full of sex and violence. The Bible does not tell us to put our families first. Of course, God is the one who created the idea of family and family is enormously important, but not exactly in the ways that we sometimes push. We have at times within the culture war discourse made it sound like family was the most important thing in the world.
- Look at Matthew 10:35-36. Those verses don’t sound very “family-friendly” to me.
- Just as an aside, Jesus also mentions love for self in Luke 14:26.
- This is also something that too many people put first in their lives. We talked about this earlier in this sermon series, but it’s worth a momentary repeating here that living for yourself is something that Jesus said is foolish. We are to put God first, not self.
- Even the idea of “finding yourself” is a path in the wrong direction. Jesus calls us to “deny yourself” instead.
ISN'T JESUS BEING EGOTISTICAL IN SAYING THAT? No, because Jesus wants us to live for what is supremely valuable.
- It seems a little egotistical for Jesus to say that we should put God first. When we have someone say, “I think I should be first” we all wonder if they think too highly of themselves. Isn’t that similar to what Jesus is saying here?
- It’s not, and here’s why.
- God wants us to live the most meaningful lives possible. In order for that to happen, one thing that we need is to be living for what is supremely valuable.
- Let me give an example. Let’s say that you want to pick a TV programming provider. You ask me my opinion. Cable company A offers 50 channels for $150 dollars. Satellite company B offers 60 channels for $140 dollars. But Programming company C offers 200 channels for $50. All the technical stuff is essentially the same (HD, getting the good channels, etc). Now let’s say I work for company C. You’re my friend and I want what’s best for you so I tell you to get company C because it is genuinely the best choice.
- There are lots of things we can live our lives for: money, sex, power, knowledge, self, family, and on and on. Some of those are better choices, some of those are worse. But there is only one best choice, and that’s God. Living our lives for God is living for what matters supremely and eternally. There is no better choice.
- God doesn’t tell us to put Him first because He’s egotistical. He tells us to put Him first because He’s God! He is the biggest and greatest of all beings. Yes, He should be first in our lives!
- You need to prioritize your spiritual life above your family life.
- That’s not to say that you spend no time with your kids and spouse. Putting God first in your life doesn’t consume every waking hour of your time to the exclusion of those you love. God desires for our lives to have an impact for Him on those around us.
- But we need to acknowledge that a lot of us put family before God.
- We don’t make it to church regularly because we’re running around doing things with our kids or because we’re so tired from doing things with our kids that we want to sleep in on Sunday.
- You also need to put God before your spouse.
- There are times when we want to please our spouse, whether it’s out of love or just a desire to keep the peace.
- Our love for God needs to come before our spouse.
- I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the goal of the Christian life is to become like Jesus.
- If you’re a Christian, that’s the main goal you need to be striving for.
- Any family goals, career goals, marital goals, personal goals, etc. that you might have need to come second to that main goal: to be like Jesus.
- Having that as your main goal means that you need to prioritize what’s going to get you there?
- Daily time in prayer? Yes. Daily time in the Bible? Yes. Having a ministry in which you serve? Yes. Regularly being a part of a church family? Yes.
- Those things don’t happen by accident, so you’d better have them in your sights if you intend to grow as a believer.
- We are to live to bring glory to God.
- We want to live lives that have an impact that will last beyond the Final Judgment. To do that, you’ve got to be living for something beyond this world.
- One gain out of this is that hopefully you’re a better person when you are with your family.
- It’s the old “sharpening the saw” idea. If you spend a little time sharpening the saw, the time you spend cutting is going to be much more effective. If you are committed to growing as a believer, the time you spend with your family is hopefully going to have a greater impact than when you ignore God, perhaps have slightly more raw time, but are not like Christ.
REPORT CARD TIME: “Would I be satisfied if my kids grew up to be as faithful a disciple as I am right now?”
- Especially when we have kids in the house, we have every excuse for why we can’t (a) pray regularly, (b) read the Bible regularly, (c) serve in a ministry, (d) make it to church very often, etc.
- We need to ask ourselves this question: if my kids grew up to be as faithful a disciple of Jesus as I am right now, would I be satisfied?
- Please note: I do not mean as faithful a disciple as you mean to be right now. (“We’re going to get back to church soon.” “The Bible is important and I’ll get around to reading it soon.” “When things slow down I’m going to volunteer at church.”) I mean what you’re actually doing as of right now.
- Take your spiritual life over the past month, let’s say: how often you prayed and how deep that prayer was; how often you read the Bible and how influential those readings were on your heart; how many hours you’ve served the Lord; how often you’ve been in worship. If your kids grow up and that’s their spiritual lives, what will you say? “I’m so excited about where they are with the Lord!” “I wish I could convince them to start going to church more.”
- You say, “Jim, that’s an unfair question.” No, it’s supremely fair. As their parent, you are in an enormously influential position. You have an incredible opportunity to model for them what a disciple of Jesus is. And a lot of parents are squandering that opportunity.
- “But we’re so busy right now with everything.” Yes, I know you’re busy, but if you’re too busy for God then you have your priorities wrong. God needs to be first in your life.
- “We’ll get around to it soon.” No, your time is running out.
- We have to make family choices in light of this.
- Am I saying it’s absolutely wrong to play a sport that might require a Sunday morning game? Not necessarily, if it’s a rare thing. But if it requires us to be out of worship for an extended time, I need to ask whether the sacrifice is too much.
- There may be times that we have to limit our family activities or kids’ activities because we feel it would be too great a negative impact on our family spiritual life.
- What right do you have to pray to God, saying, “Father, draw my kids to you. Help them to be passionate followers of Jesus” when you have squandered the greatest opportunity to make that happen that He’ll ever give you: your life as a model.
- Now I know some parents weren’t Christians then. They can pray, “Father, I know I missed my prime opportunity, but help me influence them now.”
- Some parents need to repent, “Father, I’ve messed up. Help me to live for you now.”
- My biggest concern this morning is those parents who claim to be Christians but are excusing their lack of faithfulness to God. You’ve got to put God first in your life.
WHAT TO DO: Now, not someday, is when to live it out.
- My challenge to you this morning is to choose today to live out your Christian life. Make God your #1 priority now.
- Some things may need to change within your family life. Some things may need to change within your personal life. Some things may need to change within your married life. Make the changes.
- So many people live with excuses today holding onto the vain hope that “someday” they’ll be serious about their faith. More often than not, “someday” never comes.
- Today is the day to live things out.
- Jesus expects it and demands it. Look at Matthew 10:37 again. Jesus says that putting family first means we’re “not worthy” of Him.
