EPHESIANS 1: 4-6 [Life Issues Series]
RECTIFYING REJECTION
[Isaiah 54: 4-6]
“He has made us accepted in the Beloved” Ephesians 1:6b [NKJV]
Almost all of us have experienced rejection at one time or another, but many of us have not understood its nature or its effects. The rejection you faced may have been something relatively minor - or it may have been so devastating that it affected your whole life and all of your relationships.
Here are some common examples of rejection: You were not chosen to play on a school sports team; your first boyfriend failed to show up for an important date and never gave you a reason; you were not accepted at the college of your choice; you were laid off from your job for no good reason.
Far worse than these examples is the pain that comes because you never felt love from your father, you sensed your mother didn’t want you, you experienced an angry divorce; you were the unfavored child, were abused, had some handicap, or some public humiliation.
Experiences such as these leave permanent wounds, whether you are aware of them or not. But I have good news for you! God can heal you from the wounds that come from rejection, help you to accept yourself, and enable you to show His love to others. Before you can receive His help, however, you must recognize the nature of your problem.
Rejection can be defined as the sense of being unwanted. You desire people to love you, yet you believe that they do not. You want to be part of a group, but you feel excluded. Somehow you are always on the outside looking in.
I. RECOGNIZE YOUR REJECTION
The first step in overcoming rejection is to recognize the problem. Once you recognize it, you can deal with it. You do not have to do this all alone; God will help you recognize it.
A bomb dropped in WWII exploded and SHRAPNEL flew. A soldier went to the medical station with a tiny black puncture mark in his shoulder. The medical staff was busy attending every one. One orderly cleaned the wound and asked the doctor if he should put a dressing on it.
The doctor said, “No,” and asked for a probe. He put the little silver stick in the wound and moved it around. Nothing happened for a few moments. Suddenly, the probe touched the little piece of shrapnel inside, and the patient let out a yelp. The doctor knew he had found the problem.
The doctor requested forceps. He put the forceps in and removed the piece of shrapnel. Only then did he want to apply the dressing.
You may be putting a little dressing of religion over a wound that cannot heal because there is something inside that is causing it to fester. However, if you will open your heart to the Holy Spirit, He will reveal the source of the problem. If the Holy Spirit’s probe touches a piece of shrapnel, help if you must, but don’t resist! Ask Him to use His forceps to remove the problem. Then God can apply something that will really heal it.
It may be uncomfortable letting the Holy Spirit dig in your life till He reveals to you the cause of your infection or hurt, but you will be much healthier if you let Him do so.
Rejection may occur because of dislike or even hatred, though such is not usually the case. Rejection also takes place when acceptance is contingent upon satisfactory performance. If you don’t measure up to someone’s or some group’s imaginary standards, you are rejected.
Among Christians rejection occurs when love is withdrawn, knowingly or unknowingly, and the person is denied the right or opportunity to be accepted as they are. Christian rejection could be defined as the absence of meaningful love, and at it’s worst, a wanton disregard of another person and his or her needs.
“It is obvious that such a universal syndrome as rejection would permeate all levels of society and its institutions. Since no one but God is capable of giving perfect love at all times and in every circumstance, some lack of love or imperfect love (rejection) will come into all of our lives. Rejection occurring early in childhood and the severity of that rejection are usually determining factors in the amount of damage sustained by the rejected personality.
Those who have been rejected are prone to pass along some form of rejection to those closest to them. Until those who have been rejected find the life-transforming love of Christ as the only complete antidote to rejection-based symptoms, they turn to pursuits which they hope, consciously or unconsciously, will make them acceptable to themselves and others.” [Solomon, Charles. 1982. Tyndale House, Wheaton, IL. P.12.]
A person who has not found meaning in his or her identity in Christ or in a life based on mutual love, builds an identity based on performance or conformity to some standard. The concepts of acceptance and identity are so intertwined it is impossible to discuss one without the other. Either a person is accepted as he is or any acceptance received will be based on his appearance, his performance, or his possessions.
Prestige, power, possessions, politics or other exterior qualification become what is used gain acceptance or substantiate rejection. Being accepted by others or being rejected by others becomes a hidden agenda which may be unrecognized by everyone involved, including those accepting or rejecting based on some criteria which may be know only to them.
This humanistic thinking has so permeated society - even the church, where one’s identity should be found in Christ rather than in performance - that we seek acceptance and identity in relationships and things. [When circumstances take away our things and when people withhold their acceptance, life loses its meaning, and an inner and outer destructive pattern progresses - unless something or someone can help us break the pattern.]
Either we find acceptance as free gift because of our identity in Christ, or we find it necessary to set about to earn it. Free acceptance of others in Christ is a matter of grace while the forcing people to earn our acceptance is works. To put it another way, free acceptance is of the Spirit and the works acceptance is of the law (self-effort) - a manner of life filled with humanistic thinking. Christianity and man-centered thinking are mutually contradictory (Isa. 48:11).
II. RESULTS OF REJECTION
People who operate out of the deep buried pain of rejection try to validate their lives in many ways. Rejection can result in either withdrawal from deeper relationships or in an inordinate dependence upon others for acceptance and meaning. To overcome rejection people frequently seek identity and acceptance based on achievement. If they achieve the America dream or the good life they may find fulfillment for a period of time, but the appeasement of the flesh never lasts long. Some seek acceptance through extra-marital relationships. Others seek relief in alcohol or drugs, prescribed or otherwise. Others develop unhealthy [pathological] interactions or relationships with others. The drive for acceptance can even lead to homosexual or lesbian relationships.
A life based on earthly values, goals, and interpersonal relationships results in an identity and acceptance in things and relationships that are fleeting at best. Identity and acceptance based on these results will ultimately lead to rejection by those from whom acceptance is sought and finally a sense of failure and self-rejection.
The primary results of rejection though are the inability to receive love from others and in the inability to communicate love to them. That is why rejection is one of the greatest hindrances to divine love - and God’s great work to make people of grace and faith loving.
III. REMEDY FOR REJECTION
What is the opposite of rejection? Acceptance, of course. This is precisely what God offers you when you come to Him through yielding your life to Jesus. Ephesians 1:3-6 explains God’s acceptance of us in Christ. “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, (4) just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him in love. (5) He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, (6) to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved.”
Ephesians 1:6 in the NKJV reads “He has made us accepted in the Beloved” that is, in Jesus.
The original Greek word that is translated here as accepted is very powerful. It is much stronger than mere approval. In the New King James Version of Luke 1:28, the same Greek word is translated “highly favored one.”
When you come to God through Jesus, you are as accepted and as highly favored as Jesus Himself. Amazing as it may seem, God loves you in the same way He loves Jesus. You have become a member of His own family.
Even though God offers us full acceptance, our taking hold of His love is often blocked by the far-reaching consequences of rejection. Our willingness to overcome rejection by reaching out to God’s love determines whether or not we become chained or misdirected by our rejection. Getting past rejection is not easy, but it is possible for every single person who puts his or her heart and mind to overcome.
Overcoming rejection is God’s unquestionable will for your life, if you belong to Him. How do you overcome rejection? By applying large doses of God’s love to your wounded heart daily and by allowing Him to renew your mind until the rejected by man thinks like the accepted of God.
I believe the primary result of rejection is an inability to adequately receive or communicate love. A person who hasn’t received or experienced God’s love cannot transmit God’s love. Scripture expresses this truth in 1 John 4:19 “We love because He first loved us.”
It is the love of God in us that stimulates our love response. Let Him love you. Experience His love for you. How do you do this? Believe what God’s Word tells you about Him and you. The Creator and Sustainer of the Universe loves you and accepts you in Christ Jesus. He thinks you are worth loving and keeping. Jesus Christ will never leave you or forsake you. Find your identity and acceptance in Him, not the world. Read and believe what God says to you in His Word.
Isaiah 49: 14-16 says, “But Zion said, “The Lord has forsaken me, and the Lord has forgotten me.” (15) Can a woman forget her nursing child and have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you. (16) Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands;”
The Lord God, says to you in Romans 8: 16-18, “Your Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are Your children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs - heirs of Yours and coheirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory.” We need to ask God to help us to really embrace the truth that any present sufferings I encounter are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in me.
Lord God, I thank You for Your Word that assures me that there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death (Rom. 8:1-2).
Father God, make me strong and courageous. Help me not to be afraid or terrified because of anyone else, for You, the Lord my God, go with me. You will never leave me or forsake me (Deut. 31:6).
Even if my father and mother forsake me, You, Lord, will receive me (Ps. 27:10). You have promised in Deuteronomy 23:5 to turn the curse into a blessing for me, because the Lord my God loves me.
2 Corinthians 5:21.
Appropriates the love of Christ and the life of Christ by faith in His Word. Abide in His Word. As you do the Holy Spirit will begin to renew your mind, your way of thinking. In time he will change the feelings of a lifetime. “Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free” (John 8:32). Appropriated truth of God’s Word by faith and the Spirit will free you from the effects of rejection because of His work of love in you. [The truth of God’s Word, known in our minds and appropriated by faith, will be applied by the Holy Spirit to make freedom an experiential reality.]
HOW TO APPLY THE REMEDY
Hopefully, by this point you have allowed the Holy Spirit to insert His probe into your wound and He has exposed the foreign body within that is causing the pain and infection. Are you now ready to accept God’s remedy? If so there are five successive steps you need to follow.
Step 1.
Recognize the nature of your problem and call it by its right name - rejection. God always has to bring us to the moment of truth - even though it may seem devastating and extremely painful - before we can receive His help.
STEP 2.
Take Jesus as your pattern. Isaiah 53:3 says, “He was despised and forsaken of men. A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And like one from whom men hide their face He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.” [“Because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in His steps....” (1 Peter 2:21ff).]
How did Jesus react to rejection? For three and a half years, He had completely given His life to doing good, to forgiving sin, to delivering demon-oppressed people, to healing sickness. At the end of that period, the Roman ruler offered a choice to Jesus’ own people, the Jews. He was willing to release from prison either Jesus of Nazareth or a criminal named Barabbas, who was guilty of political insurrection and murder.
In one of the most amazing and tragic decisions in all of human history, the people rejected Jesus and chose Barabbas. So the mob cried out, “Away with Jesus! Crucify Him! We don’t want Him. We’ll have Barabbas, the rebel and the murderer.”
In response, Jesus prayed for those who had crucified Him: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).
The second step, therefore, is to forgive those who harmed you. This is not an easy thing to do. In fact, you are incapable of doing so if you’re left to yourself. You are not left to yourself, however: As you come to this moment, the Holy Spirit is right there with you. If you will yield to Him, He will give you the supernatural grace you need.
Forgiveness is not an emotion; it is a decision. You may say you can’t but the truth is you won’t. Your fleshly nature may not be able to forgive but you can choose to let the Holy Spirit work God’s forgiveness into you and through you.
STEP 3.
Make a conscious decision to get rid of the bad fruit rejection has produced in your life. Is there bitterness, resentment, anger, or rebellion which rejection has produced in your life. These things are poison. If you nourish them in your heart, they will poison your whole life. They will cause you deep emotional problems and, quite likely, physical problems as well. With a decision of your will say, “I lay down bitterness, resentment, hatred, and rebellion.”
To cured alcoholics and drug addicts counselors say, “Resentment is a luxury you can no longer afford.” That is true for all of us. No one can afford resentment that rejection has caused. It is too expensive.
STEP 4.
In this step you simply need to believe and receive what God has already done for you. “He has made us accepted in the Beloved” (Ephesians 1:6 NKJV).
When you come to God through Jesus, you discover that you are already accepted. God has no second-class children. He does not just tolerate you. He loves you. He is interested in you. He cares for you.
God’s purpose from the start of eternity was to make us His children, which we are by the death of Jesus for us on the cross. The only thing you need to do is believe that God wants you to be His child. When you come to God through Jesus, He has already accepted you.
STEP 5.
Accept yourself. Sometimes this is the hardest step of all. I tell Christians, “Never belittle yourself. Never criticize yourself. You did not make yourself. God made you and is remaking you in His image. Don’t criticize the work of God in you.”
Ephesians 2:10 tells us, “We are God’s workmanship.” The Greek word translated here as “workmanship” is poiema, from which we derive the English word poem. It suggests an artistic achievement. We are God’s masterpieces whom He will display for all of eternity. Of all God created, He devotes the most time and care to us.
Amazingly enough, God can go to the scrap heap for His material and make something wonderful from it! You may be looking back over a record of failures and false starts - over a broken marriage, over children who went wrong, over financial disaster. You may label yourself a failure, but God calls you, “My son, My daughter.” You can accept yourself because God has accepted you. When you come to God in Jesus, you become a new creation. [Prince, Dereck. God’s Remedy or Rejection. Whitaker House. 1993. New Kensington, PA. Pp 69-76.]
2 Corinthians 5:17-18 says, “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation” (NKJV).
The believer should accept his acceptance in Christ, or you can go on being hounded by the rejection you have experienced in the world and maybe even in the church. You can continue to look for acceptance in all the same old places. And even if received, it will never satisfy.
In CONCLUSION
You should no longer evaluate yourself on the basis of the way you lived before you came to Christ, because you have become a new creation since then. Now, your only true standard of self-evaluation is what God says about who you have become in Jesus. As you repeatedly declare who you are in Christ according to God’s Word, you will begin to override the old, negative self-talk and learn to accept yourself.
The informal caste system which we all daily experience in America, such as the pecking order we find every where, results in rejection (overt or covert).
Those who have no living relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ have an inadequate support system to heal the hurts which a rejecting society has dealt them. These hurts and rejections are passed on to others through frustrations, hostility, and anti-social behavior [that can become violence].
Jesus offers acceptance, love, and healing for our wounded soul through the exchanges of the cross. He experienced rejection by God and man in order that we might be accepted by God and God’s family. He suffered shame so that we might share His glory. He died our death so that we might receive His life.
Do you have His life? Do you daily receive His life and love? Is the love and acceptance of Christ flowing through you to others? If not, come, so that you might learn to receive and experience His love for you and His acceptance of you in Christ.
Have you followed through those five steps? If so, it is time now for you to claim your release and to pray a prayer that will set the seal on what you have learned about God's acceptance of you. You can pray simply in your own words. But if you are not quite sure what to say, here is a pattern prayer that you may make your own:
Lord Jesus Christ,
I believe that You are the Son of God and the only way to God. You died on the cross for my sins, and You rose again from the dead. I repent of all my sins, and I forgive every other person as I would have God forgive me. I forgive all those who have rejected me, hurt me and failed to' show me love, Lord, and I trust You to forgive me.
I believe, Lord, that You do accept me. Right now, because of what You did for me on the cross" I am accepted. I am highly favored. I am the object of Your special care. You really love me; You want me. Your Father is my Father. Heaven is my home. I am a member of the family of God, the best family in the universe. I am accepted. Thank You! Thank You!
One more thing, Lord. I accept myself the way You made me. I am Your workmanship, and I thank You for what You have done. I believe that You have begun a good work in me and You will carry it on to completion until my life ends.
And now, Lord, I proclaim my release from any dark, evil spirit that has taken advantage of the wounds in my life. I release my spirit to rejoice in You. In the precious name of Jesus, Amen. [Prince, 77-78.]
