We're in the second week of our series "defining love" last time we talked about how genuine love, God's love, isn't normal. We defined love as faithful and that the result of faithfulness is joy. We talked about how our culture defines love in a million different ways, but, God defines love much more simply. People think we’re weird. When we love the way God loves, we’re going to be talked about. Folks are not going to understand why you love God’s way. They’re going to think you’re weird.
It’s not difficult for a follower of Jesus to understand God’s love. A follower knows what love is, because they follow the teaching of Jesus, and Jesus clearly defines love and shows us what it is. But, someone who doesn’t follow Jesus will struggle with love. Our culture doesn’t know what love is. In our society, love and lust are often confused with each other.
A Jesus follower knows love. For us, it’s not difficult. It’s not confusing. If you’re struggling to define love today, let me introduce you to a personal relationship with Jesus because he’s the one who will clear it up for you.
Love is faithful. Love is faithful to God and faithful in relationships. Genuine love doesn’t bolt when things get tough. We don’t lose our faith in difficult times. As a matter of fact, the opposite is true. For those who genuinely love God, difficult times are considered an opportunity to grow in faith. We receive joy in suffering. Like Paul and Silas when they were beaten and thrown in prison. How can you be singing and full of joy about your situation, if you’re suffering? Or how can Jesus on the cross gasp through his pain “Father forgive them?” Who does that? Who forgives like that? Who sings while they are being tortured? I’m telling you our culture doesn’t understand this love. People think they know what love is, but, here’s the thing, it’s impossible to understand genuine love without a relationship with Jesus Christ, because he’s the one who shows us what real love is.
1 John 4:10 says, “This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins”
Last week we talked about how weird this kind of love is. Love is faithful. God showed us what faith looked like. This week we're going to discover that love is about sacrifice. Love is faithful, and love is sacrifice.
Love can't survive between two people and between us and God without sacrifice. Someone has to make the sacrifice. God showed us what love looks like. He was the example of what genuine love, faithful love, and sacrificial love look like.
If we talk about marriage, sacrifice shows up in a variety of ways. Anyone who has been in a relationship with another person knows this stuff. I don’t think I’m saying anything surprising here. We know that if we are in a relationship sacrifice is a big part of it. Now, we tend to learn this through some very difficult transitions.
When we’re babies and toddlers, our parents do everything for us. When we grow up a little bit, we’re given a little more responsibility. We learn to tie our own shoes, clean our rooms, make our beds and stuff like that. When we grow up a little more, we learn to do chores, maybe we do the dishes, laundry, clean the bathrooms and floors. As we grow up we should be able to do more for ourselves. But the reality is that kids are growing up more selfish and entitled than ever before.
I’ve been a front line witness of this in Youth Ministry for the last 20 years. School teachers who have been teaching for the same length of time will concur. Our kids are not learning responsibility. Obviously I’m talking about cultural norms here, not that all teens today are irresponsible, but, it’s my opinion that many of them are. Our kids expect that when the new fangled i-whatever comes out, that they’re going to get it for Christmas or on their birthday, or they can go on vacation without having to pay for any of the stuff they want. There is a growing sense of entitlement with every passing generation.
There is a mass of research about this, books like, “Generation Me: Why Today’s Young Americans are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled and More Miserable Than Ever”, is one example.
In my research I came across the Aspen Education Group. On their website it says and I quote, “Therapists who work with troubled teens often talk about their sense of entitlement as a major hurdle in the struggle to help them. Teens feel entitled to their life-styles, no matter how self-destructive. If a parent reared her child with the attitude “I don’t want to interrupt his happiness for even one moment,” the teen will have a hard time establishing the discipline and willpower necessary to work through addictions and behaviors such as alcoholism, substance abuse, promiscuous sex, mismanagement of anger, compulsive shopping, and so forth. “You have to be willing to have your kids not like you,” Dr. Jennings said. “Today’s parents aren’t willing to do that.”
I believe that the single greatest proof of this entitlement attitude is in the breakdown of relationships. Take a person who has grown up without having to make any significant sacrifices for the stuff they have, they didn’t have to work that hard, they didn’t have to put a ton of effort into it, and then put that person in a relationship. All of a sudden this young person is in a position where they have to think about someone else. They have to think about what another person wants to do, where they want to go. They’re faced with decisions that call for sacrifice. Something they’ve never done before. Something they are completely unprepared for.
As parents the most significant contribution we can make to the future marriages of our children is to make sure our kids know what it means to sacrifice for someone else. We must teach them what faithful and genuine love looks like. We must define for them what real love is and looks like. If parents fail to define love for their children the way God defines it, to not only teach but show their kids what God's love is and looks like, then their children will simply assume the culture's definition of love or lust.
In marriages that are healthy sacrifice is a way of life for both the husband and the wife. One example is the willingness to compromise. Another one might be doing the dishes, or cleaning the house. In marriage we make concessions for the other all the time, or at least, we should. If we refuse to listen to each other, to concede in an argument, to forgive a wrong, the marriage won't last. There are marriages where one spouse lives sacrificially for the other, and this is a lopsided arrangement. In many cases, this is abuse. Usually the one making the majority of the sacrifices will eventually feel bitterness, anger, loneliness and divorce is almost always the outcome. My grandma Mitchell was one of these people.
My grandpa was a drunk. He was a mean drunk. When he was drunk he was abusive, angry, and downright mean. And he was drunk a lot. I didn’t really know him. My dad wouldn’t allow him around my brothers and I unless he was sober. My grandparents were married for 34 years. We never visited my grandparents. It hurt my grandma that she didn’t see her grandkids. She was a loving, caring, affectionate woman who would give you her coat if she thought you needed it, even if she was freezing herself.
She was faithful to my grandpa even through all the bad behavior caused by his drinking. She could’ve quit. A lot of other folks would have. But my grandma is an example to me of a person who made a commitment to a relationship and stuck with it. We make sacrifices for those we love
Sacrifice also must show up in how we love God. It's impossible to love God without denying your human nature, because love always includes sacrifice. Jesus said, "If you choose to follow me, deny yourself, pick up your cross daily and follow me."
So there’s really only one point for me to make today and it’s this.
It's impossible to love others and God without sacrifice.
Jesus said the most important command is to love God and others. Jesus also said, we must deny ourselves if we choose to follow Him. People who say they love God and love people but are not genuine, they are not faithful and full of joy, these people are annoying. Paul says it’s like someone walking around hitting a gong or a cymbal. 1 Corinthians 13:1
The single greatest implication of this truth, it’s impossible to love others and God without sacrifice, shows up in how we treat people. For example, genuine love doesn’t know an inconvenience. When we consistently love people, show compassion, we will be inconvenienced. Sometimes we’re tired when we get home from work, and the last thing we want to do is help someone after we’ve relaxed in our recliner. A genuine follower of Jesus will work through it. Don’t get me wrong, we might be a little upset, maybe we even complain a little, we’re all human, but, a Jesus follower will never turn aside from loving someone, caring for someone, or showing compassion.
Another way we might sacrifice is to refuse to do what others around us are doing. Paul asks Titus to remind believers that we should always be ready to do good things, to refrain from gossip and avoid quarrelling, and we should be gentle and humble. It’s impossible to do good, to be humble and gossip at the same time. We must become a disciplined people when it comes to gossip. We’re all guilty. I can’t stand here and tell you, I’ve never gossiped about anyone. I have. I’m sorry, too. Right now I repent of this sin. I don’t want to gossip.
When we gossip we put ourselves in the judgement seat. When we share stories about the sinful things that other people do, we celebrate in their sin. In a very real way, we’re sharing in it. If we’re not willing to talk directly to people, to love them enough, to have enough compassion for their journey to speak to them about their struggles so that we can partner with them to help them, then we need to keep our mouths shut. I’m speaking to myself as much as I am to everyone else.
And we need to hold each other accountable. If we say we are a people who loves like Jesus loves, then let us have the compassion that Jesus has for us. If we say we are a people who loves like Jesus loves, then let us forgive as Jesus forgives us. There are many people in our community who are struggling and who are wounded and hurting. There are many around us who day to day continue to live in their sin. Does it really matter why they suffer? Are we the judge who says, this person is worthy of help, but, this one isn’t? Who are we to discern who receives our compassion and who doesn’t? Do we want God to have this attitude towards us?
You might not consider it a sacrifice to stop gossiping, but, I think in many ways it’s like we’re addicted to it. If it’s not a big deal to quit slandering people then why don’t we stop doing it?
It’s a lot like eating chocolate. I love chocolate. I can eat chocolate all day. I don’t like chocolate with peanut butter, but, other than that, I can eat chocolate with just about anything. Now, if I eat just one piece of chocolate, that’s no big deal. No harm done, right? But, who can just stop with one piece. It tastes so good! I have to have another one. And then another one. And then another one…you see where I’m going with this, right? Can I have too much chocolate? The answer is obvious. If all I did was eat chocolate, I would have all kinds of health problems.
Gossip is just like this. It seems harmless at first. But one gossip session leads to another. That leads to another. And another. The more comfortable we are with slander, the more we do it. And our spiritual health suffers as a result.
It's impossible to love others and God without sacrifice. The truth is that Christians turn people off when we judge rather than listen. When we gossip rather than pray. We are a people group who knows how to sacrifice. We look for ways to serve the best interests of others. We don’t just want to help, we want to show who Jesus is to people. Our love is founded on God’s love for us.
Paul in 1 Corinthians 13 defines love. As I read what love is, count how many times an act of sacrifice is mentioned. Not just the word sacrifice, but, a sacrificial thing. There’s not really a correct answer here, but, I just want you to notice how a sacrificial attitude is necessary for love to happen. Real love. God love.
“If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”
The people of Jesus know how to sacrifice. Genuine followers of Jesus know what it means to be faithful and experience joy in suffering. How about you? Are you weird like that?
