INTRODUCTION
• SLIDE #1
• How many of you have put together a puzzle sometime in your life or you like to put together puzzles now as a hobby?
• I used to do a lot of puzzles because my mother loves to put them together.
• There is some unexplainable satisfaction derived from putting the pieces of the puzzle together, until you finally get the last piece placed.
• When you get a puzzle there is usually a picture of what the completed puzzle will look like when it is done.
• I know when I used to put together puzzles we would have the box in a prominent place so all who were working on the puzzle could see when the finished product was supposed to look like therefore making it easier to puts the pieces together.
• When you look at the state of the family today even though from what I can gather from the CDC, divorce rates are down from the peak in the 1970’s, it kind of seems as though we are trying to put together the family puzzle with no picture of what the finished product should look like.
• Many times people end up basing the model for how to piece together their family puzzle from a wrong image.
• Many will try to put together their family puzzle based on the faulty dysfunctional model from which they come from.
• The real sad thing is many Christians are trying to put together family puzzle based on the faulty world model which tells us to take the person out for a spin by living together first before making a real commitment.
• The sad thing in those cases more times than not the relationship with may have otherwise thrived ends at some point because when I tell you I want to take you out for a test ride, I am saying I am not REALLY committed to YOU, that I am not really COMMITTED to working through the tough times.
• I will stay with you as long as I can get what I want from you.
• Furthermore; what I am saying is that you can count on me to turn tail and run at the first sign of trouble.
• I could bore you with statistics so I will save you from that other than to say the 50% marriage failure rate is FALSE. The CDC tells us that there are x amount of marriages in a given year and X amount of divorces in a given year; and that the divorce number is ½ of the marriage number so therefore 50% of marriages fail.
• YOU HAVE TO SEE WHAT YEAR THE FOLKS WERE MARRIED AND THEN GO BACK TO SEE HOW MANY WERE DIVORCED IN A GIVEN YEAR TO GET A MORE ACCURATE PERCENTAGE.
• The numbers are still too high.
• Not only do we see marriage failing but we see a lot of parental failures also; we see way too many children growing up with no solid upbringing.
• Today we are going to look at Colossians 3:18-21 so we can learn how God wants us to put the pieces of the family puzzle together in such a manner that it reflects the beauty God intending for marriage and family!
• Let us turn to Colossians 3:18 to begin.
• SLIDE #2
• Colossians 3:18 (ESV) Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
• SLIDE #3
SERMON
I. How the wife fits into the family puzzle.
• OK guys that covers it, let’s go home!
• In all seriousness, I have always found it interesting to see the progression of the book of Colossians, especially the progression of chapter 3.
• Most of the chapter has been talking about the transformation that is to take place in the lives of those who are Christians, then all the sudden, we come to this FAMILY section in which we are told how the pieces of the family puzzle are to come together.
• I believe Paul progresses from doctrine to practice. In other words a great way to practice your obedience to Christ is through the family unit.
• We are called to live out our faith in our family and for those who have family members who are not Christians, living out your faith in your family, being consistent in the practice of your faith will help win them to Jesus.
• Show that your faith is more than just lip service, that your faith will lead you to make the tough decisions that will make the practice of your faith meet the words you speak about your faith.
• As a male standing before you this morning, this is the part where I can get in trouble with the ladies very quickly!
• As we look at verse 18, It is important that we look at what it says and what that means and does not mean.
• When I was younger and dumber. I used to have this passage and the parallel passage in Ephesians highlighted and I made sure Robyn saw it. That was a smart move on my part!
• Typically when men start off in subject of how the wife fits into the family puzzle, it is easy to go cavemen in our thinking. Or as I tell my wife, we can think like Og the caveman.
• Let’s begin by seeing first of all what verse 18 does NOT say!
• We are told that the wife is to SUBMIT to her husband. What does that really mean?
• Submitting to another person is an often misunderstood concept. It does not mean becoming a doormat.
• What is spoken of in verse cannot be forced upon the wife either. It does not say that Og is the supreme ruler of the wife or the home.
• In Paul’s day, the man in the Jewish culture was the absolute ruler in the home.
• Slaves were called to submit only until they were free, male children were to submit only until they were adults BUT the females were called to submit their entire lives.
• When the Jews heard submission, they saw it as close to being a form of slave master relationship.
• The submission Paul speaks of here is not the same that was practiced by the typical Jewish male of the time.
• So submission does not equal male dominance to the point the wife is a doormat.
• The second thing this passage does not imply is inferiority or superiority of one of the sexes.
• Many people think that because the wife is called to submit to her husband that it means she is less of a person or less important in God’s eyes and her own.
• SLIDE #4
• Galatians 3:28 (ESV) There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
• As a third point, this verse is NOT cultural in nature.
• This is not a passage that no longer applies because the time has passed.
• When you look at scripture there are some things like the length of a woman’s hair that was cultural, but even in the instances of a cultural command there is a principle for today.
• Back in Bible times, prostitutes wore short hair so the principle for today is to not look like a prostitute.
• The verse for today has its roots clear back to Genesis, therefore telling us this is not something that passes over time.
• SLIDE #5
• Genesis 3:16 (ESV) To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”
• The order of things comes from Genesis. After the fall of man, as part of the curse of sin, God said that the wife would be ruled by her husband.
• Let us now look at what it does say.
• The submission spoken of is a VOLUNTARY on the part of the wife.
• The word submission means to willingly subject oneself to the authority of another.
• This is a not a command that a husband can force upon a wife, she has to want to do it. In a minute, we will see how a husband can make this a joy for the wife to do.
• Why would a woman in her right mind what to do this?
• Look at the end of verse 18. It is fitting to the Lord.
• This phrase expresses an obligation, a necessary duty.
• When a woman submits to the loving leadership of her husband and follows God’s intention for her, she is fulfilled and so is the husband. Efforts to reverse or confuse the duties of wife and husband destroy the blessing each is to be to the other. (MacArthur Jr)
• Ladies when you hear this passage does it make you want to run out and subject yourself to your husband? Let us see what husbands are to do to make this easy for the wife.
• Let’s look at verse 19.
• SLIDE #6
• Colossians 3:19 (ESV) Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
• SLIDE #7
II. How the husband fits into the family puzzle.
• Alright guys, it’s our turn now.
• We are given two commands. We are given only two because it is easier for us to process just two.
• Let’s look at the first one.
• Love your wife!
• Same love that God has for man.
• The love we are to have for our wives is UNCONDITIONAL.
• The word love is also one that denotes continuous action.
• If the husband wants to accept his place as the leader of the house, then he must also accept the sacred responsibilities given to him by God.
• If we want the blessing for our home that God wants to give to us, then we must also fulfill our responsibilities.
• SLIDE #8
• Ephesians 5:25 (ESV) Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
• Jesus loved the church so much that He gave Himself up for her. Everything Jesus did was for the good and well-being of the church
• Men, how many of us really love our wives that much?
• Now think about this. For the wife to voluntarily place herself in submission to her husband, she must trust that he is not going to use that to his advantage.
• The submission to the husband ends when he tries to lead his wife down a path that is not within the will of God.
• Husband’s, it is our duty to love our wives as Christ loved the church. Unfortunately too many of us love our wives with strings attached.
• We are also told not to be embittered against them.
• This would call for patience with faults, and also for a refusal to vent on the wife bitterness generated by outside circumstances.
• The love that existed from the start of the marriage is to continue throughout the marriage; it must not give way to bitterness.
• My role as a husband is to love my wife with all I have. It is to look out for her best interests.
• Now, what about the children?
• SLIDE #9
• Colossians 3:20 (ESV) Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
• SLIDE #10
III. How children fit into the family puzzle.
• This one will be short and sweet. The child’s responsibility to the parents is to obey them.
• The word obey also denotes a continuous action. They are to always be obedient to their parents.
• If the husband and the wife are fulfilling their roles, then it will be easier for the children to obey because they feel security in having mom and dad have a good stable relationship with one another.
• Such obedience reveals an understanding of authority that can carry over into understanding God’s authority and all believers’ responsibility to obey him. A child’s obedience to his or her parents is well pleasing to the Lord.
• In the Old Testament, disobedient children could be stoned to death.
• SLIDE #11
• Deuteronomy 21:18–21 (ESV) “If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and, though they discipline him, will not listen to them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gate of the place where he lives, and they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This our son is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.’ Then all the men of the city shall stone him to death with stones. So you shall purge the evil from your midst, and all Israel shall hear, and fear.
• Thankfully that was Old Testament or I would not be here today.
• SLIDE #12
• Colossians 3:21 (ESV) Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
• SLIDE #13
IV. How parents fit into the family puzzle.
• The command for children to obey does not give parents license for harsh treatment. Children must be handled with care. They need firm discipline administered in love.
• The purpose of parental discipline is to help children grow, not to exasperate and provoke them to anger or discouragement.
• Parenting is not easy—it takes lots of patience to raise children in a loving, Christ-honoring manner.
• Frustration and anger should not be causes for discipline. Instead, parents should act in love, treating their children as Jesus treats the people he loves. This is vital to children’s development and to their understanding of what Christ is like. (LAB)
• C.S. Lewis said: If the home is to be a means of grace it must be a place of rules … the alternative to rule is not freedom but the unconstitutional (and often unconscious) tyranny of the most selfish member. —C. S. Lewis (LAB)
• There are several ways in which we can provoke our children.
• Overly protective.
• Overly Critical
• Favoritism
• Excessive Discipline
• Lack of affection
• Unrealistic goals
• Neglect.
• Parenting tough even under the best of circumstances. God calls us to not push the children to discouragement.
CONCLUSION
• Family can be a beautiful thing when everyone knows how they fit in, when we do not know how we fit it, life can be troublesome at best.
• I pray that for those who will start families that you start them off right, if you are on bad path with your existing family, God can help you restore your family.
• The KEY is putting God first and being obedient to His calling.
